0:00

Hi guys, just want to let you know

0:02

there's probably not going to be an episode

0:04

next week We are taking the week off

0:06

to spend some quality time in Minnesota with

0:08

friends and family But

0:10

head over to patreon September has

0:13

two full bonus episodes this month

0:16

and they're insane I just I

0:18

just can't even get over them still but

0:20

be sure to subscribe and enjoy the episode

0:24

Okay, oh yes headphones sound

0:26

good We are

0:28

rolling on everything don't mind my one

0:30

girl circus here yep, yep, yep, okay

0:32

coffee check Gave the guests

0:35

the water check. Oh wait. Let me crack this

0:37

open now before Okay,

0:42

we're rolling we're rumbling I'm

0:46

so excited What

0:48

did you say you're like the yapping has

0:50

been initiated yep powers activate. Oh Yeah,

0:54

God if that isn't a good Episode

0:57

title I might have to save that

0:59

cuz today is covered but Wow. Yeah

1:01

powers activated Hello. Hi,

1:03

welcome back to another episode of

1:05

two hot takes everyone. I'm your

1:07

host Morgan and today We are

1:09

joined by Amanda Golka from

1:12

swell entertainment. Thank you for having me. Oh

1:14

my gosh. I'm so excited I

1:16

pronounced your name, right? You did. I Panic

1:19

every time you're all right your

1:21

Content I you walked

1:23

in and I was like watching one of your

1:25

videos, but your content. I can't

1:28

even put words into

1:30

how refreshing it is

1:33

how you just Encompass

1:35

every side of a topic of

1:37

an argument of whatever you're so

1:40

good at being neutral but yet

1:42

having subtle opinions, but like Explaining

1:45

it all So the

1:47

video of Amanda's I watched was this

1:49

video on overconsumption and

1:52

I was just blown away Like it's something so

1:54

simple and it really got me thinking I told

1:56

you I'm like sitting here unpacking some trauma Because

1:59

I grew I grew up with my great grandma

2:01

who lived through the Great Depression and then

2:03

my grandma like helped raise us as well.

2:06

So it was like a full family affair

2:08

village raising us. And like,

2:10

I didn't know it wasn't normal to like cut

2:12

your tubes of like makeup open to get the

2:14

last bit out or like there was

2:16

just a bunch and I'm like, this

2:18

is so good. So

2:22

first and foremost, stop this episode right

2:24

now and just go over to Amanda's

2:26

channel because I'm just blown away. And then I

2:28

got into the hobby horsing video. Yep. And

2:31

as a horse girl, I'm like, I

2:33

have been invited to the next world

2:35

championships in Finland. Please tell me

2:37

you're going. I'm gonna go. It's next

2:39

year. So we've got some time. What month? They

2:42

don't even know yet. They're like, it's usually around June. So

2:44

literally a year out. I literally just missed it. I kind

2:46

of want to go. I know. I'm

2:48

like, I would never do it, but

2:51

I'm like really intrigued to watch people

2:53

jump over meter high fences. Yeah. No,

2:56

it's crazy. It's like, I love finding

2:58

like fun and different things, especially

3:00

things now, because I've gotten so into like sports and

3:02

sporting adjacent things. I just got back from the lumberjack

3:05

world championships. That's why I needed to like lock in

3:07

the state. I was like, I need to make sure

3:09

I'm back. Oh my God. So

3:11

I was just in Wisconsin for like

3:13

five days for the lumberjack world championships.

3:16

Wow. That's insane.

3:18

Is that like one of the most like absurd

3:21

sports you've witnessed recently or like what,

3:23

what stands out to you as like

3:25

one of your craziest topics you've gone

3:27

into? Yeah, that, that was one. I

3:29

just went to a Metal Gear Solid

3:32

fan convention not too long ago. I'm

3:34

going to a hacker convention in like

3:36

two days. Okay. That in

3:38

Vegas. I know. I'm not sure how

3:40

to go about it. That makes me a little scared for you. I might just

3:42

be, you know, getting a digital camera.

3:45

I honestly, I would like,

3:47

have you seen like all

3:49

the skimmer stuff lately and

3:51

like there's something about like this big antenna.

3:53

I saw like a car theft video where

3:56

this guy walks up with an antenna as

3:58

you're like locking your car. and

4:00

then he can come back later and just use the

4:02

same thing to get into your car. I

4:05

don't know how it works, but hacking and

4:07

like stuff is, see

4:09

that's something- I'm getting paranoid. I have met some hackers

4:12

and most of them are just very chill. Like they're

4:14

very low key. And I think because of media, we

4:16

have like this big or like anonymous as like a

4:18

collective that like people are just very scared of them.

4:20

And it's like, they're most of the time they're just

4:23

like, yeah, it's fine. Yeah,

4:25

it's fine. It's chill, it's low key.

4:28

Where are we at with student loans and hacking? Just

4:30

asking for a friend. I would love to

4:32

ask them. It's one of those things where it's like, I

4:36

don't know, cause I feel like

4:38

there's like, there are, God, what was it?

4:40

This is totally unrelated, but there was someone

4:43

who just like they bought a bunch of

4:45

people's debt from a collection company. Cause debt

4:47

is sellable. Like a lot of hospitals, medical

4:49

debt, things like that, personal loan debt. They

4:51

don't wanna go through the stress of collections.

4:53

So they sell it to a collections agency. And then

4:55

those are the ones that come after you for your

4:58

loans and your debts. And someone just bought,

5:00

you can just buy people's debts and they literally just

5:02

burned the paper. And it's like, your debt's gone after

5:05

the fact. God, what was this? This was months

5:07

ago. I got up, it's gonna drive me crazy. And I

5:09

was like, that is what I want. We

5:11

need more people to be doing that. Yeah,

5:13

yeah. Instead, Musk just keeps

5:15

changing everything on Twitter. Sorry,

5:17

I'm not calling it X. No, I still,

5:20

I will always call it Twitter. Always, always.

5:23

I'm just like, he needs to get off Twitter

5:25

and go focus on his cyber truck because those

5:27

things are just pieces of shit. Oh God, every

5:29

time I see one, I was behind one yesterday

5:31

and I was like, we're adding four links of

5:33

cars between me and you. I don't trust you

5:35

on the road. I get the biggest ick from

5:37

those things. Someone, I love cars. Like I love

5:39

Formula One, I love motor sports. I grew up

5:41

going to classic car shows, all this stuff. To

5:43

look at them, it's such an assault on the

5:46

eyes. It's disgusting. As someone who is like, no,

5:48

everyone has their own thing. Everyone's got their own

5:50

vibe. Everyone loves, no, I hate looking at those

5:52

things. I genuinely hate it. You make me a

5:54

little nauseous, to be honest. It's so, I'm like,

5:56

I'm gonna come up and just put like an

5:58

industrial grade sticker on your car. Good luck. getting

6:00

it off because you can't take it to a

6:02

car wash. You can't take goo off to it.

6:04

It's gonna disintegrate the car. Oh my God. And

6:06

they don't have crumble zones. None. And then did

6:08

you, I don't know if you saw this, I

6:10

don't know the name. They literally were just talking.

6:12

It's like one of those like car review channels

6:15

or whatever. Was he taking sledgehammers to it? No,

6:17

they tried using the tow hitch to tow an

6:19

F-150. Yes, that's the same

6:21

guy. Okay, so tow it and the

6:23

whole back of the car

6:25

came off. The frame snapped off completely. An

6:27

aluminum, oh God. It makes me

6:29

physically ill. I know. So I fell

6:32

down the rabbit hole. He's like a bodybuilder,

6:35

something. And he does like these car reviews,

6:37

which I can't even

6:39

imagine having that money to like blow

6:41

a hundred something thousand dollars on a

6:43

car to just like beat it with

6:45

a sledgehammer. So he does that tow

6:47

test. Like the delivery, he like,

6:50

you see him roll this cyber

6:52

truck off the delivery truck flatbed and he

6:54

just like goes, and it goes on the

6:56

ground. I'm like, it's

6:58

painful, but like I appreciate the commitment to

7:00

the bid. That's the thing, it's like whenever

7:02

someone is like mad at like a phone

7:05

reviewer where it's like, oh, I did a

7:07

stress test and it snaps the iPhone in

7:09

half. And it's like, okay, good thing I'm

7:11

never gonna go like this with my iPhone.

7:13

It's like, yeah, but we do need that.

7:15

We do need people that do full in-depth

7:17

reviews, including of cars. Absolutely, I mean, I

7:19

think it holds all of those companies more

7:21

accountable, like don't sell us shit. Exactly.

7:24

We want good stuff. We

7:26

want good stuff, which this week's

7:29

episode is not full of good stuff. The

7:31

theme I have today is it's

7:33

not swell. Things

7:35

are not all right. It's not okay.

7:37

I'm excited. People are unwell. I'm gonna

7:40

be unwell. There's

7:42

a lot happening here. I'm ready. Let's dive

7:45

in. Yeah, powers activate. I

7:48

seriously love that. The

7:51

Beastinges Further

7:53

Jungk j invet Okay,

8:00

so this first one is

8:02

coming from Relationship Advice. It

8:14

is titled, My 29 Male

8:16

Girlfriend, 29 Female, Has

8:19

a Hard Time Acting Like a Girlfriend.

8:21

How do I dress this? As someone

8:23

who is perpetually single, I already feel I'm going to

8:25

have opinions on this. My

8:28

girlfriend, Rain, and I have been in a

8:30

relationship for a few months. We didn't get

8:32

together in the most conventional way because she

8:34

was my wife's friend and we fell in

8:37

love. My wife,

8:39

Rose, and I lost that excitement in

8:41

our relationship. My girlfriend and

8:43

I got that excitement, and unfortunately, we

8:45

started an affair. Unfortunately, like

8:47

you were passive bystander to this happening.

8:49

Okay, continue. I regretted deeply. We

8:51

should have told her right away. We

8:54

did end up confessing, and unfortunately, my

8:56

wife did not take it well. Fast

8:59

forward a couple of months. Rose did a

9:01

great job at being a wife, and I took

9:03

that for granted. She made sure

9:05

we spent quality time together, she did nice

9:08

gestures, was a great mother to our child.

9:10

With Rain, she doesn't help at all with the

9:12

baby and just sits there. To

9:15

clarify, the baby I have with Rose,

9:17

we have joint custody of, and I'm

9:19

now staying with Rain, and she doesn't

9:21

do shit. I've asked, and

9:23

she just complains. Mind

9:25

you, she also hasn't seen her child in

9:28

months. She had a child with

9:30

her ex-husband and makes zero effort to see

9:32

her child. She is so

9:34

indifferent about it, it's crazy. But

9:37

perhaps worst of all, is she

9:39

goes to the club all of the time and doesn't let

9:41

me know. She will just come

9:43

home at 3 to 4 am and it annoys me.

9:45

Meanwhile, I come home from work, and

9:48

I cooked and cleaned. I

9:50

don't mind her going out, but all the time,

9:52

she needs to at least act like a partner. It

9:55

seems like she just prioritizes fun. What

9:58

do I do? Okay, so

10:01

I didn't get the

10:03

spot where they were separated because it does sound

10:05

like he's still with his wife, but then he

10:07

said, okay, I'm living with my girlfriend. Yep. Okay.

10:11

What do you do is that you blew up your life. It's

10:14

what you did. You blew up your life. Your

10:17

wife clearly loved and adored you and your

10:19

kid. And of course,

10:21

she's doing a great job being a wife. Yeah,

10:23

because she was your wife. That was what

10:26

she was. She's now, she's a great

10:28

mom still, because she was before that.

10:30

You just lost the spark because you stopped trying

10:32

to find the spark, basically. And then it's

10:35

like, yeah, your girlfriend's now complacent because, also,

10:37

I'm sorry, she blew up her marriage too.

10:39

Were they separated at all? Yeah. Okay. We're

10:41

missing a lot of information here. There's key

10:44

details missing. There's a lot of typos in

10:46

this. I'm not sure if English

10:48

is the first language, because a lot of

10:51

just the grammar stuff, I kind of reworked

10:53

on the fly. But it's

10:55

definitely interesting. And the

10:57

timeline is very unclear. Like, they

10:59

hit it, but now he's moved out. Unclear

11:02

if they're actually divorced or just

11:04

separated. Yeah, because she

11:06

was doing a great job being a good wife after

11:09

she found out. And it's like, okay,

11:11

so you decided to try and work through it, even

11:13

though she took it poorly is what I would interpret

11:15

that as. Yeah. But then he's like, but I'm living

11:18

with my girlfriend. And I almost think that the things

11:20

that are missing are to make the girlfriend sound worse.

11:23

I could see that. Because then it's like, oh

11:25

yeah, she's not seeing her kid. And it's like,

11:27

okay, well, was she divorced before you guys were

11:29

together? Was she with her kid before you guys

11:31

were together? I know. Is this a new development

11:33

since you've gotten together? Because, you know,

11:35

I can see that because there are some people who

11:37

are like, oh, well, this is my second chance at

11:39

life. I'm getting rid of everything of my old life.

11:41

Isn't that so crazy? Which is crazy. But I can

11:43

see some people do see that as like, oh, this

11:45

is my option to do this. But

11:48

again, we're missing key information. The advice

11:50

here is you messed

11:52

up. That's the advice. Yeah. I

11:55

think you got to take this tail

11:57

between your legs and make you messed

11:59

up. And thank God

12:01

your wife got out from your sorry

12:03

self. Yes. But this person

12:05

isn't your person and you learned a tough

12:07

lesson and you move on.

12:10

You find a new girlfriend. Yeah, it almost sounds like

12:12

he's trying to be like, okay, so here's how great

12:14

my wife is. This is what my girlfriend's

12:16

doing. And almost like being like, how can I get my girlfriend

12:18

to be like my wife? She's not. It's like

12:20

she won't be. No, she's gonna be at

12:22

the club. Yeah, she's gonna be at the club. Like, what if she wants

12:24

to be at the club? And it almost sounds like, because

12:27

he's saying the spark was there. Did they meet at the club?

12:30

This is the girlfriend's, so this is the wife's

12:33

friend. I think we're skipping over that, which we

12:35

can't skip over. Cause also I would literally, oh

12:38

God, maybe cause it's not even like just

12:40

being a girl's girl, I would never do that to someone.

12:42

No. I would literally never do

12:45

that, let alone to my friend's husband.

12:48

Like that's crazy. I

12:51

give the wife so much props for not going

12:53

nuclear because I would- She could have hit you

12:55

both with her car and it would have been

12:57

justified. Yeah, I would have gone Beyonce, baseball bat,

13:00

lemonade style on something of theirs. Like, oh,

13:05

I know it is interesting. And I think it's

13:07

like, oh, we had the spark. It was so

13:09

exciting. Well, yeah, cause you were doing it behind

13:11

your wife's back. Like of course secrets and the

13:14

thrill of, oh, let's not get caught are gonna

13:16

make it interesting for you, which I

13:19

still can't wrap my head around some people thinking

13:21

that way. Cause it would just give me nonstop

13:23

anxiety. Yeah, no, fully my anxiety barely lets me

13:25

date. It's not gonna let me be a home

13:27

wrecker. Like it just will not. It's

13:30

like one as a person. It just

13:32

not appeal to me whatsoever. But then also like, let's say,

13:34

oh, maybe I do fall in love with someone. My anxiety

13:37

would just be like, you were doing something wrong. It is bad,

13:39

bad, bad. Soft sabotage at every moment.

13:41

Do they like me? They don't like me. He

13:43

hates me. Why is he here? Oh my God.

13:45

I'm not really. Yeah, the

13:47

struggle of that inner monologue

13:50

sometimes. It's rough,

13:52

but this one is brutal. It's only

13:54

six days old right now. Oh God. Okay,

13:57

ready? It's a fresh one. I've comment

13:59

on it. Not sure. why you're expecting your

14:01

girlfriend to be someone she wasn't to begin

14:03

with. Yeah. Also, she technically

14:05

doesn't have to take care of your child.

14:07

She's your girlfriend, not your wife, nor your

14:10

baby's mother. Yeah, no,

14:12

that's that also we didn't discuss that

14:14

is like the fact that, yeah, she

14:16

doesn't do anything for my kid. It's like she doesn't know anything for

14:19

her kid either. It's like, okay, well, then it sounds like she may

14:21

not have done anything for her kid in the first place. And

14:23

that's why she was down to have an affair with you,

14:27

as well as like her marriage. Maybe she was already divorced.

14:29

She was already going through a hard time, whatever. It's like

14:31

the signs were there. I don't know what you thought was

14:34

going to happen here at the same time. I

14:36

mean, just rational brain like

14:39

she he clearly knew she likes the

14:41

club. She likes going out. You

14:43

kind of know those things or maybe they didn't maybe they

14:45

only talked between nine and 5pm while

14:47

he was at work like, yeah, I don't

14:50

know, but you clearly knew

14:52

something about her at least, you

14:54

know enough to want to sleep with her and have

14:57

this affair for an extended period of time.

14:59

We didn't get a timeline for how long the affair was

15:01

right now. But if it's more like it also if like

15:03

if this is your wife's friend, she's been in your life

15:05

for a long time, you would have heard your wife talk

15:07

about like, yeah, it's like, oh, yeah, she no she doesn't

15:09

want to come to dinner. She's going out with friends tonight,

15:12

you know, like you would have heard that. So

15:15

he's an idiot. I know the story is you're

15:17

an idiot. Next

15:19

comment down the dildo of consequences that

15:21

rarely arrives lubed is arriving really early

15:24

for this guy. I love to see

15:26

it. God, I hope Rose is

15:28

out there living her best life with someone

15:30

that loves appreciates and respects her because this

15:32

asshole certainly didn't. I'm really hoping Rose is

15:34

not her field government name. Yeah,

15:36

I'm really hoping some people that

15:39

he said he said the the

15:42

other woman's name, the girlfriend's name,

15:44

right to eventually rain. Yeah, those

15:46

are very specific rain and rose.

15:48

Just the names. Yeah. Next

15:51

comment down. You feel that sharp pain in

15:53

your ass. The Karma bus hitting

15:55

you. I

16:00

haven't heard of a bus before, but I like that.

16:03

I like envisioning the bus is coming from

16:05

my enemies. Because it's not a schedule. Oh,

16:09

I like that. You're

16:11

so quick with it. So

16:13

quick with it. Yeah, I think

16:15

this is, I kind of like

16:17

this. I'm happy things aren't so swell for him. Screw

16:21

you, buddy. OK,

16:23

moving along. OK, this next

16:25

one is coming from Am I the Asshole?

16:28

Let's go. Oh, gee, baby. It's

16:31

titled Am I the Asshole for

16:33

Telling My Brother to Get Out and Take His

16:35

Bitch of a Wife With Him When He Asked

16:37

for Some of Our Mom's Ashes? I'm

16:40

going to go with yes. My

16:44

mom used to live near my brother. She

16:46

was a quiet person in general. And after

16:48

dad died was lonely. She wanted

16:50

to have dinner with my brother and his family often.

16:53

His wife, Cara, didn't like that. And

16:55

they agreed to do it once a

16:57

month. Mom started to have

16:59

issues and would send panicked texts and went

17:01

to the doctors randomly. Around

17:04

this time, his wife made a lot

17:06

of posts about how she was an

17:08

attention seeker and was making up problems,

17:11

that she was trying to cause a wedge

17:13

in their relationship. My brother stopped

17:15

visiting our mother. And I do not

17:17

like Cara at all. When

17:20

this started happening, I decided to visit my mom.

17:22

I live in another state. It took

17:24

me a day to realize something was wrong.

17:26

I took her to the doctors. And it

17:28

turns out she had dementia. I

17:30

informed the family and became the main

17:33

caretaker. Cara continued to

17:35

make posts or comments that she

17:37

was faking it. My

17:40

brother stood by her the whole time.

17:43

I literally begged him to come and visit before she passed.

17:45

She was cremated. And I have the ashes. He

17:48

didn't even come to the viewing. This

17:51

is the issue. He and Cara showed

17:53

up asking for some of our mom's ashes. I

17:56

told him no, that he didn't even see her

17:58

before she died. This- started an

18:00

argument against us all. By

18:02

the end of it, I told him to get out and

18:04

take his bitch of a wife with him. He

18:07

has been calling me a jerk and telling me I

18:09

have to apologize. The family is

18:11

torn. Some are saying fuck

18:13

him and Cara, but others are saying

18:15

I would give in because it's his

18:17

mom too. Am I

18:19

the asshole? I take it back, you're not the asshole. Um,

18:23

no, I, no, I, okay. Okay,

18:28

so none of my grandparents had dementia, but

18:30

my dad's long-term girlfriend who did pass away

18:32

at the end of 2022 from cancer, it

18:36

is truly terrifying. And it's terrifying

18:38

for them too, because they can

18:40

be so confused, so scared. It's

18:42

not something that you can fake,

18:44

honestly, I don't think, especially when

18:46

you're older, because you don't have

18:48

the forethought of that. Like it's,

18:51

it's terrifying. So that's

18:53

that. So already you're, you're stibbling

18:56

and his wife are assholes, because

18:58

to even insinuate publicly on

19:00

Facebook is what I'm assuming. Publicly. That's

19:02

insane. Publicly. Because it's one thing if

19:04

she's like, I think she thinks she's,

19:06

my mom is faking. That's one thing

19:08

if you believe that. To have public

19:10

proof that she is posting that your

19:13

mom was faking is so

19:15

insensitive, so unhinged, so

19:18

insane. That's ridiculous. Already,

19:20

okay. And then for your

19:23

brother to back it up, your brother not be

19:25

worried about his mother or anything like that, insane.

19:28

So I don't

19:30

think you're the asshole. Yes, could delivery be better?

19:33

Sure. But then to not, regardless of

19:35

what you believe, your mother has now passed away.

19:38

You don't go to the viewing. And again, your sister

19:40

lived in another state, operated her life to

19:42

go take care of her mom. Yep. While

19:44

you would seemingly live down the street is what

19:46

it sounds like. Yep. And

19:49

you didn't take time to go to the viewing. And now

19:51

you want ashes, why? Why? The sun

19:53

all of a sudden? Well, it's for show.

19:55

Excuse my language, fuck you. You're done, you're

19:57

done. No. You're done. I

20:00

wish you would have gone harder on him,

20:02

honestly. Like, there's so many

20:04

things wrong with this one. And I

20:07

think the point of like publicly bringing

20:09

this about, saying she's faking dementia, it's

20:11

insane. It's insane. It's one thing to

20:13

think it between, you know, you and

20:16

your partner. Like, your mom's being a

20:18

little dramatic with this. You know, she's

20:20

got a history of being a hypochondriac

20:22

in the past or, you know, she

20:24

malingers some things. But who

20:27

wants to fake fucking dementia?

20:30

Have you ever seen someone go through that?

20:33

It's terrifying. You fucking asshole, Kara, Kara, however

20:35

the fuck you say it. That's

20:37

not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

20:40

You lose your sense of self. It's just,

20:42

no. And so to publicly

20:44

air it again and again and again,

20:47

she's gone. So you

20:50

were proven incorrect. Still didn't go to

20:52

the viewing. So you still, was

20:54

she faking being dead? Is that

20:56

what your thought process was? Cause that's insane. What

20:59

the fuck? What do they want to do with

21:01

these ashes? I feel like they're trying to do

21:03

some fucking seance or something evil. No, I don't

21:05

think- Cause they give evil. They do give evil,

21:07

but I also, again, it's like what goes back

21:10

to an earlier story about refusing to be seen

21:12

as a bad mother or a bad parent, being

21:14

refusing to be seen as a bad son or

21:16

daughter-in-law. Like, it's like, oh no, we need something

21:18

from the family. It's like, oh, we couldn't go,

21:21

but we have her ashes here. We have a

21:23

photo of her here. We want to remember her

21:25

constantly as a very performative. I know it's disgusting.

21:27

Very performative is my assumption because it's like, ugh,

21:30

I just, I hate it. It's awful. And then it's like,

21:32

I'm sorry, does he have kids? Is that what she said?

21:35

They're family. So I assumed kids. I

21:38

don't know if there's any mention of kids.

21:40

I think like overall the family is torn.

21:43

Some are saying fuck him. When they were saying that

21:45

she wanted to see my brother and his family earlier

21:48

on. Mm. So I was

21:50

like, and so I was like, oh no, she

21:52

didn't like it though. So they only saw once a

21:54

month. It does imply some children potentially, yeah. Yeah, so

21:56

maybe it's like, maybe the kids are asking like, well,

21:58

what happened to grandma? or something like

22:00

that and it's like they're wanting, Ash's

22:03

is like, oh, well she passed away. Why didn't we go

22:05

to the funeral? I don't know. We don't know how old

22:07

the kids are if there are kids. The

22:10

implication sounds like there's kids is the implication.

22:12

So, or at least a kid. But yeah,

22:14

I just don't, you're not

22:17

an asshole. I think you should have gone

22:19

harder. And yeah, if there's your family, it's

22:21

funny. Cause like I've said,

22:23

I don't have contact with one of

22:25

my parents and everyone has an opinion

22:27

on that. Of course. And every

22:29

periodically, especially lately, I get calls from people who

22:32

never call me otherwise. It's time to forgive. It's

22:34

like, you know, they're doing really great. I'm like,

22:36

cool, did I ask? I

22:38

don't think I did. I'm also doing great.

22:40

Have you asked how I'm doing? No, cool.

22:42

Like it's the same thing. I think when

22:44

it's not directly impacting someone, like they're not,

22:46

like if the rest of the

22:49

family, I don't think was taking care of your mother in

22:51

that time, was not dealing with your brother and his wife

22:53

in that time, was not seeing these posts in that time,

22:56

then it's hard for them to contextualize that until

22:58

it affects them. And so it's really easy to

23:00

be like, well, that's your mother. That's his mother

23:02

too. Yes, it is that, but it's

23:04

like, they want to remember that now after the fact.

23:06

They want to remember that. Versus during

23:08

the time when you uprooted your life to go

23:10

and take care of your mom and be a

23:12

good daughter and be a

23:14

good, upstanding member of society and not

23:16

a completely lunatic, like your sister-in-law. And

23:18

it's like, again, she

23:21

was posting publicly that she was

23:23

faking dementia. That's unhinged. That's insane.

23:25

She needs help. She needs help.

23:28

Don't give them the ashes. No, no ashes. No,

23:30

no, no, no, no, no. And it's so frustrating.

23:33

I think that's a big grievance of mine is

23:35

when people who don't have like

23:37

a hair to lose or they don't have

23:39

a dog in the fight, chime in. This

23:41

isn't your fight. Stay out

23:43

of it. You have nothing. As we are weighing

23:45

it on people's stories. You have nothing to lose

23:47

though, by like saying this opinion to me. Like,

23:49

oh, of course it's easy for you to say

23:52

to reconnect with my parent. They didn't

23:54

hurt you. You're not the one with an issue with

23:56

them. Just butt out. Just

23:58

butt out. Really. Seriously.

24:01

I'm so... No,

24:03

you're not the asshole. You're not the asshole. In fact,

24:05

I would have probably decked my sister-in-law at that point,

24:07

especially if she showed up asking for ashes. Because it

24:09

sounds like this was months

24:12

after the cremation, not like the day after. So it's like

24:14

you could have gone to the viewing. Or

24:16

did you just show up after and it's like, oh, we need

24:19

our portion of the ashes. I'm

24:21

surprised there's nothing... I don't see nothing out of the will.

24:23

I'm hoping there's no mention of the will, it sounds like.

24:25

So it's like, I'm hoping there's nothing or anything like that.

24:28

But it's... Ugh, I

24:30

hate it. Let's see, let's get into the

24:32

comments. Oh God. Top comment, not the asshole.

24:34

Your brother made his choice and he chose

24:37

poorly. He deserves nothing. They have the same

24:39

energy as my younger sister. She was really

24:41

abusive and awful to my mother most of

24:43

her life. And she continued after

24:45

my mother got diagnosed with cancer and traveled

24:47

internationally more than she came to visit. Then

24:50

she's engaged in some performative bullshit

24:53

at her funeral. Next

24:55

comment down. Sadly, I think just

24:57

about everyone has a similar family member. I'm sorry you

24:59

had to go through that. There

25:02

are some comments that OP responds

25:05

to. Someone goes, what would your

25:07

mom have wanted? And OP

25:09

says, she wanted her son to care about her

25:11

when she was alive. Mm. Yeah,

25:17

exactly. And like dementia is

25:19

so hard too because you know every single day,

25:21

especially even if it was like once a month

25:23

that they were seeing her, that's a pattern that

25:25

she probably got used to even in her dementia.

25:27

So she'd be like, oh, where's brother's name? Are

25:30

they coming by? What time are they coming?

25:32

Like it would probably be things like that where it's like, and

25:35

so she would have to, it's like, oh, well, they're

25:37

not coming today. You know, like she had to go

25:39

through that. Yeah. And she had to

25:41

routinely tell her mom, no, they're not coming. Like

25:44

that's horrifying. It's

25:47

so sad. Someone replies back to

25:49

OP's comment and they

25:51

go, eight with this one. May

25:53

she rest in peace knowing she had a son like that. I'm

25:56

sure she's watching over you. And

25:58

someone goes to hell with your brother. and being

26:00

the bigger person. Keep all of the ashes. I'm

26:03

sorry for your loss. May your

26:05

mother continue resting in peace away from those

26:07

that caused her pain." Someone

26:09

goes gagged, honestly, at this point. I'm sorry.

26:11

Do what you feel is best. I'm so

26:13

sorry. I know. I'm sorry. I

26:15

don't mean to laugh, but that took me out.

26:18

Well, that's like when I read, like, eight with

26:20

this one. I know. I

26:23

get it, but like, damn. Like,

26:25

this is a point where you don't want to like-

26:27

This whole comment section is eldest daughters who have had

26:29

to be in this position is what it sounds like

26:31

in some capacity. Elvis daughters. Yeah.

26:34

Lisa Marie? What does it mean? No,

26:36

eldest daughters. Like, oldest. Elvist. Sorry,

26:39

what did I say? I thought you said Elvist daughters.

26:41

No, Elvist daughters. Lisa Marie Presley? No. What

26:43

do you know about that? Elvist daughters. No. No.

26:46

Which I mean, she is an eldest daughter. She is. She

26:48

is. Oh, man.

26:52

Yeah, OP, people are like, wait, what are you

26:54

asking? And OP was like, outside

26:56

opinion on if I went too far. I know

26:58

I am biased. I'm so close to the issue.

27:00

I want to know other's opinions on this and

27:02

if I should give him some ashes. No.

27:06

No, I mean, it's, I

27:08

vote no, but also it's like, if

27:11

you, yeah, you asked the, you answered the question,

27:13

what would your mother want? Your mother wanted a

27:16

son that cared about her when she was alive

27:18

and, you know, took her concerns seriously and things

27:20

like that. Cause she clearly knew something was wrong

27:22

with her going to the doctors, but she didn't

27:25

have the mental, you know, wherewithal to be like,

27:27

okay, I am forgetting things. I

27:29

am losing time. Things like that. Like that's,

27:32

and I'm getting confused. That's what she needed.

27:34

If they had cared about her at all

27:36

versus thinking that she was just crazy

27:39

or trying to drive a wedge in her

27:41

marriage, which is insane behavior. That's

27:43

insane to make that assumption. And what she

27:45

was asking for is like, she wanted to

27:47

see him and his family. She wanted to

27:49

have dinner with them. And

27:52

that was viewed as driving a wedge

27:54

between their relationship. Insane. That's

27:57

nuts. So you just want to separate your

27:59

husband entire family. Yeah. Dinner

28:01

once a month, like that's

28:03

not a lot to ask for. Especially it sounds like

28:05

if you live in the same city is what it

28:08

sounds like. I literally, if

28:10

I lived in the same city, I'd see my grandma four,

28:12

five times a week. Like I love my

28:14

grandma. I talk to my dad all the time. I

28:16

love my grandma. I see my dad for dinner all

28:18

the time. And it's just like, it's not, wouldn't you?

28:20

I don't know. It's just, and

28:22

I get not having a great relationship, but

28:25

it doesn't sound like there were any issues

28:27

or OP maybe would have mentioned it. My

28:29

brother and my mom were strained, blah,

28:31

blah, blah, blah, blah, but it doesn't sound like that. She's

28:33

the one that lives in another state. And

28:36

she came, but she still came home. She's like,

28:38

I wanted to visit my mom, come to visit,

28:40

and I immediately knew something was wrong. Such immediately.

28:42

Yeah. I was there a day and I

28:44

knew something was wrong. And the brother had seen her how often? Yeah.

28:48

Is there any more comments from that one?

28:50

No other comments besides there

28:52

wasn't a funeral, just a viewing, but

28:55

either way he lived in the same town,

28:58

easily could have made it. And

29:00

then viewings as well. There's like, there is

29:02

a preparation process that is a cost. Cremation

29:04

is not cheap. I do know that. Like

29:06

I'm assuming he didn't help with any of

29:09

those costs or anything like that as well.

29:11

And then he wants the ashes. And it's like, I'm

29:13

assuming that maybe she didn't want to write that in

29:15

there because it is, it's tacky

29:17

to talk about that when it comes to death,

29:19

but it is a factor. Dying

29:22

in this country is expensive. They don't tell

29:24

you that. Is it? That? It's

29:26

very expensive. That feels like illegal.

29:29

To get buried, I saw some sort of

29:31

stat, like to get buried and have a

29:33

nice casket and a nice funeral, it's

29:36

at least $8,000. What?

29:40

Cremation is one of the cheaper options and it

29:42

still is very expensive. And even then it's like,

29:45

and like to have a viewing as well, like

29:47

they do go through the process of preparing

29:49

the body. And so that is very expensive. No,

29:52

I don't want to be embalmed. Yeah. No,

29:54

honestly, now that I'm thinking about this, future

29:56

family, if you check back in, I'll... I

30:00

won't put that on you though. It'll be very clear in my will. Oh

30:02

yeah, no, I have a living will at 26. I

30:04

have something laid out fully. Oh God, you're so good. Well,

30:06

I have a parent I don't speak to. I don't want

30:08

it to be a debate. I don't want there to be

30:10

a lawsuit. I don't want my dad to go through that.

30:13

You're lawyer local? I need someone good. There's

30:15

quite a few, we'll find you one. But I

30:17

literally just bury me in the backyard. Wooden

30:19

box, like just wooden box. I don't want

30:21

a fancy casket. What's crazy is in some

30:23

instances you legally can't do that. They

30:25

make it very difficult. Can

30:28

you get buried in your backyard? I think it's

30:30

state by state based. Burial

30:32

on private property is possible in Minnesota. There

30:34

you go. If you want to

30:37

establish a private cemetery, you must have the

30:39

land surveyed and the plat recorded with the

30:41

deed. The cemetery land will be exempt from

30:43

taxation. Look at

30:46

me. I'm gonna go build a cemetery

30:48

in my backyard. Start a family plot.

30:50

I got a couple of dogs there,

30:52

you know. I think

30:54

this is gonna be good. Yeah.

30:57

Oh gosh. This is

30:59

crazy, but no, not the asshole. Not the asshole.

31:01

Just, oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. And

31:03

the fact that you now have to deal with

31:05

this out of the layer while you're grieving. And

31:07

that's the thing too. It's like, it's never just,

31:09

you think it ends at that. And it never

31:12

is, which is such a bummer. Cause then it's

31:14

like family politics are just such a nightmare, frankly.

31:17

It's awful. It's exhausting. Exhausting, why

31:19

can't people

31:21

just be more sane and loving and

31:23

kind towards their family and just not

31:26

crazy? Absolutely

31:28

crazy. I still, I

31:31

haven't really had a relationship with

31:34

my aunt's husband in years. And

31:36

I love my aunt. I love

31:38

my cousins, but it's been the

31:40

past. And it always happens at Christmas,

31:43

which should be a happy time. But four

31:46

years ago, we just was talking shit about my mom.

31:48

And it's like, of course I'm gonna get upset. So

31:50

we didn't talk for years after that. Randomly

31:52

started seeing each other again. And then

31:55

this past Christmas, my grandma

31:57

had like a front wheel drive car

32:00

coming very unsafe to drive, it wouldn't

32:02

start. It was just, it was terrible.

32:04

And she's 82 years old. And

32:06

so I have the

32:08

privilege and thanks to all of

32:10

you guys, I was able to get her

32:12

a car. And so I bought

32:14

her like this little, it was used, it's

32:16

not like anything crazy, but it's still a

32:19

beautiful new car. My grandma's never gotten a

32:21

new car and it's new

32:24

basically. And they

32:26

stormed out of Christmas and I haven't talked to

32:28

them since. They were like, fuck Morgan, she's showing

32:30

off. And it's like, this is

32:33

quite literally not about me. This is not

32:35

about you, this is about grandma. And I

32:37

didn't even like preface it as like, I

32:39

got you this car, grandma. I literally, we

32:41

recorded it. We played it back to

32:43

see what they got so upset over. I

32:46

literally go, we got you this car, grandma.

32:48

There's one last gift for you. We got you this

32:50

car. We, until they stormed

32:52

out, she thought everyone had

32:54

done it. Like what is your-

32:57

Like it was a family pulling it together.

32:59

What is, and we asked, we literally asked

33:01

like, you can contribute a hundred

33:04

bucks. You can contribute $500, like whatever you want and

33:06

you can to be a part of this. Did they reply? They

33:09

were like, no. And then you

33:11

did it anyway. I did anyways. Yeah, of course. They

33:13

didn't think I would. And I'm like, no, my grandma's

33:15

gonna be safe all the air on those roads. No,

33:17

people don't expect others to stand on business because they

33:20

refuse to. It's literally that. And I'm like,

33:22

you're mad at me for getting her

33:24

something she needed to be safe. And

33:27

saying, okay, crazy. Fucking psychos.

33:30

I just don't understand people. I'm

33:32

just like, why? Why? Why can't

33:35

people just be nice? Okay,

33:38

moving along. One

33:40

of this week's partners is TalkSpace. For a

33:43

lot of us, we're starting to transition into

33:45

fall and winter. It can bring on a

33:47

wave of mental health issues. And with that,

33:49

it can be challenging to find a therapist

33:51

that feels right. One that understands you, one

33:54

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33:58

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show your support for the show,

34:51

that's talkspace.com/THD promo code. This

34:55

next one is coming from AITAH. It

34:58

is titled, am I the asshole for

35:00

prioritizing my sister's wedding over my girlfriend's

35:03

birthday after she gave me an ultimatum?

35:06

My girlfriend Lisa and I have been together

35:08

for two years. Her birthday is coming up,

35:11

and she's been planning a big celebration with

35:13

friends and family for months. It's

35:15

a milestone birthday for her, and she's

35:17

really excited about it because she always

35:19

felt her birthday hasn't been celebrated properly

35:21

in the past. Here

35:23

is where it gets complicated. My

35:26

sister, Jane, just announced her wedding

35:28

date, and it's the same weekend

35:30

as Lisa's birthday. Jane

35:32

and her fiance had to move their wedding

35:35

date up due to some family health issues,

35:37

and now it's a small, intimate ceremony that

35:39

means a lot to her. Jane

35:41

asked me to be a part of the

35:44

wedding party, and as her only sibling, it's

35:46

important to me to be there. When I

35:48

broke the news to Lisa, she was devastated.

35:51

She feels that her birthday should be a

35:53

priority, especially since I've known about it for

35:56

so long. She's also

35:58

hurt because she planned this big

36:00

event. with her closest people, and

36:02

my absence would be noticeable. I

36:04

suggested celebrating her birthday a day earlier or

36:07

later, or even me flying back

36:09

the next morning, but she wasn't

36:11

having any of it. Things

36:13

escalated when Lisa gave me an ultimatum. Either

36:16

I attend her birthday party, or we're

36:18

done. She feels this

36:20

is a test of my commitment to

36:23

our relationship and argued that if I

36:25

loved her, I would prioritize

36:27

her special day. I

36:29

explained that my sister's wedding is a

36:31

once-in-a-lifetime event and that I can't miss

36:33

it, but she insists I'm

36:36

choosing my family over her.

36:39

Now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

36:41

My family thinks it's obvious I should go

36:44

to my sister's wedding, but some of

36:46

our mutual friends say Lisa has a point and

36:48

that birthdays are important milestones in

36:51

a relationship. I don't want to

36:53

hurt either of them, but I can't be in two

36:55

places at once. So am

36:57

I the asshole for prioritizing my sister's wedding?

37:00

Okay, there's a lot there. I

37:02

have this thing where I don't think I've ever

37:04

had a good birthday that wasn't

37:06

a complete nightmare. In

37:08

that regard, last year my birthday I was

37:10

like, who's buying me lunch, who's buying me dinner? That

37:13

is all I want to plan. I don't want to plan anything else. We're not having

37:15

a party, we're doing nothing. Who is buying me food? That

37:17

is it. I love that. It was great.

37:20

Fantastic. Because there's no pressure, there's no letdown.

37:22

That's the hard part, just the letdown. In

37:25

that regard, I'm like, okay, yeah, it's a

37:27

birthday. But

37:29

I get it. You want to throw something big and this

37:31

is a wrench in that. But at the

37:33

same time, it's like the

37:35

family health issues, I don't think we

37:37

could ignore that. That's a

37:40

huge piece of contact. Because there's a lot of

37:42

people, like I've seen weddings get moved up, I've

37:44

seen vow renewals get moved up, things

37:46

like that because it's like, my grandmother's going to

37:48

die. I need to get married so that she

37:50

can be there. And it sounds like that. There's

37:53

something there, whether it's his family or his

37:56

sister's fiancee's family, that is

37:58

relevant. And if his

38:01

sister wants him there because

38:03

it's his sister, I

38:06

would choose the wedding. And then, okay, but then

38:08

also like, let's say I think I'm gonna marry

38:10

this girl. This is my girlfriend. I think I'm

38:12

gonna marry her. Surprise trip a week before. Surprise

38:14

weekend away. I can't be

38:16

here on your birthday and I'm sorry, but I want you

38:18

to know that I am- I love that. You know, I

38:20

am committed to this relationship. And so this is how I'm

38:22

proving that to you. That's such a great- And then I

38:24

will come back first thing the next morning, but I have

38:27

to do this for my family. And as

38:29

my future wife one day, throw

38:31

that in there. Okay. I know you

38:33

will understand the sacrifice I have to make right

38:35

now to be there for my sister, because

38:38

I know that you would also understand how important it

38:40

was for my sister to be at our wedding one

38:42

day, you know? I'm being a little bit of a

38:44

little shit with it. But, you know, at the same

38:46

time, I'm like, you know, I would, I would, if

38:49

I truly thought like this is my person and

38:52

she's just not being rational because she's so emotionally

38:54

invested, because I get it, you know, there's a

38:56

lot of people I've seen, I

38:59

think the birthday dinner thing is a big deal on TikTok

39:01

as well with like, oh, they didn't come my birthday dinner.

39:03

They are officially not in my friend group anymore and all

39:05

of that. It

39:07

is crazy, the stipulations and

39:10

hoops, people will make their

39:12

friends try to jump through. And

39:14

it's like, not everyone is in that

39:16

place of privilege, comfort to be able to

39:18

like, afford a luxury,

39:20

like luxurious dinner. Like,

39:22

I'm, oh, that's just, people

39:24

have gotten so beyond.

39:27

It's crazy. But I, yeah,

39:29

I'm just like, she's really

39:32

put him through it. Yeah, and it's like, I get

39:34

it. This isn't your friend, this is your boyfriend of

39:36

two years. This is important to you.

39:38

But also it's like, she's getting married one time,

39:40

you have a birthday every year. I get it,

39:42

this is a big deal, milestone birthday. I'm assuming

39:44

it's a 25, a 30 maybe. Like,

39:47

I'm assuming it's like one of the big

39:49

fives or something. So there

39:53

is a couple edits from OP. Okay, all

39:55

right. It will be her 21st birthday. Oh.

40:00

I was gonna say before seeing the age,

40:02

I was gonna say this is giving young

40:04

Yeah, because if this were me even if

40:06

it was like my 30th, I would have

40:08

been like For my 30th.

40:10

I just went to Disneyland Like yeah, I have friends

40:12

that have done big trips and it's amazing and everyone

40:14

should celebrate their birthday the way they want to But

40:17

like I just I don't know.

40:19

I was like it Disneyland sounds nice. No pressure. No letdown

40:22

No tears this year first birthday without

40:24

tears. So that's something about Disneyland but

40:27

it was giving young like not

40:29

understanding and they've only

40:31

been together two years which I Get

40:34

everyone has like their own relationship timeline.

40:36

Some people are married within two years

40:39

Some people are married within six months, but

40:42

I've had cake in my freezer

40:44

longer than this relationship So I

40:47

mean if it doesn't work and

40:49

this is a great test of you're

40:52

having something hard How are you gonna

40:54

work through it? Yeah, because life is never easy Yeah

40:56

The the thing with relationships is how do

40:58

you work through the hard stuff and do

41:01

you work through it? Well, and if you

41:03

don't then there might be a compatibility issue

41:06

Question did Opie give us his age no

41:08

mention of ages. Oh That

41:13

stresses me out Yeah,

41:16

like I'm thinking cuz did he say his younger

41:19

sister is getting married, um Georgia

41:22

sister, okay See

41:24

that alone. I don't know. Let's give me some

41:26

red flags. Maybe it's giving big sister for me

41:28

Let me see if there's any ages in comments

41:32

from Opie Cuz

41:34

if like they're both 21 a milestone birthday of

41:36

the way he says milestone birthday that makes me

41:38

sound like if to me I interpret that as

41:40

he's older cuz he knows it's a milestone age

41:43

Like he himself has been through 21 already which could

41:45

make him 25 which not a big deal Okay, I

41:47

don't know. It does seem he never calls her child.

41:49

Did he ever he I don't think he ever called

41:52

her childish No, yeah, so then I think it's fine.

41:54

Okay. I I think that yes,

41:56

she's very young. She doesn't get it and She

41:59

made it This might be the challenging

42:02

time, you know? You're right. I think

42:04

this might be the, you know, hey,

42:06

listen, it's my sister. She's getting married

42:08

one time. It's extenuating

42:11

circumstances. I wanna be there for

42:13

her. I would really love for you to

42:15

support me at this time and I will make it up to

42:17

you. If I can't make

42:19

it up to you, then this is where our

42:21

paths end, you know? I'm with

42:23

you. I'm on that boat with you. Top

42:26

comment. Did your sister move it up to that

42:28

weekend knowing about the birthday weekend? Or did they

42:30

just move it up and didn't realize until you

42:32

told them it was the same date as her

42:35

birthday? The latter. They don't

42:37

even know it's her birthday. Okay,

42:40

then yeah, then yeah. Cause when you first

42:43

had moved up the date and then didn't

42:45

say like the family stuff and all that,

42:47

I was like, okay, is this a my

42:49

sister hates my girlfriend? Yeah, like is this

42:51

that? But even then it's like, I can't

42:54

imagine, even in my most vindictive mindset, I

42:56

can't be like, I'm gonna move up my

42:58

special day just to get my boyfriend, my

43:00

brother to pick up with his girlfriend. Like

43:02

that's insane. No. So that-

43:05

Wedding planning, I haven't

43:07

even started because it's like, I can't

43:09

even imagine wedding planning the stress and

43:11

having to like rapidly move something up

43:13

because of family health issues, like the

43:16

stress. You would really have

43:18

to hate this girl to do that to yourself. I'm fully planning

43:20

on eloping by the way. I've seen all my cousins get married.

43:22

I'm technically next in line. And I told my aunt, cause she's

43:24

planned all of them. She's like, I know what to do for

43:26

you now. I'm like, no, no, no,

43:28

no, plan the party. I'm just gonna go a loop and then

43:30

we can have a party. And she's like, okay, I like that.

43:32

I like that. Someone does respond

43:34

after that, the same person actually. So

43:37

my not the asshole still stands. And that

43:39

is a red flag that she's giving you

43:41

an ultimatum. Because that's the thing here.

43:43

It's not like, I'm really mad at you. You're

43:46

letting me down. It's you pick

43:48

me and my birthday or

43:51

we're done. Like if

43:53

you are giving someone an ultimatum over

43:55

something so trivial, but

43:57

like I understand inconsequential. Yes,

44:00

it's your 21st, it's big, it's exciting. If you're

44:02

in the States, you get to drink for the

44:04

first time, that can be a big

44:06

milestone at that age, absolutely. But

44:09

15 years from now, like

44:11

I don't remember my 21st really. The

44:16

wedding is really what's more important here

44:18

in the grand scheme of things. So

44:21

OP's edit, little update. After this

44:24

post, I texted and called out her behavior

44:26

and now she is crying, saying, I don't

44:28

even care for her. I'm

44:30

trying to calm her down, but she is really crying

44:33

a lot. Did little video call to see

44:35

her face. I don't know what to do, bruh.

44:38

Edit number two. Okay, he's definitely in

44:40

22. He's young, he's young. We're good,

44:42

we're good. Little more update. I

44:45

think now she has calmed down a bit and is

44:47

understanding my point of view. I said

44:49

I'll try to either rush things and

44:51

be on both sides for small time,

44:54

or we will celebrate a grand one

44:56

next time. Or when ever she likes.

44:58

Now she said, okay. And

45:01

then wrote a long ass emotional paragraph on how

45:03

much she loves me. After reading that

45:06

even I got emotional, even if I was

45:08

genuine or not though. To

45:10

the people asking it will be her 21st. Chase

45:14

Professor Is the baby... Oh

45:18

God, I just... I remember being

45:20

20. I say everyday I'm so glad my youtube channel didn't

45:22

blow up or take off until I was 22. Instead

45:26

of I was like 16 I would be a psychopath.

45:28

I'd probably be in jail. Like there would be a

45:30

problem. I would be insane. But like even then I

45:33

feel like 20 to 22. Like

45:35

I feel like I was such a different person. To

45:37

now I'm 26, I'm just a

45:40

drastically different person. So yes,

45:42

right now this is the most important thing

45:44

to her in life. But also it's like,

45:46

I feel like even once the wedding happens

45:48

and she like sees the photo or boyfriend

45:51

and is like, maybe you'll be in a

45:53

suit, nice jacket, something for a sister's wedding.

45:55

She'll be like, I should be

45:57

there with him. You know, like I am

45:59

being ridiculous. I should be there with him. So

46:02

hopefully that's the perspective, but I do think

46:04

that it wouldn't be until after the fact.

46:06

Yeah. I know. I feel

46:08

like if this was my birthday, I would have

46:10

just shifted it. Because I

46:12

would want to be at the wedding. Well,

46:15

if I was invited, I guess. But if you have

46:17

the opportunity to go to a wedding, I'd

46:19

go to the wedding and then have your birthday a different

46:21

weekend. There is a comment here

46:24

from someone. They go, 15 years from now, you

46:26

and your wife will be at your sister's house

46:28

looking at pictures of her wedding. And one of

46:30

your kids will ask, why aren't you in the

46:32

pictures, daddy? And your sister will say,

46:34

you blew me off for that girl. What was her

46:36

name? And you'll respond, Laura,

46:39

no Lisa. Yeah, it was Lisa.

46:42

And OP responds and goes, yeah,

46:44

LOL. I

46:46

love when people make fan fictions. I know. Just

46:49

a common sense. Just a common sense. Like,

46:51

that's funny. But

46:53

also, it's like, yeah, I

46:55

think that's there is this. It's funny. I

46:59

don't intend to talk in TikTok trends. But there is

47:01

this thing going on on TikTok right now. I don't

47:03

know if you've seen this where it's like, oh,

47:06

I'm matching with him on Tinder because my future husband would

47:08

never say that to me or something like that. Oh, I

47:11

love that. Or it's like things like that. It's like, yeah,

47:13

would your future wife ask you to

47:15

skip your sister's wedding? No. I think is the

47:17

question you have to ask yourself here. And

47:19

I do think this is someone who

47:22

might be a little younger or just not

47:24

as relationship savvy because a lot of

47:26

people are now pointing out the red flags. I

47:28

was just conflicted about trying to be in two

47:31

places at once and trying to make it happen

47:33

for both of them that I kind of ignored

47:35

the red flags. So

47:37

we do have an update. An

47:40

official. Like post wedding update or

47:42

post? Not sure. Haven't

47:44

read it. It's 10 hours old. I'm

47:48

sad. I'm sad. First

47:50

of all, thank you for your feedback on

47:52

my original post. I decided to go to

47:55

my sister Jane's wedding, but things have gotten

47:57

a bit more complicated since then. When

47:59

I told her. Lisa that I would be attending

48:01

the wedding, she was understandably upset and cried a

48:03

lot. She love-bombed me, showered

48:06

me with affection and promises, and finally agreed

48:08

that we could celebrate her birthday the next

48:10

day. I thought we had come

48:12

to a reasonable compromise." During

48:15

the wedding weekend, Lisa texted

48:17

and called constantly, with various

48:19

problems. She claimed her car had

48:21

broken down and she didn't know what to do. Then

48:24

she said she had an urgent work issue she

48:26

needed my help with. At one

48:28

point, she sent me a series of

48:31

frantic messages about our dog acting strangely,

48:33

only to later admit

48:35

that he was perfectly fine. Lisa

48:38

also pulled some weird stunts to disturb me.

48:42

She sent a food delivery to my

48:44

hotel room with a note saying, quote, wish

48:46

you were here, and even

48:48

called the hotel pretending to be me

48:50

and leave a message saying my presence was

48:52

needed at home urgently. It

48:55

was bizarre and stressful, but I

48:57

tried to stay focused on supporting

48:59

my sister. When I got

49:01

back, I went straight to see Lisa. She

49:03

kissed and hugged me a lot,

49:06

acting overly affectionate. However, since then,

49:08

she's been continuously taunting me about

49:10

ignoring her for the wedding. She

49:13

makes passive-aggressive comments like, quote, I

49:16

guess family is more important than

49:18

I am, and, quote, hope Jane's

49:21

wedding was worth abandoning me. I'm

49:24

at a loss for how to feel. On

49:26

one hand, I understand she felt

49:28

neglected, but on the other hand,

49:30

her behavior during the wedding was

49:33

extremely disruptive. Yet, sometimes

49:35

she loves and seduces me like I

49:37

doubt anyone can ever do it that

49:40

lovely. Our relationship feels

49:42

quite complicated, and I'm not sure how

49:44

to move forward. Thank

49:46

you all for the advice on my previous post.

49:48

I'm trying to navigate this situation, but it's been

49:50

tough. Okay, disruptive

49:53

is not the word. Unwell is the

49:55

word. Unhinged, deranged.

49:58

There's a couple of other... mentally

50:01

unstable. Yes, that's,

50:03

because not even anything about like, oh,

50:05

her birthday was wonderful. She didn't have a good

50:07

time. Something happened at the birthday. Nothing about the

50:09

birthday. So clearly it sounds like maybe she didn't

50:11

even do the birthday because she was focused on

50:14

mentally, psychologically torturing you the entire time. This

50:16

is nuts. This is crazy. This is crazy.

50:18

This is time to go out and have

50:20

dinner with friends based on what she was

50:22

doing. Yeah, it sounds, and

50:24

then to, I'm sorry, the way

50:27

it was being described, I was like, this is what

50:29

you hear in the Dateline episode and after

50:31

they find his body. Not to take

50:33

it that extreme, but this is not well

50:35

behavior. This is not someone who has,

50:38

okay, no, I

50:40

vote breakup. I vote save

50:42

yourself. This is done. I vote protect your dog

50:44

and go move in with your sister for

50:46

a little bit. Literally. And her

50:48

new husband. Well, that's like, there's so much added

50:50

stuff here, right? They share a dog together. So

50:52

are they living together too? This

50:55

is a very serious relationship. And for

50:57

her to do all of this, it's

51:00

giving narcissists who

51:02

doesn't have the moment on her

51:05

and she's doing everything she can to

51:07

bring the attention back to her and

51:09

sabotage the other happy thing that's going

51:12

on. Car, work

51:14

emergency, dog emergency, sending

51:17

food to the hotel. Ascending, pretending to

51:19

be himself to ask for, like I

51:21

didn't get that. So she

51:23

called the hotel pretending to be him, saying

51:26

that I have to, what was it? That I

51:28

have to check out to go home for an

51:30

urgent meeting or something? Saying my presence was needed

51:33

at home urgently. What

51:35

are you trying to do with that? That sounds like it's

51:37

trying to cancel his hotel reservation. Like

51:39

pretended to be me. My

51:41

presence is needed at home urgently. I've said that when

51:44

I have to leave places. Like, hey, I have to

51:46

go, I have a family emergency for hotels and stuff,

51:48

because I travel so much. Oh my God. And it's

51:50

like, they really won't argue with the family emergency for

51:52

the most part, any hotel really. And

51:55

so it sounds like she was trying to cancel

51:57

his hotel room while he was there. I

52:00

thought she was leaving a message for him,

52:02

like on like

52:04

the hotel room voicemail, like, oh, you can leave a message

52:06

for someone. But pretending to be me. That makes more sense.

52:08

She was trying to cancel his hotel. She was trying to

52:10

cancel his hotel room. So he would have to come home.

52:12

Yeah. That's deranged. Man! That's

52:16

deranged. That's insane. That's

52:18

an episode of Dateline. That's a

52:20

YouTube post-mortem. That's something's wrong. That's,

52:22

I would- It's time to call

52:25

it. Exit this relationship. She

52:27

also, does he say how

52:29

long after that this has been going on

52:32

for now since he's been home? No. Doesn't

52:34

mention it. It sounds like this is something

52:36

that like for the rest, like at your

52:39

wedding, she would bring up like to

52:41

your sister or something like, oh yeah, I remember when he

52:43

chose you over me and now we're getting married. Like it

52:45

sounds like- It's gonna go on

52:47

forever. The original post is 17 days

52:49

old. This update is

52:51

coming 10 hours ago. It's

52:54

Tuesday. So if

52:57

I'm envisioning this timeline, I feel like- Probably like this

52:59

past weekend. The wedding was this past Saturday. So it's

53:01

been four days. A few days. Three

53:03

days, four days. Now you're

53:05

a big old age of 21. Okay, you should

53:07

know better. I know you got a

53:09

few more years till your frontal load develops, but still. It's,

53:13

no, I'd call it. It's

53:16

not worth it. It's not worth it. And this is what, a

53:18

few days after? Like it's not even like, it

53:20

didn't even, like she didn't even

53:22

let it fester. She was just immediately like, actually.

53:27

I mean, just the comment, I

53:29

guess family is more important than I am.

53:31

That's crazy. Hope

53:33

Jane's wedding was worth abandoning me. He

53:36

didn't abandon you. If this was anything but

53:38

a birthday, if she had a surgery that

53:40

he said, I will take care of you

53:42

after the surgery. If this was, hey, our

53:44

dog is getting surgery. Hey, I'm

53:47

scared of being home alone and we're gonna

53:49

have construction workers here. Any

53:51

of that. It's like anything

53:53

else other than a birthday. I

53:56

think I would be like, okay, I can get like

53:58

feeling hurt. Like, oh, we made this commitment. It's

54:00

a birthday. It's a birthday. It's a birthday

54:03

and your sister, his sister got married and

54:05

this is going to be potentially your future

54:07

sister alone and you can't have any form

54:09

of perspective. Yeah, no, no,

54:11

I'm sorry. He's not the asshole. He's not

54:13

the asshole, but he does need to get

54:15

out of this relationship, I think. Absolutely. Top

54:18

comment on the update. There are more red

54:20

flags in Lisa's behavior than at a communist

54:22

party meeting. Get out while you

54:24

can. Next

54:26

comment on cheat. More

54:29

red flags than a mind sweeper on

54:31

hard. If that

54:33

ain't the truth, that little game was a bitch. Communist

54:37

party meeting, damn, that person really, they

54:40

popped off, they popped off. I'm

54:42

concerned for him. I think he needs to go in a wit sec.

54:46

Yeah, it's, yeah, I

54:48

think it's time. I think he's out,

54:50

I think it's out. I think you tested your

54:52

relationship, you tried. You tried. This was the test

54:54

that broke the camel's back because she couldn't have

54:57

a birthday dinner with her friends and not you.

55:01

Yeah, yeah, no. And then she,

55:03

I don't know, it doesn't even sound like

55:05

she did the birthday because there's no talk

55:07

of the birthday. No, I'm trying to look

55:09

at OP's comments to see if there's anything

55:12

crucial we're missing. Not

55:15

any mention of breaking up

55:17

yet. Well, it's been

55:19

10 hours. It's only been 10 hours. By

55:22

the end of us recording, there will be

55:24

an update. I know. OP

55:27

does mention that she doesn't

55:29

really have that many friends. She actually only

55:31

has a few friends. I mean,

55:33

there are many, but they aren't that close with her.

55:36

The reason she says is it's

55:38

because of me. She keeps me

55:41

in priority, so she eventually gives less

55:43

time to her friends. That's

55:46

not healthy. That's,

55:48

no, okay, yeah, cut it, cut it. Because

55:50

also that's putting pressure onto you to be

55:52

her whole world because she has no support

55:54

system outside of you, which is also just

55:56

not healthy in general to not have any

55:58

form of a support system. support system outside

56:00

of your partner. No. There

56:03

is a comment OP responds to here. So

56:06

someone says, that's emotional manipulation. And once

56:08

again, a red flag. And

56:10

OP says, yeah, maybe. By the way,

56:12

I ain't denying, so stop downvoting me.

56:14

I don't know why, but I just

56:16

fall for her so easily. Because

56:19

she's hot, I'm assuming. Just sounds

56:21

like toxic. It's that vicious cycle

56:24

of just not a healthy

56:26

relationship. He mentioned seducing or whatever. And so I'm

56:28

just like, I need you to think without your

56:30

penis for five minutes and think about the

56:34

desire to stay out of a body bag. I need you

56:36

to think with that

56:38

mental, that elevated

56:40

level of thinking of how can I get

56:43

to tomorrow? Because this

56:45

is concerning. And

56:47

yeah, I would, I think ending this.

56:49

The desire to stay out of a

56:51

body bag, that is beautiful. Seriously,

56:54

that is where we're inching towards.

56:57

Yeah, these are not just like,

56:59

this isn't like key or car.

57:01

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58:20

Okay, friends trigger warning for this

58:22

next one. It does contain talks

58:24

of animal abuse, animal death, and

58:27

some serious mental health issues. So please

58:30

do not take this trigger warning lightly

58:33

and skip ahead timestamps are in the description

58:35

on YouTube if you want to just go

58:37

to the next story. Okay, thank you.

58:40

This is coming from our very own

58:42

to hot takes subreddit. Oh, it

58:44

is titled Am I the asshole

58:47

for not letting my psychopath little sister

58:49

see my dog? There's a

58:51

lot here. I'm gonna go with no

58:53

for context. I 25 female recently moved

58:56

out of my parents house. My little sister 13

58:59

female has always

59:01

stole my parents attention and

59:03

in numerous occasions has proven

59:05

to have psychopathic behaviors. For

59:08

example, she has killed

59:10

numerous family pets. My

59:13

dad always has wanted to punish her

59:15

but my mom defended her saying that

59:17

quote she just didn't know any better.

59:20

Now a year ago I got my first pet.

59:23

His name was Arlo. He was a golden

59:25

retriever rescue dog and he lived with me

59:27

while I searched for apartments. He

59:29

was about five years old, but he

59:32

was my best friend. I

59:34

have never been the one to have the biggest

59:36

friend group. So taking Arlo out every day was

59:38

what got me out of bed every morning. One

59:41

day I arrived at my parents house after

59:43

work, but I didn't hear Arlo's distinctive bark.

59:46

I thought the worst. So

59:49

I ran to my room where Arlo

59:51

was shaking and whining in agony. My

59:54

sister had arrived after school and wanted to

59:56

use Arlo as a pony ending

59:58

up in a broken spot. In summary,

1:00:02

Arlo ended up being buried in our

1:00:04

backyard a few hours later. Again,

1:00:07

my mom didn't do anything and said,

1:00:09

quote, she's just a kid, let her

1:00:12

do what she wants. A

1:00:15

few days ago, my maternal aunt gifted me

1:00:17

a Labrador puppy, which I named Buzz. I

1:00:20

posted a story on Instagram, but my family

1:00:22

saw it. And now my mom can't stop

1:00:24

texting me that my sister wants to meet

1:00:26

him. I told her that she

1:00:29

won't be seeing him anytime soon. My

1:00:31

mom didn't stop insisting, so I ended up

1:00:33

blocking her. Yesterday, I woke

1:00:35

up and my dog was barking at my face.

1:00:38

Turns out my mom had taken my sister out

1:00:40

of school so that she could meet my puppy.

1:00:43

I didn't open the door, but a few minutes

1:00:46

later, my sister grabbed her school lunch, banging

1:00:48

on my window and almost breaking it. I

1:00:51

told my mom to control her daughter,

1:00:54

but she didn't respond and only stood

1:00:56

there, watching the chaos unload. Had

1:00:58

to call the cops to get them to go away.

1:01:01

My dog was terrified and I was too. Am

1:01:04

I the asshole? No, oh my God.

1:01:07

Absolutely not. No, absolutely not. Oh

1:01:09

my God. Okay, my brother's

1:01:11

not 13. He's 22, 23. But

1:01:14

I also, it would be if he

1:01:16

had done something, like I love my brother. If he

1:01:18

had done something that, if anyone had done something that

1:01:21

directly led to the harm of my dog, let alone

1:01:23

me having to bury my dog

1:01:25

a couple hours later, this

1:01:29

is being recorded. You wouldn't find them. Like

1:01:31

you wouldn't find this human being anymore. This

1:01:33

is a child. This is a 13 year

1:01:35

old. But if this has happened to numerous

1:01:37

pets and then to this person's pet as

1:01:39

well, something is psychologically

1:01:42

wrong with the child at that point. Forget

1:01:44

even being a psychopath. I don't know if

1:01:46

there's any other impulse control issues, anything else

1:01:48

that might be attesting to this. The fact

1:01:50

that the mom is like actively like, no,

1:01:53

no, no. This could end up in

1:01:55

a situation where like this child ends up killing their

1:01:57

mom. Like not to go so dramatic with

1:01:59

this. you're gonna need to put a lot of sugar

1:02:01

warnings on this section. I know. This

1:02:03

is horrific. Yeah, you

1:02:06

might need a restraining order against your sister

1:02:08

at this point. I think you do. And

1:02:10

your mother, because your mother just, hey, I

1:02:12

moved away, this is my dog, my sister

1:02:14

killed my dog, and now I've

1:02:16

moved away and I have a new puppy, and you

1:02:18

are now going to force me to put

1:02:20

my dog around my sister? No, no. That's

1:02:24

insane. I'm blown away

1:02:27

by this one. A

1:02:30

13-year-old, and then the mom just enabling her,

1:02:32

like, ma'am, do you not

1:02:34

see that your daughter just killed another

1:02:36

family pet? Hey, five years old accidentally kills

1:02:38

a goldfish. That's a different story than

1:02:40

13 years old and trying to ride

1:02:42

a golden retriever thinking it's a goddamn horse.

1:02:45

Absolutely not. Hell fucking no.

1:02:47

I'm so happy for OP that she's able

1:02:49

to have her own apartment now and get

1:02:51

out of this fucking house. And I think

1:02:53

you are absolutely right. I think it is

1:02:55

time for a restraining order. These

1:02:57

people are unhinged. The mom pulled her out of school

1:02:59

so she can go meet this puppy because she was

1:03:01

hoping that she would not be at her apartment, I

1:03:03

bet. That's during the work day. That's during the school

1:03:05

day. She was hoping her daughter would not be at the

1:03:08

apartment where the dog was. And what are they gonna

1:03:10

do, break in to meet this dog? It sounds like

1:03:12

she was banging on the door with the lunchbox. Why

1:03:14

is this mom so scared of giving her kid a

1:03:16

consequence? You're gonna be the reason she

1:03:18

kills someone and then calls you to help hide the

1:03:20

body. Hard to arrange. Some parents are deranged. I don't

1:03:22

talk to one of my parents. This is a total

1:03:24

tangent, but like, literally it's the same thing where it's

1:03:26

like, oh no, okay. I need

1:03:28

to make sure I keep my one kid happy

1:03:30

because my other kid won't speak to me. It's

1:03:32

like that same thing. So they would let other

1:03:34

siblings get away with so much. Yeah, Gold Child

1:03:36

versus Scapegoat mentality. Yes, fully. And

1:03:39

so it's like, okay, well, but

1:03:41

also I think there are so many parents because I've

1:03:43

seen this so much now, especially as someone who is

1:03:45

like cut off ties with the parent. There

1:03:47

are parents who their whole goal in life is to only

1:03:49

be seated as a good parent. And so

1:03:52

their whole thing, it's like, no, no, no. If

1:03:54

I admit that they're doing something wrong, that's me

1:03:56

failing as a parent. And it's like, but you're

1:03:58

enabling this behavior to continue versus. admitting that something

1:04:00

is wrong. And it's

1:04:02

like your child needs therapy, your child needs

1:04:04

psychological help of some sort. Because

1:04:07

also I'm really hung up on multiple family

1:04:09

pets being done. Because like that's a lot.

1:04:13

And then also it sounds like, is

1:04:15

this all over the sports fan of, like so she

1:04:17

lost her first dog and then

1:04:19

within a year she got the puppy. And

1:04:22

so it's like, okay, so this child is either 12 or 13, it

1:04:25

doesn't matter. This is a tween, this

1:04:27

is a young teenager. That's

1:04:31

insane. I mean, I think at... To

1:04:35

have a body count attached to your age of

1:04:37

13 is crazy. And

1:04:39

I'm like, I'm thinking, I'm like, at what age do

1:04:41

you know not to hurt animals? I

1:04:44

think at 13 or 12, by

1:04:47

that point, you know. I feel

1:04:49

like toddlers, we see these videos

1:04:51

all the time of a toddler grabbing a cat too

1:04:53

much, it's like, no, don't do that, gentle hands, whatever.

1:04:56

We see that all the time. By 13, you

1:04:58

know the consequences of like life and death,

1:05:00

good and bad, maybe not fully like in

1:05:02

your being, but you know, oh, if I

1:05:04

hit the dog, it will hurt them. If

1:05:08

I get on top of the dog, it will hurt

1:05:10

them. Like you understand that process a little bit. Dude,

1:05:12

I wanted to get attacked by a dog so bad.

1:05:15

I want a dog to just like run from the middle

1:05:17

of nowhere on a street and just bite her. Yeah, I

1:05:19

don't wanna- Maybe scare her away from dogs forever. I don't

1:05:21

wanna wish harm on a child, like a 13 year old,

1:05:23

but at the same time- Always harm. A bite, a bite.

1:05:26

Just a bite. Something. I'm not hoping she gets hit

1:05:29

by a car, but like I hope she gets

1:05:31

bit by something to where she maybe respects animals a

1:05:33

little more. To hurt a golden

1:05:35

retriever to the point that she broke, we

1:05:38

good. I'm just like, I'm like, okay,

1:05:40

I'm hearing myself now. I'm like, I'm

1:05:42

on hinge. No, you're okay. I'm just

1:05:44

so pissed. I know, no, to hurt

1:05:46

a dog to the point where it's

1:05:49

like you broke their spine is especially

1:05:51

a golden retriever, they're

1:05:54

big fucking dogs. Like that takes

1:05:56

so much. That's so

1:05:59

disgusting. the dog was like trying to probably

1:06:01

run away. I know. I

1:06:03

know. I know. But also the dog

1:06:06

is five and probably like she

1:06:08

said he was from a shelter. So

1:06:10

he probably was just like, oh no, I'm gonna get

1:06:12

hurt again. Because like you don't know what this dog

1:06:14

has been through before. I'm gonna start crying. I know.

1:06:17

Oh God. Fucking me back. I'm sorry. Yeah,

1:06:20

no, I take it back. Yeah, this kid needs to get

1:06:22

bit by a dog or something. Actually, I want this kid

1:06:24

nowhere near a dog. I don't want this kid to get

1:06:26

anywhere near the chance for a dog to bite them because

1:06:28

I want them to be away from animals for the rest

1:06:30

of time. I wonder if that's something that you could actually

1:06:32

get put on someone's driver's license. Like

1:06:34

you know on the back of a driver's license, it's

1:06:37

like can't drive at night. Can't be

1:06:39

around dogs. Can't be around animals. Like I wonder

1:06:41

if that's something you could actually like press

1:06:43

charges and have that put on their record

1:06:46

and then it's attached to them. Technically yes,

1:06:48

because it's kind of like if someone's on

1:06:50

parole or something, it's like, oh you can't

1:06:52

be seen around, you know, felons

1:06:55

or anything like that. Like that is something that

1:06:57

they can, like that could be a break in

1:06:59

your parole or things like that. But it would

1:07:01

come to the point of I think having to

1:07:04

go to like be convicted of something or be

1:07:06

plead guilty to something, I think. Opinions

1:07:08

to press charges. Top comment,

1:07:11

you need to report this to the authorities.

1:07:13

Your sister is abusing pets and your parents

1:07:15

are letting her. Next, they'll probably get another

1:07:17

dog and she'll terrorize it. Please

1:07:20

report them to animal shelters and or breeders

1:07:22

in the area so they can't get another

1:07:24

dog. And put cameras around

1:07:26

your home. Make sure your

1:07:28

doors and windows are locked and don't tell your

1:07:31

family where you take the dog for walks and

1:07:33

don't take the dog to family events because

1:07:35

your sister will hurt him. Yeah. Yeah,

1:07:38

it's, and that's the thing where it's like, sometimes

1:07:41

I'm like, okay, I think some people are being paranoid because I'm

1:07:43

very much a paranoid person. I fully, I'm like, okay, what's the

1:07:45

worst possible case scenario, let's operate as if that's true. You

1:07:48

have evidence that your sister is a

1:07:50

danger to pets. This

1:07:52

isn't paranoia, this isn't, oh she threw

1:07:55

our cat one time and it landed on its feet. You

1:07:57

have a direct, she rode him like a

1:07:59

pony. and it broke his spine

1:08:01

and then we had to bury my dog. Like

1:08:03

that is direct evidence that

1:08:06

your sister is a violence, is

1:08:08

a terror to animals and is

1:08:10

exhibiting psychopathic behavior. You

1:08:12

absolutely need cameras. You need a restraining order,

1:08:14

frankly, right at the bed, especially against

1:08:16

your parents because your parents are enabling that behavior. And

1:08:19

it's, especially if they, yeah,

1:08:21

I agree. Report them. Honestly want her to

1:08:23

move and like not share the address. I've

1:08:25

done that. I highly recommend it. Don't tell your

1:08:27

parents that you're not in contact with at you

1:08:29

where you live. I'm full for it. Yeah, full

1:08:31

of and do not share. So

1:08:33

people are questioning like you actually thought you

1:08:35

were the asshole. And OP responds,

1:08:37

I actually thought I might be because when speaking

1:08:40

to my brother, who's in college,

1:08:42

by the way, he said that he agreed with

1:08:44

me, but maybe it was too harsh on

1:08:46

calling the cops. Sorry for not being specific.

1:08:50

There is a little bit of

1:08:52

a edit that OP put in the comments.

1:08:55

Hi, I just posted this a few hours ago,

1:08:57

but I thought I might clarify a few things

1:08:59

a lot of you asked me about. One,

1:09:02

we live in South hemisphere and my

1:09:04

little sister just got out of winter

1:09:06

break from school. She's not on summer

1:09:08

vacation until early December. Two,

1:09:10

the pets that my sister had

1:09:12

killed until now were numerous hamsters,

1:09:14

fish, and a baby chick my

1:09:16

brother got for his birthday. I

1:09:19

left Arlo at home, locked in a space

1:09:21

only I could access in the backyard. My

1:09:24

mom slash sister somehow got the keys to

1:09:26

the gate and my sister rode him in

1:09:28

the backyard. Three, my

1:09:30

dad is a pilot. That's why we don't see

1:09:33

him around that often. From what I know, my

1:09:35

dad is trying to get a divorce from her

1:09:37

and full custody of my sister. Four,

1:09:40

before burying him, my dad did take Arlo to

1:09:43

the vet with me where they discovered the spine

1:09:45

injury. Then I confronted my mom

1:09:47

where she admitted to my sister sitting on

1:09:49

his back. I'll update soon. I

1:09:51

also bought a ring camera and I'm searching

1:09:53

for a new apartment. Okay.

1:09:56

Progress steps. Fantastic. No, but that makes more

1:09:58

sense because I was like. the

1:10:00

fact that he knew to go and hide in her room, like

1:10:03

after he got out of the gate,

1:10:05

after the sister hurt him. Yeah, like

1:10:07

it's like, sorry, I'm gonna start crying again.

1:10:09

I know, this is just a really, things

1:10:12

are not okay. I told you. No,

1:10:14

things are, you need trigger warnings on this whole thing. I

1:10:17

do think you need to call someone. I think you need,

1:10:19

especially because regardless of whether or not your parents are trying

1:10:21

to get a divorce or your dad's not there or not,

1:10:23

at this point, it's like your sister

1:10:25

needs psychological help. There needs to be a record

1:10:27

of something because I think that's one

1:10:30

thing. The last thing that you want is to hear,

1:10:33

oh, well, the neighbor's dog, something

1:10:35

happened in the neighbor's dog, but they don't know who.

1:10:37

And it's like, okay, but if you would put a

1:10:39

record of this in, then they would know that your

1:10:41

sister has a history of this. And

1:10:43

it's like, I'm sorry, just because when

1:10:46

she was younger, smaller animals, yeah, that makes

1:10:48

sense. That is still a history of

1:10:50

behavior, of causing the death of

1:10:53

a living thing. Absolutely. Fish, hamster, chick, doesn't

1:10:55

matter. Doesn't matter. That's crazy. That's a lot

1:10:57

of animals. Yeah, that's multiple hamsters. I mean,

1:10:59

one goldfish, like, I get it, stuff happens.

1:11:01

If you change the water too fast, they

1:11:04

can blub up and die. Like, betta fish

1:11:06

are crazy. My brother once put our betta

1:11:08

fishes in two separate tanks next to each

1:11:10

other. My fish jumped out of the tank

1:11:12

because I was trying to fight the other

1:11:14

one. I was on a girl's group. Betta

1:11:17

fish are so nuts. They're so weird. For what? What was

1:11:19

crazy is when I- How do they even reproduce if they

1:11:21

hate each other so much? I don't know. It's so weird.

1:11:23

How are they around still? It's insane. It's insane.

1:11:25

I think you need to report something. Absolutely.

1:11:27

It's time. Get it attached to her little

1:11:30

dumbass record. Yeah,

1:11:32

something. Or even, I don't know, the

1:11:35

southern hemisphere, I don't know if that

1:11:38

means Australia or Mexico, Panama,

1:11:41

something. But what if there's

1:11:43

a class pet or something? I would honestly

1:11:45

tell the school. That's a

1:11:47

good idea, actually. Maybe you don't want to take it

1:11:49

to the step of calling the authorities, but I would

1:11:51

alert the school, hi, I

1:11:53

am her sister. People need to be aware. What

1:11:56

if she goes to a friend's house with pets?

1:11:58

Yeah. Like, people need- to be

1:12:00

aware, this is not okay. But also at that

1:12:02

point, when you go to the school, if it's

1:12:04

something like that, I think, well, at least here

1:12:06

in the US, because usually they have

1:12:08

to at least have a school

1:12:11

therapist or something talk to someone. So at

1:12:13

the very least you would ensure that she

1:12:15

is getting some form of professional help to

1:12:17

some capacity. It sounds bad,

1:12:19

there might, I don't know what child protective

1:12:22

services would be involved in something like that,

1:12:24

but something needs to be done. Because this

1:12:26

is, at the very least, your mother is

1:12:28

enabling this insane behavior. She

1:12:31

needs help, they all need help. But

1:12:33

yeah, especially this little girl. I think

1:12:35

that's a great idea, because schools are

1:12:37

also mandated reporters. Typically,

1:12:39

again, we don't know exactly where it is.

1:12:42

is very broad. Yeah, and so

1:12:44

I'm hoping that if OP did

1:12:47

report to the school or keep

1:12:49

going down this track of reporting to the police to

1:12:51

get a restraining order and all of these things, someone

1:12:55

within that system,

1:12:57

systems would have

1:12:59

a way to get this little

1:13:01

girl some psychiatric help. Wow.

1:13:06

Yeah. Okay, getting, going away from this.

1:13:08

I need some liquid. I know. God,

1:13:11

there's no other updates on the

1:13:13

account. Last comment from OP was

1:13:15

20 days ago, so we

1:13:18

will keep our eyes peeled, everyone. Yay.

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month trial period at shopify.com/THD.

1:14:16

All lowercase, go to shopify.com/THD

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to upgrade your selling today.

1:14:21

shopify.com/THD. Unwell,

1:14:25

not swell. Not swell, not swell

1:14:27

at all. This next

1:14:29

one, I'm like, oh God,

1:14:31

do I rearrange? Maybe I rearrange and give

1:14:33

us a little something more, you

1:14:36

know, monotonous, more typical.

1:14:38

All right. So

1:14:40

it's not gonna be light. That's fine. But

1:14:43

they never are. I do have

1:14:45

a palate cleanser at the end though. So, you know,

1:14:47

if you can't handle the rest, just skip to the

1:14:49

end. It does get a little better. This

1:14:52

one is four days old coming from our very own

1:14:54

Two Hot Takes subreddit. It is

1:14:56

titled, Am I the Asshole? My husband

1:14:58

has ruined my birthday two years in

1:15:00

a row and this was the last

1:15:02

straw in our marriage. Ooh.

1:15:06

My husband, 29 and I, 32 have been married for

1:15:08

eight years. We

1:15:11

have four boys, ages four and

1:15:13

under. So our life is extremely

1:15:15

busy. I'm a stay-at-home mom

1:15:17

who babysits other children for money and

1:15:20

I'm in school full time. My

1:15:22

husband works seven to one Monday through

1:15:24

Friday and does nothing to help around

1:15:26

the house and spends little to no

1:15:28

time with our boys. I

1:15:30

take care of our boys, the house

1:15:33

and everything in between while in school.

1:15:35

So my downtime is little to none.

1:15:38

Well, last year my husband completely forgot about my birthday

1:15:40

and I had to tell him at 3 p.m. that

1:15:43

he forgot about it. And I got a

1:15:45

pity party dinner that was crap because the

1:15:47

kids were just screaming the whole time while

1:15:49

he sat there and enjoyed his meal and

1:15:51

left me to the mess. Well,

1:15:54

today is my birthday and all I

1:15:56

asked for was a break. I didn't even

1:15:58

wanna go out to dinner because I knew. It

1:16:00

was just gonna be me trying to

1:16:02

keep the children chill and quiet while

1:16:04

out So instead I asked

1:16:06

for a break and to order in dinner, so

1:16:08

I had literally nothing to do Well,

1:16:11

he gets off of work comes home and just

1:16:13

goes to sleep He left me

1:16:15

to deal with the kids on top of

1:16:17

it I had to do our budget just to

1:16:19

see if we could afford dinner and grabbing the

1:16:21

food Ended up just making the boys

1:16:24

dinner and that's it So then

1:16:26

he calls me petty and a child because

1:16:28

I didn't make him food I

1:16:30

also refused to talk to him and I'm

1:16:33

done giving in to talking it out because

1:16:35

he is never wrong Our

1:16:37

marriage is already shitty with infidelity He

1:16:40

belittles me and the way he treats me

1:16:42

is honestly terrible But I'm trying to

1:16:44

at least stick it out until I have a degree

1:16:46

and can support my boys But I

1:16:49

don't know how much longer I can take

1:16:51

it anymore and being treated this way But

1:16:54

am I the asshole for this being

1:16:56

my last straw? No, because

1:16:58

I think that this is again I

1:17:00

don't think you're the asshole because I think that this is the

1:17:02

story we hear all the time of guys being like I don't

1:17:04

know why she wants to divorce everything was fine And it's

1:17:07

like that tolerable level of unhappiness that

1:17:09

they see in women a lot with

1:17:11

marriages Yeah, and it sounds like yeah

1:17:13

the day-to-day is what's driving you

1:17:15

crazy? But you asked for one thing for your birthday

1:17:17

and he couldn't give you that and then he made

1:17:20

it his problem by being like you Were being petty

1:17:22

because you didn't make me food. That's Insane

1:17:25

like did he forget again that it's her birthday

1:17:27

and no I think it just he doesn't care

1:17:29

about her he thinks I don't have to do

1:17:31

anything because he's never had to is What it

1:17:33

sounds like it's the day-to-day. It's

1:17:36

everything and then I'm sorry the she

1:17:38

brushed past the infidelities a lot I

1:17:40

know which I was like that's a

1:17:42

reason alone. Yeah, no that

1:17:45

and then it's Yeah,

1:17:48

because he doesn't it's like no it's not a big deal

1:17:50

you you're making a big deal out of the fact that

1:17:52

I cheated on You it's like oh, it was this it

1:17:54

was one time You know like it was whatever and it's

1:17:56

like no no no that's added up, and it's everything together

1:17:58

So yes, this is the breaking point because because it's like,

1:18:00

no, no, no, I'm done. It's the

1:18:02

one dinner. It's the one tube of toothpaste

1:18:04

not being replaced. It's

1:18:07

usually something small like that, but

1:18:09

it's not that. No. It

1:18:12

just finally, I think you have those moments

1:18:14

where after suffering for so

1:18:16

long, after making excuses or putting

1:18:18

up with it, you have that

1:18:20

one moment of clarity

1:18:22

that just takes the blinders off. And

1:18:25

you're finally like, it's that hallelujah moment where

1:18:27

it's just like, and

1:18:29

you just see everything for what it actually

1:18:31

is. No, this person

1:18:34

doesn't love me because if they did, they

1:18:36

would help with the kids. Why

1:18:39

did he even want kids? He's not

1:18:41

a participant in their life at all.

1:18:44

When he explained, when she said the ages,

1:18:46

I started doing math in my head. I

1:18:48

was like, this sounds suspicious because they were

1:18:50

boys under four. Yeah. And then

1:18:52

she's been pregnant for the last four years,

1:18:54

constantly. Getting pregnant

1:18:56

immediately after that

1:18:59

waiting period. Yeah. That's

1:19:02

so stress. The stress on your

1:19:04

body alone and then trying to finish up school

1:19:07

while doing that. And babysitting other

1:19:09

kids for extra money. What

1:19:11

isn't she doing? Yeah, no, I'd leave him.

1:19:13

I'm sorry. I'd leave him in a heartbeat. She's

1:19:15

a single parent. Yes, it is. Yeah, all

1:19:17

it would be is that you would, it sounds

1:19:20

bad, if anything, you would force him to be

1:19:22

an active participant because a judge might mandate it.

1:19:26

Yeah, who is gonna take care of the kids if

1:19:28

you have 50-50 custody? He's

1:19:30

responsible for those kids then. There's no one

1:19:32

there to step in. You're not gonna be

1:19:34

there. I

1:19:37

know this shouldn't be the reason

1:19:39

why guys step up or

1:19:41

other parents step up, but you

1:19:43

look at that first story we had where

1:19:46

he's like, my girlfriend's not acting like a

1:19:48

girlfriend. I know I have to take care of

1:19:50

my kid. This is the same

1:19:52

thing. You're gonna have to take care of your kid.

1:19:56

Be a good partner. Be in it, 50-50. Otherwise,

1:19:58

you're gonna have to be a... 100%, 50% of the time. And

1:20:02

I'll tell you right now, you're always gonna get it easier

1:20:04

with another person in that house with you. Come

1:20:07

on. Yeah, I don't think you're

1:20:09

the asshole. I think it might

1:20:11

feel, I'm assuming she's feeling guilty and

1:20:14

petty about like, am I overthinking this

1:20:16

birthday thing? But it's not the birthday

1:20:18

thing. And I hope one day you

1:20:20

realize that, that it's not

1:20:22

the birthday thing, but it's just what. I hope

1:20:24

you find a lovely therapist who helps you work

1:20:26

through some of these feelings. And I hope you

1:20:28

find a great divorce lawyer. Fantastic

1:20:31

one. I'm so mad.

1:20:33

And I'm sure she

1:20:35

loves her kids, but four under four

1:20:37

just sounds crazy. Like such a handful.

1:20:39

Oh gosh. I went to go

1:20:42

see if there's any other comments from OP and someone was like,

1:20:44

please don't have any more kids with him. And

1:20:46

OP does share one positive,

1:20:48

we are both snipped, so not possible

1:20:51

thankfully. Just never

1:20:53

have sex with him again though, honestly. Yeah. Why, why?

1:20:55

He doesn't deserve it. Also, how do we know for

1:20:57

if he could be lying about being sniffed? I don't

1:20:59

know. I don't trust this man at

1:21:01

all. I don't trust him. Top comment. You don't have

1:21:03

four kids. You have five. The

1:21:05

oldest one is just an entitled man baby.

1:21:07

He is completely selfish and has no respect

1:21:09

for you at all. Think about it like

1:21:11

this. If he was gone, would

1:21:14

you have more work around the house

1:21:16

or less? If the

1:21:18

answer is less, then you don't have a partner.

1:21:20

I'm sorry. Yeah,

1:21:22

I agree. I think you, again, I

1:21:25

think so much of, you know,

1:21:27

especially situations like this, it's like,

1:21:29

it's the birthday is making you realize,

1:21:32

like you're recontextualizing everything that you've been

1:21:34

through. Yeah. And it's like, it's

1:21:36

questions like that, what happens to your, like, would it be

1:21:38

easier for you to go through school if

1:21:40

you were divorced? Would it be easier

1:21:42

for you at this point? I know. Because you're

1:21:44

not taking care of a fifth kid? Well,

1:21:47

and it's like, he honestly sounds like

1:21:49

he's got great hours. He

1:21:51

works Monday to Friday, seven

1:21:54

to one. Yeah. He

1:21:57

can come home, take a power nap, but still spend time

1:21:59

with his family. and then get

1:22:01

good sleep and no weekends. This

1:22:04

sounds amazing. And yet

1:22:06

he's not contributing. Yeah,

1:22:08

no. Again, lemonade

1:22:10

style bat to the PlayStation. Yeah.

1:22:13

Like I just- No, it's one of those things as

1:22:15

well. Cause it's like, I, it's not so much 50,

1:22:17

like what's an equitable work? Like, you know, it's like,

1:22:19

yeah, if I was with someone and they worked crazy

1:22:21

hours, of course I'm gonna end up doing more of

1:22:24

the housework because they're gone all the time, you know,

1:22:26

and I work from home. Like that just makes sense.

1:22:28

But it's like, yeah, he's home, you're in

1:22:30

school and she's doing extra

1:22:33

work on the side and he's dicking

1:22:35

around like it's ridiculous. And on her birthday.

1:22:37

Yeah, so I get it, I get it.

1:22:39

It's funny. There's a lot of, there's a

1:22:41

birthday theme happening here. I know. Do

1:22:44

you realize that? We have, that like happens

1:22:46

every episode. I feel like I pick a

1:22:48

theme, but there's like secretly another underlying theme.

1:22:51

Yeah. I kind of love how they come

1:22:53

about. Yeah. He's not swell. I hope you leave him. Yeah.

1:22:56

We don't have any updates

1:22:58

yet. I mean,

1:23:00

this is really fresh. Do you ever comment

1:23:02

on your own subreddit? Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

1:23:04

Sometimes I can't hold back. And

1:23:07

if you're listening, divorce. Divorce,

1:23:09

babe. Divorce. Divorce. Think

1:23:12

about it this way as well. Cause I,

1:23:14

as someone whose parents are divorced, okay. I

1:23:17

think a lot of people like to think like, oh, kids

1:23:19

are young, especially having four under four. I think people think

1:23:21

like, oh, these kids don't realize like how bad that I'm

1:23:24

unhappy, that the marriage is unhappy, whatever.

1:23:26

I think kids internalize a lot more

1:23:28

than people realize. Absolutely. And so I

1:23:30

think you'd rather, would you rather your

1:23:32

kids see you unhappy and stressed out

1:23:34

constantly or, you know, alone

1:23:38

not taking care of, you know, their father as

1:23:40

well. And, you know, the chance for

1:23:42

both of you to be happy, honestly. Cause

1:23:44

he's happy because you're unhappy right now is

1:23:47

what it sounds like. And that's no way

1:23:49

to go through life. No. And I think

1:23:51

honestly, maybe he's trying

1:23:53

to push her to the edge

1:23:55

of like, ah, well it won't

1:23:57

be my fault then if she asks for divorce.

1:24:00

He could be instigating this. And I

1:24:02

think you make a great point that

1:24:04

like, yes, they are under four, but

1:24:07

kids are so intuitive. And

1:24:09

a comment here kind of piggybacks off what

1:24:11

you're saying. I'm also concerned about

1:24:13

the example he's showing her boys. It won't

1:24:15

be long until they start imitating him and

1:24:17

treating her the same way. She

1:24:19

should get out before that starts taking

1:24:22

root. Cause they're all boys, right? All

1:24:24

boys. Four boys is crazy. Were you

1:24:26

hoping for a girl? Cause I feel like they

1:24:29

probably were. At that point, and

1:24:31

I get it's expensive, but like, I

1:24:34

would just want to Petri dish it.

1:24:36

Like I'm not taking no chances. Adoption.

1:24:38

Adoption is beautiful. Yes. No,

1:24:41

it's yeah. That's the risk you take,

1:24:43

I think as well as it's like, kids

1:24:45

start mimicking. I'm sure she sees this as

1:24:47

well. Like that's why she's the one that

1:24:49

has, it's kind of like that

1:24:52

one, there was this one clip. I think Perpethlee

1:24:54

exhibits this. And it was a girl and a

1:24:56

guy eating dinner. And it's like, they have the

1:24:58

dogs in the living room with them while they're

1:25:00

eating on the couch. And it's like, oh, can

1:25:02

you tell which one of us shares food with

1:25:05

the dogs? And it's like, she's eating no problem.

1:25:07

And the dogs are just staring there like him,

1:25:09

like all up in a space waiting for him

1:25:12

to give them a piece of pizza. And it's like

1:25:14

the same thing. It's like, they know they're not gonna

1:25:16

get attention from their dad at dinner. That's why you

1:25:18

have to be wrangling them the entire time. And so

1:25:20

he's able to eat no problem. And that's going to

1:25:22

flip at some point where they will see this behavior

1:25:25

and see the send off-ishness. And it's like, what

1:25:28

type of kids do you want your kids to

1:25:30

grow into? What type of adults do you want

1:25:32

them to grow into? Do you want them to

1:25:34

grow into someone like their father? And if the

1:25:36

answer is no, I think you need a divorce.

1:25:38

Yeah. I think you need a divorce. I would

1:25:41

say immediately, because someone does point out here, and

1:25:43

I don't know how true this is. I'm not

1:25:45

a child psychologist, whatever. But

1:25:47

someone does say, some things are pretty set

1:25:49

by age six. I would want them away

1:25:51

from him well before that. So

1:25:53

it's like, we're kind of in a crucial

1:25:55

window here. There are little sponges. They're soaking

1:25:57

it all up. It's

1:25:59

time. Yeah, absolutely. And I understand

1:26:02

like, you know, she

1:26:04

might not have the luxury of being able

1:26:06

to do it on her own, but you

1:26:08

might, you might actually- She basically is though.

1:26:10

It sounds like he's contributing a paycheck, which

1:26:12

I know is a lot. That's not nothing,

1:26:14

but like he's not

1:26:16

contributing anything emotionally. No, but also

1:26:18

like, you know, if you

1:26:21

do get divorced, hopefully the judge will allocate

1:26:23

a decent amount of child support. Maybe

1:26:26

you'll get spousal support based on his income.

1:26:28

You have the babysitting other kids for money

1:26:30

and you're going to be done with school

1:26:32

hopefully very soon. Like I get

1:26:34

that sometimes leaving a bad

1:26:37

situation is, you know, it's

1:26:39

not always accessible because of

1:26:41

financial abuse or finances, but I

1:26:45

think it can be done here. Like you are a

1:26:47

hustler. It sounds like you're really trying to make your

1:26:49

way in life and I think you could

1:26:51

do this. And

1:26:53

if you're in a communal property state, 50-50, you don't

1:26:56

need a prenup. You should get a prenup still. I'm

1:26:58

pro prenup, but yes,

1:27:00

like California is a 50-50 state split down the

1:27:03

middle pretty much. So it's like you

1:27:05

wouldn't leave with nothing for the most part. I

1:27:07

don't know about what state you're in, obviously,

1:27:09

but yeah, pro divorce. Pro divorce. We're

1:27:12

going to have to keep our eyes peeled

1:27:14

on this one. Please update us, OP, if

1:27:16

you're out there listening. Wishing

1:27:18

you so well because you truly

1:27:20

do deserve it. This is unacceptable.

1:27:23

Unacceptable. Think about

1:27:25

it this way. Do you want him in your graduation photos when

1:27:27

you graduate school? Do you want him in those photos? Do you

1:27:29

just want your kids in those photos? Think about that. I think

1:27:31

that's a good barometer too. It's like, would you feel cheated if

1:27:33

he was in those photos with you and he hasn't supported you

1:27:35

at all? Yeah, because it's like you're

1:27:38

taking away my day, my shine on my day. You

1:27:41

did nothing to help get me here. Fuck you.

1:27:44

Yeah. This

1:27:48

is why you go watch Amanda's stuff. It's just all

1:27:50

the time, all the time. One

1:27:54

of this week's partners is ZocDoc. Adulting

1:27:56

definitely has its high points, like eating

1:27:58

cookies in bed at midnight. Definitely

1:28:00

a high point. But having to call

1:28:02

and make your own doctor's appointments or

1:28:04

finding a doctor, not a high point,

1:28:06

which is where ZocDoc comes in. They're

1:28:08

going to make it a high point

1:28:10

again. ZocDoc is a free app and

1:28:12

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1:28:14

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1:28:35

that we know exactly who that provider is before

1:28:37

we even walk in the door. Thanks to the

1:28:39

real patient reviews on ZocDoc, I scour those reviews,

1:28:41

almost better than Reddit, to make sure that the

1:28:43

doctor I'm going to go see is actually worth

1:28:45

my time. They're going to listen to me, help

1:28:47

me figure out what's going on, and actually care,

1:28:50

have a good bedside manner, not make me feel

1:28:52

worse than I did when I walked in the

1:28:54

door. So if you're

1:28:56

ready to try for yourself

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1:29:00

doctor's appointments, go to zocdoc.com/THD

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1:29:04

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THD. zocdoc.com/THD.

1:29:10

OK, so I'm going to give you a choice on

1:29:12

this last actual story. OK.

1:29:15

So we have a choice

1:29:17

between this one titled, I've been spending

1:29:20

time with a good friend more recently,

1:29:22

but I think he's only doing it

1:29:24

so he can look at my daughter.

1:29:29

Or am I the

1:29:31

asshole for not giving my sister, who eloped,

1:29:34

as generous as a gift as my sister, who

1:29:36

had a traditional wedding? I'm

1:29:39

going to judge both people, but. And

1:29:44

you just know people are out there just

1:29:46

screaming, Amanda, pick number. OK,

1:29:52

I want, there's

1:29:54

a child safety at risk, so we're going to do the

1:29:56

first one. OK. We're

1:29:58

going to focus on that one. versus

1:30:00

the, especially cause I mentioned a

1:30:03

little bit earlier on. You know,

1:30:06

and we've had some wedding ones already. We've done some

1:30:08

weddings. Okay. I think this is going to be, yeah.

1:30:10

The first one, the first one. Okay. So

1:30:12

this post is coming from r

1:30:15

slash advice. Okay. Again,

1:30:17

titled, I've been spending time with a

1:30:19

good friend more recently, but

1:30:21

I think he's only doing it so he can look

1:30:24

at my daughter. The last few

1:30:26

months, I've been chatting to a friend more

1:30:28

regularly than previous. We've

1:30:30

been friends for over a decade and we used to

1:30:32

be really close, but we slowly drifted apart. I

1:30:36

should probably mention that we are both men

1:30:38

in our forties. It's been great

1:30:40

catching up with him. And honestly, I really needed

1:30:42

a friend. So it's just

1:30:44

been great. He's got a long-term

1:30:46

girlfriend and two young children. A couple

1:30:49

of months ago, we visited his house for the first

1:30:51

time. He recently moved and we

1:30:53

weren't speaking much before that. Just

1:30:55

an occasional comment on Facebook and me,

1:30:58

my 14 year old son

1:31:00

and 20 year old daughter spent a

1:31:02

few hours honestly, just chatting about nothing,

1:31:04

but in a good way, you know,

1:31:06

while we were there, I noticed that he

1:31:08

kept looking at my daughter out of the corner of

1:31:10

his eye. I never really

1:31:12

caught him fully looking. So I didn't

1:31:14

think much of it, especially

1:31:16

as he has known my kids for over

1:31:19

a decade. I didn't mention it

1:31:21

to my daughter as I didn't want to

1:31:23

make her feel uncomfortable. If it was nothing, a

1:31:26

couple of months went past and we visited

1:31:28

them again. He kept talking to

1:31:30

my daughter and not really me, which

1:31:32

is fine, but it just seemed

1:31:34

odd when my daughter has really bad anxiety

1:31:36

and she can't really hold a conversation. And

1:31:39

she makes it clear when she's uncomfortable talking.

1:31:42

He just seemed to keep looking at her and talking. Even

1:31:45

if he was talking to me, he would just look at

1:31:47

her. The final straw

1:31:49

was last week. We visited them

1:31:51

and we've been having a heat wave.

1:31:54

So we were all dressed in as

1:31:56

minimal as possible. My daughter

1:31:58

in a thin pair of score. shorts

1:32:00

and a t-shirt. My son

1:32:02

in a pair of athletic shorts and a

1:32:04

gym top. And me in a polo shirt

1:32:06

and white chino shorts. Nothing

1:32:08

unusual. Just basic

1:32:10

summer wear. When we

1:32:13

were all in conversation, he would look

1:32:15

at my daughter. When anyone told a joke,

1:32:17

he would smirk a little or give

1:32:19

a small laugh to pending. But

1:32:21

if my daughter told something mildly funny, he

1:32:24

would really laugh to the point that even

1:32:26

she would look awkward. He kept

1:32:28

dropping out of conversation and just staring

1:32:30

at her. I think

1:32:33

she noticed it as well because she started

1:32:35

to lean back in her chair to try

1:32:37

to cover herself, even though she

1:32:39

was fine. She looked

1:32:41

uncomfortable. Then, when the

1:32:43

sun set, she put on a thick jacket

1:32:45

and zipped it up. I

1:32:47

don't know if he's just trying to be friendly and

1:32:49

he doesn't know how to act or if he's only

1:32:51

inviting us around to stare at her and if

1:32:54

so, then I don't know what to do. Yes,

1:32:57

she's 20, but she's still my little

1:32:59

girl and this man watched her grow

1:33:01

up. It just seems

1:33:03

strange. I don't know if I should

1:33:05

say something or just don't go there

1:33:08

again. Either way, I think it's the

1:33:10

end of the friendship, which is a

1:33:12

shame, but oh well. Ugh.

1:33:18

Okay. Because

1:33:20

my dad is one of my best friends. He's in

1:33:23

his 50s now. I'm 26. He has a lot of

1:33:27

older friends. Especially before

1:33:30

I was a YouTuber and that was my

1:33:33

full-time job, I did videography and editing work

1:33:35

for his events and things like that. Without

1:33:37

fail, because it would be a lot of

1:33:39

strangers, a lot of startup people, they

1:33:42

would just make comments about, oh, you've got all these

1:33:44

hot young people working for you. It's like, well, I'll

1:33:46

tell my daughter and my girlfriend's niece that you said

1:33:49

that. I'll be sure to tell them they said that.

1:33:51

Then I would hear comments like, too bad that's his daughter

1:33:54

and things like that throughout the event afterwards. People then

1:33:56

still would be like, oh, are we going to get a

1:33:58

beer after this? I'm like, no. Like

1:34:00

I would be like 20, I'd be 20, 19, whatever, making

1:34:03

comments to me like this throughout the time. Like too

1:34:06

bad that's his daughter. And it's like, and

1:34:08

I would tell my dad, I'm like, hi,

1:34:10

you need to say something or I will. And

1:34:13

I have anxiety, but not when it comes to

1:34:15

weird older men, okay? I will fully make you

1:34:17

feel uncomfortable. She clearly is

1:34:19

not that way. And so before he does

1:34:21

anything else, I would first talk with my

1:34:24

daughter. I would not with your son

1:34:26

there, not in a group setting, maybe, hey, let's do

1:34:28

a little father-daughter ice cream day. Let's go out, let's

1:34:30

go do something. Okay, cause she clearly lives at home

1:34:32

or something at the very least, which is very common

1:34:34

these days to be 20 and living at home, I

1:34:36

think. And I would

1:34:39

just like bring it up. It's like, oh, hey, like

1:34:41

what do you think of, like don't bring it up,

1:34:43

like, do you have a weird vibe? I mean like that,

1:34:45

but I would be like, how do you feel about,

1:34:47

you know, someone's, he wants to like do dinner again

1:34:49

soon. Like how do you feel about him? Like, are you,

1:34:51

do you guys, do you and your brother like hang out

1:34:53

with him? Have you heard your brother say anything? Maybe

1:34:55

put it on like the brother, the son, something like

1:34:57

that, you know? And yeah, I would

1:35:00

bring it up to the daughter because if you

1:35:02

are clocking that your daughter is uncomfortable, then I

1:35:04

think as a parent, regardless of how old she

1:35:06

is, you need to do something. You need to

1:35:08

say something. You know, if you just want to

1:35:10

like not be friends anymore, and it's just that,

1:35:13

totally cool. But like, I think you

1:35:15

have a duty to, you know, at the very least

1:35:17

check in with your daughter and protect your daughter. Yeah,

1:35:19

absolutely. Especially cause if you're both in your 40s and

1:35:22

she's 20, like it

1:35:24

doesn't matter that she's an adult. Clearly you

1:35:26

are clocking there is, she is uncomfortable. There

1:35:28

is anxiety, there is a power imbalance. And

1:35:31

this is, man is also married with kids, you know? Even

1:35:33

if it's not something like, oh, I'm actively pursuing something. He's

1:35:35

like, oh, well, you know, I get to go see my

1:35:37

friend. I get to go stare at his hot daughter is

1:35:40

what it seems like at the very least, which is weird.

1:35:43

That's the thing. I'm with

1:35:45

you. I think he needs to talk to

1:35:47

her because if he is

1:35:49

clocking it, it's weird. Yeah. Automatically.

1:35:52

Like, I think a lot of stuff can fly

1:35:54

under the radar and I

1:35:57

don't want to generalize too much,

1:35:59

but I would say. because of

1:36:01

things that typically women will go

1:36:03

through in terms of

1:36:05

hearing comments or fearing for their safety

1:36:07

or being followed, blah,

1:36:09

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We

1:36:12

are more aware to stuff. We have more of

1:36:14

our head on a swivel. We might trust our

1:36:16

gut a little bit more on those things. So

1:36:18

the fact that this guy is picking it up.

1:36:20

First off, you're a good dad for clocking this,

1:36:23

by the way, and acknowledging that your daughter's uncomfortable

1:36:25

because I have seen a lot of instances where

1:36:27

it's like, oh, your daughter's clearly uncomfortable and you're

1:36:29

doing nothing. Nothing, they will even feed into it

1:36:31

sometimes. So the fact that he is clocking it,

1:36:34

I think shows how bad it actually is. He

1:36:36

might even be downplaying it in here. And

1:36:38

the fact that she's wearing skirts

1:36:40

and a t-shirt, and

1:36:43

she still feels the need to put a

1:36:45

thick jacket on and zip it up, clearly

1:36:48

uncomfortable, clearly. And also, how often do dads

1:36:50

clock what their daughters are wearing? You clock

1:36:52

that enough to know that it was something

1:36:54

that just because she was uncomfortable. It's

1:36:57

hot and it's summer. You're all wearing light clothes

1:36:59

and you clock that you put on a jacket.

1:37:01

She clearly felt exposed. She felt uncomfortable. Absolutely. You

1:37:03

acknowledge that she was dressed fine, which is irrelevant,

1:37:05

obviously. It doesn't matter how she was dressed. And

1:37:08

then also, I'm sorry, does he have kids and

1:37:11

he's just hanging out with you guys without his

1:37:13

kids is what it sounds like? I know it's

1:37:15

interesting because he mentioned he has two young children,

1:37:17

long-term girlfriend. I don't

1:37:19

know if they're running around. I don't know if

1:37:21

it's just you. I also like that

1:37:24

you're including your kids and kind of making this

1:37:26

a family outing, but I'm surprised the daughter hasn't

1:37:28

found an excuse to not go. Yeah. And

1:37:31

not that that should be on

1:37:33

her by any means, but I'm

1:37:36

mystified, I think, by the whole situation.

1:37:38

Yeah. But wow. I think

1:37:40

definitely talk to your daughter privately and I think in

1:37:43

a public place versus doing it at home. I

1:37:46

know that sounds counterintuitive, like, oh, in a private

1:37:48

place, at home or something like that. But I

1:37:50

think it's like, oh no, let's go do something

1:37:52

fun. Let's go get ice cream. Let's go get

1:37:54

a coffee, something like that. Just

1:37:57

the two of you. So it's like no pressure.

1:38:00

I love that. Yeah, because it's like maybe

1:38:02

she doesn't know if you'll like be upset.

1:38:04

Like, cause she could tell you something that

1:38:06

could be upsetting. You don't know if like

1:38:08

maybe he has tried messaging her on Facebook

1:38:10

or has tried contacting her privately. That's

1:38:13

the thing that my would be my concern. It's like, this is

1:38:16

what he's doing in front of you. What could

1:38:18

he be doing when he thinks she

1:38:20

won't tell you something? And she could maybe cause she

1:38:22