0:00

We have a lot of family here, but a lot of

0:02

them are hiding and

0:04

hiding. So it's like the sadness is that you can never

0:07

really go back home because once you go back home, you're

0:09

never coming back. What? Yeah. You can't

0:11

come back if you're undocumented. If you leave,

0:13

you can't come back to the States. Yeah.

0:15

Hide and hide. Yeah. It's like a really

0:17

fucked up hide and seek where there is

0:19

no seek. In

0:22

fact, that's yeah. What

0:24

is that? What is that game? Hide and hide? Nobody

0:26

ever comes to look for you. You

0:29

know, that's what I played. Wow. They're looking.

0:31

Well, oh, yeah, they are looking. Did anyone

0:33

play hide and seek with you? Oh, they

0:35

didn't. Oh, that's so sad. I was just

0:37

telling you about my undocumented story. Have

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the description. OK,

1:04

today we have a very, very

1:06

special last on the show. Fresh

1:08

off an international tour. Wow. From

1:10

New Zealand was your last stop.

1:12

That's right. She

1:14

has an HBO special called The

1:16

Intruder. She is

1:19

an international phenomenon. Wow.

1:21

And we are so happy to have her

1:23

today. Everyone, Atsuko. Thank you.

1:25

Yeah. Thank you so much.

1:27

Atsuko. Yeah, the U is there

1:30

in both my first name and last

1:32

name, but it's silent. So the last

1:34

name is Okutsuka? Yeah, yeah. Atsuko Okutsuka.

1:36

Yeah. Nailed it. No,

1:40

don't worry. My name is Kaleilah Q. No one gets it

1:42

right. Not even my mom. So I check on that. Yeah,

1:46

we need to check on that. Why not

1:48

your mom? Because I think that she

1:50

gets hung up on the H after the

1:52

K, which my dad wanted to throw in

1:55

there. I think my dad wanted like something

1:57

unique and confusing. Does she say it like?

2:00

The Hebrew way like Halalah? I

2:02

wish it did. No, it's Halilah.

2:04

Halilah, right? Of

2:06

course. Halilah. Yeah, yeah. It was a

2:09

very dad versus mom kind of feud.

2:11

Yeah, I think my dad was being

2:13

a little pretentious with my spelling of

2:15

the name. My dad chose my name

2:18

too. He did? Yeah. He was like,

2:20

something, rhyme, something, you know, Atsuka

2:22

Okatsuka? Is that not just my name backwards?

2:25

What are you doing?

2:27

Dad! She's a star. No,

2:29

yeah. So he was trying to do something

2:32

there too, I feel like. And yeah, he

2:34

named me after a samurai. It's a long

2:36

story. But you were raised by your grandmother

2:39

here. Yeah. You were born here?

2:41

I was born in Taiwan and then I

2:43

was in Japan until I was like eight

2:46

and then my grandma snatched me up. My

2:48

grandma snatched me away from my dad. My dad

2:51

had full custody of me in Japan. Yeah. And

2:53

then that's how I ended up here. And when

2:55

you were younger, you were under the impression that

2:57

you were just coming here on a vacation, right?

2:59

Right, right. It's kind of like a common story

3:02

is what I'm finding, you know, as you grow

3:04

older and you tell your story. A lot of

3:06

like former undocumented immigrants or immigrants

3:08

are like, I was also told that we

3:10

were only coming here to see Disneyland or

3:12

something like two month vacation. And you never

3:15

make it home. Why?

3:17

I don't know. It's a thing that the

3:19

parents should figure it out and talk about

3:21

it amongst each other. But yeah,

3:23

I don't know why. Maybe because it would be

3:25

too hard on the kid. I think so. But

3:28

I will say I was on the other

3:30

side of that where I was told that

3:32

I was going to live a life in

3:34

the United States. I was going to move

3:36

there permanently and it was equally as hard,

3:38

if not maybe worse. Because

3:40

like, you know, the idea is that, oh, if

3:42

you tell a kid and you explain it to

3:45

a child, they'll get it and they'll know what

3:47

to expect. It was just as

3:49

shitty. Like leaving a country that you're

3:51

so familiar with, all your friends are

3:53

there. And all of a sudden you're

3:55

here and you're like, what the is

3:58

this place? Did you have friends in the Philippines? I

4:00

was under the impression you didn't. I had some dogs

4:03

and pets. Wow. And it's some worms

4:05

and stuff. This was an impression,

4:07

Esta got, and you never even said that. You

4:09

know what I mean? Like, it's something I just

4:11

figured you didn't. It's because one time I told

4:14

her I had wrapped this string around a chow

4:16

mein noodle and made it a pet. That was

4:18

your friend. Yeah, I had some trauma as a

4:20

kid, but you know. Yeah,

4:23

mine, I did it with pigeons. I

4:26

didn't put string on that. Yeah,

4:28

that's. I would be worried.

4:30

But you just kept them as pets. Yeah, that's different. That's

4:32

serial killer. No, I didn't keep

4:34

them as pets. I would go to public

4:36

where you're supposed to and bring the bread.

4:39

I was that, the, the birds. So you, you're

4:41

that lady. You did

4:44

that young and said, oh, it's reverse. Yes,

4:46

yes, yes. My favorite lady is this lady

4:48

by this park that I walk past all

4:50

the time, and she's the pigeon lady, and

4:52

nothing makes me happier than watching how happy

4:55

she is when she's with her pigeons just

4:57

feeding them. Yeah, that was me

4:59

at seven. Do

5:02

you guys ever think about what you'll be like

5:04

as old ladies? Because lately I've been thinking, have

5:06

you ever seen one of those old ladies that

5:08

carries around a really realistic baby doll? That

5:11

I think. Wait, hold on. What do

5:13

you mean? Mm-hmm. So casual.

5:15

What do you, wait, hold on. No,

5:17

where? You've never seen those old, like

5:19

hyper-realistic babies that they

5:21

make where like, you could not

5:24

even, you're talking about those, right?

5:26

Of course I am. What neighborhood do

5:28

you live in? Well, I

5:30

haven't seen one in my neighborhood, but I've

5:32

seen them in like the city of Chicago.

5:34

I'm sure that's where it was. The city

5:36

of Chicago, okay. Somewhere amongst the streets, but

5:39

I can feel that when I'm an old lady,

5:41

I'll be pushing a stroller with a fake baby,

5:43

a realistic fake baby. Do you see that for,

5:45

what do you guys see for your? No, Esther,

5:48

I'm still having to go back to what, do

5:51

I see this for myself? I barely even knew

5:53

this existed until half a second ago, and you're

5:55

both like, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

5:58

You know, like in the city. of Chicago, maybe

6:02

on like a cold night. No,

6:05

so like a baby doll, like you

6:07

can give to kids. You have dementia

6:09

or no dementia? No dementia, hopefully. Well,

6:12

although maybe if there's like a good kind of

6:14

dementia where I think the baby's real, but I,

6:17

you see this, it's like basically, you

6:19

know, you're, I think when you're a

6:21

child, right, you play, you can play

6:23

pretend. I think when you're old, you

6:26

can get back into it. A hundred percent. So

6:28

that's why I'm, I want to create a little

6:30

fantasy world for myself. Wait, I just thought of

6:32

a side note I have to share. Yeah. I

6:35

was once talking to this woman and she was in

6:37

her sixties and

6:40

she was single and she was telling me about a guy

6:42

she was seeing. They, they stopped talking

6:45

for a while. He was, I think in

6:47

his seventies, maybe eighties. And then she wrote

6:49

to him after not seeing him for a

6:51

while. He wrote back to her and he

6:53

said, sorry, I've been out of touch. I

6:55

moved to Thailand and I've become

6:58

an adult baby. Oh,

7:03

okay. There's a lot of podcasts I

7:05

listen to. Is that when you cry?

7:07

Why? Is that the moment you were

7:10

like, you were like, I want to do that

7:12

too. You should cry. That took such a turn.

7:14

I thought it was going to be some like

7:16

sweet loving ending. I know what you thought. I

7:18

could tell. Oh my God. Yeah. So

7:21

that was just going to pitch that, that

7:23

I could also see that for myself. I have

7:26

the means to do that. A hundred percent.

7:28

You know, my mom and grandma wear depends adult

7:30

diapers and they love it because I feel

7:32

like, you know, cause anytime I'm like, anytime

7:35

I bring them the depends, you know, they're just

7:37

like, yes, I get to get in it. I

7:39

don't have to worry. I don't have to change

7:41

underwear. This is kind of what I wear for

7:43

the whole day, maybe two days. I

7:46

don't know if that's TMI, but you know, to be

7:48

like, ah, someone's taking care of me. That's

7:50

her dream. I don't have to do laundry.

7:52

Yeah, that's great. That's my dream now, right?

7:54

Is to adult diapers. If

7:56

I could make it work, I would. Yeah, I think there's

7:59

something. Don't you want? You could do it now. These

8:01

things you could do now. You could go to Thailand now.

8:04

Why wait till you're older? Pretend now.

8:06

Why did I just have a baby? Oh my

8:08

God. How do you have an 80 year old

8:11

boyfriend now? You can do all these things. They're

8:13

like, oh, you know what I wish? These are

8:15

very achievable things. You want to have

8:17

a plastic baby? Let's go to

8:19

fricking wherever they sell it. Walmart

8:21

now. TikTok shop, I've seen them.

8:23

TikTok shop, yeah. Do

8:26

any of these options sound good

8:28

to you guys? How do you

8:30

envision yourself as a geriatric? I

8:32

want to. I was raised by my grandma, and so

8:34

she's kind of inspiring in that. I

8:36

do want that tight curly perm

8:39

that my grandma rocks. My mom rocks

8:41

it too. Three generations

8:43

of women, we've got to complete

8:45

it. Are they the type who

8:47

still very much like upkeep their

8:49

looks? No. Mm-mm.

8:53

So they did have perms. The perms have

8:55

kind of withered away now, but oh, they're

8:57

pulling up pictures of my grandma. So these

9:00

are for shoots. That was, I don't know

9:02

what that was. We did MTV Cribs. Are

9:05

you serious? MTV Cribs. Yeah, I was like,

9:07

oh. I didn't

9:09

know the show was still on, did you? No,

9:11

I think it must have come back after a

9:13

hiatus. Yes, I think like a year before the

9:15

pandemic, it came back. Okay. MTV Cribs,

9:18

they hit me up. I said, what did you run out

9:20

of people? And, okay, we

9:22

were the, I was like, we

9:24

were about to be the first

9:26

renters on MTV

9:28

Cribs. Represent. I

9:31

opened the door and I was like, what's up

9:33

guys? Welcome to Ray's house. Thank

9:35

you. Shout out to my landlord. And

9:40

so, yeah, anyway, so because my grandma was,

9:44

in front of the camera, she's made up here. We

9:47

got a makeup artist. Why did your grandma steal you?

9:50

Because look at us, we're best friends. I

9:53

know, it's very cute. I think,

9:55

so for her, right, she felt a

9:57

responsibility. my

10:00

mom couldn't take care of me because

10:03

she had schizophrenia. But

10:06

to my mom, my grandma was

10:08

watching her suffer. And

10:10

when the court ordered that my dad should have

10:12

full custody of me, my

10:15

mom very much felt like it was the only

10:17

thing she had that was taken from her. And

10:19

so my grandma was like, I'll

10:22

take care of Otzco. You

10:25

get your daughter too. So there

10:27

was some tricking, you know, she told my dad

10:30

it was a two month vacation too. Was it

10:32

your mom's mom? Yes. Yeah.

10:34

Oh, I see. That would be a while to

10:36

do that for, right. Yeah. My

10:38

mom's mom. Yeah. At what point did the

10:40

reveal come in where she was

10:43

like, just kidding. We're not going

10:45

back. We're here for good. Yeah,

10:48

I think, well, I was always afraid to

10:50

ask. I knew, I'm not,

10:52

you know, I was, I'm eight, but I

10:54

can count. You know what

10:56

I mean? I was like, oh, strange. Three months now.

10:59

Oh, four months. I got enrolled in school. I

11:02

was like, hmm, that's weird. You know what I

11:04

mean? I got enrolled in a whole new school.

11:07

And then, you know, like, yeah,

11:09

after a while, all our stuff got shipped,

11:12

you know, to LA. So I was like, I think

11:14

this is moving. I think

11:18

we moved. But I was

11:20

scared to ask because right when you ask,

11:22

truth comes out more truth. You

11:24

know, it's wild. The things we'll do to not find

11:26

out the truth because we don't want to feel sad.

11:28

Right. Yeah. So it wasn't until

11:31

this year or last

11:33

year, you know, Ira

11:35

Glass. Yeah. It's not good

11:38

when he approaches you for this American

11:40

life. It's a good thing. You never

11:42

want Ira Glass to come knocking at

11:44

your door because that

11:46

means someone fucked up in your

11:48

life. You never

11:50

want to be an inspiration to people. You

11:52

don't want to do this American life. That

11:54

means, oh, you have a touching story, you

11:56

know, because you have a sad one. Anyway,

12:01

Ira Glass was like, hey, I know

12:03

this story about you. Do

12:05

you want to find out what really happened? And

12:08

so he provided like interpreters because my

12:10

Mandarin and Japanese are kind of bad,

12:12

like second grade level. So

12:14

he provided interpreters for me. I went

12:16

back to Japan to interview my dad.

12:19

You know, I interviewed my grandma and

12:21

he helped like research the law and

12:23

stuff like that for me. And

12:25

he was like, yeah, technically what your grandma

12:27

did is a kidnapping. And

12:30

technically you can still press

12:32

charges. So you know,

12:34

anyway, yeah, it'll be funny if like all of a

12:36

sudden you're like, grandma, you're under arrest. No,

12:39

I know. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

12:42

Now she now every time I'm like, hey,

12:44

MTV Cribs is coming. You know, she kind of feels

12:47

like I wonder if she feels like she has to

12:49

because I have this on her. I

12:51

would love to have that on a loved one. Yeah.

12:54

Yeah. Like, hey, you took me. Remember,

12:57

I could put you in jail. It's

13:00

wild. Yeah. But she is

13:02

my best friend. So it's like a complex. Yeah, that

13:05

is really interesting because I feel like that's actually a

13:07

more common story and we

13:10

really especially with like immigrants and stuff,

13:12

you know, like I

13:16

know in the Philippines, you know, it's so hard to

13:18

acquire a visa to travel to the United States, even

13:20

if it's just a tourist visa because it's a third

13:22

world country. So you have to have like a big

13:24

show of like money and stuff. And

13:27

a lot of times like families are split

13:29

up like the common

13:31

story in the Philippines is that moms

13:34

with very young kids sacrifice

13:37

and take an overseas job and

13:40

become nannies and

13:42

absorbed into that family while

13:44

their kids grow up back home without

13:46

them. And in their

13:49

minds, it's like this is the ultimate sacrifice

13:51

because there's no middle class in the Philippines.

13:54

There's no way for them to make ends

13:56

meet or to provide. So it's like, why

13:58

don't we make American dollars and just send

14:01

it home? Meanwhile, they are considered second moms

14:03

to a lot of these like more affluent

14:06

white babies that aren't theirs.

14:09

And I don't know, there's it happens so much

14:12

and it's happened so much in my own family

14:14

that it sort of becomes the norm. But when

14:16

you tell it to somebody else, that's when

14:18

you're like, oh, that's fucked up. It's

14:20

like there's it's it's a

14:22

fractured family. Yeah. Yeah, that's horrible.

14:25

Yeah. And the Filipinos

14:27

really do do that a lot for their

14:29

family. Yeah, like even. OK, so even flying

14:31

to the Philippines from L.A. already

14:34

on board, there was this man

14:36

with oh my God, two big

14:38

bags of portals, bakery that

14:40

he was going to it

14:43

was fresh. Yeah. He was

14:45

adamant he had driven to Burbank, got to

14:47

LAX. It was like, I'm going to take

14:49

this to the Philippines. 14 hour

14:51

flight for my family. That's

14:53

the Filipinos, though. Yeah, you know, the

14:56

worst flight or check in experience you

14:58

will ever have is on

15:00

a flight to the Philippines. Why? Because everyone

15:02

has six boxes each to bring home. And

15:04

you know, it's in those boxes. They want

15:06

to make and cheese, American

15:08

chocolate Nutella Nutella. Huge

15:10

one woman. She got

15:13

caught at the TSA at the

15:15

X-ray. Yes, a big I've

15:18

never seen a Nutella. I didn't

15:20

even know they came in this size. It was

15:22

so big. They had stopped her and we were

15:24

all in solidarity for her. Like we were all

15:27

watching like, please don't take that away from her.

15:29

That could have easily been me. We all know.

15:31

We all know what it's like to love your

15:33

family. Yeah, I think we should say to love

15:35

Nutella. Oh, yeah. Yes,

15:38

so this is where we differ. Esther.

15:40

OK, for me, it's family first.

15:42

For you, maybe hazel chocolate or

15:44

whatever it is. But

15:47

no, we were like, that could have been

15:49

me. And we were all rooting for her

15:51

when it got taken. We were like, I

15:53

bet you, you know, TSA, they took it

15:55

probably in the back and ate it themselves.

15:57

You know what I know? But they did

15:59

take it. They did. We should write a.

16:01

You know, it's TSA being like, oh, whatever

16:03

we crave. They're the ones that like, they're

16:05

like, Natilla is liquid. Yeah, it's liquid because

16:08

we want to snack at ourselves. I know

16:10

them. I know these people.

16:12

Bastards. Yeah. But anyway, the Filipinos always

16:14

looking out for the family. Every

16:17

Filipino I met, they

16:19

all have a cousin or

16:21

something. Someone is in California. Yeah.

16:24

100 percent. But we have this thing here where

16:26

it's like, you know how you

16:28

lived undocumented for several years, right? Over

16:32

here, the Filipinos call it TNT,

16:34

where it's like short for

16:36

tago, natago, which is like hide and hide.

16:38

Like if you're undocumented, like we have a

16:40

lot of family here, but a lot of

16:43

them are hiding and hiding. So

16:46

it's like the sadness is that you can never really go back

16:48

home because once you go back home, you're never coming back. What?

16:51

Yeah. Yeah, you can't come back if

16:53

you're undocumented. If you leave, you can't come back to the States. Right.

16:57

And so, yeah, hide and hide. Yeah, it's

16:59

like a really fucked up hide and seek

17:01

where there is no seek. In

17:04

fact, that's yeah. What

17:07

is that? What is that game? Hide

17:09

and hide? Nobody ever comes to look for

17:11

you. You know, that's what I played. You're

17:13

looking. What? Oh, yeah. They

17:16

are looking. Did anyone play hide and seek with you? Oh, they didn't.

17:19

Oh, that's so sad. I was just telling you

17:21

about my undocumented story. Who

17:23

did it? What happened? Let

17:25

me tell you. Did you play tag? Nobody. No,

17:28

I they would tell me to go hide. Oh,

17:30

a big sister told me to go hide. Oh, and then

17:33

they never you just sit there and hide the whole

17:35

time. Oh, that's so sad. Isn't it sad? Yes. Thank

17:38

you. So then what you would be like what

17:41

the sun would set and then you would

17:43

be like you would get

17:45

up from your hiding spot. Eventually,

17:47

you just sort of give up on that

17:51

someone else likes you and will play with you. Yeah.

17:55

No, that I guess that that is sad, too.

17:57

That is very sad. We're not going to diminish

17:59

your. trauma. Not

18:01

on this show or not. I mean

18:04

even though she was undocumented, a mom

18:06

with schizophrenia, kidnapping. No,

18:08

no problem. Yeah. No, that's no, no, no.

18:10

No. What

18:13

other... She was caged.

18:16

You were caged? We don't have to

18:18

talk about that. It was

18:20

gated. It's fine. Wait, will

18:23

you tell us about the Philippines? No, that's a big

18:25

deal. What do you

18:27

mean? Like a zoo? Animals at a zoo? Like

18:29

gated, yeah. You were like, Sybil?

18:31

Do you remember that movie? What? Why are

18:33

they so familiar? There's a movie called Sybil,

18:35

where she has like... It was a true

18:37

story about a woman with multiple personality disorder.

18:39

Oh. And psychiatrists had worked with her closely

18:41

because they were like, this is such a

18:43

new case we haven't seen before. But anyway,

18:45

it's because she was abused and like, maybe

18:48

gated. Okay. You know what movie that

18:50

was so fucked up that my parents

18:53

watched in front of me, but like

18:55

gave no parental restrictions. I

18:57

think it was called Boxing Helena, but

19:00

I remember a scene where there

19:02

was like a shrine

19:04

of like her body parts like amputated.

19:07

What? What are you saying? Yeah, like

19:09

she... Or just her torso. Okay. Oh,

19:11

just her torso? Okay. What is this,

19:14

Kaleila? Why are there movies that only

19:16

you know? These are my childhood classics.

19:18

Do you think Disney was in my

19:20

life? Okay, Boxing Helena. Yeah.

19:23

So she's just her torso exists and

19:25

her parents... So no arms, just her

19:27

torso and her head. And I think

19:30

she treated her like a shrine as

19:32

how my childhood recollection gives it to

19:34

me. Okay. But yeah, this was... I'm

19:36

starting to like it. I'm

19:39

starting to like it a lot. Right. She's

19:41

like, can that be me? And

19:45

again, remember earlier when I was like, you

19:47

can do these things. You can do all

19:49

the things. It's not like we're going, oh,

19:51

I wish I could get a million

19:54

dollars tomorrow. That's hard to do.

19:56

But if you

19:58

want to be Helena... Is it

20:00

illegal to cut off your own limbs? Oh,

20:03

I don't know. I think yes

20:05

self-harm is will put you in 51 feel that's true. Okay.

20:07

Yeah I mean, it's

20:09

it was illegal for me as a teenager to

20:11

like hurt myself. So yeah, they lock you up

20:13

for that I okay, right for legal reasons. This

20:15

is a joke. Yeah, this became right I

20:19

yeah dark we were trying to me and

20:21

her were talking about hide and seek Boxing

20:25

hell it was you Another

20:28

yeah, yeah Classic

20:31

Filipino movie classic Filipino love story

20:33

boxing Classic

20:36

soap opera. It's so funny what movies

20:38

made its way over there and what

20:41

didn't you know, like oh, yeah For

20:44

example, like I think you guys like what's a

20:46

Polyshore movie in Brendan Fraser, California, man, right? I'm

20:48

seeing a man For

20:50

you that way was named for us because

20:52

we think Filipinos know what an Encino is

20:54

no No, so it had to be renamed

20:56

when it got released in the theater So

20:58

California man because we know what a California

21:00

is but we don't know what an Encino

21:02

is Wow That's so true.

21:04

I think about that when I tour internationally

21:07

with my jokes, you know Yeah,

21:09

how do you adjust by the way when like you

21:11

just did a whole tour in like Southeast Asia? And

21:13

I know like the Philippines is like obviously like an

21:15

English speaking country But like anywhere else

21:17

like how do you adjust? I

21:20

didn't really have to change my hour

21:22

at all Really which was cool because

21:24

they're super tapped into culture to now

21:27

Internationally and I don't

21:29

typically I try not to write jokes that

21:31

are so specific Like, you

21:33

know, you don't want to ever do a joke.

21:35

Well for me I don't try to do jokes

21:38

where it's like, you know, that's so Silver Lake

21:40

or you know, all this echo Park bitch walked

21:42

up to me I don't do that. Yeah, you

21:44

know what? I mean because it's so so you

21:46

want what? 400 people to get your joke

21:49

You know what I mean? I'm sorry. I don't

21:51

know. I think Echo Park population is higher than

21:53

that But you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah,

21:55

you just want it to be like

21:58

I used to have a joke where

22:00

like the punchline was Agora Hills, but

22:03

it's so specific. You know what I mean?

22:05

So I changed it to something else. That's

22:07

also the essence of the joke. Right. It

22:10

can be hard though, because sometimes the specificity

22:12

is what's funny. Yeah.

22:15

But then, you know, I'll

22:18

try to give the example. Is that okay? Yeah. So

22:20

I talked about how, so my grandma got a plot

22:22

of land to be buried at and she was like

22:24

planning ahead, which is fine.

22:27

I just thought we'd do it together, considering

22:29

I'm the one that's going to be doing

22:31

the visiting. You know, right? Like,

22:34

or the burying. Yeah. And I said,

22:36

is it far? You know,

22:38

is there parking? You

22:40

know, cause I'm going to be there every week. Right. So

22:42

that's what I changed it to. But in the past it was, in the

22:45

past it was my grandma just bought a plot of

22:47

land to be buried at, which is

22:49

fine. I just thought we'd do it together, you know,

22:51

considering I'm the one that's going to be doing the

22:53

visiting cause

22:56

it's in Agora Hills. I

22:59

see. You know what I mean? It's like, well,

23:01

what's that? Like people past LA won't know, but

23:03

the essence is it's going to

23:05

be an inconvenience to me. Is it far? Is

23:07

there parking? Boom. Already like gets

23:09

to the same. So you don't even need the Agora

23:11

Hills. Yeah. That is really funny.

23:14

That way right. Filipinos get it. People

23:16

in Japan get it. This is a really

23:18

important topic though. Agora

23:21

Hills. Yeah. Why

23:23

do people live there? No, I'm just kidding. No, but

23:25

yes. The idea that like, you

23:27

know, preparing your plot and

23:29

where you want to be buried is really

23:31

sort of like, it should be a family

23:34

decision. Like you said, like it

23:36

should be. You're so right. Your family should

23:38

be given, they should give the green light

23:40

and be like, okay, yeah. Like I

23:43

can do that. I can visit you.

23:45

It's not too far away. Like I think

23:47

it shouldn't be just that I want to

23:50

be planted as a tree. It's like, no, is that

23:52

convenient for your family? This is so real for me

23:54

in my life because my parents are going to be

23:56

buried in a cemetery in Chicago in a really bad

23:59

neighborhood. I'm like, if

24:01

I go visit them. When did they

24:03

decide that? They, like, they had the

24:05

plots because it's where my

24:08

grandparents are buried. Okay, I have

24:10

a question about that. Do you

24:12

guys do it like our family? They're going to

24:14

applaud my grandparents and take the... No, in my

24:16

family we just do, we just go real deep

24:18

and then we just add the bodies on top.

24:21

I'm not kidding. So it's a mound? Yeah, it's

24:23

like a mound of bodies, is that what you

24:25

guys are? That's how my, yeah, my grandpa's side

24:27

is buried, yeah. Yeah, so are they on top

24:30

of existing family members or is there a... I

24:32

don't know if that's legal in the United States.

24:34

Yeah, that feels like, what,

24:36

like a dog pile? Just

24:38

like a fun, like an after football

24:41

kind of thing. Don't you think it's

24:43

kind of messed up that in America

24:45

you can't bury people in your backyard?

24:47

I think so. I would, like, that

24:51

would be convenient. I think it's

24:53

definitely a weird, like, LA, LA,

24:55

like US, like, health hazard issue

24:57

or... What's the health hazard?

24:59

We're all compostable, aren't we? Only, like,

25:01

if you own, right? Even if you

25:03

own or something, you can't? No. Okay.

25:05

Yeah. I think you will be investigated

25:07

if you do. Yeah,

25:09

looks a little sketch in America. But

25:12

it's like, you know, are you allowed

25:14

to bury your own dogs in your backyard, right? I

25:17

don't know. Here's the thing, in

25:19

this economy, right? It's

25:22

a scam. Yeah, the funeral, big

25:25

funeral is a scam. Yes, you, the

25:27

coffin, the buying of the plot, you

25:29

know, the land, it's so expensive. Your

25:32

own backyard, you already paid mortgage? You

25:35

know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, just, it's so

25:37

easy. That's your family member? It's

25:40

so weird how we don't have ownership

25:42

of our deceased. I know, it sucks.

25:44

And they don't have ownership of themselves

25:47

either. We all just

25:49

belong in the government. Wow. Or

25:52

Agora Hills. Wherever

25:54

that is. Are you thinking of getting a place

25:57

in Agora Hills? No, but I was like, I've

25:59

never, we've been in a- never been there. But

26:01

here's the thing, right? Like, depending on your income

26:03

and stuff, you are maybe, you know, I don't

26:05

know how your grandparents were, how they settled in

26:08

that place in Chicago. And now your parents are

26:10

going to, out of honor, respect,

26:12

out of family lineage, maybe. I think just

26:14

out of convenience, because they have the plot.

26:18

Your grandparents didn't know how the neighborhood

26:20

would change. Exactly. To

26:22

be worse, or whatever. True. Right?

26:25

And so, yeah, it's this thing,

26:27

depending on your income, my grandma ended up in

26:29

Agora Hills, she said, hey, it was cheap. You

26:32

know, she said, I said, oh,

26:34

of course, because even in your afterlife, you

26:37

know, you were thinking about a discount, you

26:39

know, because, yeah. She

26:41

can truly rest in peace. A hundred percent.

26:44

But can I? Because

26:46

traffic. Because I have to drive to a place. That's

26:48

the thing. Most of us have to lay

26:51

our heads or whatever it's called, be buried in

26:53

places we never even spent time at or have

26:55

no memories of. I have

26:57

an absolute fantasy in life to have

26:59

a reason to exhume someone. But

27:02

didn't we have plans? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't

27:04

what? I thought

27:06

we had plans to exhume someone. I have

27:08

a great plan for us. Esther says, shit,

27:10

I just know. And she's like, the

27:13

way she giggled at me, I'm like, you're not

27:15

a serious person. You are not

27:17

serious. What do you

27:19

mean? No, because you would say

27:21

things like, my dream

27:24

is to exude. What is it? What

27:26

did you say? Exume. Have a

27:28

reason. Exume. Have a reason to exhume a person. Yeah.

27:30

Doesn't that sound funny? And then you looked at me

27:32

and you giggled because you know, is that

27:35

an actual dream of yours? Yeah.

27:38

Just like you want to grow old and hold a

27:40

plastic baby? Are

27:42

these serious thoughts? I think that.

27:45

Esther. Am I an enabler? Because every

27:47

time you say something crazy, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's

27:49

make a plan. Do we have a plan in place? And

27:52

I'm like, I drove to Ventura

27:55

Hills or wherever I am. Where

27:57

am I? Ventura City? you

28:00

don't know where you are. Yeah. I like how

28:02

you actually, she is an enabler. She's telling

28:04

me to get my baby doll now. Yeah,

28:09

because you can. Yeah. That's

28:12

true. Why the? I want you to try it. Why

28:15

do you want to exhume? What's the

28:17

thrill there? Don't you think that that's

28:19

the highest level of? Crime?

28:25

Like dramatic, a dramatic

28:27

need. It's like

28:29

something, I hear, this

28:32

is so, it just got sad. You must

28:34

be so important if you need to exhume a

28:36

body. I think that that will,

28:38

that's how I'll finally feel important in life.

28:40

Wait a second. So if you were to

28:42

exhume one person in history and

28:44

to investigate the remnants of their

28:46

decaying body, who would it be? I think I

28:48

would have to exhume my grandparents because I never

28:50

met them and I just like to see what

28:53

they- You want to shake their hand? I just

28:55

want to see what they're wearing, is any of

28:57

their stuff in there that I can have? Oh,

28:59

see, okay. Nothing was passed down to her. Oh

29:01

wow. And do you think they were buried with

29:04

the things? I don't know. Knowing my dad, he's

29:06

very economical. So I have

29:08

a feeling he didn't bury them with anything

29:11

too valuable. But in

29:13

his grief, there is a chance

29:15

that he, that

29:18

his grief overpowered his cheapness and maybe

29:20

he gave them something.

29:22

This is so funny. What? Because

29:27

what if you go through all of that

29:29

and find nothing? Wouldn't you be doubly heartbroken?

29:33

It would certainly be- We

29:35

found nothing. Nothing left to you,

29:37

not even a nice little dress

29:40

or- I know you're just a

29:42

creepy girl with her grandpa's bones. Oh,

29:47

you can use it as like a punch

29:49

mixer. Also hours of work. I also wonder

29:51

like- You with a shovel? I wonder, do

29:53

you- Thank you. Do you need like

29:57

legal reasons? Like, do I have to create a-

29:59

fake murder mystery in order to get the rights.

30:01

There's only one way to find out. Why don't

30:04

you start digging? And if someone says something, then

30:07

we'll find out. I'm gonna seduce a grave

30:09

digger and I'm gonna make

30:11

this happen. Wait, didn't you befriend like

30:13

a cemetery keeper? I've done it before,

30:15

yeah. But that was to get a

30:17

special look at, so speaking

30:19

of exhumes. Special look at a

30:22

premiere happening at the grave site?

30:24

Literally, yeah. They moved Judy

30:27

Garland from the East Coast

30:29

to Hollywood and so

30:31

this grave digger, cemetery

30:34

keeper, groundskeeper. Groundskeeper. He

30:36

took me on a private tour and took

30:38

me into Judy Garland's little area before it

30:40

was ready for the public. Wow.

30:44

Yeah. And you were just friends?

30:46

This feels like foreplay. This

30:48

is just friendship, platonic? We stayed

30:50

friends only, yeah. We didn't take

30:52

it further. I'm so not

30:54

good with, if someone shows me kindness like

30:57

that, I will. I'll

31:00

be like, I guess we go down on each other

31:02

now. It's really, yeah, that's why

31:04

I stay away and I'm

31:06

like, no, everyone, no,

31:09

everyone has bad intentions. Everyone

31:12

just wants to fuck me and

31:15

that way I can just stay

31:17

friends with them. Yeah. Yeah, it's

31:19

very stable. Well,

31:22

it's almost like advanced technique. Advanced

31:24

technique? Yeah. What is advanced

31:26

technique? It's just, you're sort of just gaslighting

31:29

yourself in the whole world so that, so

31:32

that you don't fuck anyone or you don't make mistakes.

31:35

You're really just protecting yourself, I think. Yeah,

31:38

I think it's a part of being a

31:40

people pleaser a little bit. Yeah, I get that.

31:42

Right, yeah. I'm like 100% people pleaser. Although

31:45

the whole sex thing is just that like, I'm

31:48

so grossed out by two minutes.

31:51

Not sex. Not

31:53

sex. I'm just so, I get

31:56

it out by too many people, I

31:58

think, that I could never just. like

32:00

blow a groundskeeper. Wait,

32:02

what do you? I thought

32:04

we were blowing a groundskeeper. 100%, but you

32:06

are not attracted to most people. Is that

32:08

what you're saying? Or

32:11

just like- I mean, am I lying? Because I really-

32:13

Yeah, I think you're lying. I've seen your roster. They're

32:15

weird looking, right? Yeah, but I, the

32:18

ground, Kaliah looked me in the eyes.

32:21

The groundskeeper was hot. Was he? You

32:23

are wrong. Yeah, you're thinking the wrong

32:25

thing. You're right, you're right. This man

32:28

is strong. Good taste, Judy Garland.

32:32

Yeah, loves comedians. Okay.

32:34

Female comedians. Wow.

32:37

I take that back. A man who loves female comedians? Unheard

32:40

of. I take that back. I will

32:42

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33:38

in the description. I

33:42

have definitely dated the whole

33:45

spectrum of short,

33:47

tall, thick, slim,

33:52

small dick, big dick, all of it. Yeah, yeah,

33:54

yeah. Your exes are like, why do you have

33:56

to say that? They're sitting there

33:59

guessing which one they are. They're like, oh,

34:01

oh, short, whoa, hmm, tall, oh,

34:03

big dick, hmm, oh, I don't

34:05

know. Yeah, anyway. I

34:07

have a question. That's what

34:09

I would be doing. We

34:12

recently, in a previous episode, we

34:14

talked about this one

34:16

specific crime up in like Northern California

34:18

that happened where a girl was able

34:20

to convince an old ex of hers

34:23

to basically fake a

34:25

full kidnapping, full like torture abuse

34:27

scenario. Do you have anyone in

34:29

your life who would do anything

34:31

for you at the drop of

34:33

a hat with one phone call?

34:36

Oh, no, do you? I

34:39

don't think it's good to have people like that in your

34:41

life. You don't? Just like a

34:43

blindly, yes, yes, man. Yes. Don't you

34:45

think it's- That's how you become a

34:47

monster. You don't think that it's like valuable like

34:49

to some extent to be like, I know someone

34:51

who would like kill for me. Just

34:53

one, just one. No, no, no, no. Even

34:56

my husband who does everything for me, he,

34:59

what did he do for me? He put my earrings in

35:01

for me today because I couldn't, it was the back is

35:03

too short. He made that

35:05

turkey wrap that I brought the half of

35:07

it because he was like, you're famished. And

35:09

you know, even him, he would, he would

35:11

watch me go to prison. He

35:14

would do that because, you know, he's like,

35:16

I'm not gonna exhume my body for you

35:18

or whatever. He would stop at certain things.

35:21

Oh, okay. I think that's good. What?

35:24

Do you? Yeah, there's this guy named

35:26

James Reyes and he's the guy who committed

35:28

that crime of faking a whole kidnapping slash

35:30

torture thing. And he did it blindly

35:32

and he did it for no exchange. Like he didn't even get

35:34

sex from this woman. It was his ex-girlfriend

35:37

that he did it for. And she was just like,

35:39

hey, stage of kidnapping for me. He was like, let's

35:41

do it, babe. And

35:43

I think Kaleila has like at least four

35:45

X's that would do that for her. Wow.

35:48

And then he's sitting around waiting for her

35:50

to call and help

35:52

her and aid her in a crime. Which

35:55

basically means I've only dated psychopaths.

35:57

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I've.

35:59

To me it's more of, it's not a psychopath guy

36:01

that does that, it's more of like a chill guy. No,

36:04

I think you're wrong about that, okay? Like

36:08

a real chill, so chill. He's

36:11

like not all there, like you know. Yeah,

36:13

wait, let's reclaim chill, because you know the

36:16

chill girl, it's like everyone wants, or I

36:18

guess it's a cool girl, but chill too,

36:20

like guys want girls

36:22

to be chill. I think we should want guys

36:24

to be chill, and that means that they will

36:26

commit crimes for us. I'd

36:29

like that. Yeah. She's

36:31

like, I need to go. No, I'm

36:33

listening. This is

36:36

me, yes, and I'm thinking of the next thing to

36:38

say about these four men. Is

36:40

it true that you didn't do laundry for

36:42

like years, and like then you realized you

36:44

weren't doing laundry because your husband did it?

36:47

How do you know that? I'm well

36:50

read. It's

36:52

true, yes. That's part of

36:54

my new show actually that I'm talking about. And

36:57

it's very much about like me and my husband,

36:59

and like

37:01

me trying to create a better sequel to my family,

37:04

with this new family, which is just me and

37:06

my husband. Yeah,

37:09

he's very much like I said, he put

37:11

on my earrings, he made the sandwich

37:13

for me. He very much thinks

37:16

ahead of me with

37:18

my needs because

37:21

I don't

37:23

think about what I need as much, yeah. But

37:25

he will. And so I won't do

37:27

the laundry and I'll be like, oh no, for

37:31

seven years, you know? And

37:33

then realize, oh my God, like this whole

37:35

time I thought it was getting magically done,

37:38

it had been Ryan. And

37:41

so yes, things like that happen. God,

37:44

did your grandma take really good care of

37:46

you and is that why you like? Yeah,

37:49

I'm like this. Yeah,

37:51

she's like very overly

37:53

like babied me. And

37:56

so she didn't teach me chores. I can relate to this.

37:59

But also my mom. Her

38:02

psychosis, her like, paranoia had to

38:04

also do with me growing up

38:06

too much or losing me to

38:08

like, the world. And

38:10

so she would also stop me

38:13

from learning chores and adulthood stuff

38:15

too, yeah. Is

38:17

it true that you

38:19

did stand up comedy during

38:22

a 7.9 earthquake? Yes,

38:25

yeah, yeah, in Pasadena, at the

38:27

ice house. 7.2, yeah, 7.2

38:29

magnitude. What happened?

38:31

Is that the one that was a huge one in

38:33

the desert that like, lasted like, a whole like, minute

38:35

and a half? Maybe, it's the

38:38

one where, so this was 2019, it's

38:40

the one where the day before there was an earthquake

38:42

and then the day after. I remember this one. It

38:44

was July 4th and July 5th. Yes, I remember. I

38:46

remember, yeah. Those were big ones.

38:48

Oh, I was out of town for that. I remember

38:51

that happening though. You do, yeah. They were long enough

38:53

that you could get on a phone with someone and

38:55

be like, okay, it's still going, it's still going.

38:58

You were shaking. Would you stay on stage, Esther,

39:00

if that was you? Or

39:02

would you? I would run and hide. Run and hide.

39:04

Yeah, I would be pretty quick to run and hide.

39:06

What did you do? You just. Run

39:08

and, you love hiding. It's

39:10

my nature now. Did

39:13

you have to stop your set? I

39:15

ran up on stage and I was kind of like dancing and

39:18

then everyone was screaming and I was

39:20

like, oh, they love my dancing. And

39:24

then, I only realized it was

39:26

screams of terror. They

39:29

were like, they hate my dancing. Yeah, I was

39:31

like, what? They were like, ah. And

39:33

they were like, earthquake, earthquake. And that's

39:35

when I realized what was happening. I

39:38

stood still and I felt the whole place

39:40

moving. And then, so I just kind of,

39:42

I made sure everyone was okay, but I

39:44

was also trying to be funny at

39:46

the same time, kind of like trying to

39:48

call out to the house manager, made eyes

39:51

with the house manager actually. And

39:53

then he shrugged.

39:57

And then took off. And so

39:59

I was left with. with 200 people that were

40:01

suddenly looking to me for guidance,

40:05

I went to art school. You know what

40:07

I mean? I was like, I have no skills. I truly have

40:10

been fired from every other job I've had.

40:12

But now I'm the one with a microphone.

40:14

I was Moses. You

40:16

know what I mean? And they were like, what do we do?

40:18

And I was like, I don't know, jokes. And

40:21

so, but anyway, so yeah, after I calmed everyone

40:23

down, I went straight back into my set. But

40:27

I think, right, like our

40:29

true selves come out in scary moments, right?

40:32

It's like, are you gonna run away? Do

40:34

you, I don't know, get horny? I don't

40:36

know, some people might. You know what I

40:38

mean? Who knows? No, no, no,

40:41

no, no, no. Really, she was very adamant it

40:43

was you. But

40:45

behind your back. But

40:48

right, yeah, and so I think it's

40:50

just like culminating moments of everything in

40:53

your upbringing, right? That's just what

40:55

hit the, you know, being

40:58

undocumented, having a schizophrenic mom, all of

41:00

it was kind of training

41:02

for moments like that, I think. Was

41:04

the people pleasing thing coming out at all

41:06

or no? Like were you trying to like,

41:09

Oh yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, 100%.

41:11

Do people please during an earthquake is? That's

41:14

true, that's true. Right, yeah.

41:16

I could see Kalala doing that. Yeah,

41:19

you know, so I had a spin out

41:21

on the 15 freeway on the way to

41:23

Vegas where my best friend was driving a

41:25

little too fast and we spun out and

41:27

then we were basically going

41:30

backwards on the freeway with a semi

41:32

truck coming our way. And

41:35

she said my reaction was insane.

41:37

What did you do? Insane, she was like

41:39

screaming at the top of her lungs and apparently

41:42

I was really locked in and I was like,

41:44

Hey, it's gonna be okay. So

41:48

not horny. Not horny. I don't know, apparently.

41:50

Apparently she put her hand on my shoulder.

41:53

Yeah, yeah. That was a move. Hey, you

41:55

ever think? You

41:57

and I? For your sleep, yeah. You're

42:01

spinning, you're spinning out of control. You

42:03

ever... So

42:06

she was like, that was the

42:09

weirdest reaction to such an extreme

42:11

moment. And I'm like, oh, it's

42:13

so funny. Cause like I run anxious. I'm

42:15

somebody who just always thinks there's like a

42:17

predator coming around the corner. So maybe when

42:19

there's something finally bad, you're like, oh, thank

42:21

God. No, it's really

42:24

true. I'm very good at emergencies.

42:26

If there's something like really critical happening,

42:28

my mind slows down and I can

42:30

really be helpful in that moment. But

42:33

everyday life, no. That's how my

42:35

childhood best friend is. When we were in

42:37

middle school, I think

42:39

I've told the story before, but we were

42:41

driving to Berking to get cinnamonies for breakfast.

42:44

Her grandma was driving us and then the

42:46

car flipped over. Oh God. And I was

42:48

screaming. I was like so scared cause I

42:50

was upside down, but I was like stuck

42:53

in with my seatbelt. My friend. With an

42:55

empty stomach. Exactly. No cinnamonies yet. You

42:57

better believe we didn't make it in time for

42:59

the cut off. Oh my God. Because of this

43:01

damn car accident. But my best friend, she just

43:04

opened the car door, literally just walked

43:06

out of the car, reached in, unbuckled

43:08

me and that was it. Like she was so

43:10

calm. I wonder if there's like a... Yeah,

43:12

there's definitely a correlation in what you were saying.

43:15

Just like, you know, when you just like been

43:17

through it all and it

43:19

fucks you up in your day to day life, but

43:22

when it matters, it's like, that's

43:24

when you can like perform. That's

43:26

what I'm gonna tell my husband next time. He's like,

43:28

do you, you don't know how to work, work the

43:30

dishwasher? I'm gonna be like, hey. In

43:34

an emergency. I

43:36

will be able to. Watch me get your back. Is

43:43

there, are you sponsored? By Banana,

43:45

no. I wish. Come at

43:47

me Chiquita. What

43:50

jobs have you had

43:52

where you look back at now and

43:54

you're like, what was I thinking? Why

43:57

did I ever think I could do that? I did teach...

44:00

community college. I taught,

44:02

yeah, I taught cinema. So

44:05

many people's lives and education

44:08

in my hands. Just

44:11

kind of like when an earthquake hit, 200

44:13

people, lost souls were looking into me, my

44:15

eyes. And what do we do?

44:17

What do we do later? And I was like,

44:19

I don't know. Sorry, my mom is calling a lot.

44:21

She has schizophrenia. You can answer. No,

44:24

it's gonna be too much probably.

44:27

Your mom? Yes. What's

44:30

your relationship with her now? Like

44:33

how do you, what's it like growing up?

44:35

When you were younger, did you see her as

44:38

someone who needed help or you were like, oh,

44:40

there's something wrong with mom? Did

44:44

you ever clock that as a kid? Yeah,

44:46

I was scared of her. So

44:48

I didn't really like get too

44:50

close to her. And she was just like

44:53

the scary being. Cause she

44:55

would throw temper tantrums and

44:57

sometimes throw things, scream. And

45:00

yell and everything was, her

45:02

mood shifts were scary. The mood swings

45:05

were scary. So I just kind of,

45:08

yeah, I wouldn't like get close to her. What

45:10

was your grandma's view of your mom? Like was,

45:12

were they good or? My

45:15

grandma was always my mom's

45:17

caretaker. And so she still kind of looks

45:20

after my mom too. And

45:22

yeah, so my grandma would deal with it better

45:25

than I would in

45:27

that like she would at least entertain her thoughts

45:29

or try to calm her down or clean

45:31

up the plates she threw or whatever. And

45:35

then cook dinner for her and

45:37

wash her hair, things

45:41

like that. And so, yeah,

45:43

it was very like, this is my daughter. I'm still gonna

45:45

take care of her. Does your grandma have any openings? To,

45:49

yeah, for, yes. What

45:51

you're explaining yourself. For little cuties. Really

45:54

nice. Such as yourself. No, I know, she's very

45:56

nice. What do you really do to your grandma

45:58

love? Yeah, I do feel sad. for

46:00

you in that way. Yeah, but do

46:02

you have grandma love? I had grandma

46:04

love until I was, until

46:07

I left the United States. Yeah, my mom's

46:09

mom was the absolute most angelic thing to

46:11

ever walk the planet and I felt a

46:14

lot of love from her.

46:16

But we do have a couple questions from

46:19

our fans that we we want to get through

46:21

today. So one of our

46:23

listeners asks, how do

46:25

I meet a boy in real life? She's

46:28

in her early 20s and dating

46:30

apps are a joke, which we all agree with. Yeah,

46:32

how would how would we tell someone in their 20s

46:34

to meet a guy? Do we

46:37

have advice for that? As

46:39

someone with no interest, people always always tell

46:42

me, do you have no interest?

46:44

Yes, I have no hobbies, no interest. Yes, so

46:46

that is no culture, no taste. It's kind of

46:48

an issue. It's kind of an issue to

46:50

find because I'm always like, how do you make new friends as

46:52

an adult? What do you do with your free time if you

46:55

don't need something from Target? There's nothing to do. Yeah, I

46:58

kind of like I drink alcohol. And then

47:00

I like socialize. I like talking to people.

47:02

I like people, but I

47:04

don't care for activity. You

47:07

know what I mean? I can get to know you like this. We

47:09

don't need to be on an

47:11

incline, walking high, higher,

47:13

higher, higher. And then I get

47:15

dizzy. Oh no, where am I? Oh, on

47:19

top of Los Feliz, I didn't really care for

47:21

that. Yeah, because then I'm not really, I'm sweating.

47:23

My eyesight's going.

47:25

I'm not connecting with you

47:27

anymore. Anyway, as someone with

47:29

no interest, someone,

47:32

people always tell me if you want to meet someone, you

47:34

got to join like a meetup, you

47:37

know, find an

47:39

interest, go to trivia night, things

47:41

like this. So if you're passionate about something, if

47:43

this person is passionate about something, you know, that's

47:45

one way to meet people who are also passionate

47:48

about the same thing and then you can go

47:50

from there. Okay, wait, side note, you just made

47:52

me think of something that I've been too embarrassed

47:54

to bring up on this podcast because it makes

47:56

me sound like such an old lady, but because

47:58

you said that, you know, if you're

48:00

on a hike, it's gonna distract you from getting to

48:02

know the person talking. I

48:06

have two modes. I can

48:08

either be listening to music or

48:10

I can be talking to people. I cannot

48:13

focus on a person

48:15

in a conversation if music is playing in

48:17

the background. We're

48:20

driving, Dave puts music on, I'm like, well,

48:23

we can't hang out. A

48:25

hundred percent on your side. It's

48:27

too distracting. I can't even do

48:29

a task or like do homework

48:31

or get into anything with music

48:33

in the background because if I'm

48:36

listening to music, I'm really listening.

48:38

Like I'm really a part of

48:41

the experience of that playlist. I

48:43

can't passively listen. And if I

48:45

hear like a familiar melody, I'm

48:47

in that melody. I'm celebrating. I

48:50

can't multitask like that either. I know, who

48:52

are these people that they go out, the

48:54

music is blaring, they're talking. That is a

48:56

nightmare to me. It's just too distracting. Do

48:58

you have a- I agree, yeah. That's so

49:00

true. If you ever need to have a

49:02

deep conversation and you want to be out,

49:05

go to a Chinese restaurant. They

49:08

play no music there. They make sure they're

49:10

not about vibe. No vibe.

49:13

I want- Quiet silence. Wait, that's so

49:15

opposite of like any Korean restaurants because

49:17

they really come out with like all

49:20

the bangers, I think. Oh yeah. And

49:22

really loud music too. Yes, the whole

49:25

time. The Chinese restaurant, no

49:27

music. There's no music. Just food.

49:29

But see, I'll be hanging out with people. They're

49:31

not on this page. They're like, why

49:34

do you want it so quiet? They're

49:36

like, you're creepy. You want it so

49:38

quiet. Like people need background- Oh, I'm

49:41

sorry. I want to be present in

49:43

the moment in a life that's

49:45

short. But

49:49

what would we say to this person? Like I actually

49:51

saw something, I think that, I don't know where this

49:53

was, but where someone said, go to a bar and

49:57

bring a book and sit in the corner and read. And I

49:59

was like, that's a- a little insane, but.

50:01

This sounds like a

50:04

scene of a movie that I hate. Like

50:06

that doesn't sound like a realistic thing. To meet someone

50:09

to do that, yeah. I feel like if you're 20,

50:12

it's like work wherever

50:14

you work, wherever like

50:16

your commute, it's just by chance,

50:18

right? I don't think

50:20

the correct mindset in your 20s is

50:22

I'm actively seeking a mate. Like

50:25

I think that gets in the way. Yeah,

50:27

it does. Of finding

50:29

someone in the wild. I think the more

50:31

like of a recluse you

50:33

are like me, the more I'm like,

50:36

I don't want to socialize. The more

50:38

they kind of gravitate towards my lack

50:40

of wanting to date. It is true.

50:42

I feel it's such a tricky

50:45

subject though, because it's slim pickings

50:47

out there. And I

50:49

feel like people are struggling. You don't agree.

50:51

I don't agree at all. Maybe in that

50:54

age group, it's a little bit strange and

50:56

maybe this new generation of young males are

51:00

in trouble a little bit, according to Professor

51:02

Scott Galloway. Exactly. So I do believe in

51:04

the 20s, but like when I broke up

51:07

with Bobby after 10 years, I

51:10

was like, okay, I want to be alone.

51:12

But never did I ever doubt that

51:14

I could find a mate, that I would

51:17

be attractive to someone, that I

51:19

could find someone

51:21

to have a life. I never was worried about,

51:23

oh, I'm now in my late 30s and

51:26

he took my firm skin years

51:28

and et cetera, et cetera.

51:30

Like people will kind of fear monger you into

51:32

thinking like- Firm skin years. Firm skin

51:34

years. That's my first time hearing that. I'm like, whoa,

51:37

okay, yeah, that is the thing we have I guess.

51:39

And I gave 10 years of firm skin years to

51:41

him. And they always fear mongers

51:43

like, oh, I'm newly out

51:45

of this and I have to start over.

51:47

There was no feeling of I got to start over.

51:49

I was like, no, I like myself. It

51:52

took a while to get there, but I never

51:55

doubted that I was going to

51:57

still be attractive and meet people. I love

51:59

this take. And it's reminding me of my

52:01

96-year-old aunt who

52:04

has a boyfriend. Like, the

52:07

women in my family, their husbands die and they

52:09

just move, they move right on. And they find

52:11

someone and they date in their elder years. So

52:13

I think you're right, there is fear mongering. And

52:15

it's bullshit, it's not real. And your

52:18

mindset is the one that we all need

52:20

to take on, I think, it's good. Mine's

52:22

the opposite, so I- What

52:24

is it? That I'm fearful I'm gonna be

52:27

alone until forever and that there's no one

52:29

out there and that my

52:31

days are behind me and I'm gonna be an old maid. But

52:34

there's a difference though, not to bring it down.

52:36

No, I love that you're sharing this

52:38

because it's hilarious because you're so young and pretty. And

52:41

like, what do we say to her? You

52:43

got your young skinniers. Yeah. You're in

52:45

your young skinniers. Still nice

52:48

and firm and bouncy. For another 10 years. I

52:51

wish I had, and I have,

52:53

this is very good for me and I have learned

52:55

from you. I wish I had

52:58

the attitude, but I mean, guys seen

53:00

it before in Ariane, they've said things to me, like,

53:04

you'll be fine, but it does feel like

53:06

it forever. But I do think that my

53:10

confidence in knowing that comes from

53:13

feeling really good alone, which

53:15

took a while. I wasn't good by myself

53:18

for a long time, but when that relationship

53:20

ended and I finally came to a place

53:22

of being like, oh, I'm fine alone, I'm

53:24

happy alone, I can entertain myself alone and

53:26

being alone doesn't suck. That's when I was

53:28

like, oh, like, now there's nothing

53:31

to fear if I'm okay in this way.

53:33

Like, if I meet someone, great. If I don't,

53:36

then I don't. But I think it stems from

53:38

that maybe. Absolutely. What do

53:40

you do when you're alone is my question. Oh, so

53:42

many things. Oh my God, I would love to be

53:45

alone right now. You all leave the room. What do

53:47

you do alone? I have issues with that. Yeah, I

53:49

have issues with that. The thoughts in my head, no.

53:52

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It

53:54

is hard. It took me a long time and

53:56

a lot of therapy because before I couldn't even

53:58

sleep in my bed. If Bobby

54:00

was on the road, I would have my mom and

54:03

sister come over and spend the night with me because

54:05

I was that terrified of being alone. Yeah,

54:07

yeah, just like, oh, it's just me, you

54:09

know? It's creepy. You're

54:12

in your own head. Yes,

54:14

yeah. I saw my

54:17

cousin has a dog that she dropped off at

54:19

my grandma's house. It's a long story. But my

54:21

grandma doesn't like the dog in the house, so

54:23

she keeps it in the garage. But the dog

54:25

is very, very... It entertains

54:27

itself. But I peeked.

54:29

I was like, how long has he been down there?

54:31

And she was like, oh, three, four hours. And I

54:33

was like, OK. And I just decided to peek. He's

54:36

just staring at the wall. I

54:38

said for three, four hours, what is

54:40

he thinking about? You know what I mean?

54:42

Is that kind of you? No,

54:45

is that how it works? I have no

54:47

idea. I'm kind of codependent probably with my

54:49

husband. Not too far off, but I dissociate

54:51

like a lot. Yeah. And in that like

54:54

I will just lift off into another realm.

54:56

Like sometimes I'll just be in bed with

54:58

a towel. I'll just get out of the

55:00

shower. I'm still in my towel. And not

55:02

kidding you, an hour and a half passes

55:04

by and nothing is done. No

55:07

thoughts were had. I'm just like kind

55:09

of just like dissociating and it feels

55:12

so fucking good. Go off clean of

55:14

dissociation. But apparently it's not healthy. Yeah,

55:16

really? Apparently it's like a symptom of

55:19

like complex PTSD. But it sounds a

55:21

little bit like meditation. It sounds a

55:23

little bit, but it's not because you're

55:26

not in your body. Oh,

55:28

that's even better. Oh, my God.

55:31

Do not have a body. I

55:35

thought I just get rid of the limbs, but

55:37

the whole body. Yes, boxing hell and all. Thank

55:40

you, parents. Wait, Stella, tell us

55:42

more about we have so much

55:44

to mind from Stella in the

55:46

coming weeks. What

55:49

is how is the dating scene? Like,

55:51

are you experiencing this? Is this question

55:54

written in by you? Also, I haven't

55:56

seen so long. This is how

55:58

I find out you're no longer with. who

56:00

I... No. Okay. Yeah,

56:02

I'm broken. Yeah, that's over. You're not broken. I've been in

56:04

a relationship since I was 16. I

56:07

never experienced dating apps. Situationships are

56:09

confusing. Wait, did you marry your

56:11

high school sweetheart? No, I just...

56:14

Oh, you just jumped. Overlapped. It's hard for

56:16

me to cook for myself. It's hard for

56:19

me to watch a movie by myself. I

56:21

just like doing things communally. It's really hard

56:23

for me to just enjoy doing things by

56:25

myself. Oh my God. See, this is where

56:27

the invention of podcasts is like, how does

56:30

that not save you from this? Because I

56:33

prefer podcasts to people. You

56:35

can pause them. It's just like

56:37

hanging out with your friends, but you can press

56:39

pause. I make dinner.

56:41

I listen to podcasts. That is... Doesn't

56:46

that sound good? Well, I mean, it's

56:48

hard because I work in podcasting. I

56:50

see. Do you know what a perfect

56:52

day of aloneness... Maybe you might

56:55

have some hybrid version of this. My

56:57

favorite is when my best friend, my

56:59

sister come over. We say nothing

57:01

to each other. We eat a lot, but

57:03

we're doing like communal bed rotting. But that's

57:05

not alone. But you're not

57:07

necessarily engaging in like deep philosophical

57:09

conversation either. You're just eating bacon

57:11

and rice in your own little

57:14

corners. And then you're just kind

57:16

of like existing together.

57:18

That's my dream Sunday. I love that

57:20

too, but I do feel like we're

57:22

specifically talking about being by yourself. That

57:25

said, our usual

57:27

friend Jenna, I

57:29

love a friend where you can just say, don't fucking

57:31

talk to me. And they'll get it.

57:34

Be in my space, but don't talk to

57:36

me. Just like come over, don't say

57:38

a word. Is that... Yeah.

57:41

No, that makes sense. I want

57:43

that too. And that's like, I've

57:45

reached out with my husband.

57:49

No, we could do that where we go, oh yeah,

57:51

we're just sharing space. Kind of like what you described

57:54

your Sunday to be, or your perfect

57:56

Sunday to be. My dream Sunday, yeah. Right? I

57:58

think with like loneliness, there's,

58:00

I forget, there's like three ways you can feel

58:03

lonely. You need three things to not feel lonely,

58:05

right? And community is

58:07

one, you know, the sense of community, sense

58:09

of belonging to like a greater group is

58:12

one that is very important for people. And

58:14

then, you know, the companionship with someone. And

58:18

then friendship, I think for me, it's like,

58:20

if you upkeep friendships, you

58:22

don't need love or romance

58:25

in your life. I'm kind of

58:27

like the against like, not against, but I'm

58:29

so tired of rom coms. I don't like

58:31

rom coms. I don't watch them. I'm

58:34

like more friendship movies. Like, how do you

58:36

make friends? You know what I mean?

58:39

That's harder, I think. Yeah.

58:42

But I don't think that's helping

58:44

Stella tragedy. Should we have

58:46

the single LA male slugs

58:49

nominate themselves to go on a date with you?

58:51

Wait, Stella, this should be a thing. I think

58:53

we should create a weekly

58:56

segment of potential suitors. No,

58:59

I would just be really scared that no one would

59:01

call. No, but hold on. No, you don't get to

59:03

choose. Esther and I get to do it. And Atsuko.

59:05

Yeah. And remember, you don't

59:07

care anymore. You don't care. Remember, you don't care

59:09

anymore. We're doing arranged marriages from now on. You

59:11

don't get to say anything. Yeah,

59:14

you don't care anymore. You've been forced to

59:16

this. If it happens, it's cool. You're pretty

59:18

in your 30s. People

59:21

want you. Thank

59:24

you for saying that. I

59:26

guess I'm open to trying it. My

59:29

biggest insecurity is that it would just

59:32

be really sad. I

59:35

have to say I relate to that so hard. But

59:38

it's so funny when you see someone else and you're

59:40

crazy, but then I know that I would feel the

59:43

same way. But

59:45

I'm down. Okay,

59:47

well, to be continued. I

59:51

think we're out of time. But

59:54

this was a delight. Thank you

59:56

for having me. I learned

59:58

so much. I'm worried. I'm

1:00:00

really worried about us. Me

1:00:04

and you? Specifically our relationship? I

1:00:06

just I want to know where I'm curious

1:00:08

to see where it's gonna go. Yeah.

1:00:10

Me and your friendship? Yeah. Why? Why

1:00:13

are you worried? Because of the plastic

1:00:15

baby thing. Oh the plastic

1:00:17

baby thing and how I didn't think you were

1:00:19

serious when you were like, oh, I

1:00:21

want to exhume a body. But like it's really

1:00:23

I hate to tell you this, like she's serious

1:00:25

about that stuff. No, I believe it

1:00:27

now. That's that's why I yes and it at the

1:00:30

end. Yeah, I

1:00:32

may give you a hard time, but you

1:00:34

know, I still was like, yeah, I think

1:00:36

she would do that. Thank you. I hope

1:00:38

you'll come back sometime. Oh, yes.

1:00:41

All the time. Okay. However, it works.

1:00:44

Where can people where can people

1:00:46

find you and see more of you? Oh,

1:00:49

sorry. I blacked out. I was thinking

1:00:51

about what

1:00:54

were you thinking about? For some reason, that was

1:00:56

going to be the end. So I picked up

1:00:58

the banana and I was ready to eat it.

1:01:00

And then and then you're like, there's more. I

1:01:04

you can find me. At

1:01:08

oddskillcomedy.com. I'm on

1:01:10

tour right now. I'm taping my special in

1:01:12

L.A. in November. Oh,

1:01:14

my gosh. That's exciting. So there's

1:01:17

that. There's that if you're in L.A.

1:01:19

and want to come and

1:01:21

for Disney plus Hulu. And if

1:01:23

you're in L.A., you

1:01:26

want to go to her special taping. You

1:01:28

want to date Stella. Comment below. 100

1:01:30

percent. Let us know. Thank

1:01:33

you so much for being here. And you want to

1:01:35

sponsor them with banana. Chiquita. Chiquita.

1:01:38

We're always here waiting for your

1:01:40

call. And Sluggy's

1:01:42

comment. If you're interested in the

1:01:45

Stella dating game. And

1:01:47

we'll see you next week. Are you open to girls, girls

1:01:49

and guys? I.

1:01:51

Sure. Why not? The answer is yes. The

1:01:54

answer is yes. We'll

1:01:56

see you next week with a brand new episode. This is how

1:01:58

we just put it. We love our bi queen. Yes,

1:02:00

no bi-arranger here.