0:01

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out! The

0:04

Joe Rogan Experience. Train

0:06

by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night,

0:08

all day! Alright

0:12

bro, boys, good to see

0:14

you. What's happening? What's up Joe? Um,

0:16

you have a little adventure coming over here?

0:18

We did, we just stopped sweating. This

0:21

one might be on me. This

0:24

one might be on me. I'm out. He's

0:26

off at the completely right spot in his mind.

0:29

And the amount that I cursed him, because we thought it

0:31

was the wrong spot, I mean... That's

0:33

on me, that's on me, because I should have got you guys

0:35

the car service. We have the car service, it takes guys

0:37

all of us, I figured you guys were already here, you

0:40

had transportation. Well what was funny was, when we were at

0:42

about, I don't

0:44

know, three quarters into our three

0:46

quarter mile walk here, you

0:49

sent somebody over to come get us, and he pulled up in a

0:51

car, and he goes, for

0:54

Joe, right? And he said yeah, and he goes, follow

0:56

me, and then just drove away in the car. Don't

0:58

wait! You didn't let him win. You

1:00

know what, you were too sweaty. Yeah, that's what it was.

1:02

We always had his shirt off still, you could see him

1:04

glistening. My eyes were going, my hair product

1:06

was in my eyes. Hey, are you guys here for Joe

1:09

Rogan? He told me to bring you this heat lamp. Here,

1:11

you can carry that with you. This

1:13

sauna is ready when you get there. These are pocket

1:15

warmers, guys. Can you guys carry these kettlebells over to

1:17

the studio? I was in Utah, where it was like

1:19

50 degrees, and then I came right here to Austin,

1:21

it was like 98 when I got out of

1:24

the car. I was like, Joe, I forgot. Yeah,

1:26

someone doesn't end in Texas. It

1:28

lasts a long time, but it does get winter here. It's

1:31

hilarious. They shut it down. When the Austin

1:33

people don't know what the fuck to do

1:35

and it snows out. There's no infrastructure at

1:37

all. I got stuck in Houston for maybe

1:39

four or five days because they had, I

1:41

mean, I want to say a light flurry,

1:44

and there's a little bit of ice, but

1:46

Texas doesn't have like trucks. No plows. No

1:48

salt trucks. No salt. When we

1:50

had the big freeze the first year I moved here, they did

1:52

nothing. They did nothing. They just let

1:54

it thaw. I

1:57

was the one flight that was able to get out one time to go

1:59

to... Dallas For

2:02

a gig and they had like it was three

2:04

inches of snow But the whole place

2:06

shuts down and the thank God because the car that picked me

2:08

up to drive me to the hotel that night If there was

2:10

other cars in the road, dude, it would have been ping-pong Every

2:13

time he stopped the car would like turn sideways

2:15

complete Because there's nobody

2:18

else in the road So it didn't really matter

2:20

telling this sketchy is feeling is not when you're

2:22

in like Edmonton or some shit And they have

2:24

to spray that stuff on the wings. Oh Yeah,

2:27

yeah, like there's a

2:29

real because it's kind of a misty

2:33

freezing rain thing going on you like

2:35

there's a real possibility like go, you

2:37

know fucking one in a Thousand one

2:39

in a hundred thousand chance that those

2:41

fucking things aren't gonna go up because

2:43

they're frozen stuck So they have to

2:45

spray it and what would happen if

2:48

those things didn't go? No

2:50

control the plane. I just don't I don't want to

2:52

know anything. I'm like they gotta back up I

2:55

remember talking though. It was Ben Bailey years

2:57

ago And I was like, you know,

2:59

it's so funny the more I fly the more I'm afraid of

3:01

flying somehow I go But I have to just assume Planes

3:04

are designed that like if all fails like they're

3:06

designed to kind of be able to be able

3:08

to be glided to safety And he was like

3:10

no use all the engines You know if you

3:12

know the engines it nose dives directly to the

3:14

girl that why it was such a big deal

3:16

the miracle on the Hudson it was a miracle

3:18

that the guy was able to land the plane

3:20

when the engines went out That's cuz that guy

3:22

was like a real serious pilot. Yeah, that guy

3:25

really knew how to fucking fly I

3:28

love the argument that he's not always makes me laugh. They're

3:30

like he did his job. He goes sure

3:36

Woman Transwoman

3:39

for a third world country. He'd be the

3:41

greatest hero of all time. I remember when

3:43

it landed I was rooting for him to

3:45

be drunk Like I just wanted

3:47

him to come out and I fucking did it on

3:50

coke. I also wish there was like Like

3:53

a drag queen. It would do something heroic. So

3:55

everyone's gonna like praise the things of life, you

3:57

know, like cunt lips thunder tits But

8:00

maybe super fucking sketchy people reading

8:03

stories the kids. You know, there's a lot we could go

8:05

with a lot of them It's reading time with day Sean.

8:07

I don't know Mary

8:09

people convicted of violent assault, but they wouldn't do

8:11

it again. It was a bad move How do

8:14

you kids I was uh, I was on one

8:16

of those apps to hire a babysitter Recently

8:19

and it's it's a very weird that I'd

8:21

never done it before and it's almost like

8:23

it's almost like a dating app Like you're

8:25

like swiping left and right but it's on

8:27

for babysitters pictures And I will say and

8:30

I'm on the Legion of skanks. I'm a

8:32

comedian I hang out in a pretty seedy

8:34

world But it is amazing how judgmental you

8:36

get when you're just judging a person off

8:39

their face over whether they're gonna watch your

8:41

kids Oh, yeah nose ring. I'm never freak.

8:43

You'll never be more racist Tattoos

8:46

on the faces are no go. It's

8:49

not like being an MMA fighter. Yeah, it's like you

8:51

might be cool You might be a cool person Sugar

8:53

Sean O'Malley could pull it off post Malone

8:56

could pull it off. It's not the fucking

8:58

baby I'm considering getting Like

9:01

how about it was that's a good idea when we

9:03

say how about if there's guys with tattoos on their

9:05

faces that wanted to Read stories to kids. Would that

9:07

be cool? Who would be cool with that? If

9:10

it was post Malone, you'd be like, of course,

9:13

he's so cool. Let him read the stories to

9:15

kids I'd be really fun. They probably weirded out

9:17

if your kids had like a face tattoo teacher

9:19

at all. Yeah, I'd be weirded out I would

9:21

not I would not like that listen like jelly

9:24

rolls is the coolest motherfucker alive. He's got face

9:26

tattoos There's a lot of people that do them

9:28

and wish they didn't do them or do them

9:30

and are happy with them and like them It's

9:33

cool. No, I'm not saying you should have

9:35

Possibility are you being out of your fucking

9:37

mind is in there? No, no, absolutely but

9:39

I just mean the idea that like I'm

9:41

not like even I said post I don't

9:43

think a teacher with Face

9:45

tattoos might be the best teacher Like

9:49

in the world, I just think it's like as a parent

9:51

you'd walk in and be like this motherfuckers deal It's possible

9:53

that they could be they might be they might be Despite

9:56

of it, but they have to go

9:58

so far above and beyond If someone

10:00

with a face tattoo is an excellent

10:02

teacher, then let them teach inmates. But

10:04

stay away from my children. I don't

10:06

have time for this. Isn't it funny

10:08

we have no problem with sleeves? Like

10:11

if my kids teach her to sleeve, I'm like, oh, the

10:13

teacher's cool. But I think 30 years ago, they probably did.

10:16

If you showed up as a teacher 30 years ago, people are

10:18

like, what the fuck is this guy doing? Okay, biker bob, get

10:21

the fuck out of my classroom. Now it is a sign of

10:23

cool. If you see

10:25

someone with a button-down shirt and this part of the arm you see

10:27

is completely done, you're like, alright. Probably

10:29

conservative America would still feel like a little

10:31

weird about somebody with a sleeve teaching their

10:34

little girl in kindergarten. As a representative of

10:36

conservative America here, I will

10:38

say I was at my daughter's T-ball

10:40

game and there was one of the moms

10:42

pregnant and one of her kids is in

10:44

the T-ball game and she's in

10:47

shorts and just has two leg

10:49

sleeve tattoos. Now, no judgment. It

10:51

was fine. But

10:53

there was something where I was like, it's just a little odd. Let's go

10:55

champ. I'm

10:58

judging the town for letting a girl play T-ball. Yeah, it's

11:01

crazy. I'm judging you for coming

11:03

out as conservative. I'm out Joe. This

11:07

is my new grift. I am now Mr.

11:09

Conservative. We got to get trouble. There's

11:12

no money in it. There's definitely no money

11:15

in it. But that's why they

11:17

let it exist. If there was

11:19

another legitimate party that was actually challenging to the

11:21

Democrats and the Republicans, they would attack it. They

11:24

don't say a peep about the libertarians. In

11:27

their eyes, the libertarians are just votes dealers from the Republicans.

11:29

Yeah, they were mad when Trump came this year. But aside

11:31

from that, they don't really. They

11:33

don't see us as a threat. Yeah, they don't

11:35

know political party gets mad at the libertarians.

11:38

They're fucking furious at the Republicans. The Republicans

11:40

are furious at the Democrats. Nobody gives a

11:42

fuck what the libertarians say. Including me. Dave

11:46

speaking at the thing was the funniest when he goes, Donald Trump's going to

11:48

come up here and we're going to show him that we know how to

11:50

act and behave. And because we

11:52

are the right party and we're out there running around. Well, I knew

11:54

that. I'm

12:00

a rapist I got off stage and

12:02

I passed by Angela McCardle who's the

12:04

chair of the Libertarian Party and

12:06

I walked right by her and I went zero

12:08

percent chance they listen Now

12:11

let's go watch the shit show because this is gonna be

12:13

so how much of a shit show was it? I was

12:15

awful I mean just the

12:17

early watch like a little bit of it. So I

12:20

went I would they kicked me out of backstage Because

12:23

it's like a secret service like checkpoint thing or

12:25

whatever because they're real on top of that not

12:28

so big on People with rifles

12:30

on buildings, but they got me out of there and so

12:32

I go out and I come back around in the main

12:35

room and I'm just I walk into the middle of just

12:37

all the people like One

12:40

of them at one point Trump goes

12:43

he goes I Fired Comey and one

12:45

of the libertarians goes because he was because

12:47

he was on to you and I just

12:49

turned to That's not even

12:51

the right heckle And

12:53

then the guy goes oh, what's the right

12:55

heckle? Like I can't I can't

12:58

give it to you right now Well, the cause a

13:00

wild scene the Comey thing was what

13:02

would they they were alleging? First of

13:04

all that the Clinton campaign was spying

13:06

on The

13:08

Trump campaign, right? Yeah, it was it

13:10

was after that He was trying

13:12

to blackmail him and fucking Trump caught on to

13:15

that. We fired him. Yeah for sure Yeah

13:18

for sure. Yeah. Oh, you know,

13:20

how do you know? So, okay, so if

13:22

you oh, here we go guys So

13:27

Well, you know yelled occurred about this just leave he

13:29

came in he goes P Diddy Definitely

13:31

fucked everybody and and did this and raped

13:33

everyone and then we're like, well, how do

13:35

you know? He's like I read But

13:44

that's what you can do in comedy is that is

13:46

enough to checkmate most comedians I

13:48

read you know, he does read. All right.

13:50

Yeah. Well, it's also it's just a funny

13:52

thing to say You

13:54

could also be like admitting the ridiculousness

13:57

of it yourself. I'm saying I read

14:00

You know, because it's kind of an admission, like I'm not

14:02

there. I didn't go to the free car. I don't know

14:04

what the fuck happened. I went to one of these parties

14:06

and man, P. Diddy was like, if

14:08

you'll excuse me, I'm going to go fuck Meek

14:10

Mill in the butt. But like, that's never going

14:12

to happen. No one comes out and says that.

14:14

So if you're, like, if you're looking at that,

14:16

what makes you conclude that he definitely was

14:21

doing that? Because he basically,

14:23

the first time they ever met, he

14:25

presented him with the steel dossier, which had

14:27

all of the like dirt. That's the pee

14:29

pee stuff. Yeah. All the

14:31

pee pee shit in it. Or I shouldn't say shit.

14:34

There was no shit alleged. Just piss. Uh, Russian piss.

14:37

Yes. Alleged Russian piss.

14:40

Yes. That's the aspect. Is

14:42

that what collusion means? Something

14:47

like that. And then he plays so

14:49

dirty. They play dirty like a movie.

14:53

It's pretty crazy. Yes.

14:55

It's really wild. I don't know. I

14:58

mean, did you see that? What was the number

15:00

one fear of having these big agencies have so

15:02

much power? Is that they would never want to

15:04

relinquish it. They would never want to say like,

15:06

hey, look, we're patriots. I think we should fall

15:08

by the rule of the constitution and let the

15:10

people decide. Like, it's

15:12

like everything else, man. Once you start running shit,

15:15

you don't want to stop. Well, I've seen friends

15:17

of mine have way less power go to their

15:19

head. It's weird, right? I wouldn't trust these two

15:21

with power. But it is a

15:23

weird thing to watch, right? Yes. It's

15:27

bizarre. It's human beings though, man. Now

15:29

imagine that, but with no showbiz. No

15:32

showbiz. So you get in that

15:34

rush, but now the rush

15:36

is controlling the world. Well, isn't that?

15:38

Yeah. It's

15:40

the way Hillary Clinton feels about crushing Libya. But

15:43

he's just like, who we came, we saw, he

15:45

died. She's like fucking crushed. Wasn't that L.

15:47

Ron Hubbard though? L. Ron Hubbard was like, hey,

15:49

this will be funny. I'll start this and go

15:51

into this, start a religion. And then like years

15:54

later, he said when his friends, he told that to him,

15:56

hit him up like this is crazy, dude.

15:58

You did it. It's like, you know, You know, you

16:00

ran that scam and he was like, scam? You

16:03

better get your Thetan levels checked if you're gonna say

16:05

it. He just started eating his own shit because like...

16:08

Well he was... Do you

16:10

know that he's the most prolific writer in human

16:12

history? Sci-fi was, yeah. More fiction

16:15

than any other human being ever. More than

16:17

Stephen King? More than anybody. And

16:19

one Bible. And not a second

16:22

draft amongst them. Everything

16:24

he wrote was nonsense. Everything he

16:26

wrote was hot nonsense. If you

16:29

read it, it's like the dumbest

16:31

stories. Well do you remember the

16:33

Dianetics commercials? Do you remember the

16:35

commercials with the volcano,

16:37

like the lava was going off? And it just gave

16:39

you like the most generalized

16:41

things anyone feels. He goes, are you sometimes

16:43

tired and sometimes awake? Like nothing

16:46

was just like vain. You did it before, right Lewis? When

16:48

they had the tests and time square people. Because

16:50

it was just kind of cool. I was like a dumb kid.

16:52

So they were like, hey, do you want to test your stress

16:54

levels? I was like, boy do I? And

16:57

I went over and I held these dumb things and was like,

16:59

yup. The words would go like that. Yeah, they're like, you're stressed.

17:01

And I was like, I am, right? They're like, come on inside.

17:03

They brought me into this weird thing. They tried to sell me

17:05

a book. I don't really remember. I did that too. And

17:08

I did that in San Diego. I was down there filming something and

17:10

we were in the park. And it was

17:12

like at a time where I could, a lot of people

17:14

didn't know who I am and I could sneak in and

17:16

I sat down at this guy's table and he gave me

17:18

the E-meter and I put my hands on the things and

17:20

he told me what it was reading. I'm like, how does

17:22

this thing function? Like what is it? What

17:24

is it reading off my mind? And the dude is

17:26

like, oh, I don't want to explain it. He didn't

17:28

want to really be there. He's just a member who

17:30

got roped into doing this thing. He had zero enthusiasm

17:33

about the sale. They have the street team job for...

17:35

It's the lowest level. It's the lowest level job you

17:37

could have is having to go out and bark people

17:39

into your church. Have you guys

17:41

read Lawrence Wright's book about it?

17:43

I don't think so. It's called Going

17:45

Clear. Oh, I saw the documentary.

17:47

The HBO thing. Yeah, the

17:49

book is, the documentaries basically tells you all

17:51

you need to hear. Thank God.

17:55

It's such a strange religion, but here's the thing

17:57

about it, man. what's

18:00

weird about religions. This is my, you

18:03

know, I'm a moron, but I occasionally have these moments

18:05

where I'm like, I think I know what the fuck

18:07

is going on. If

18:09

you really believe it, it benefits

18:11

your life. Even if

18:13

it's hot nonsense, even

18:16

if it's a 14 year old kid who finds

18:18

golden tablets that contain the lost work of Jesus

18:20

and only he can read it because he has

18:23

a magic rock. But if you get

18:25

enough of those people, they make great neighbors. Like

18:27

it fucking works man. Like is it better,

18:29

but here's my question. Is it better to

18:32

be an atheist and to be this person

18:34

who just like objectively looks at the world

18:36

and like none of this makes sense. There's

18:38

no way there could be a

18:40

God. I think when you die,

18:43

you die. And that guy's fucking

18:45

miserable. It's that guy's taking medication

18:47

and all of his friends think

18:49

he's annoying. I'm a devout atheist

18:51

and you're right about all that.

18:53

You believe in like a higher

18:55

power? No, I don't

18:58

not believe. I believe

19:00

that's what my girlfriend says when I asked

19:02

her if there's more to the universe and

19:04

more to life than we can think of

19:06

through our narrow field of perception. That's

19:09

what I think. I think there's more

19:11

to human contact and interaction than just

19:14

people talking to each other. I think

19:16

there's a thinly veiled reality that we

19:18

live in where we express our souls

19:20

to each other. That's what I think.

19:22

And I think it's a very complicated

19:25

and confusing thing that's fucked up by

19:27

lies and deception and violence and war.

19:29

Well, so many of them I think. And it's

19:31

enhanced by friendship and love and communication. And it's

19:34

weird. There's a thing going

19:36

on that's beyond just like you're born

19:38

and you die. And

19:40

if that thing keeps going

19:42

when the physical body stops

19:45

existing, I wouldn't be surprised. I

19:49

think religion is always

19:51

the funniest to dial back to though, because

19:53

all the organized stuff and you were doing

19:55

the Joe Smith story finds the tablets or

19:57

the plates and everything. Can that be more?

20:00

of a religion that was like, like

20:02

a, pitched by a dude, do a bunch of

20:04

dudes. Well this is a kid. We

20:06

could have a whole bunch of chicks, and

20:09

they always have to live next to each other, and you,

20:11

yeah, fuck one this guy and then the other. Well it

20:14

was like, it was like racist up until like 30 years

20:16

ago, they were like black people were like the seed of

20:18

the devil or whatever, and then they changed it, they're like,

20:20

no no, they're cool now. They could be racist when your

20:22

women are bearded. You ever see sister wives? It's not like

20:25

you're stoked to have three of them. Yeah,

20:28

but dude, two fours is an eight. Well

20:30

you know the guy who wrote it. That's

20:32

when shit gets catchy. Yeah, there is something

20:34

about like when it's from thousands of years

20:36

ago, it's easy to go like,

20:38

look there was a burning bush and God

20:40

spoke to this guy, and you're like, when,

20:42

like 5000 years ago, you're like, alright, fine.

20:45

But when you're just like three Wednesdays ago,

20:47

it happened, you're like, I'm not buying that.

20:49

There's enough stories that are similar about

20:51

the ancient stories of like apocalypses, like the

20:53

stuff about like the Epic of Gilgamesh that

20:55

was real similar to knowing the ark. There's

20:57

enough of those stories. Yeah, Jesus was like,

20:59

they keep on just re-describing him from like

21:01

thousands of years before Jesus was around, that

21:03

story of him being the son of God

21:05

and all that other stuff. The virgin mother

21:07

of the other. He's a black woman now.

21:10

Yep. Jesus is trans. Jesus

21:12

is a black woman. He could have been an

21:14

alien. Jesus? Yeah.

21:17

Sure. That's the most Joe

21:19

Rogan sentence I've ever heard. Jesus could have been

21:21

an alien. There was like someone who came here

21:24

and didn't make any sense that he was born, and he

21:26

just existed but knew everything, and was the son of God

21:28

and was trying to straighten everybody out, and then they kill

21:30

him. And he's like, all right, we tried. It

21:34

literally could be an alien. I mean, if

21:36

you're thinking about how long ago this

21:38

is, it's just thousands of years of people telling

21:40

a story. Right? I

21:42

mean, how long after Jesus is dead before they even

21:44

write the new stuff?

21:46

Well, why is no one considered that long

21:48

ago people were for fiction? At

21:51

least a hundred years after his death? Well, it's- But

21:53

you know what I'm saying? of works

21:56

of fiction. Right. Like

21:58

everything then was just written from the-

22:00

thing versus entertainment there's a combination of

22:03

that and then real events they're

22:05

trying to document so both things are true because

22:07

they had a lot of shit going on back

22:09

then like they didn't have to write fiction they

22:11

were getting killed by swords people getting

22:13

lit on fire and shot with arrows like there's not

22:15

a time to be making shit up yeah it's like

22:17

what happened to your brother and it's like I don't

22:19

know a beast got a hold of it can't be

22:21

all Coliseum

22:23

in listen that's life that

22:25

then though you're not gonna

22:28

write Harry Potter when you

22:30

see slayed by the romance

22:40

walk on water you walk on fucking water guys

22:42

ear back on water into wine come on who's

22:48

not happy with that idea a

22:51

lot of those miracles I'm studying

22:53

magic right now for my magic show it's gang

22:55

fest and I'm reading a book about magic but

22:58

a lot of those miracles that they talk about

23:00

they theorize that they were just like magicians that

23:02

were like doing tricks for people and they would

23:04

get like by the way Jesus Christ would be

23:06

a great name for a magician if there was

23:08

no Jesus Christ it's got a crazy angel ring

23:10

to it Jesus Christ would be amazing

23:12

Jesus Christ live at the Rio yeah because it's got

23:14

like a little bit of a Latin flair because you

23:16

know you could say it like Jesus Mexicans

23:19

are the only people that I know

23:21

of or I guess Spanish people as

23:23

well where the name Jesus it's literally

23:25

Jesus you could name your kid Jesus

23:28

like how many Muslim kids are named

23:30

Muhammad a lot it was like the

23:32

number one name for boys in Ireland

23:34

like a couple years ago Muhammad yeah

23:36

Muhammad to freak people out there like

23:39

what but but you can't

23:41

name your son your American son

23:43

Jesus it's gonna raise a few

23:45

eyebrows if you bring baby Jesus

23:50

crazy you I know you legally can't name

23:52

your child Jesus Christ oh

23:54

is that true that's it yeah that's

23:56

right on that's the pendulum is gonna swing back to

23:58

like there was a time You

30:00

know we were fucking young kids

30:02

walking around my what's the answer really the thing

30:04

is what you what's the worst thing you got

30:06

caught stealing mine was stuffing porn

30:08

magazines down the front of my And

30:14

I mean the guy try reselling that The

30:20

guy at the drugstore was baiting me to

30:23

do it like he couldn't wait Bating you

30:25

know he was leaving porn out no no

30:27

no the porn section was Yeah,

30:40

no baiting is the wrong word for him say he

30:42

he knew I was getting ready to like he felt

30:44

that I was waiting I'm gonna stop before you did

30:46

the crime before I did I said hey you can't

30:48

be in here unless you're gonna blah blah But I

30:50

kind of made notice he laid back, and I was

30:52

kind of like he knows I'm like I guess not

30:54

he's just sitting there and then I did and then An

30:57

old man spinning you around and lifting your shirt

30:59

to show the half of porn magazine How

31:03

old were you ran like the 12 me I

31:05

ran so far Oh,

31:09

your old boy should not be left alone. Yeah, I

31:11

saw I for their own devices I used to rob

31:13

cars when I was 12 years old we me and

31:15

my friends would break into cars in The

31:18

ShopRite parking lot and just clear out

31:20

all the change in the the center

31:22

console all it takes is one bad

31:24

kid in the Neighborhood that's fun. My

31:27

biggest deal wasn't even like for money or

31:29

anything. I was staying at my my

31:32

grandmother's friends house My

31:35

aunt and eat an uncle herb and uncle

31:37

herb had a nice stack of like porn

31:39

magazines that I found There's a

31:41

pattern this pattern no this is funny. Well. This is what I thought

31:43

I'd get away with for no reason I

31:46

think every one of these stories is gonna end

31:48

with Jay being spun around in his shirt lifted

31:50

up like sort of herb gets In there's proverbially

31:52

that because I took a few

31:55

of his giant stack being like he'll never miss

31:57

these and if he does He's not gonna I

31:59

think it was me and if he does think

32:01

it's me we're gonna have this quiet

32:03

code of like What are you gonna?

32:05

Tell my mom I took your put you it's like

32:07

somebody what to find about your porn magazines now That's

32:10

exactly what he did he didn't give a shit.

32:12

He was like I want my porn magazines back

32:25

That's such an embarrassing to get a phone call goes

32:27

your uncle herb To pre-internet porn

32:29

was like gold when you're a kid at that age

32:31

Were you because we had a magazine that we found

32:33

on the woods and another kid stole it from us?

32:36

And it was a thing every kid found dirty

32:38

the woods in the woods. Yeah, of course. He

32:40

just hoped that it was wet for the right reasons They're

32:43

always damp. Yeah. Yeah, then I had that one at

32:45

home for a little while and I used to I

32:47

used to live In a shitty apartment so I had

32:49

like a drop ceiling So I said keep it inside

32:52

of my ceiling to hide it from my mom And

32:54

I was just I this it was like literally covered in

32:56

mud and water Did

32:59

you guys see that shit that was going

33:01

down in Philadelphia yesterday? We're one of those

33:03

street takeovers I saw a video car drives

33:05

towards it and hits his lights and thinks

33:07

he's gonna get them to scatter and they

33:09

just jump all over The car I didn't

33:11

see that video And

33:14

what is it they're doing check this out look so

33:16

the cop there's they've got a street takeover So they

33:18

just decided to stay in the middle of street and

33:21

block traffic. Oh, is it a protest? I

33:23

don't know what what they're doing. I think they're just getting

33:25

crazy. I don't know if they're protesting

33:27

anything I think they're just a group of kids just

33:29

decided to get crazy. This is a United States of

33:32

America This is like what

33:34

if you saw that this was happening at Ecuador

33:36

He'd be like yo Ecuador is out of control

33:38

right, but no this is the United States of

33:40

America in Philadelphia Watch it happens this

33:42

cop car. Wait, what was the first go back a little

33:45

bit? What was the person who spun out with like a

33:47

person hanging off the car? They're going crazy. It's a street

33:49

takeover They're doing that with their cars. That's what they're doing

33:52

So they block traffic and then they spin around

33:54

in circles in their cars and they organize it

33:56

So this cop tries to break it up, but they

33:58

just fuck this cops car I'm

36:00

just start doing fucking donuts also that people

36:02

I mean Jesus Christ. That's my car on

36:04

fire likelihood of One of

36:07

these kids getting runovers very high it happens

36:09

all the time all the time They get

36:11

hit by cars all the time. They go

36:13

flying through the air. It's like a dumb

36:15

thing. They do in cars Yeah, they're stolen

36:17

cars, but these guys get so close to

36:19

each other They hit each other all the

36:22

time all the time people go

36:24

flying through the air If

36:27

you're a teenager it does look like it's a lot of fun

36:30

Oh look man if you don't have a dad

36:32

and your mom's a cunt and she does math

36:35

Yeah, I'd be there too. It's a nice cut loose Imagine

36:38

being in the middle right there. You'd feel like a king

36:41

Yeah, your dad beats you you know if your dad's an

36:43

alcohol who just beats the shit out of you You only

36:45

love you get us from your friends on the streets. I

36:47

was gonna be doing that too I was telling these guys

36:49

yesterday. I saw a video where it's

36:51

a guy to the people filming anything

36:53

now It's a guy in Times Square who

36:56

films himself going up and just talk

36:58

robbing a guy like on can I just

37:00

talk? He just goes hey, man. Come here. Come here.

37:02

He goes you guys you're doing a new documentary called

37:04

I just got robbed. He's like what he goes. I'm

37:06

gonna need your wallet. Don't run. Don't be waste It's

37:08

like intimidate in the guy and the guy's name is

37:10

Rob. He's clever the kids so Happy

37:13

that he's not getting beat on just nervous and the

37:15

word that baby's not getting beat up like he pleasantly

37:17

like gives him everything It's kind of like now go

37:19

over there. He's like alright man be easy man be

37:21

easy and the guys like alright man cool Gives

37:24

him his stuff and walks away. It's just gives him his

37:26

stuff back. No Yeah,

37:32

it's pretty nuts Real

37:37

Real are you sure that he doesn't give it

37:39

back to him after they stop filming? So that

37:41

he's not a crime and it's just

37:43

a stunt now. I think this happens all the

37:45

time people get arrested actually for I mean you

37:47

don't have to crazy. There's people there's one Guns

37:51

and say I'm about to go kill so so this

37:53

happens all the time in New York like this happened

37:55

to her like a former Miss, New York. She was

37:57

in the park and these two young

37:59

like maybe Puerto Rican kids or black kids, they come up

38:01

like, hey, you know, we're trying to sell candy for our

38:03

basketball team, that old scam. And then she

38:05

was like, I don't have any cash. They were like,

38:07

oh, you could send us a Zelle. And she was

38:09

like, sure. And then they got her to give them

38:12

their phone, and then they just sent themselves $2,000 under

38:14

Zelle and handed her phone back

38:16

and just ran away. And they just couldn't get the money

38:18

back. Oh my God. Oh Jesus. I

38:21

start paying attention when you said they may have been

38:23

black or Puerto Rican, and you said selling candy for

38:25

their football team or whatever, like it definitely was black

38:27

or Puerto Rican. No, no, no, I wasn't sure if

38:29

they were black or Puerto Rican. Never had a white

38:31

kid try to run the old buy some M&Ms from

38:33

me scam. You gotta have

38:35

laws, kids. It's dangerous out

38:37

there. You leave people to their own devices, and

38:39

you get that shit. You get people

38:41

going wild in the streets. Dude, it's a...

38:43

It's very scary to see that. Thank God

38:46

we all survived being that age, because you're

38:48

just so stupid, and yet you're

38:50

in the body of kind of a grown-up, and

38:52

you just have like all this, you know, just

38:54

testosterone and fucking being young and not knowing. Like,

38:57

I could so easily, if I lived... I

38:59

was a handful of decisions away from being at one

39:02

of those things when I was a kid. But does

39:04

that guy, the idiot who keeps jumping over the car

39:06

and lighting the fire in the middle, does he look

39:08

back like, is he 55 one day

39:10

going like, oh yeah, I was a little rapscallion. Do you

39:12

think he lives to be 55? No,

39:15

probably not. He probably dies under a donut. A fucking

39:17

souped-up SUV. There's

39:19

a high likelihood that young man's involved

39:21

in other questionable activities. No,

39:24

maybe, but I'm saying, but there's just those guys like, I

39:26

don't know how you like

39:28

grow up out of that that's gonna be

39:30

something that really nails it. I mean, my

39:33

childhood wasn't crazy far from that. I mean,

39:35

it wasn't, I just wasn't with that crew,

39:37

but I was doing pretty like ranted shit.

39:39

I was stealing and... You guys just couldn't

39:41

afford to pull that off. You would have.

39:44

Well, it wasn't a thing. It wasn't a thing

39:46

back then. Like, that's only been a

39:49

thing for the last, like how many years, Jamie,

39:51

as the street takeovers? We are with the internet.

39:53

It's making videos, yeah. 15,

39:55

20, I don't know. It never, when I

39:57

was a kid, there was none of that. No one ever blocked

39:59

me. Street did donuts yeah, yeah, you

40:01

did donuts in the school parking lot if

40:03

you knew where the cops were They

40:06

would drag race though and Philly they would like stop

40:08

block off streets and like drag race That's

40:11

true. That's true. That's true. Did you find

40:13

Jamie the guy robbing? Look

40:19

at that Instagram actually side shows they call

40:21

them side shows. Yes. I've that's how I

40:23

saw it first It's a thing from the

40:25

Bay So the first occurred from the streets

40:27

of Oakland in during the mid 1980s

40:31

back in the olden day. It does seem like

40:33

a very Asian II activity. Yeah, I think Stealing

40:36

the cars is probably more of a newer thing

40:40

They were just like it was like a car

40:42

show is that right right they were showing off

40:44

their cars Yeah, they yeah in the 70s and

40:46

80s. They'd have the you know the ones with

40:48

the hydraulics and shit Yeah, that would happen. Oh

40:50

comes from a it comes from a Bay Area

40:52

rapper Richie Rich's sideshow damn Bancroft

40:54

To the light let me

40:57

warm it up. I hit a donut tight rap

40:59

sucks. I Hit

41:02

a donut Chevy on my side window straight

41:05

tinted. He got hype when he saw me

41:07

spinning. I'm here Who

41:10

likes this I do I like a

41:12

lot of it The

41:14

what rap rap is fun. No, I love

41:16

tons of rap. That's whatever that was terrible

41:18

Well that also you didn't really sell it

41:21

like if I was at an audition I'd

41:23

be like Big J next time I want

41:25

you to be in the moment You know

41:27

you're you're rapping about these things you really

41:29

feel this feel very strongly about these

41:32

issues I'm trying to lower Lewis into a false. I

41:34

chose we have to rap battle this Friday. Oh, yeah

41:40

Although I have a feeling it's gonna be better

41:42

than what I did, but if we find the

41:44

song sideways or whatever Yeah, I bet

41:46

that guy doesn't kill it. It's all that because that that has

41:48

to come from the air What's the 90s? I guess so so

41:50

it might not be mumble rap, right? Some

41:54

of the fucking 90s stuff still holds up man. Oh,

41:56

yeah, most of it does yeah You know I listened

41:58

to the other day Tim don't Oh yeah,

42:01

yeah. Tim Dogg, remember that guy? No, I don't think

42:03

so. He was like the first guy who went against

42:06

the guys from Compton. Was

42:09

he based out of LA? No, he was a New York

42:11

guy. Tim was a New York guy. Yeah, he had a

42:14

song called Fuck Compton. He probably

42:16

wasn't a fucking guy. I was pretty ballsy at

42:18

the time. Well,

42:20

that was the worst rap beef ending

42:22

ever. What is this, Jamie? NWA split

42:24

up from Ice Cube, and then

42:27

Dr. Dre left, and him and he went and did

42:30

their own thing, and then that beef ended in AIDS

42:33

death. You don't

42:35

see those ones happen anymore. Well, those beefs,

42:37

they would go to actual shooting each other.

42:39

That's what's the craziest thing. Never

42:42

in the history of show business

42:44

was there a scenario where stars

42:46

were having other stars murdered openly.

42:48

What's happening now more than ever?

42:52

It's easier to become a quote unquote star

42:54

on the internet now, so a lot of

42:57

these guys are getting really popular and then

42:59

getting killed, like young rappers. You know the

43:01

wildest conspiracy theory about that has to do

43:03

with intelligence agencies creating rap music. Oh, that

43:06

CIA made them gangster and shit like that?

43:08

Yeah. That they funded it

43:10

and promoted it because they wanted to fill

43:12

prisons. It's the wildest. But

43:16

you wanted a destabilized society, and you

43:18

get kids, like young kids who are

43:21

like, we're talking about dumb, stupid, real

43:23

easily influenced, don't know what the fuck's

43:25

going on, and you introduce them to

43:27

rap music. It will most certainly change

43:30

the way they think about life. Yeah,

43:32

especially ... I don't

43:34

know enough about that whole conspiracy and

43:36

stuff, but it is crazy if you

43:38

remember the 80s and 90s, the transformation

43:41

from hip hop, from being the

43:43

KRS-1 kind of like ... There

43:45

were all these songs about cleaning up

43:48

their streets and listening to your

43:50

dad. Rap

43:52

was just ... It took this drastic

43:54

turn from being like very positive, like

43:56

pro-black kind of thing to just all

43:58

of a sudden being ... He

46:00

goes, that's not even that crazy. Look

46:02

at what Jamie just pulled up. Jamie,

46:05

the investigative journalist that he is, just

46:07

pulled up that Ice Cube formed his

46:09

first rap group called CIA in

46:11

1986. Wow. Oh my

46:13

god. Coincidence? It's all right in front of us,

46:15

man. You gotta connect the dots, bro. You gotta

46:17

connect the dots. Everyone's saying that about Puffy now,

46:20

like every interview with Puffy. He's just like, just

46:22

being a little bit weird, but everyone was like,

46:24

it was right in front of you, bro. He

46:26

was letting us know the whole time. When

46:29

Bill Maher said the N-word on his show and then the next

46:31

week had to give his apology to Ice Cube was the funniest

46:33

thing in the world. What a weird person to have to do

46:35

it. He goes, I'm really

46:37

sorry Ice Cube. And I was like, well, Bill

46:39

Maher, it is a good moment to

46:41

teach you something. It was so bad. Dude, let me hear

46:43

Fuck of War. This

46:47

is one of my all-time favorite war

46:49

songs. Bushwick Bill was fun, because it

46:51

was like a South Park character. Like

46:54

he didn't say the wildest shit, because he

46:56

just, he looked different. And you're like, ah,

46:58

let him say it. He's a tiny guy. Did you ever

47:01

hear Everclear when he tells the whole story of making

47:03

his girlfriend shoot him in the eye? Yes. Why

47:06

he has no eye. Yes, crazy. You've been drafted

47:08

into the United States military. The

47:11

United States wants me for watching. Excuse me,

47:13

sir. When

47:16

I used to deliver newspapers, I used to listen to this.

47:20

On cassette, son. You need to contact

47:23

your nearest recruiting office immediately, please. I

47:25

see you now, hip to us. You delivered him on a

47:28

bicycle? No, I was in a van. I

47:30

had a van. I delivered him, my uncle had a route, and

47:32

I had a, I had a, I would

47:34

go with him like two o'clock in the morning. Throw him. Throw

47:36

him out the window, yeah. Say no

47:38

nigga to death and get killed. Cause

47:40

two suckers can't agree on something. Thousand

47:42

motherfuckers died for nothing. You can't pay

47:44

me to join in on your camp.

47:46

Or any other motherfucking military brat of

47:48

the two-naughted goddamn states of that. Dave

47:50

Smith, you should go on stage to

47:52

this. I am loving it.

47:55

Oh, it's great. I'm gonna kill a little more. That

47:58

picture's crazy. cover the album. So

48:10

funny, this was like hard in the 80s. Yeah,

48:14

I know that. Damn, I know. But

48:17

the flow of it doesn't seem anymore. Yeah,

48:19

it seems bubbly. Call me a funky sucker.

48:34

Can you imagine being a woman being abused by

48:36

a black midget and he makes you shoot him

48:38

in the eye? Where's

48:42

her side of that story? Can't be her first

48:44

mistake. She's made a lot

48:46

of mistakes. Oh, that's the end of a long series

48:48

of bad, bad, bad. Because

48:50

you won the lottery. He takes his

48:52

eye out. You got to do the work. You want to

48:55

get into a position where you're

48:57

fucking being forced to shoot your tiny

48:59

man's eyeball out. Hey, shoot me in

49:01

the eye. Jesus Christ. What, you crazy

49:04

tiny asshole? Jesus Christ. He's

49:06

got some good, Willie's got some great Bushwick stories.

49:09

That was a guy that I wanted to get on the podcast, but

49:11

he got sick. Like right when we were

49:13

talking to his people, he apparently got sick. Bushwick Bill?

49:15

Yeah, and he went up in the hospital and I'm

49:17

like, God damn, that would have been a good one.

49:20

How long, how long was he going to die? It

49:22

was a few years back. He wasn't that old. You

49:24

know, he had a lot of health problems. What year

49:27

was it? 2019,

49:29

he was 52. Yeah,

49:32

so it was right right before that. He

49:34

got sick. You

49:37

ever get Scarface? No, I'd love to have

49:39

him on. You ever see the tiny desk thing he

49:42

did? Fucking incredible. You know,

49:44

that tiny desk performance thing they do.

49:47

But Scarface did it and like slowed

49:49

everything down to fit with the vibe

49:51

of being in this like really tight

49:53

thing. And so it was like, you know,

49:55

he's always been a great, right. Give me some of this. My

50:00

dean with him. I think white guys don't.

50:02

My dean. OK. My

50:05

dean's don't. How

50:09

does it feel, Jay? How does it feel

50:11

to be on the the other the other end of it? I don't like it

50:13

one bit. Big as those camera

50:15

lenses, y'all. And we'll start like this. Hold

50:17

up. I said. He

50:21

reaches farther with the hands out. Rehabilitation.

50:25

Glad to be the man's child. The world is

50:27

different since he's seen it last. It's

50:30

kind of strange. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

50:32

Well, also, what's strange is again, seeing

50:35

we'll never know what how

50:37

corny or not an old biggie or Tupac would

50:39

have been. Oh, yeah. It's probably

50:41

seem like he's not that he's corny, but he's just

50:43

an older guy. You know, I mean, he's got doesn't

50:45

live any kind of gangster. You think this is corny?

50:48

No, no, no. I'm saying I'm saying that he

50:50

became you get to see how people would become.

50:52

No, it's not corny at all, but it's much

50:54

more. It's much softer energy than you

50:57

ever thought of Scarface Oh, yeah. 80s and 90s.

50:59

It does feel like it's a Scarface song that

51:01

you could read one of these books to. Like

51:04

this could just be background. Yeah. If you told

51:06

me this was a guy who was in the

51:08

roots or something, you'd be like, Yeah, yeah. That

51:10

makes sense. Isn't it make more sense that he's

51:13

like this now? This is an intelligent guy that

51:15

kept evolving as a human being. Right. 100%. And

51:17

you should evolve. Which is great. It's way better

51:19

than like. That hasn't evolved since high school. If

51:22

you're Justin Bieber and you got to sing in a girl's

51:24

voice when you're 80, you

51:26

know that that that he that high pitched thing.

51:29

His first time I heard him sing. Wow,

51:31

this girl sounds amazing. And they go, that's

51:33

Justin Bieber. And I go, Oh, what

51:35

a crazy voice. We'll bring him in here anyway. But

51:39

he was really young back then. What

51:43

am I looking at?

51:53

DJ Paul was 3.6 mafia. Yeah, 3.6 mafia.

51:56

I just saw DJ Paul at a. Gathering

52:00

of the Juggalos I performed, he was one of the

52:02

people I performed. It's so funny seeing

52:04

the people who get what's happening there versus

52:07

the performers who don't because he

52:10

knows, he's been with that audience.

52:12

I think Tech Nine also does that. So he does

52:15

all the family chants and stuff, DJ

52:18

Paul, and he just gets that crowd, gets

52:20

them going. But they throw shit constantly and they're doing all

52:23

kinds of crazy shit. Rock Him went

52:25

up there, and by Rock Him,

52:27

by the third song, they

52:29

were throwing shit at the stage, but they're into it, the audience. And

52:31

then he just kind of stops the song and he goes, hey, I

52:34

ain't about all that fuck shit throwing stuff, man.

52:36

So you could throw shit and we could leave

52:38

or we could do some rap music. And the

52:40

crowd was just kind of like, oh,

52:42

okay. See, back in the day, when we did it

52:44

15 years ago, dude,

52:47

they were fucking savages. So

52:49

I think they're gathering of the Juggalos crowd has

52:51

gotten older. They're all 40 now, so it's like, okay,

52:53

if you don't want us to throw stuff, we won't.

52:56

Which is great. No, no, no, I

52:58

think they were a little more like, oh, this is

53:00

our thing, though. They had to have a moment where

53:03

they were like, all right, it's a choice between throwing

53:05

stuff or rap music. We did it

53:07

15 years ago when we were just so young in

53:09

comedy and we didn't know what it was. It was

53:11

midnight in a tent in the woods with the insane

53:13

clown posse. It was a comedy tent. It's still that.

53:15

No, I know. But now I know who we are.

53:17

I mean, they had a clown

53:19

pick us up in a van. DeRosa talks about it in his,

53:22

he has that joke on his special. Upchuck. Upchuck's

53:24

the clown, dude. He's a comic from Michigan.

53:26

He still runs it. So

53:28

they pick you up in a van. It's the scariest

53:30

thing ever. You're like, it's just pitch black in the

53:32

woods in the darkness. And when they put us up

53:34

there, these people aren't there for comedy. They're there for

53:37

this whatever experience. So they just start

53:39

throwing just cans of soda and beer and alcohol. Jay goes

53:41

to me, he's like, dude, because I was going first. He

53:43

was like, I'm like, a year in comedy. He's like, Jay's

53:45

like, just go up there and do jokes. Don't just go

53:47

up in there and smoke weed and do crowd work. It

53:50

was like me and it was Vecchione, who's like a straight

53:52

up joke guy. So he was like,

53:54

you're gonna set us up to fail if

53:56

you don't do jokes. So within 10 seconds,

53:58

like a beer can wisdom. passed my head

54:00

I was like oh is that weed and there's

54:02

smoked weed with them for five minutes. No, Lewis

54:04

had on he put on the gas mask weed

54:06

thing you could even talk through that weed. That

54:08

was my closer. And

54:11

then I sent and then Mike Vecchio went out

54:14

and I was the only one that was booked on it I was

54:16

just like they want me to do a show so if they were

54:18

with me on another gig I'm like come and we'll do this one

54:21

and you guys go on so Mike Vecchio

54:23

goes on and it's they're

54:25

not paying attention to him and yelling at him and

54:27

I remember he kind of looked at me offside of the stage I was like you

54:29

can wrap it up like I'll go eat the rest

54:31

of this shit. I remember one of his premises though.

54:34

No, well I remember the premise because he goes I

54:37

said that feel you know that feeling like when you're

54:39

when it's going rough and you see the light somehow

54:42

you even have like another five minute burst in you

54:44

because you know you are done so like let me

54:46

see what I can do now it's almost like that

54:48

freeing thing so I gave Vecchio and

54:50

that kind of like you can wrap it up dude and

54:53

he goes uh and I almost saw his energy change

54:55

and he just goes he's gonna do his last big

54:57

joke or whatever and he goes uh so

54:59

hey guys I had a dream last

55:01

night and the crowd so when the

55:03

crowd goes fuck your dreams. I

55:09

don't think he finished a bit and then he brought

55:11

me up and then I was supposed to do

55:13

like 45 of which I did 20 maybe

55:15

because I remember saying where they

55:17

got mad at me that I asked him why there's

55:19

to wrap festival with no black people and

55:22

then a black guy stood up and he

55:24

was like how about me I went one

55:26

jug of bro and then they just booed

55:28

and someone yelled they all bleed clown and

55:30

I just was like can I go? God

55:32

they all bleed clown. Yeah I didn't know

55:34

how to respond to that. Isn't it amazing

55:36

though that you could just if

55:38

you just create a place where anybody

55:41

can join you're gonna get a

55:43

group of people you know whether it's the

55:45

insane clown posse or the Mormons. I

55:47

respect the jugalos more than the

55:49

Mormons. I

55:52

think they're similar. They're more happy being

55:54

jugalos than they are if jugalos didn't

55:56

exist. That should be the judge of

55:59

all of it. though, like you said

56:01

before, it's like, what does this actually do

56:03

for you? Forget whether any of it's real,

56:05

it's just like, are you happier? Is your

56:07

life better because you're a jungle-o? If you've

56:09

ever listened to the insane clown posses music,

56:11

it is unironically pretty awesome. I

56:14

thought I was gonna hate it, but every song it rules,

56:16

it's just about clowns killing people. It's

56:18

just hard. It's to a great beat.

56:20

It's horror rap. Horror

56:22

rap is amazing. I am

56:24

thoroughly, I said that festival's

56:27

pretty amazing, and I'm thoroughly so just always

56:29

impressed. The music is subjective to anybody, but

56:31

I'm like, what they've done, I think is

56:33

amazing. It's incredible. I mean, they are world

56:36

famous known. Bitch to the

56:39

VMAs. And they're kind of the only

56:41

band that's ever pulled off having like

56:43

a whole festival. Yeah.

56:46

We're the second one. It's never enough. Without us

56:48

doing the gathering of juggalos, we wouldn't have even

56:50

done Skank Fest. There's so much influence from the

56:52

gathering of the juggalos and our audience, there's a

56:54

lot of crossover. In fact, I'll say it now,

56:56

because it's too late for people to even go,

56:58

but our secret guest is the insane clown posse

57:01

on Thursday night at the take off party. Oh,

57:03

that's amazing. It's gonna be sick. That's amazing. Dude,

57:05

Legion of Skanks is one of the most important

57:07

things in comedy. You guys really are. Thank you.

57:10

You really are. I put you guys in

57:12

the same, like there's this brackets of like

57:14

Kill Tony, Legion of Skanks. There's a thing

57:16

about having these battlegrounds where you go, no,

57:18

no, no, no, no. We're gonna say what

57:20

we would say if we were fucking around

57:22

together. Like you could deal with it, or

57:24

you could not deal with it, but this

57:27

is how we would, the

57:29

conversations we're having are exactly like

57:31

green room conversations. Well, yeah,

57:33

and I feel like now, I don't know, maybe

57:35

I'm wrong, but I feel like almost like the

57:37

tide has turned in some weird way. Like it's

57:39

kind of coming back. It definitely has. There were

57:42

like these big moments. I think like

57:44

when they tried to cancel you and that didn't work,

57:48

Shane getting SNL, just like big things where

57:50

it's kind of like, oh, they're almost admitting,

57:52

okay, we lost the great censor comedians

57:55

war. But for those years, I think

57:57

it was good to have that. I

58:00

have Legion of Skanks for a lot of those, for

58:02

a lot of those comics that was just like, well,

58:04

this is the place where you could still do whatever.

58:06

We were just opening the door a little bit to

58:08

say fucked up shit and people would come on our

58:11

show. I mean, the amount of times people were like,

58:13

dude, should I have not said that on your show

58:15

after they leave? But you guys did a wise thing

58:17

too though, because you were subscription based, right?

58:20

So for the longest time, if you wanted to find

58:22

out what you guys were talking about, you had to

58:24

subscribe. So you had like loyal subscribers. Well, I was

58:26

just kind of like playing on that too, to kind

58:29

of keep ourselves a little safe from. We have our

58:31

own platform and what we put out on YouTube, we

58:33

put it out on iTunes, but we play by the

58:35

rules there. So we edit out all the shit you

58:37

can say on those platforms. And if you want to

58:40

see the real version, the way that we do it,

58:42

you gotta go subscribe. And honestly with

58:44

YouTube, the way they started censoring everything, it

58:46

actually now, cause we've been doing

58:48

this for like eight years, but now more

58:50

than ever, a platform that we

58:52

have is more important than ever, because now YouTube is

58:55

super strict with everything we do. We have to bleep

58:57

things, we have to censor things. We

58:59

can't point out the underlying process, you can't just trick

59:01

everybody up at the end of an episode,

59:04

but yeah if you don't answer a question for non-picture though and we don't

59:06

know, we

59:08

can only attackers on the podcast, but

59:11

you know, that's like a huge shutdown thing, you

59:14

used just to be allowed to friendly. We'll just do

59:16

it probably on YouTube. It's like, you tell people we're only doing it ACTUALLY,

59:18

because we're so OnThat've We love. I know it's

59:20

an rifle for YouTube. It's very quarter subsidy. Yeah,

59:23

that's a kid. It's a lot and that's just a, it's

59:26

great. I that is, but

59:28

yeah, like you can't go to, no offense to Rumble. When

59:31

you put the podcast on Rumble, nobody watches

59:33

it. There's no possibility. There's a few shows

59:35

that have big audiences on Rumble. Because they

59:37

can't be bigger than Rumble. Yes, that's

59:40

kind of the dynamic. And it is, Google

59:42

and YouTube, which are one

59:45

and the same now, it is amazing how

59:47

they just became the thing for

59:49

something that, there's no clear reason why

59:51

there should be one thing. But

59:53

nobody is like, if you say something and you go,

59:55

is that true? And I go, yeah,

59:57

bing it. Well, they want If

1:04:00

we did that now and put it on video, we would all mock them.

1:04:03

But he learned how to

1:04:05

do it from Charlie Barnett. And Charlie Barnett was like

1:04:07

a famous New York comic that got on Saturday Night

1:04:09

Live but couldn't read. Couldn't read, so that's how Eddie

1:04:11

Murphy got the gig. Yeah.

1:04:14

That's why he lost the gig, because he

1:04:16

couldn't read the scripts. Yeah, he was pretty

1:04:18

popular with Charlie Barnett. He was in DC

1:04:20

Cab, right? A couple things. He

1:04:22

was a hilarious comic. He was poppin' and then, yeah,

1:04:24

he couldn't read the cue cards, so they had to

1:04:26

hire Eddie Murphy. I think he influenced

1:04:28

Dave a lot in that, too. He

1:04:31

saw Charlie doing those. Better learn

1:04:33

how to read, Dave. Come on, take those out of reach.

1:04:35

You want to make it in the business? That

1:04:37

poor guy, man, because he was super

1:04:39

talented, supposedly. The early influence of... Tony

1:04:43

Woods. Tony Woods is so bad, too.

1:04:45

Oh, yeah, for sure. But Tony Woods still is

1:04:47

hilarious, too. He's great. He's doing the festival this

1:04:49

year, right? He was there last year. Yeah, yeah.

1:04:51

He's awesome. He did my podcast, then

1:04:53

we went to the Vulcan and did a show, and

1:04:55

he murdered man. Oh, he's a killer, dude. Really, really

1:04:57

funny. Low energy. Low energy in

1:04:59

levels. Charismatic, though. He's just so

1:05:02

good at engaging in the crowd.

1:05:04

He's very good, as some comedians just

1:05:06

have that gift of lowering

1:05:08

you into their world. Like Nate Bargetsi's

1:05:10

very like that. When you watch him,

1:05:13

you slow down, and you just sink

1:05:15

into his field. I

1:05:17

can't kill unless I'm yelling at the audience. Why

1:05:19

am I screaming at the top of my lungs?

1:05:21

There's no to it. You're a total model artist.

1:05:23

But isn't that a person that... That's more of

1:05:25

your personality. That's more of your personality, though. It

1:05:27

isn't true. Imagine if you were forced to do

1:05:29

Stephen Wright's act. Oh,

1:05:32

my God. This is not me. But for Stephen Wright,

1:05:34

it's perfect. Yep. For

1:05:36

Stephen Wright, it's the fucking best act ever. Well, Jay, you're very

1:05:38

low energy. You kind of bring them into you, but it's

1:05:40

very... You sit down, which is like a... That's

1:05:43

by design, though, because... You're lazy. I

1:05:46

said I watched it because I'm very lazy. No, I

1:05:48

watched Patrice... It's a complete mimic of Patrice's things. It

1:05:53

was watching him go from standing to sitting

1:05:55

and seeing that the crowd, some

1:05:57

of the people is

1:06:00

very like he's like looming over them and saying these

1:06:02

like crazy things uh-huh like being like turned off by

1:06:04

that to see when he was laying back and letting

1:06:06

them come into him he could say it like much

1:06:08

more people like embrace that they were leaning into him

1:06:10

that makes sense and when you're a big guy but

1:06:13

so that's why I was fellas a big presence I

1:06:15

was I'm gonna say all this kind of crazy shit

1:06:17

like when I'm down over them it looks like I'm

1:06:19

like pointing down at them and let

1:06:21

them kind of like come into the stage that actually

1:06:23

does make sense that if you and also they're sitting

1:06:25

down to why you standing up well

1:06:27

you're not moving around unless you have some

1:06:29

activity in your act if you've

1:06:32

got some activity you've got some things you

1:06:34

gotta act out when I started the black

1:06:36

comedy clubs but I was doing a straight

1:06:38

Chris Rock pace not stop

1:06:40

a lot of direct finger point you know

1:06:42

what I'm talking about good those juice the

1:06:44

old act up yeah

1:06:49

man it's uh it's interesting now

1:06:51

too because like kill Tony sort

1:06:53

of a similar situation as getting

1:06:55

interviewed by Charlie Kirk with

1:06:58

their first

1:07:00

time ever they do stand up and it's at

1:07:02

Madison Square Garden I was like

1:07:04

what the fuck and they go out there

1:07:06

and they just frozen in the eyes of

1:07:08

16,000 people and that's

1:07:10

gonna be them forever everybody at work like

1:07:13

look at Mikey bombing look at my this

1:07:15

fucking idiot thought he was funny and then

1:07:17

I'm in all your neighbors

1:07:21

before me just got booed

1:07:23

I couldn't hear what he got booed for I just know he

1:07:25

followed a handicap guy who gave a

1:07:27

sweet emotional speech about the being handy capable and

1:07:29

then he walked off and I said the other

1:07:31

guy just got out there and they were like

1:07:33

fuck this biped he

1:07:36

was like whatever it is

1:07:39

it a shell I kill Tony if you're

1:07:41

good looking it's just it's

1:07:43

held against you pretty quickly fuck you

1:07:46

dude where are your burn scars like

1:07:49

the rest of earth well

1:07:55

you see someone that's good looking and they're

1:07:57

gonna spotlight on fuck you it's

1:07:59

like a Natural inclination is a subconscious one

1:08:01

though. I think we good-looking people We want

1:08:03

to grease the wheels for a little bit

1:08:05

good people have a have it pretty easy

1:08:08

in life in comedy It's just a weird

1:08:10

thing It's just you almost give them a

1:08:12

little humor is the weapon of the not

1:08:14

good looking person to like counter this So

1:08:16

you're immediately going like you're hot

1:08:18

you don't have a fucking person Good-looking

1:08:23

people who are hilarious and have

1:08:25

good personalities, but generally speaking It's

1:08:30

not likely right Schumer super had a thing one

1:08:32

time She said I saw on stage the seller

1:08:35

once and it was about her and her

1:08:37

boyfriend Meeting Kate Upton

1:08:40

and like she walked away to go get something to drink whatever

1:08:42

when he came back He was like the

1:08:44

idea his her husband said to Amy was like she's

1:08:46

great man. She said the funniest story You

1:08:49

do Man

1:08:51

don't Dude

1:08:56

George Clooney that prankster. He's the best

1:08:58

that guy's the funniest dude like he's

1:09:00

fine at best I'm sure relax. It's

1:09:02

a personality trait to get laid We

1:09:04

all learn to be funny when we're

1:09:06

kids because we're not good-looking enough to

1:09:08

get laid without it It's

1:09:10

like look I either got to get funny or do donuts

1:09:12

in the streets of Philadelphia Easier

1:09:15

to get funny. I love when really good-looking

1:09:17

actors tell you who to vote for They're

1:09:23

my favorite These are the

1:09:25

guys with all the wisdom and then they're gonna tell

1:09:27

you The same they're the same

1:09:29

guys told you get vaccinated too by the way Well

1:09:32

the best same guys the best was like early in it

1:09:34

like in March and April When they

1:09:36

would all take videos from their mansion and

1:09:38

be all in this together In

1:09:45

the bank imagine all

1:09:47

your twirling a Tom Collins with

1:09:49

your finger We

1:09:54

go into apocalyptic times Do you think they'll look

1:09:56

back and like the shutting down of the country

1:09:58

for a year and a half is like the

1:10:00

trigger that made society begin to collapse. I don't

1:10:03

think they will. They'll never acknowledge

1:10:05

they were wrong. But like historians, objective historians. You

1:10:07

think they'll look back at this time and be

1:10:09

like this is the fall of Rome? Dude, there's

1:10:11

gonna be a lot of books written about this

1:10:13

period in time. I think it's the internet. The

1:10:16

internet is the beginning of the end for everything.

1:10:19

But it's not, because the internet didn't shut the

1:10:21

fucking country down for a year and a half.

1:10:23

The internet didn't do that. That's the way they

1:10:25

shared the ideas that quickly. Yeah, but it's a

1:10:27

very specific group of people who decided that was

1:10:29

a good idea. Nah, you wouldn't have had anyone

1:10:31

even fighting back against it if it wasn't for

1:10:33

the internet. It would have all just been the

1:10:36

CNN guys. Without the internet, they

1:10:38

would have pulled that off so much easier. They would

1:10:40

have scared the shit out of you. You would never

1:10:42

know. Yeah, but if this happened

1:10:44

in the 1980s, you would never

1:10:46

know how many people died on respirators. You would never

1:10:48

know about any of that shit. You wouldn't know about

1:10:50

a goddamn thing they didn't want you to know about.

1:10:52

That's what's so scary about the media today. When you

1:10:55

hear about the Spanish flu, you're like, how do you

1:10:57

know how many people died? There was no internet. There's

1:10:59

no way. Yeah, by the time you got your

1:11:02

horse to the next place with the information, more

1:11:04

people have died. Bro, living

1:11:06

back then, you were fucked. If you

1:11:08

lived in the city, the hygiene was

1:11:10

insanely bad. People would shit in these

1:11:12

outhouses that were set up for the

1:11:14

block. They never presented. There was all

1:11:16

sorts of diseases, no food. They never presented that. I

1:11:19

think that always when I see you watch Tombstone stuff

1:11:21

and Kurt Russell and a girl

1:11:23

went off into the woods to go kiss and like,

1:11:25

ugh, I bet her armpits smell like shit. She's

1:11:28

just gum disease. Everybody smelled like shit. You

1:11:30

had a shit in the hole in the

1:11:32

ground. They hadn't even invented toilet paper back

1:11:34

then. Who knows how they even wiped their

1:11:36

ass? Dude, you had to be so horny in the 1600s

1:11:39

to just power through all of that to have

1:11:41

sex. It's a big hairy bush. It stinks. I

1:11:44

guess you'd just be like a dog. I'm gonna

1:11:46

put my chin in your shit covered ass cheeks and

1:11:48

eat your disgusting and smelly hairy pussy. Dogs don't give

1:11:50

a shit what anything smells like, and I guess you

1:11:53

just get used to stuff. I

1:11:55

guess so. It's probably hot, dude. Dude, a stinky pussy

1:11:57

was probably hot in the 1600s. 1880

1:12:01

horses in New York City deposited four

1:12:03

million pounds of manure on city streets

1:12:05

every day in dry weather It would

1:12:07

turn to fecal dust and choke pedestrians

1:12:11

Vacant lots were filled with the ways

1:12:13

these manure piles would rise up

1:12:15

to 60 feet high now It's called Staten

1:12:17

Island 60 feet high dude if you fell

1:12:20

from 60 feet you're dead Yeah,

1:12:22

save me all that shit about carbon emissions by

1:12:25

the way we're doing great This is way better

1:12:27

than what it used to be oh my god.

1:12:29

You're breathing shit air. Yeah, but everyone was

1:12:31

sick I'll tell you who does right now

1:12:34

nodding their head he goes yeah That's why

1:12:36

I'm the guy who invented that bag that

1:12:38

goes behind the horses asses isn't it amazing

1:12:40

though that the invention of the Internal

1:12:43

combustion engine and the adoption of

1:12:45

cars by everybody and the abandonment

1:12:47

of driving horses Literally

1:12:49

stopped there from being shit

1:12:52

air throughout every city street

1:12:55

shit air You've

1:12:57

never been to Newark Joe I was born

1:12:59

in Newark I've

1:13:02

been there. It's not it's not much better

1:13:04

smelling in Newark. I lived there in the

1:13:06

the 1990s There's like

1:13:09

a bad when you were horrible Yeah, I

1:13:11

imagine my grandfather to saving up money to

1:13:13

get an apartment when I first moved to

1:13:15

New York I didn't have enough money for

1:13:17

an apartment and my grandfather lived on North

1:13:19

9th Street in Newark and he

1:13:22

was there from the blockbusting days, so he

1:13:24

bought a house there like in the 1940s

1:13:26

or 50s and then in the 60s they came

1:13:29

by and they said black people are moving into

1:13:31

your neighborhood Sell now and it was

1:13:33

a regular real estate scam And then they would

1:13:35

try to sell the black people and just like

1:13:37

get money out of all these houses my grandfather's

1:13:39

It was an Italian community my grandfather's like I

1:13:41

love black people I don't give a fuck get

1:13:44

out of here This is my house, and he

1:13:46

wasn't moving and so all these grandfathers old enough

1:13:48

also that he's like I was the black person

1:13:50

five minutes ago. What do you mean? Yeah when

1:13:52

he moved here? He came here straight from Italy

1:13:54

and he told me it was her Horrific

1:13:56

to screw like the term WAP. I always think

1:13:58

it was funny If you say around

1:14:01

him, he would get angry. Yeah. Someone called somebody

1:14:03

a guinea, he would get angry. Classic

1:14:05

wop behavior, am I right? Exactly. He

1:14:08

was a peaceful guy, but he would just get like,

1:14:10

that was a terrible thing that they used to call

1:14:12

us when we were kids. But, you

1:14:15

know, that's like, that's not that long ago,

1:14:17

man. No, it's all... That's what's

1:14:19

really crazy. All the like, basically across the

1:14:21

country, even like California, but like all the

1:14:24

like areas that you think of as like

1:14:26

the hood, it's like Oakland or Compton or

1:14:28

Newark or Crown Heights or any of the...

1:14:30

Those were all white areas up

1:14:33

until like the 60s, and

1:14:35

then like a bunch of black people from the South came

1:14:37

up, and then all the white people left. And they did

1:14:39

do these scams. They

1:14:42

did... There was like, a lot of it was like

1:14:44

pushed by these real estate guys, and they would like purposely

1:14:47

fuck up a neighborhood to make money off of it.

1:14:49

And then there was redlining, where like they

1:14:51

wouldn't sell to black people outside certain lines.

1:14:53

And like that was a Baltimore issue too.

1:14:56

Well, my grandmother, it was funny, the neighborhood I

1:14:58

grew up in, like was

1:15:00

Jewish and black, and then

1:15:02

down the next neighborhood I was Italian. Everyone

1:15:05

started with, it became predominantly black by the

1:15:08

time I moved up. My grandmother, till

1:15:10

like two years before she died and was in her

1:15:12

nursing home, stayed in that house and

1:15:14

did not scare the old people at all. It

1:15:16

didn't like, as it changed around them, it didn't

1:15:18

scare... There would be literally people like, on

1:15:21

her front step, like her neighbors, like a bunch of

1:15:24

teenagers, like rapping with a loud stereo, and she would

1:15:26

just be like, Oh, they're nice. They call me Miss...

1:15:28

Like they call me Miss Jeanette. And so whatever. My

1:15:31

grandma was delightfully racist. She

1:15:34

didn't give a fuck. My grandma wrote... In

1:15:36

her mind, the only brown person at the

1:15:38

table had the most racist white grandmother. Like

1:15:41

openly racist. She didn't give a shit. My aunt

1:15:44

Emily, to this day she's a little racist. The

1:15:46

penalty of being a Puerto Rican that's racist is

1:15:48

less than the penalty of being an Irish... No,

1:15:50

but she was white Russian Italian. She was Italian.

1:15:52

I'm half Italian Irish. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. And

1:15:54

no, they would literally... I would

1:15:56

be at the dinner table and my... I remember

1:15:58

one Thanksgiving, my grandma... think

1:18:00

probably is true about this, although I haven't seen

1:18:02

it yet, is that even though he's obviously like

1:18:04

a real right-winger, it's not like that's the movie.

1:18:06

Like the movie isn't even making a right-wing argument

1:18:08

or anything like that. It's just like letting

1:18:12

these crazy left-wingers showcase how crazy

1:18:14

they are. Exactly. Like, okay,

1:18:16

you tell them. Like, it was nuts. He just

1:18:18

went up to these, in

1:18:20

the first one that I did see, he just

1:18:22

went up to these gender experts and just kept

1:18:24

asking them what a woman is. It was crazy.

1:18:26

And they all just collapse into themselves. This

1:18:29

is the toughest question. The trans woman he asked outside

1:18:31

was the best, because he was like, well, what is

1:18:33

a woman? And she goes, I think I

1:18:35

want to go. They've

1:18:38

made it, they've tried to boil it down. I

1:18:40

think I saw somebody do this the other day

1:18:42

too. Like try to come up with a logical

1:18:44

explanation. It was something really ridiculous. Like it's,

1:18:48

although recognizing that there

1:18:50

are biological differences, a

1:18:53

woman is anybody who tells you they're a

1:18:55

woman. While

1:18:58

recognizing, so this is like the loophole,

1:19:00

while recognizing that Harry probably can't get

1:19:03

pregnant. He is now Harryetta. And

1:19:06

that's just it. That's just it. There's

1:19:08

no conversation that could be had here.

1:19:10

And in some countries they're talking about

1:19:12

jailing people. Was it Scotland that had

1:19:14

something about, a

1:19:16

proposal about literally jailing people

1:19:18

for misgendering people? Oh,

1:19:20

I mean, that's like a big discussion always. Yeah, but

1:19:23

it's fucked. But they were talking about putting people in

1:19:25

a fucking cage. Find out where

1:19:27

that was. Was that in Scotland? The thing that happened

1:19:29

in Canada, a

1:19:31

guy got sent to jail for

1:19:33

mischief. He wouldn't agree to call his son

1:19:35

or daughter or vice versa. I mean, how

1:19:37

many people are actually legitimately trans? It's like

1:19:39

0.001% of people are actually trans. Well now

1:19:42

it's way higher than that with young people

1:19:44

because there's not a real thing

1:19:46

to be in trans anymore. I was three

1:19:48

steps away from racing my cars and doing

1:19:50

donuts and also three steps away from becoming

1:19:52

trans. Yeah, it's gonna go in neighbors. They're

1:19:55

just like moonies. I'm out of the way.

1:19:58

Join up, man. You can join up. I just wanted to

1:20:00

fit in with somebody. Luce, ironically, if you were Asian, you

1:20:02

would have been better at both things. Maybe, possibly. Well, you

1:20:04

would have been a tough sale as a chick. No, dude.

1:20:07

What is a chick? First of all, me and Dave dressed

1:20:09

up as chicks years ago to make fun of the guys

1:20:11

we fucked podcasts. We mocked them. We did. We did a

1:20:13

sketch dressing up as them, and I looked fucking good. I'm

1:20:15

sure you did, but there's not a lot of dudes who

1:20:18

are gonna want to climb you. I'm telling

1:20:20

you right now, you're a giant, new pussy. You're

1:20:22

a big lady, man. You're a scary lady. Yeah, if I

1:20:25

decided to do a lady, I had to date. Claiming new

1:20:27

Scottish law with jail people for misgendering is false. And look

1:20:29

at the Elod's picture. Why

1:20:32

did he get brought into it? What is the

1:20:34

actual truth? What is the actual truth? If I

1:20:36

became a woman, though, I already know what I'm

1:20:38

fucking. Skinny black, dude. Is misgendering a crime? What

1:20:40

does it say? Jay, you're gonna move a false.

1:20:42

According to a law professor, I guess. According to

1:20:44

Adam Tom... Oh, one guy. I'll

1:20:46

trust him. Misgendering could only be considered

1:20:49

a hate crime if it was done

1:20:51

in a way that a reasonable person

1:20:53

would consider to be threatening or abusive.

1:20:56

Wait a minute. That's pretty vague. That

1:20:58

means yes. That doesn't mean no. That

1:21:00

doesn't mean it's false. That means you

1:21:02

just... If that's how you're gonna write

1:21:04

it out, that an in quotes, a

1:21:06

reasonable person would consider to be threatening

1:21:08

or abusive. Who the fuck is reasonable?

1:21:11

How many people do you know that are

1:21:13

reasonable? And also threatening? Are you

1:21:15

gonna be able to decide whether or

1:21:17

not you should be jailed? Well, threatening

1:21:19

is a little bit more concrete than

1:21:21

abusive. Abusive is really vague. Like, what

1:21:23

do you mean? Verbally abusive? If you're

1:21:25

a 100-pound man and Lewis calls you

1:21:27

a man name and you want to

1:21:29

be called a woman's name, that could be threatening.

1:21:31

Right. Right. That could be threatening. I

1:21:33

mean, I also would have been threatening the guy, to be honest.

1:21:37

Why are you being a woman? Ah,

1:21:39

headbutt. That's a weird thing. Misgendering

1:21:41

would only be considered a hate crime if it

1:21:43

was done in a way. Okay. What does it

1:21:45

say below that? According to Adam Tompkins, a law

1:21:47

professor and former conservative MSP, asserting

1:21:50

that sex is a biological fact or

1:21:52

that it is not changed just by

1:21:54

virtue of the gender by which someone

1:21:56

chooses to identify is not and never

1:21:58

can be a hate crime. under

1:22:00

this legislation. Okay, so

1:22:02

he's saying that deadnaming someone will never be

1:22:04

a crime. Well, no, but see, even this

1:22:07

is in a kind of a little bit

1:22:09

vague way because he's saying asserting that sex

1:22:11

is a biological fact. So if I just

1:22:13

say men are men and women are women,

1:22:16

that can't be a crime. But can calling

1:22:18

an individual could be like, no, you're not

1:22:20

a woman, you're a man. Could that be

1:22:22

considered abusive or whatever? It's all the interpretation.

1:22:26

That's a very good point because this is just step one,

1:22:29

right? That's what it

1:22:31

seems like to me. Right, right, right. So

1:22:33

this is not saying, no, arguing with them, no,

1:22:35

you're a man. It says it's

1:22:37

not changed by virtue of the

1:22:39

gender by which someone chooses to

1:22:42

identify is not and never can be a

1:22:44

hate crime. But

1:22:46

yeah, that is weird because asserting

1:22:49

that it's a biological fact, like

1:22:52

what if you're arguing? What if you're saying you're

1:22:54

a man? Is that harassment now? Fuck you, I'm

1:22:56

a woman. You're a fucking man. You're getting in

1:22:58

one of those exchanges. What's that then? Yeah, I

1:23:00

mean like that might get- If I call somebody

1:23:03

an asshole, they're not literally an asshole, right? So

1:23:05

like technically isn't it all just sort of like

1:23:07

deciding what words have power on what words don't?

1:23:10

100% because if you're not swearing and this person's

1:23:12

swearing back at you that wants to be called

1:23:14

a woman, fuck you, you fucking cocksucker. I am

1:23:17

a woman. And you're like, no, you're not.

1:23:19

You're a dude. Like, you're like standing

1:23:21

your ground in that situation, right? That could also

1:23:23

be the case. What if you don't threaten them?

1:23:25

But like if you hypothetically, like if that dude

1:23:27

was like, I am a woman and I was

1:23:29

like, if you were a woman, I'd slap the

1:23:31

shit out of you right now, but you're a

1:23:33

man, so I'm afraid you might beat my ass.

1:23:35

So I didn't actually threaten them. That's a good

1:23:38

balance because you're putting yourself in the- you're not

1:23:40

saying I beat your ass.

1:23:42

You're saying I'm going to get fucked up. So that's- I

1:23:45

don't know. Do you train? That's very

1:23:47

well phrased. What's to be said for feeling how you feel

1:23:49

and also just not giving a shit? Do you

1:23:51

know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like I feel like,

1:23:53

as I said before, I think they should not give hormones or

1:23:55

any kind of operations to children

1:23:58

to, you know, change their- That

1:24:00

being a radical idea I'm saying but I don't

1:24:02

but also if they're like they're not making

1:24:04

it illegal They're doing it. I'm like well now

1:24:06

I want to see a five-year-old with tits Against

1:24:11

it I just want to go they did what they

1:24:13

already Say let me see

1:24:17

To say what five but it's a

1:24:19

boy's tits That's

1:24:22

the thing that's weird. It's like that with the weird

1:24:24

the nipple thing is odd right didn't New York City

1:24:26

Didn't they free the nipple we walk around we can't

1:24:28

believe so you ever see it. Yeah once in a

1:24:30

while That

1:24:34

you really looking forward to seeing Rarely,

1:24:37

but once in a while in a park you'll

1:24:39

see nice pair of tits in which is just

1:24:41

fully top What's the um sprinkle Barton Springs? So

1:24:43

it's top tops are optional there. Oh my goodness

1:24:46

I brought my son there dude. He was 10

1:24:48

years old and I just saw him staring at

1:24:50

this girls tits And it's all hot chicks. It's

1:24:52

all like hot awesome. There's they're being free. They

1:24:54

get ketamine. Yay Remember

1:24:57

James was just fucking keyed in on this girl's

1:24:59

tits, and I was like hey, what are you

1:25:01

doing? He's like oh, it's natural dad mom says

1:25:03

the body's natural so mom says Fuck

1:25:06

is she talking to you about yeah, bro

1:25:08

Imagine what people like before they had clothes

1:25:10

then just just like chimps just fucking every

1:25:12

chance they could just Trees

1:25:15

and shit imagine before people figured out clothes

1:25:17

how wild it was I think we figured

1:25:19

them out pretty early on in the game

1:25:21

Clothes yeah You put

1:25:23

over yeah, no no no is millions of years

1:25:25

of being sub I think human

1:25:27

hominids what I should what I should say is I think

1:25:29

pretty early in the game of being Humans

1:25:32

so like whenever they're like they trace like the

1:25:34

genetic to like this is when we consider you

1:25:36

like a modern homo sapien I think one of

1:25:38

the came out the water our dicks were so

1:25:40

small I

1:25:42

don't know if that's true. I think it

1:25:45

was all climate-based. I think in Africa like

1:25:47

I mean how much they

1:25:49

probably covered their dicks Well if you

1:25:51

go to like some places of the Amazon that are

1:25:53

totally buck naked well in Africa They have to cover

1:25:55

their dicks otherwise. It's dangerous Like

1:26:00

a hair bun. Like they didn't need to stay

1:26:02

warm, right? So I think it was only when

1:26:04

people started moving. Yeah, you might be right about

1:26:06

that. I think it's a migration thing. Because

1:26:08

where human life evolved, the same

1:26:10

area where like a lot of

1:26:13

different primates evolved besides us. Human

1:26:15

beings got to Europe. No, them got close. They got to Europe

1:26:17

and they went, all right, let's cover our dicks and build some

1:26:20

shit. I know in the Bible they says

1:26:22

it was like, you know, God gave us embarrassment at one

1:26:24

point or whatever, but when did we really start getting embarrassed?

1:26:26

It was cold. Who was the first guy that was like,

1:26:28

oh, my dick is small. I don't want people to see

1:26:30

this. I hope we don't find out or Sebastian's not going

1:26:32

to have anything to talk about. Aren't

1:26:34

you embarrassed? I think it's as soon as

1:26:36

we started moving to places where it was

1:26:38

cold and then we don't see people's dicks

1:26:40

and pussies all day long, like it kind

1:26:43

of changes your behavior. And it probably led

1:26:45

to us like saying, listen, we need a

1:26:47

city and we need a wall. We

1:26:49

need to figure out how to block all

1:26:51

these wild motherfuckers, these bare

1:26:53

dick motherfuckers from coming over the hills.

1:26:56

That's probably what happened. Probably people started getting

1:26:58

really shy because they were covering themselves up

1:27:01

with animal skins to stay

1:27:03

warm. But why was it having a small dick?

1:27:05

I need to get to the bottom of this. What

1:27:07

was the problem with having a small dick that everyone

1:27:09

was like, you need to cover that little dick up,

1:27:11

you know? Well, you know, the Romans thought that having

1:27:14

a big dick was gross. The

1:27:16

big dick was assigned a little barbarian.

1:27:19

That's why they like had little dicks on

1:27:21

all those giant dudes. Like the odds of

1:27:23

like, if you look at some of Michelangelo's

1:27:25

statues, the odds of those guys not having

1:27:27

a massive hog are very small. That is

1:27:29

a dude built like Francis and Gano, you

1:27:32

know? What's funny is, the artists,

1:27:34

all of those kings and all those like important

1:27:36

people, they literally commissioned them to build them like

1:27:38

they were gods and they would build the statues

1:27:41

bigger than the statues of gods, right? And

1:27:43

you would think that they would give them a big fat

1:27:45

hog. Giant fat hog. Just go fucking the hit-a-mer. Nope.

1:27:50

That's just the artist's signature. Some

1:27:52

person, just like the same people that are tricking

1:27:55

people into thinking your cat can be non-binary, somebody

1:27:57

back then tricked them and thinking that big dicks

1:27:59

are bad. Yeah,

1:30:00

that was he was getting ready to give a

1:30:02

fucking strong one look the guy's got a giant

1:30:04

heart on he's very excited He's he's Nazi on

1:30:06

the left side and gay on the right side

1:30:08

I was gonna say they really are they make

1:30:10

them sort of flamboyant II Jamie go back to

1:30:13

that one and give us a description What does

1:30:15

that mean? Don

1:30:22

Lucas like some kind of a job. Oh, okay.

1:30:24

What's his name Greek out of fertility? Oh, that's

1:30:26

right. Let's go Let's go champ. He's the only

1:30:28

guy with a big dick in any of that

1:30:31

are there so many different versions of them Though

1:30:33

sometimes this dick is reasonable You

1:30:35

know really big but reasonable different Yeah,

1:30:39

it looks like sometimes you just fucked some time. Just got

1:30:41

out of the shower, but like the see how one he

1:30:43

looked pretty reasonable Right.

1:30:45

It was a reasonable dick was a big dick, but

1:30:48

some of them were like hey man come with her

1:30:50

come on I mean, there's no

1:30:52

way I just got into an age now where I just go

1:30:54

around the lot I go around

1:30:56

the locker room Completely naked

1:30:58

now for the first time in my life like

1:31:00

I think it's funny the men's locker, right the

1:31:02

men's locker room Yeah, of course. Yeah, men's women

1:31:04

children doesn't matter Lewis is in there But I

1:31:06

think it's so funny to just be naked amongst

1:31:09

men Well, I get with my little dick is

1:31:11

hilarious it makes them uncomfortable I don't like it

1:31:13

at all and taking a little bouncy dick walk

1:31:15

to a shower Nuts

1:31:18

my little bird. Yeah, no fuck

1:31:20

About that Canadian guy who is

1:31:22

50 years old who identified as

1:31:24

a teenage girl He wanted

1:31:26

to do a swim meet with teenage girls

1:31:29

and they were letting them step I believe

1:31:31

there was like an argument see if it's

1:31:33

true if they let him actually into the

1:31:35

locker room I want to make sure that this

1:31:38

is true Like

1:31:40

a girl's locker room. Can you imagine you have

1:31:42

a teenager what a dream. It's gonna do a

1:31:44

swimming event. Oh This

1:31:46

is like attached to a school 50 year

1:31:49

old trans swimmers shared locker room while competing

1:31:51

against teens Yeah,

1:31:53

it's awesome. And this is this out. This

1:31:55

is how crazy Canada's gotten this did just

1:31:57

like the moonies I just like

1:31:59

the juggle You

1:40:00

don't know what the fuck you're doing. It's insane.

1:40:02

It's insane It's insane.

1:40:04

It's just not well. There's also a ring to

1:40:06

it just to be kind look There's also a

1:40:08

real debate with surgeries like that about whether that

1:40:10

should be allowed even after you're an adult and

1:40:13

like I'm not I'm not even allowed be allowed,

1:40:15

but I'm Steve O be allowed to get fake

1:40:17

tits if he wants to Listen,

1:40:19

I'm not even saying I'm out of that though. Yeah, you

1:40:21

got out of that. He's not doing it Yeah, even too

1:40:23

much for Steve. Oh, I think he thought it was dangerous.

1:40:25

Yeah, it was retarded Well, you also

1:40:27

have to cut the muscle on a dude. I think

1:40:30

it all I'm saying is there's

1:40:32

yeah, that's tough You have to go up in there.

1:40:34

It's got a pump out I

1:40:37

don't think I think Steve O made the right call. I don't know what

1:40:39

a bit a great bit But I

1:40:41

think that's the only way it would have stuck out

1:40:43

because you know I don't think he has enough tissue

1:40:45

in the front to give you like a traditional regular

1:40:47

type boob job. All right, I'll do it Yes,

1:40:51

but my point is like next man up if you're

1:40:54

a grown woman and you're 40 years old You just

1:40:56

decided to get your boobs removed. Who the fuck am

1:40:58

I to say you shouldn't be able to do this?

1:41:00

Listen, I kind I look I'm a libertarian I tend

1:41:02

to agree with you but if there's if

1:41:04

there was a doctor and You

1:41:06

asked them to just like remove my fully

1:41:08

functioning left arm because I identify as a

1:41:10

right one armed person or whatever and Doctors

1:41:13

were like no, I'm not I'm unwilling to

1:41:15

like perform a surgery Surgeries

1:41:21

that there's an elective preventative surgery that a lot

1:41:23

of women do if they think they have that

1:41:25

gene for breast cancer That's

1:41:27

a little different Okay,

1:41:29

Steve O was supposed to Level

1:41:32

of he said but the person in the supermarket

1:41:34

spoke to Steve O about the level of oppression

1:41:37

That the trans people face in a pretty

1:41:39

heartbreaking way, which made him realize wow Maybe

1:41:41

it's not all fun and games after this

1:41:43

and fear to stunt would seem like an

1:41:45

exercise in celebrating violence against trans people And

1:41:48

he decided to call it off. Oh, so that's why he called

1:41:50

it off. I thought it was just this is insane I'll tell

1:41:52

you I don't I have a feeling he was like I don't

1:41:54

want to do this, but then you can really get out of

1:41:56

it by doing making a nice speech like that's pretty great That

1:41:58

would be a good move It's

1:44:00

insane How

1:44:05

good is that orgasm you get it one time

1:44:07

you think they're orgasm they're soft they're not slicing

1:44:09

through a hard dick They'd bleed out Conversation

1:44:17

we're happy you imagine what a terrible time to get

1:44:19

your dick chopped off. How good is the Choking For

1:44:23

a third day of sex and then there's a

1:44:25

yeah, we're down a Roni's disease Enthusiastic

1:44:28

young lady might get a little bobbly on the

1:44:30

top then let it slip a little and a

1:44:32

taint slam you How

1:44:34

can they tell like Anderson Silva shin?

1:44:37

How can these ladies not tell that they're at

1:44:40

the end of the dick when they're jumping up

1:44:42

so having a good time Jay They're having a

1:44:44

good time, but you know we're walking on I

1:44:46

know I know we're on the tightrope We're walking

1:44:48

that tightrope the come ups are coming

1:44:50

up too high on her I've had

1:44:53

it happen a few times where a bet but I mean

1:44:55

obviously nothing no real in she might have been with that

1:44:57

Heil Hitler dude before you Just

1:44:59

a little bit of travel in her suspension. It's like

1:45:01

now we got She

1:45:03

wants that Raptor type travel boom boom. She

1:45:06

wants some fucking some lift You

1:45:09

should have that thing like on the back of your car where it's like Guys

1:45:13

we're getting close here just have some

1:45:15

sort of a strapping system You know

1:45:17

where you like like you're spotting her

1:45:19

like a sincher down. Okay. We've got

1:45:22

this much travel. That's it. Don't get crazy

1:45:25

So if we're gonna agree to dog this this you

1:45:28

savage Wish

1:45:32

my what a terrible way to break your dick, too. I

1:45:34

wish my dick was big enough to break Guys

1:45:44

well we have a look I talked to you about my new

1:45:46

propulsion system Oh It's

1:45:54

so funny coming into this room and thinking about

1:45:56

the things I've watched her made such like whether

1:45:59

be the camera Pat Williams thing or fucking, I

1:46:01

mean that was wild. The

1:46:04

one I just said, Terrence Howard. Oh

1:46:06

yeah, Terrence Howard one's very interesting. He's a

1:46:08

very, very smart guy. He just doesn't have

1:46:10

a formal education in this stuff. So like

1:46:13

when I had Brett Weinstein on the, excuse

1:46:15

me, Eric Weinstein on the podcast, Eric

1:46:17

sort of explained to him the things that he's

1:46:20

getting wrong and explained to him, you gotta stop

1:46:22

teaching. You gotta stop saying you're teaching people. This

1:46:24

is very offensive to people like myself. He's

1:46:26

like an actual super genius. But

1:46:29

they were talking about like crazy equations and

1:46:33

he was explaining the equations to him and he's like,

1:46:35

do you understand how to read this? He's like having

1:46:37

him go over the equation. So it was very interesting.

1:46:39

So Terrence is like this super smart guy that's way

1:46:41

smarter than anybody around him. But then

1:46:43

the really super smart guys who are actually super

1:46:46

smart guys that are educated about it, they don't

1:46:48

engage with them. And so Eric was like, let

1:46:50

me just talk to this dude. I think he's

1:46:52

one of us, he's just gone astray. Just a

1:46:55

brilliant guy who hasn't actually gotten the correct education

1:46:57

in this stuff. I like when he was doing

1:46:59

it. He goes, well then Joe, you

1:47:01

have to understand because the Fantugelis,

1:47:04

it was words that I don't think

1:47:07

were they were things. Maybe they were. I

1:47:09

think some of them were things. But others,

1:47:11

they're things that he invented. He

1:47:14

knew whatever you want. Yeah. What

1:47:16

is the invention of the

1:47:18

flying, what does he call them again? When

1:47:22

all those little components move together and

1:47:24

it creates like, he's got this, God,

1:47:26

why'd I have to tip my tongue? Lynchpin.

1:47:29

So this thing that he created,

1:47:32

it's like these, they're

1:47:35

like geometric shapes and they

1:47:37

fit into each other and each one of

1:47:39

them has a fan in the circle of

1:47:41

it. And through this thing as a drone,

1:47:44

it can move like in any direction. It's

1:47:46

this very bizarre and Weinstein

1:47:48

was looking at it like this is a very legit

1:47:50

invention. Like you came up with this? That's crazy. Like

1:47:52

see if you can find the videos of it. And

1:47:55

so it's also, you

1:47:57

could add more to it. It's not like.

1:50:00

Man, he's fun. Maybe can you invent an uber to get

1:50:02

into and get the fuck out of here? I Did

1:50:05

it doesn't go to the right address, but

1:50:07

I did invent an uber Yeah,

1:50:10

it's um. It's fun those

1:50:12

things are fun. Yeah It's fun to hear

1:50:14

people like come up with these wacky theories

1:50:16

And is that like his but he has

1:50:18

some great ideas man And one of them

1:50:20

is the idea that all the planets are

1:50:22

coming from like stuff. That's jettisoned off the

1:50:25

Sun Like his theory

1:50:27

about the creation of solar systems is very

1:50:29

bizarre and it's really interesting He thinks that

1:50:31

a planet gets to a certain distance after

1:50:33

a certain amount of time From

1:50:36

the Sun where it can develop life and

1:50:38

then that life Evolves

1:50:40

as quickly as it can because it's gonna

1:50:42

eventually over the next hundred million two hundred

1:50:44

million years It's gonna be further and further

1:50:46

and further out to space and it's not

1:50:48

gonna be habitable anymore So you're gonna have

1:50:50

to figure out a way to make your

1:50:52

own environment Or you're

1:50:54

gonna perish and every planet goes through

1:50:57

a transitionary period It's called peopling when

1:50:59

a planet gets to a certain distance

1:51:01

these hominids start figuring out things and

1:51:03

figuring out tools and engines and civilization

1:51:05

and Agriculture and then electronics and then

1:51:07

they have to get to a point

1:51:09

when they realize like this planet

1:51:11

keeps moving away from the Sun We are fucked

1:51:13

we have to figure out artificial environments. We have

1:51:16

to figure out interstellar travel We have to figure

1:51:18

out how to fucking planet Populate

1:51:20

other worlds. So that's where we're at right

1:51:22

now. We're we're like a hundred thousand years

1:51:24

away from it being a problem brought to

1:51:26

us by Terrence fuck But

1:51:29

his theory about planets is fascinating because nobody really

1:51:31

knows why planets are formed how the you know

1:51:33

There's a distance from the Sun you could figure

1:51:35

there's a thing called Bodes law You could figure

1:51:37

out roughly by the size of one planet when

1:51:40

another planets gonna exist and that's where they look

1:51:42

His voice is too cool to be a nerd.

1:51:44

That's why I think the problem the disconnect I

1:51:46

have is he's a come on Joe It's simple

1:51:48

too cool to have some nitrogen makes everything well

1:51:50

He does that thing where especially because most of

1:51:52

us aren't people who even think about this stuff

1:51:54

So then when he's saying it like when he

1:51:57

was saying the whole thing when he was on

1:51:59

with you about how the periodic table shouldn't be

1:52:01

squares, it should be circle, and he had like

1:52:03

a really good argument for it. And I remember

1:52:05

just being like, that does sound really impressive. Why

1:52:07

does that agree with him? Well, that's what the

1:52:09

thing is then like when you see someone like

1:52:11

Eric Weinstein go like, oh yeah, he's got a

1:52:13

good point about this. You're like, wait, seriously? He's

1:52:16

nailing it? All right.

1:52:18

He's fucking genius, man. Terrence Howard is fucking

1:52:20

genius. He's just sometimes guys are too smart

1:52:22

for everybody around them, and they just get

1:52:24

off on the wrong track. And

1:52:27

if you're used to being the smartest guy in the room,

1:52:29

and then all of a sudden you're talking to a guy

1:52:32

who's like spooky smart, it's a little

1:52:34

unsettling. It's like a guy who tells you

1:52:36

he's a comic, he's telling everybody

1:52:38

he's a comic. Hey, Mike is a comic. Mike works

1:52:40

down there, and then you meet Mike, and you're like,

1:52:42

how long have you been doing comedy? Well, I've done

1:52:45

a couple of Mike nights, and you're like, oh, okay,

1:52:47

okay. You're not really a comic, right?

1:52:49

You're not making a living. You're not getting

1:52:51

paid. Well, I don't have any money for

1:52:53

Terrence Howard and his projects. I gave it

1:52:56

all to Eddie Winslow from Family

1:52:58

Matters to clean up the ocean machine he's building.

1:53:02

There is a kid that's cleaning up the ocean. What's

1:53:05

that kid's name? Boyan Slott? You ever seen that

1:53:07

machine he's invented? His name is Boyant? Boyant. Oh,

1:53:09

I was like, that's funny. What? That's

1:53:12

on the nose. His name is Wave Runner Johnson. I never

1:53:14

even thought of that. You said it. That's hilarious. I've even

1:53:16

had him on the show. Boyan

1:53:18

Slott, he was like 19 when he invented

1:53:20

this. He invented this gigantic skimmer

1:53:23

that's been scooping stuff off the ocean,

1:53:25

and then they turn the plastic into

1:53:27

sunglasses and shit, which will eventually find

1:53:29

their way back in the ocean. Sure.

1:53:32

That's out for a little bit of these. They make

1:53:35

stuff, which will find their way into landfills. That's

1:53:37

really great. Dude, 19- Dude, super fucking smart. Spooky smart

1:53:39

kid just said, this is what I want to dedicate

1:53:42

my life to. See, we get a video of how

1:53:44

they do it. It's pretty wild, but

1:53:46

they've already cleaned up a significant amount, and

1:53:48

they have this proposal to make and scale

1:53:50

the thing up and make it huge, and

1:53:52

they think they can clean up the whole

1:53:55

garbage patch within the next decade or so.

1:53:58

It's incredible. It's not, but it's not. Fucking

1:54:00

thing existed in plastics only been around for

1:54:02

like how long a hundred years

1:54:04

Yeah, and we already have a Texas sized chunk of

1:54:06

it sitting in the middle of the fucking ocean Yeah,

1:54:10

people are great I

1:54:12

know people also make things that young and get this

1:54:14

kind of thing I think they're late later in life

1:54:16

lash out is what ends up being crazy Oh, yeah,

1:54:19

it's gonna be all good. Okay. Yeah, they gave up

1:54:21

all their fun stuff So then it just is too

1:54:23

wild afterwards, right? He's gonna get all that eco pussy,

1:54:25

too. Oh, yeah You know what

1:54:27

you shave those bitches down. There's usually something hot under there

1:54:29

It's usually the kind of gals that are willing to throw

1:54:31

paint on Glue

1:54:36

themselves to the floor, you know No

1:54:39

more oil. So this just all sitting

1:54:41

in the ocean. Yeah, so he scoops all this stuff out

1:54:43

with each run of this and

1:54:45

this is just you know one haul and they

1:54:47

just continue to do this and then they crane

1:54:49

it and pack it and and

1:54:51

turn it into Different objects

1:54:54

and stuff and you could buy that stuff. That's fine

1:54:57

It's a good thing Great

1:54:59

and he becomes a like a co-kid Partier

1:55:03

a little bit later or he's sometimes, you know,

1:55:05

he dies like a whale ate him like while

1:55:07

he was helping I clean up

1:55:09

the thing. I was watching this thing

1:55:11

on Singapore and how well Singapore recycles.

1:55:14

It's incredible Singapore takes all

1:55:16

of their garbage. They pick it up

1:55:18

like multiple times They have

1:55:20

this insane facility where they sort it

1:55:22

out. They find out what's plastic. What's

1:55:24

this? What's that they they use the

1:55:27

plastic and they figure out some way

1:55:29

to use it to To

1:55:31

make power generate power by burning it

1:55:33

and they have this insane filtration system

1:55:36

that stops it from polluting the air

1:55:38

and then they take it and they

1:55:40

grind a lot of this stuff down

1:55:42

and they Use it to make roads

1:55:44

with it and they recycle everything. Isn't

1:55:46

that isn't our recycling bullshit? I remember

1:55:48

reading about this ago that our recycling

1:55:50

is all Every time I put

1:55:52

something in my recycling it makes me so angry

1:55:54

because I read like 10% of it gets actually

1:55:56

recycled Yeah, we thought we were good people. We're

1:55:58

just getting scammed sorts

2:06:00

of solutions to all sorts of problems and

2:06:02

one of them is gonna be non bulletproof

2:06:04

skin. Instead of stopping crime we're gonna just

2:06:06

like make everybody mandatory just so you get

2:06:08

vaccinated. Everybody's gonna have to get bulletproof skin

2:06:10

so we don't have to worry about gun

2:06:13

violence anymore. It doesn't work anymore.

2:06:15

We're just shooting each other in the head

2:06:17

like Wolverine. We're gonna evolve through technology. We

2:06:19

can't afford bulletproof skin. We're gonna all

2:06:21

look like turtles. We're

2:06:23

already like ninja turtles in the future.

2:06:26

We're all gonna be like covered with armor. It'll

2:06:31

be just wild kingdom out there in

2:06:33

the streets. Every day is a fucking

2:06:35

street takeover. Philadelphia, yeah. Philadelphia street takeover.

2:06:38

Maybe that's how we get out of this. You know

2:06:40

like humans had to figure out opposable thumbs to be

2:06:42

able to throw spears. Maybe we maybe

2:06:45

at one point in time we have to just

2:06:47

grow armor. We're not gonna fix this problem of violence.

2:06:49

It would be pretty badass. Yeah.

2:06:51

Especially if you're the first human with it. Like

2:06:53

if you get to be the first one who's

2:06:55

got armor. For real. How the fuck

2:06:57

did a turtle become a turtle? How

2:07:00

long did that take? I'm guessing

2:07:02

a lot. I think it was a rat found him in

2:07:04

the sewers. Let's

2:07:07

see. I won him at a carnival. But

2:07:09

think of all the animals that are so vulnerable

2:07:12

and this one motherfucker goes you know what? I

2:07:14

got an idea. And somehow or

2:07:16

another over the course of who knows how many

2:07:18

fucking million years it becomes a goddamn turtle. And

2:07:21

it's such a good design that it has changed

2:07:23

forever. Like alligators and crocodiles

2:07:25

just fucking smashing through turtles just

2:07:27

like a cookie. Salt watercocks.

2:07:29

Just crushing them up like they're nothing. Oh really?

2:07:31

Oh it's so disgusting. It's brutal. Yeah see if

2:07:34

you can find a video of that. I've transferred

2:07:36

to the Bulletproof Skin as a story from 2012.

2:07:38

It was a project with an

2:07:41

artist. I don't know that they were

2:07:43

actually ever trying to do this. That's

2:07:45

a fucking CIA cover. I couldn't find

2:07:47

anything. They're gonna cover Jason Bourne with

2:07:49

Bulletproof Skin first. And they're gonna say

2:07:51

Jesus Christ that's Jason Bourne with

2:07:54

Bulletproof Skin. I had

2:07:56

to do a gangster project. Oh, Genghis Khan wanted

2:07:58

it. Of course he wanted it. This

2:08:00

legendary emperor said to have issued his

2:08:02

horseman with silk vests as an arrow

2:08:04

hitting silk does not break it, but

2:08:06

ends up embedded in the flesh wrapped

2:08:08

in silk. Interesting. Wow.

2:08:12

So the silk was so strong that

2:08:14

the arrows would just go into your skin through this and

2:08:16

you wouldn't get hit. It's like a Kevlar. So

2:08:19

you would, you'd still get

2:08:21

fucked up, but you wouldn't get full penetration.

2:08:23

It wouldn't penetrate. Wow.

2:08:27

But it's silk. That's crazy. I'm

2:08:29

going to buy you a silk shirt and shoot you

2:08:31

with an arrow. That's crazy. Those

2:08:34

arrows sucked. Those

2:08:37

broadheads sucked. Joe Rogan

2:08:39

could fucking shoot somebody with a silk shirt on.

2:08:41

You could not do that today. Yeah, this is

2:08:43

different. I don't know what kind of silk they

2:08:45

had, but a modern day broadhead, those things are

2:08:47

horrifying. Well, I don't understand it, but it can't

2:08:50

just be like a silk t-shirt. They had to

2:08:52

have some type of thick silk even for arrows

2:08:54

back then. What was it? Yeah, it must have

2:08:56

been really thick because they were powerful bows too.

2:08:58

Especially the Mongols. The Mongols had these insane bows

2:09:00

that took like 160 pounds to draw back. And

2:09:04

they were famous for when they looked

2:09:07

at their skeletons, their bones, the one

2:09:09

side of their body was deformed because

2:09:11

they were pulling with the right arm

2:09:14

their whole life, their whole

2:09:16

spine and everything. They

2:09:18

have giant bones in their shoulders

2:09:20

and arms. Their whole body developed

2:09:22

to pull this fucking insane bow

2:09:24

back. So that kind of

2:09:26

a bow has crazy power behind it with

2:09:28

this bullshit homemade arrow and these fucking whatever

2:09:30

kind of heads they were using back then.

2:09:32

Dude, that would suck to put all that

2:09:34

effort into pulling the bow and then silk

2:09:36

takes it out. Oh

2:09:38

my God. I did that for nothing. I

2:09:41

got beat by silk. I wonder if it

2:09:43

would work with their bows. I wonder if

2:09:45

that was just for the enemy's bows because

2:09:47

the Mongols were, they were so advanced militarily,

2:09:49

which is really bizarre. That there's like one

2:09:52

dude's group who likes to live in tents,

2:09:54

decide to literally take over the fucking world

2:09:56

and would have done it. Got

2:09:58

pretty close. Yeah. I

2:12:00

can't believe I have to tell you don't do that Yeah,

2:12:04

and I got a sword bro, you're gonna get hit in this

2:12:06

head with a sword you're gonna forget all your jokes No,

2:12:13

I got him I got him a spider silk hat he's

2:12:15

fine Even if

2:12:17

you have that helmet on imagine how much I fucking sword weighs

2:12:19

and it's hit you in the well The armor is like 120

2:12:21

pounds 130 pounds How

2:12:24

much would you need around your head to let someone

2:12:26

hit you in the head with a sword? I need

2:12:28

a lot more than that. Yeah more than that a

2:12:30

lot more than that would be fun No, bro, you

2:12:32

get a shield to the head you're

2:12:34

getting CT motherfucking e you can

2:12:36

pretend that you're protected You are

2:12:39

not protected from that Remember

2:12:43

your jokes the dense in that guy's helmet where

2:12:45

he's got hit in the head with a fucking

2:12:47

sword and one medieval That's a ship fucking rules

2:12:49

and they're doing it live for what I would

2:12:52

describe is not that many people have 45

2:12:54

people who travel I know but if I went to this I would go home

2:12:56

and I go I can't believe there's only 45 people

2:13:01

Giant turkey leg get a giant goblet

2:13:03

gosh. We got everything Rancis

2:13:05

fair they got the dark game where you can

2:13:07

win the animal Look

2:13:10

at this he's on top of Eating

2:13:12

with his she oh my god is a

2:13:15

weapon he's meeting him with his weapon That

2:13:18

night insane that night had really

2:13:20

good top control Bro,

2:13:23

I got are you fucked up?

2:13:25

That are you okay? Yeah? That

2:13:28

kind of weight dropping down on your head with that

2:13:31

big-ass fucking shield look this virgin. He's gonna take his

2:13:33

helmet off Thank

2:13:35

you everybody you also have to take into a

2:13:37

Performing for you you got to take into account

2:13:40

the weight of all that armor on his arm

2:13:42

and how much more that's driving down The

2:13:45

impact of right right just coming down Yeah All

2:13:47

that weight because it's all covered in steel and

2:13:49

then he has his big-ass fucking shield and it's

2:13:51

steel gloves on He's coming down

2:13:53

in your head with that over and over and over

2:13:55

again. You think that's a terrible I'm a man yeah,

2:13:58

yeah, yeah, man that guy got my gotta Real

2:14:00

fucked up like a different kind of like

2:14:02

a crack skull type fucked up fed him

2:14:04

to a dragon afterwards I mean

2:14:06

that could you know it seems like that could

2:14:08

kill somebody like that that doesn't seem like even

2:14:10

with armor on I Don't believe that you can

2:14:12

be okay from getting hit like that in the

2:14:15

head well also all the shit from like from

2:14:17

the NFL Is like it's like

2:14:19

the helmet doesn't really matter because if you're

2:14:21

when it's cracking against your head And you're

2:14:23

rattling around how good could that helmet be

2:14:25

where you let a dude with a shield

2:14:28

and an iron Fucking sleeve on slam down

2:14:30

on your head over and over and over

2:14:32

again That could crack

2:14:34

your skull. I don't really agree with you at the

2:14:36

same box with an MMA person Well

2:14:42

that's there's no way that's I would do that

2:14:44

over power slap any day of the week So

2:14:52

insane this is so fucking let's me in

2:14:54

you play this game with spears Let's

2:14:57

go here's another one to the bathroom don't do

2:14:59

this you two and I do want to watch

2:15:01

a full paper view of this now Here's

2:15:05

the thing if you allow these guys

2:15:07

to have no armor dudes would sign

2:15:09

up if you decided you're gonna have

2:15:11

a full sword Fight version of this

2:15:13

with no armor guys would show up

2:15:15

with a fucking bikini on ready to

2:15:17

slice you up If

2:15:20

we decided one day if some

2:15:22

crazy country some fucking warlord dictator

2:15:24

type dude Decided to have

2:15:26

actual sword fights with no armor on

2:15:29

dudes would do it There's there's

2:15:31

enough psychotic men out there. They'll sign up into something

2:15:33

Yeah, there's a show I was back in the day

2:15:35

there was um we used to watch felony fights, dude

2:15:37

Oh, yeah, and those guys would have they would give

2:15:39

the two guys nunchucks It might just beat the shit

2:15:41

out of each other on a parking lot and just

2:15:43

two fucking Mexican guys Wailing on

2:15:45

each other. I remember this max how many people fuck

2:15:47

this white dude up and He he

2:15:49

was a good boxer and he cracked him and knocked him out

2:15:52

and then when he got him on the ground He kept dropping

2:15:54

knees on his unconscious Horrible,

2:15:58

it was horrible Yeah, yeah, the

2:16:00

sound. Like seizing up and shit. I was

2:16:02

listening to Howard Stern the other day. It

2:16:04

was an old one where they were talking.

2:16:06

The people that were. Good old days. Yeah,

2:16:09

the people that were trying to get on

2:16:12

like the one way trip to Mars. They were gonna try

2:16:14

to do it. When was it from the years? Like

2:16:17

2012 and they said it wasn't gonna go until 2020. So

2:16:20

I don't think it ever ended up happening. But like there

2:16:22

was, they said it was thousands of

2:16:24

people were trying to get

2:16:27

on that mission. One way trip to

2:16:29

die on Mars. Thousands. To die. That,

2:16:31

when I said it had to be whittled down. By the way, it's

2:16:33

being whittled down to like 16 people. So

2:16:35

it was not a lot of people. But they were like, oh

2:16:37

yeah, you had to go through. And it's like, how

2:16:40

many doctors and all. It's pretty crazy. Like how much

2:16:42

people are willing to do some shit. Nutty people, bro.

2:16:44

There's a lot of people out there that wanna end

2:16:46

it. They said they wanna be null. They said for

2:16:48

sure. They said, well not for sure. But they

2:16:50

said, odds are you definitely will never

2:16:53

make it to Mars. And

2:16:55

if you get there, it'll, it's like, it's everything's just

2:16:57

kinda like, you're probably gonna die en route. You're

2:17:00

always gonna have people that wanna sign up for that kind of stuff.

2:17:03

Yeah, whatever the thing is. There's like, remember back

2:17:05

in the day, there was a big thing in

2:17:07

New York in the 90s. There were bug chasers.

2:17:09

It was like a sect of the gay community

2:17:11

that was trying to get AIDS. Oh yeah, yeah,

2:17:13

absolutely. There's a great series

2:17:15

on Netflix right now called The

2:17:17

Terror. And it's about these

2:17:20

guys that try to cross the ice paths

2:17:23

in like the 1800s and they never make

2:17:25

it. Spoiler alert. It

2:17:28

gets fuckin' dark, dude. It gets dark. These

2:17:30

dudes just got stranded on a boat with

2:17:32

other guys and of course they start eatin'

2:17:35

each other. The real story. It's based on

2:17:37

a real story. These gentlemen actually did do

2:17:39

this and they didn't find their body. They

2:17:41

didn't find anything till years and years later

2:17:43

they went and they found clear evidence of

2:17:45

like people gettin' cut up. What was the

2:17:47

time period? 1800s. They

2:17:50

just thought they were slick and they were

2:17:52

gonna make it across. And it was a

2:17:54

particularly cold winter and the ice never thawed

2:17:56

in that area. And they

2:17:58

just got stuck there. They just got stuck and then the ice. developed

2:18:00

all around them and they were there for years. I

2:18:03

mean that like that's like a thing of survival which I understand

2:18:05

but you see people that go to like what's

2:18:07

the big? Fish concert and start to get together. It was

2:18:09

new snacks. What's

2:18:14

the mountain? The like the tallest one,

2:18:16

the hardest one to ever. Everst? Everst.

2:18:18

You see those videos of like the bodies that are

2:18:21

like, the bodies are now markers. Like you get to

2:18:23

a certain, they name a guy like Jim. It's like

2:18:25

that's Jim. He's when you're at however many feet high

2:18:28

and there's no way to get their bodies back

2:18:30

down. So they just are staying frozen. You have

2:18:32

to leave them there. No one can retrieve them

2:18:34

and stay alive. It's too dangerous.

2:18:36

That's wild. It's fucking nuts man. You can find

2:18:38

like one of the first guys that ever died

2:18:40

up there. They he's like, it's

2:18:42

all white. It looks like a statue and

2:18:45

he's face down, face down on

2:18:47

the rock, frozen. And they don't touch the. See

2:18:50

if you can find the image. The image is haunting

2:18:52

because it's there for anybody. There isn't one person who

2:18:54

can climb it who can like. No. No,

2:18:56

they're saying one person that can climb it that's done

2:18:58

like something shitty to the stuff up there. Yeah,

2:19:00

make it something. Probably. You

2:19:03

know, when you were kids, you take like the reindeer on people's

2:19:05

lawns and put them in different positions. Look

2:19:07

at this. This guy's dead. But

2:19:10

there's one we, that one in the lower left

2:19:12

hand corner, Jamie. That one. That's the one.

2:19:15

Look at that. Wow. Bro. Imagine

2:19:18

walking past that and go, yeah, that guy's a

2:19:20

pussy. I'm gonna

2:19:22

fucking make it up there. And I'm gonna come back

2:19:24

down. I'm gonna jerk off on his back. Okay.

2:19:29

With a fucking Chicago Bulls hat on.

2:19:32

So he's completely frozen. Yeah, he's frozen.

2:19:34

He's dead forever. He's been dead for a

2:19:37

long time. Look, that guy's got old ass

2:19:39

clothes on that have been just slowly worn

2:19:41

away by time. Yeah. It's amazing.

2:19:43

Look at his head, he's right here, your picture from the 70s. But

2:19:45

this is what happens, like people die, like you'll be in a group

2:19:47

and somebody dies and you go, well guys, we have to leave him.

2:19:50

And you're like, you're like, what? That's my cousin. You have

2:19:52

to leave them while they're dying. Yeah. Or

2:19:54

you could die. Yeah. Like you can't help

2:19:56

them. And they're just gonna die a slow

2:19:59

death. Look at these guys. I can't believe how

2:20:01

many people agree to like do like death

2:20:03

sentences but like then there's something like this

2:20:05

submersible thing that was just like Everyone

2:20:08

was like cheers and champagne like this the best

2:20:10

and then just ends immediately. Oh, they saved that

2:20:12

guy Look who got trapped. Oh my god. Imagine

2:20:15

getting trapped like that. And that's it. You just

2:20:17

slowly die Wishing you

2:20:19

could just get shot in the head and

2:20:21

not have to slowly die. That's so insane

2:20:23

It's all so insane and it's just

2:20:25

to get to the top to say you got there. I Mean

2:20:28

is it how exhilarating it

2:20:30

has to be so I bet it's not that great Well,

2:20:33

it's probably you realize you could do something very

2:20:35

difficult Which a lot of people have a desire

2:20:37

to do and it's also bragging right for a

2:20:39

lot of dickheads A lot

2:20:42

of dickheads. I tell you I've been in Nepal.

2:20:44

I went up to Everest really helped the community

2:20:47

A lot of people they just do it for street

2:20:49

acoustic guitar song up there. It's pretty good People

2:20:52

they just want to fucking challenge themselves though in some

2:20:54

insane way where they might die I think it's when

2:20:56

you don't have kids all any of those things like

2:20:58

skydiving all I never did I always wanted the skydive

2:21:00

and I'm terrified of heights But as soon as I

2:21:02

had a kid I was like, I'm not not the

2:21:05

same. I'm the same Yeah unnecessary risk and I said

2:21:07

now is my daughter's older to like having that thing

2:21:09

where it's like now she'd have to be like

2:21:12

What happened your dad like motorbike ride

2:21:14

and open? Yeah, exactly motorcycle. I think he

2:21:16

turned it was raining and he turned on his motorcycle

2:21:19

A little too fast. Oh, I was gonna get a

2:21:21

motorcycle license I was sitting in traffic and I'm just

2:21:23

watching cars or motorcycles zip between me and I was

2:21:25

like dude I got to get a motorcycle and It

2:21:27

was maybe the fifth time that I crashed my car

2:21:29

in 2022 But I was like this

2:21:31

is gonna be the death of me as Lewis had a

2:21:33

moment where he was like I don't think I should do

2:21:35

armored fighting or get a motorcycle Maybe

2:21:38

neither of these are good ideas. I have to

2:21:40

trust you except pee It's

2:21:46

no you're leaving the number one show in the

2:21:48

number one show in the world being left in

2:21:50

the hands of the Legion of Skanks, what could

2:21:52

possibly go wrong? Let's take calls What

2:21:57

if it just turns out there's been phone lines

2:21:59

the entire time People have been waiting to get

2:22:01

on. What a jokin' experience. Jim on three

2:22:03

says you got some new ideas for the show. But

2:22:06

it's all way behind. It's all a guy

2:22:08

who's like, I wanna say something to Brian Redman. You're

2:22:11

years late, sir. Yes, I've

2:22:13

been on hold for 17 years. This

2:22:17

is going well, guys. What do you guys think? I

2:22:20

think it's going pretty well so far. Does he like us?

2:22:22

And when I say us, I mean you two. I think

2:22:24

this Joe Fala has a future in broadcasting. Oh yeah, he's

2:22:26

doing all right. He's doing all right. I'm gonna give him

2:22:28

some notes, but man,

2:22:30

I'll tell you what though, his

2:22:33

on-air stuff, his accoutrement to the table is

2:22:37

very different than ours. It's cooler than ours. We always have a

2:22:40

racist bear. We have a racist bear. I like

2:22:42

to think we're getting there. Yeah, we

2:22:44

are. But no one's ever made

2:22:46

us art out of drums or stuff like that.

2:22:48

Yeah, this is all really cool stuff. This is

2:22:50

an actual dinosaur head. It's

2:22:53

a real skull. Yeah, he was like, dude, this is actually

2:22:56

a real UFO. We actually went to

2:22:58

Mars and found a miniature UFO. Oh, isn't this

2:23:00

like a Tyrannosaurus windpipe or something? I don't even

2:23:02

think I'm wrong about that. I think it's something

2:23:04

like that. Jamie, is that

2:23:06

what we're looking at? There might be a walrus

2:23:08

dick up there somewhere. It does kind of look

2:23:10

like a walrus dick now that you mention it.

2:23:12

That was pulled out of the permafrost in Alaska.

2:23:15

This was? Yeah, see how it's like shaved or

2:23:17

sawn there? That was the, no one knows why.

2:23:20

It's all flat like that. That's

2:23:22

the top. Dude,

2:23:25

if I steal the thing from the permafrost. Everybody take

2:23:27

a little thing. Dave,

2:23:29

take a commemorative coin. I'm gonna take DICE's cigarette.

2:23:32

Nah, I don't need to steal anything. I'll be

2:23:35

back. Maybe we should leave something. Shit. Yeah, Dave.

2:23:38

Dave, we really dumb you down for the show, huh? Oh,

2:23:40

we're having fun, boys. I'm going to do it in my life.

2:23:42

No, no, no, Jamie was telling us about this Deon

2:23:45

frozen walrus dick or something. Yeah,

2:23:47

it's a bone. That's

2:23:50

it? Oh, no, it's not. We actually have

2:23:53

a walrus. What is it? What bone is it? What kind of

2:23:55

bone is it? The walrus

2:23:57

dick bone. The walrus dick bone. Where is that? the

2:24:00

other studio it's not up there we

2:24:03

had a walrus dick is it not very big it's

2:24:05

very huge giant this big

2:24:07

walrus sticks actually have bones yeah what

2:24:09

is it called a proboscis dude isn't

2:24:11

it proboscis a nose it's

2:24:13

called a baculum it's

2:24:20

bone that's it that's what

2:24:23

they look like that's giant and that's an

2:24:25

actual walrus is cock yeah that's why they're

2:24:27

always hailing Hitler big

2:24:30

fancy yeah they it's actually a bone because

2:24:32

nature doesn't have time for your hard odds

2:24:35

you get a bone with us it's like

2:24:37

too complicated raise kids like you got to be really

2:24:39

into this I want you to be like in the

2:24:42

mood yeah fully committed with your dogs have bones or

2:24:44

no yeah they do yeah dog

2:24:48

they find out isn't it a recent are you fucking

2:24:50

with the right now I think cats have bones I

2:24:52

don't know if dogs have bones isn't there a Loch

2:24:55

Ness Monster actually like a whale flipping upside down

2:24:57

in his car coming out of the water yeah

2:25:00

I've heard that the Loch Ness Monster photo the

2:25:02

famous one is fake as fuck but

2:25:04

they said it's actually if you see a

2:25:06

whale flipping over on its back and it's

2:25:09

dickens that's what it looks like they said

2:25:11

probably much could have been that nah it's

2:25:13

horseshit or it's a sturgeon probably a sturgeon

2:25:15

canine baculum yeah yes they have dog dicks

2:25:17

they have a penis yeah it's

2:25:20

called a bet so they have it same thing baculum

2:25:22

it doesn't taste like it has a bone in it

2:25:25

I think it's only us I think that

2:25:27

we're the chips and the primates the only ones

2:25:30

that God doesn't trust like you can't have

2:25:32

a bone that is just use it all

2:25:34

day long you never build houses it's a

2:25:36

good God made the right call on that

2:25:38

one hundred it's too easy for us to

2:25:40

fuck so the bone dies off that's probably

2:25:42

what happened because it's too easy because