2:00

I'm not sure if I've ever said this before, but

2:02

I crashed a couple of cars. No!

2:08

I want to say, it

2:10

was for me the daftest thing is the

2:14

intrigue and discovery of

2:17

the manatino. And

2:22

I think if the manatino was

2:24

mounted on the other side of

2:26

a Ferrari steering wheel, I

2:29

would have had less costly issues

2:32

in my motoring career. It

2:35

was there, it was right in front of

2:37

you. It says, twist me, go all the

2:40

way to the end, go on, go one

2:42

more, ice is not cool. And

2:48

clearly, as a total dick that

2:51

I am, or twat,

2:56

I always have to do it while there's someone

2:58

behind me I want to try and impress. So

3:04

I can never say that, I can

3:07

never hide the fact it happened. There

3:09

was always an audience, which

3:14

makes life so much more embarrassing. Once

3:17

in Italy and once into

3:20

a bus stop in Swindon.

3:23

No! Okay,

3:28

well I would say those are stupidity

3:30

and not daft. But I'm going

3:32

to go to Chris Cooper, who's going to give the example

3:34

of daft. So I've

3:37

got some more, but I'll come back to them. It

3:41

was daft that I thought when

3:43

I was 17, that my

3:47

mother had a Fiat 126. My

3:50

mother probably used to go out and leave the Fiat 126

3:53

and the keys to Fiat 126 about the house.

3:56

We had a field where I grew up in Kent. And

3:58

it was daft to imagine that we... could

4:00

do skids and like a figure of

4:02

eight oversteer handbrake turn. It was daft

4:04

to think we could do that and

4:06

they wouldn't notice because

4:09

funny enough when you look from the

4:11

upstairs window all you could see was this figure of eight

4:14

skiddage in the field.

4:16

We tried disguising it by cutting the grass

4:18

a lot and

4:21

it was daft to imagine that they wouldn't notice

4:23

that why is the

4:25

lawnmower got no petrol in it? Why

4:27

is the lawnmower been used so much and why is

4:29

it only in the field not in the front guards?

4:31

That was pretty daft and Fiat

4:33

126 actually I think is a

4:36

lovely car. It's a lovely well it was

4:38

a central gravity of daft because when

4:41

it was because it used to snow a lot when

4:44

Neil and I were younger and you'd go

4:46

out in the winter and you'd think

4:49

and I lived in Kent rural Kent Road growing up and

4:51

there's lots of little country lanes you think how

4:54

would you get the car to oversteer?

4:56

I've seen oversteer I've no idea what

4:58

it is but it looks quite fun

5:00

I've seen Ranniest doing it so

5:02

I realized that you could get the car to oversteer

5:05

by turning it a corner and that would just push

5:07

on think that just that's just boring you end up

5:09

in a tree but if you turn in and then

5:12

dump the clutch push it down lift up again

5:14

that sort of it seems to do something helpful

5:16

it makes car so it was

5:18

daft to imagine that I could do that and

5:21

not end up upside down in the ditch which

5:24

is where I ended up

5:26

thinking this rear-engined with

5:29

a wheelbase of about three inches when you

5:31

lock the rear axle this rear engine rear

5:33

way thing wouldn't just go backwards into a

5:35

ditch and obviously just turn over upside down

5:37

and it was daft to imagine that we

5:39

could push it back onto its wheels without

5:42

anybody finding but I think the daftest thing

5:44

I've done because it's

5:46

sort of like what were you thinking it

5:49

wasn't I wasn't trying to

5:51

be clever it was

5:53

I'm sure I've told you about his before monkey

5:55

it was I was driving

5:57

back from Germany possible.

8:00

How daft could you be? I'd like to

8:02

think I'm a reasonably sensible grown-up bloke but

8:04

I thought this is a perfectly normal sense

8:07

to do. So I got stuck and I've

8:10

never been even racing at the ring or

8:12

spa in the chucking rain where you can't

8:14

see anything. That wasn't as

8:17

scary as being stuck in

8:19

daftitude with my sweatshirt. So

8:21

the daftest thing I've ever done in the

8:23

car is thinking it was okay kids to

8:26

try and take a non-stretchy upper

8:29

body garment off in

8:31

a moving motor vehicle on a German autobahn

8:33

at 180 kilometers

8:35

an hour or something. That's very

8:37

fast. How I got away with it? I

8:40

always think what would they do this at home?

8:42

When they do the post-mortem what would they think

8:44

I was doing? I mean they

8:46

think I had a problem. No Clifford, no

8:48

Clifford you strike me someone that despite

8:51

your imprecents of humour isn't

8:53

that up to doing daft things in

8:55

cars because actually you buy such

8:57

daft cars you don't even need to

8:59

be daft do you? But

9:03

I am. Save

9:06

me. Often I

9:09

think that I have a number

9:11

of man crushes. I think we

9:13

all have man crushes and

9:15

one of them most of us know this

9:17

man is this gorgeous Italian

9:20

called Massimo. And

9:22

Massimo is the most sophisticated good-looking

9:26

stylish gorgeous

9:29

Italian man like most Italian

9:32

men. Did he know you think this? Yes

9:35

I've told him. I have a league

9:38

of man crushes and he's number

9:40

three. We'll discuss

9:42

the other two later. And

9:45

he said one of his unlucky. Yeah

9:48

exactly. He said to me

9:50

you know what Neil I've got I've got

9:52

tickets to the AC Milan Inter Milan Derby

9:55

at the San Siro on Saturday

9:57

night. I've never been to the

9:59

San Siro. And of course,

10:01

going with him would be beautiful because the seats

10:03

would be lovely. It's

10:05

90,000 gorgeous men with beautiful hair

10:07

and beards dressed in navy blue.

10:11

And I thought, fuck it, I'm going to go to that. And

10:14

it was a Saturday night. And

10:16

I thought, okay, well, it'd be fine. I just drive

10:18

there. So I jumped in 997 GT3 RS. And

10:26

I left my house at sort of 5am on

10:28

a Saturday morning and drove all the way to

10:30

Milan and got there

10:32

at about 6 o'clock, parked

10:34

at the hotel car park, went

10:37

and met Massimo amongst his

10:39

other gorgeous, lovely, navy blue,

10:41

beautifully trimmed friends. And

10:44

we went to the game and it was a beautiful game.

10:46

And I thought, oh my God, I can't believe I've never

10:48

been to the San Siro. And

10:50

we got a lift back. There

10:53

was a rather more in

10:55

this Lamborghini Urus that was legal. But

10:58

anyway, they took us back in a lamb,

11:01

his friend in a Lamborghini Urus back to

11:03

my hotel to

11:05

get to bed. And I thought, you know what, I'm

11:07

not tired. And

11:09

it was a Saturday night. And I thought, I'd love

11:12

to get home for a roasted, love

11:14

to get home for roast dinner. This would be

11:16

nice. I surprised the wife. I'm going

11:18

to drive back. At this

11:20

point, it was about half past 11 at

11:22

night in Milan. I'd just driven there. And

11:26

I jumped in the GT3 RS and

11:29

drove back. And of

11:32

course, I had a red ball and a

11:34

couple of expressos in. I was feeling very

11:36

sophisticated and adventurous and, oh, this would be

11:38

fine. You know, maybe I'll have an hours

11:41

kit or whatever would be fine. And

11:43

then the sleep comes over you. And

11:46

then you get to the Italian service

11:48

station just outside Turin. And

11:50

you just know that you're going to wake up and

11:53

your car will be gassed and your wallet will be

11:55

gone and the wheels will be gone. And

11:57

then you're like, oh, shit, what am I going to do?

12:00

I can get to France, I can get to France. So

12:02

I hacked it to France, got

12:04

to France, had a couple of

12:06

hours queue. In the world's most uncomfortable

12:09

car to sleep in, frankly, woke

12:12

up at about sort of 5 a.m. as the

12:14

sun was coming up, but it was a lovely,

12:17

beautiful French service station, and not like our shitty

12:19

things, had another two espressos,

12:21

big bag of Harrybo, couple of red

12:23

balls, and drove all the way

12:25

back and got to the

12:27

Eurostart about midday and rocked up for

12:30

roast chicken about half past two in

12:32

the afternoon, having driven to Milan and

12:34

back in one day. That

12:38

was cool. That sounds cool,

12:40

not daft. Yeah, it does sound cool, yeah. It

12:42

was a daft, it was probably daft decision to

12:44

make the return. And you didn't get gassed? No.

12:48

No, it was daft and cool. When you say gassed, what do

12:50

you mean? Did they gassed you in your car? Yeah,

12:53

yeah, yeah, you know like the south of France

12:55

when you rent a villa, sort of, Jensen's button

12:57

style and all that. It

13:00

does happen, actually. What, a lot of gassed in

13:02

your car? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

13:04

yeah, yeah. Well, that was

13:07

what I thought. I mean, I've got no proof this year.

13:09

Okay, yeah, yeah. But I thought it could happen. Neil's got

13:11

blue eyes behind him. Neil's got blue eyes behind him. He

13:13

should travel. Blues and blues, blues

13:15

and roses. Oh, oh. Yeah,

13:18

exactly. I'm gonna get

13:20

a bloody parking ticket, I'm sure. Bloody

13:22

Christmas. And yeah, so

13:24

that was cool. I did 1,000 miles both ways, almost

13:28

2,000 miles, it's about 900 each way. So

13:31

1,800 miles in about 27 hours or something. That's

13:35

quite daft. I think, actually what

13:37

you were, was you were a motorist for a

13:39

couple of days. That's basically what I used to

13:41

do. Used to wake up and

13:43

just drive across Europe. And

13:46

I think, I can't keep

13:48

count of the number of daft things I've done in cars.

13:50

Because quite often, I

13:53

think the really daft behavior comes

13:55

about when you've got two people, normally

13:57

men, in a car. they

14:00

get bored. And

14:03

when you become bored, and you're

14:05

with a mate who's a similarly

14:07

immature individual, frankly, what happens

14:10

is unrepeatable, you know,

14:12

some really stupid stuff happens. Now,

14:15

I think some of this, I

14:17

can't incriminate other people, but I can remember,

14:20

you know, when you're in the middle

14:22

of France driving to an auto route, 120 miles an hour,

14:24

and someone says, right,

14:26

you'll cross your legs for the next 10 minutes

14:29

or something. It was terrible what we get

14:31

up to. And we would try and try

14:33

and hand sandwiches to each other at 120

14:35

miles an hour, and

14:37

of course, after mayhem. But I

14:40

do, I remember always

14:42

trying to race the Eurostar, I'd wait for

14:45

a Eurostar to race, to love

14:47

doing that. Because he did, I was

14:49

talking to the lovely James Walker of TI

14:52

22, actually, who Neil knows. Lovely

14:54

man. He's got a lovely facelift, sort

14:56

of 2001 blue 996

15:00

Carrera, the 3.6 litre car, they were

15:02

really quick. And that was the weakest

15:04

tool for the dual, you needed that

15:06

or more performance to catch up with

15:08

the Eurostar. So that was, you

15:10

know, again, daft things that we do. I think,

15:13

certainly to a multi car colleagues when they

15:15

were on the Millbrook Bowl and put a

15:17

Bentley, they put a Bentley Conti

15:20

R cruise control

15:22

in the back now on the

15:24

fourth lane, they got in the back. Yeah,

15:26

that's mad. I mean, so there's lots of

15:28

dark stuff. We do that. Can we do

15:30

that? Can we not tell anyone? I think

15:33

I think there's a collecting cars

15:36

little road trip. Oh, there probably

15:39

is where we could do that. But

15:41

I think what if anyone here listen to

15:43

cabin pressure, the radio

15:46

for comedy. See for me,

15:49

when I first heard cabin pressure, for those of

15:51

you that have not heard it, it's a radio

15:54

for comedy that had Benedict Cumberbatch, Roger Allen is

15:56

absolutely brilliant written by John Finnamore. It is without

15:58

a doubt the best radio comedy ever written.

16:01

And it's about this totally dysfunctional little airline

16:03

that's got one play and there's just five

16:05

of them. And Douglas

16:09

Richardson played by Roger Allen always leads the

16:11

silly games. So they're either

16:13

playing Simon Says or they're not

16:15

allowed to say the traffic controller,

16:17

they say Simon Says first. And

16:20

it reminded me of working at Orscar

16:23

and I just loved the darkness of it. It

16:25

would be how many, I can remember being in

16:27

a Ferrari 575

16:30

Maranello on the south coast of France. And

16:33

the main thing that I cared about was that

16:35

I had to try and get one more baby

16:37

bell into my mouth. I didn't give a shit

16:39

about this new power gearbox.

16:41

But if I could get a 12 baby bell

16:43

in my mouth, it meant that I got the

16:45

Polka mix next time we stopped at the service

16:47

station. So I think. Oh,

16:49

I love I love food games. A whole

16:52

bag of Maltese is in one go. That's

16:54

a great game. Exactly. Exactly.

16:56

And we would do this endlessly. And

16:58

I loved it. But I think it's out and out

17:01

darkness. Yeah,

17:05

I think I think I probably

17:07

almost couldn't quote them. They're too silly. But

17:10

I would I would say crossing your legs

17:13

at three figures is not the cleverest thing I've

17:15

ever done. No, I remember you telling us that

17:17

story. The live podcast, I think I'm not not

17:20

especially proud of it. But I do love I like the

17:22

word daft. I wrote down other words that we

17:25

need to use. Queer

17:27

in the correct sense, you're allowed to say that

17:29

something is odd is queer. And also I'm loving.

17:31

I like the word loving. That's

17:33

a lightly shocking word. And my auntie would

17:35

always say, oh, love me. Love me.

17:38

Right. Moving on. Maserati.

17:44

Does the world still want

17:47

it or need it? It's a bit of

17:49

a grand statement, but a bit of a

17:51

loaded question, maybe. But let's move on to

17:53

Edward Lovett, who probably knows more about trying

17:55

to sell these things than anyone else. Go

17:57

on. Maserati

20:00

any of us wanted to buy we thought

20:06

You you referred to the MC 20 is a

20:08

bit of a parts bin car, but it's a

20:11

great looking thing We

20:14

have one of them when they've obviously taken a bit

20:16

of a dip so you can imagine that sorry no

20:19

you would say Well

20:21

to me it's clear If

20:24

there is if there is an Italian Jerry

20:28

Jerry oh, yeah It's

20:32

the Italian Jaguar. Yeah It's

20:35

a hundred percent the same story as

20:37

Jaguar, but it's got to know

20:40

on the end Jaguar. Oh Because

20:42

it's you know, it's not been cool.

20:44

I frankly take watch

20:47

reporter, but really it's

20:49

from the late 60s

20:51

early 70 Ghibli probably I

20:54

mean I had a bit of a thing with

20:56

the sort of 90s Ghibli and Shamal and all

20:58

that because Harry had one and it Was all

21:00

good and reading Evo, but they were they're quite

21:03

shit cars really are shit cars And

21:05

I think and I think it's

21:08

always lived in the shadow of

21:11

Ferrari I think it was so

21:13

detrimental to the Maserati brand that

21:15

it was part of Ferrari It's

21:18

like a like a bird in a

21:20

nest that doesn't get fed and It's

21:23

you know The mummy bird feeds

21:25

all the others feeds Ferrari feeds

21:27

Ferrari and then it's just gonna

21:30

die and that's what's happened to it

21:32

Here's a question for you. Here's a

21:34

question. We just said that do you

21:36

so is Maserati Failure

21:39

it hasn't failed but it's been failing

21:41

for a while. Is that

21:44

entirely linked to the success of Ferrari? The

21:46

Ferrari had been weaker could Maserati

21:48

have flourished more I

21:51

think if Maserati wasn't owned by

21:53

Ferrari for such a long time

21:56

because Ferrari as a group

21:58

didn't give a shit about Maserati.

22:00

But actually, isn't it

22:03

owned by Stellantis? No,

22:05

it is now. But

22:07

I think my view is if

22:10

it was owned by heaven forbid

22:12

BMW, just like what VW

22:14

have done with Lamborghini, or frankly,

22:17

even if it was owned by

22:19

Geely or someone, it probably would

22:21

have had more investment, more

22:24

effort, more time, because the

22:26

name, the name is

22:28

good enough, right? The history is incredible.

22:32

Unfortunately, there's only one

22:34

pasta dish, okay,

22:36

two, if you include Lamborghini, you

22:38

know, and the third

22:40

one has just not been fed and

22:42

it's died in the nest, like Jaguar.

22:45

Chris will probably give the best economical

22:48

answer, but it just isn't

22:50

economical, is it, and BMW

22:53

don't need to own Maserati because if you

22:56

own a BMW, you want the ultimate driving

22:58

machine which is a BMW, you don't need

23:00

a Maserati badge stuck on the front and

23:02

these brands just

23:05

can't survive building what

23:08

they used to build because at Maserati,

23:10

they would have to build an electric car, they

23:12

have to build an SUV, they have to build

23:14

a sports car and there's not

23:16

enough consumers out there to buy

23:18

all these cars to end the volume they

23:21

would need to be successful or relevant. It

23:24

was interesting, I think, I need

23:26

to check this actually and some of you will correct

23:28

this, but I think

23:30

Maserati's time in

23:32

the Ferrari stable was actually quite short,

23:36

I have six years, seven, eight years, I doubt

23:38

it was seven or eight years. I think it's quite

23:41

short. Is this 3200

23:43

era? So

23:47

it was basically late night, sort of 2000s.

23:51

So I'm currently wrong, but the 4200, so they kind of fixed

23:53

3200 that had the 4.2 litre normally

23:59

aspirated engine. was the first Ferrari Maserati. That

24:01

was the first Ferrari Maserati. And I remember

24:03

trying that down at station

24:08

Maranello's Egan bypass, that one,

24:13

thinking that's a really nice car, and

24:16

had an auto box rather than the Canby

24:19

Accorso thing, and it was

24:21

just shit. It

24:23

was just really, really- Luca was not gonna

24:25

put any effort in- No, and I do

24:27

think there is something Neil,

24:30

in what you say, that, because

24:33

clearly Ferrari wanted that, if Ferrari didn't want that

24:35

to happen, it probably wouldn't have happened, and it

24:37

must have had an initial plan, but

24:39

then it just got, and

24:41

then it got into Fiat Chrysler,

24:45

and when

24:47

Ferrari sold their stake, now it's part

24:50

of the Atlantis thing, and

24:52

there was that long period of just, is it part of,

24:54

is it a bit like Alfa Romeo,

24:56

we could go on forever about Alfa Romeo, is it

24:58

a bit like Alfa and a bath, and it

25:01

was suddenly, it was sort of, we've got so

25:03

many brands in Stellantis, we've gotta have

25:05

sort of the slightly Esoteric, not

25:07

very good, probably a bit shit,

25:09

group of Italian sporty brands, Alfa,

25:11

a bath, and Maserati, I

25:13

think nothing good's gonna come out

25:15

of that, it's just gonna be mediocre, and I looked

25:18

at, I thought, can I

25:20

even, no, MC20, I

25:22

thought they're probably still making that. Ghibli,

25:25

probably- I like the look of

25:27

the MC20, I think it's a

25:29

very pretty car, it's just a bit too

25:31

expensive. It's very, very pricey, what is probably

25:33

quite good at the moment, probably

25:36

quite good at the moment secondhand,

25:38

but the Gracali, isn't that wrestling

25:40

or something, or the Levante, isn't that?

25:43

Mesopotamia. You see a lot of them,

25:45

in Italy, you see a lot of

25:47

the four by four things actually. That's

25:49

because they're all given as company cast as

25:51

senior players. So I fear that

25:55

if the question is, does the world still want or need

25:57

it? The last

25:59

time I thought, So, yeah, about

26:01

10 years ago, when the Mark 5,

26:04

just before the Mark 5 Quattroporte got

26:07

replaced and the

26:09

Grand Turismo. And he

26:11

was gone, but he'll come back. He'll be back.

26:13

That must be the Rosas chasing him for his

26:15

parking fee. The

26:17

Grand Turismo was

26:20

quite, very long, but it just, and the, in

26:22

fact, there's one, I might have missed it, it

26:24

was a Grand Turismo Cabrio.

26:27

Must be the longest open space on a car.

26:31

They're good value. They're good value. It was, I have

26:33

to say, next one of those comes up in collecting

26:35

cars, I'm going to go a little bit with that.

26:37

My Grand Cabrio. Grand Cabrio. Grand

26:39

Cabrio, yeah. I think maybe we asked

26:41

the wrong question. Does the world want

26:44

or need Maserati? I'm not sure the

26:47

current world understands Maserati.

26:49

That's probably true. I

26:52

don't think people even want to.

26:54

I think this year my pal

26:56

Marino, who races lots of

26:58

lovely cars that belong to Ten Tents, was racing

27:00

in Nick Mater's 250F. And

27:02

you go and stand next to that thing. It

27:04

is. It is one of the

27:06

most brilliant pieces of automotive design.

27:09

It's the 1950s F1 car. If

27:11

you ask a child to draw a car from that area, that's what

27:14

they draw. And I

27:16

think it's an incredibly powerful vehicle

27:19

to look at and to hear and to see. And

27:21

I went to watch the Ferrari film. I think we'll

27:23

do a separate podcast on that last

27:25

week, I can't remember. And

27:28

what that reminded me was just this. The

27:30

Ferrari Maserati rivalry was real. It

27:33

was pertinent to the success

27:35

of and actually the ultimate failure

27:37

or success of both companies. They

27:40

decided they framed their success on

27:43

winning the milli-milli-a, really. You know, you raced on

27:45

Sunday or you raced that week and then you

27:47

sold on Monday. And I

27:49

think one of

27:51

the things I didn't know as a young journalist

27:53

was that actually it's quite insulting to have both

27:55

those brands under the same roof. That their rivals,

27:58

they shouldn't be done by the same company. You

28:00

know, they should be run by, they should have been bought

28:02

by a rival. And of course, Luca

28:04

was never going to invest in it. But

28:07

for me, there are certain names in

28:10

this world that can't, they're almost unkillable.

28:13

I think Jaguar is a very difficult name

28:15

to kill. This is a great name for

28:17

a car company. Yeah, I agree. I think

28:19

Aston Martin is a great name for

28:22

a car company. You know, we've

28:24

tried to, people have tried to kill Aston Martin for

28:26

eight times, they just can't kill it. Not

28:28

deliberately, but yes. Yeah, I

28:31

think Maserati might be the same. If I

28:33

started an electric car

28:36

company tomorrow and I wanted to make

28:38

something that was a little bit sporty, and I

28:40

found out the name Maserati was available for 20

28:43

million euros, it's the first thing

28:45

I'd invest in. Yeah. Because I just

28:47

think that's a fantastic name. But the products,

28:49

yeah, the products have been, there it is, you say

28:51

you're back, you're back. Oh,

28:54

good. Now you look like you're, Instagram

28:56

films are something that you're at your

28:58

doorbell trying to steal from you, Neil.

29:00

It's one of those. Oh no,

29:02

no, no. It's interesting you say that,

29:05

Chris. And although I think

29:07

I'd like to agree as

29:11

someone who listed off beautiful

29:13

Maseratis of the past, I

29:16

think commercially, you wouldn't

29:18

do it. It's a waste of money. And

29:21

you probably wouldn't even bother starting an electric

29:23

car company tomorrow because Tesla is so far

29:25

ahead. I know, I know. There's something about

29:27

that name. Yeah, there is. DeTomasso as well,

29:29

I think he's a great name. Well,

29:32

that is a good question. If

29:37

we had to imagine, if we

29:39

got to choose and one day somebody will let us choose.

29:42

If we had to choose, okay, stand to us. You

29:46

get to introduce a new Maserati. What

29:48

would it be? What would we say? Well,

29:52

it would have to fit into your

29:54

life. Wouldn't it? What do

29:56

you need? What would you like? I sound like a

29:58

sadder. I've talked about this. about in the

30:00

car today. I'm absolutely certain what it would be. Because

30:03

I have I look at it with

30:05

my management hat on, of course, I don't have one

30:07

of those, I'll put my management hat on that. So

30:10

that makes me want to have on. I'm telling

30:13

you, it would be a very,

30:15

very fast saloon car. I'll tell you

30:17

why. Because the whole point of

30:19

this Italian bubble of cars is that we now

30:21

know they don't want to compete with each other.

30:24

Ultimately, Ferrari make great sports cars, and they've

30:26

got the purest time way. Lamborghini just make

30:28

absurd cars for people that I don't understand

30:30

now. So Lamborghini, the brand, I don't understand

30:32

they got that thing, and all their sports

30:35

cars are a bit of a joke. So I

30:37

don't care if they're faster, my happy, they don't,

30:40

I don't really take them seriously. So I think

30:42

within that, what what is no one initially making

30:44

a really good fast saloon car? So I

30:47

wouldn't do it because passion about making saloon cars.

30:49

So what, why would you take on the Urus?

30:51

Look how well it sells. Why would you take

30:53

on their new super hypercar thing that's going to

30:55

sell like hotcakes, and all the Ferrari stuff sells

30:57

out straight away for how long we don't know.

31:00

But it seems to me that the one thing

31:02

that Maserati always did, is it they tried to

31:05

make Ferrari light, they tried to make sort of

31:07

diet Ferrari, and it never works because I want

31:09

to know I'd rather spend the money on

31:11

the real thing. Exactly. Yeah. And I think that

31:14

the last Daniel Craig Bond film,

31:17

No Time to Die, that

31:19

opening the pre-titled scenes, managed

31:22

to be very impressed. I know what

31:24

that is. Yeah. title scenes in that

31:26

No Time to Die. There's

31:28

a Maserati Gen

31:30

4, isn't it? With that, with

31:32

that now at the time, I thought, now

31:36

that shape and that

31:38

muscular hodge. Great looking car. Oh,

31:40

I just thought, that

31:45

I remember seeing my thinking that thinking, how

31:48

good does that look? So I think

31:50

some muscular the

31:52

pre facelift, Mark

31:54

5, Bottra Porte, that would have been

31:56

up to about 2010. Mater mind have

32:00

on down in Cornwall. And

32:02

when they had the old style rear

32:04

lights, quite interesting real lights that had

32:06

proportion and stance and muscularity

32:09

and just imagine an Alpha

32:11

Julia quadrifoglio but done at

32:13

250 grand, even

32:16

more beautiful twice as fast with

32:18

individual rear and bucket seats in

32:20

that that says Maserati to me

32:23

in a way that, you

32:25

know, a legonda or four

32:27

door Aston and all the repeat

32:29

never really did. Jaguar

32:32

doesn't nobody else does. And

32:35

they sell it in China or America. I don't

32:37

think it'll come. Why don't you think it can

32:40

you sell it in China? I'm

32:42

asking I probably probably not.

32:45

I don't know. But the UK dealers

32:48

that were offered the chance to no longer have

32:50

Maserati on the side of their buildings. I

32:53

think the sign the sign the sign industry

32:55

is quite busy that day because everyone decided

32:57

to hold down. Yeah, certainly no, there was

32:59

one I used to drive past on the

33:02

M4 towards Swindon. Well,

33:06

my view of that, can I just have 30

33:08

seconds? No one, which

33:11

maybe is there's a reason for this, but

33:13

it's the same as Jaguar conversation. No one's

33:15

doing a competitor to 911. For sure have

33:19

got it all sewn up with

33:21

not one competitor. Farries twice

33:23

the price. Why Why

33:25

aren't they doing a fabulous sports car

33:28

for 140 grand? Yeah,

33:31

that's a fact. That's a fair point. And in

33:34

the same way that the reason they're

33:36

not building electric car because they're fighting

33:38

and losing battle, I think I think

33:40

Porsche, the 911 might be the right

33:43

battle to get involved in with with Neil.

33:45

I agree with you. I think if you

33:47

were sat here today thinking I'm going to

33:49

start an electric brand, I think you might

33:51

as well give up. You know, China is

33:53

so strong domestically. I think China is going

33:55

to win that battle. Correct. So you've

33:58

got to you've got to build the old sports

34:00

car I guess to stand

34:03

any chance of having the

34:06

fan base needed to reignite the

34:08

brand but that's a massive

34:11

call. That's Everest isn't it? Yeah it's

34:13

a tough gig but that's the only

34:15

space. Now if you're

34:18

doing yourself down it's a piece of piss. With

34:20

these skills we've got Neil to run the company,

34:22

we've got Chris to do marketing, I could

34:24

do a bit of chassis work, Edward could do...

34:26

I'll do PR. No you're doing retail. You're

34:30

doing interior fragrance, you know that. Right

34:33

here we go. It's the Yuletide

34:36

period and we want to discuss driving

34:39

around the Christmas period. Discuss. Do you like

34:41

it? Do you not like it? What are

34:43

the bits that you find fun? What are

34:45

the bits that you find not fun? Neil

34:48

Clifton. Well

34:50

I know we're trying to be very

34:52

joyous and upbeat and positive about Christmas

34:54

but I bloody

34:57

ate Christmas. And

34:59

the only good thing about Christmas

35:02

is because between the 23rd

35:05

and about the 3rd because everyone's

35:07

not working apart from people

35:09

in my industry, the roads

35:11

are empty and it's the

35:14

most joyous time to go for a

35:16

drive. Christmas day,

35:18

boxing day, there's no one on

35:20

the road, it's beautiful.

35:23

So actually the only

35:25

thing I like about Christmas is

35:27

you can go for a drive and there's a lot less

35:29

traffic. I

35:31

want to add one thing to that last point. Ten

35:35

years ago there was no traffic on the road on Christmas day.

35:38

There's now quite a lot of traffic on the road

35:40

on Christmas day, it's quite disappointing. If you wake up

35:42

and think, oh I'm going to go for a little

35:44

Squirt in a sports car. If you meet

35:46

a disappointing number of cars now, ten years ago it

35:48

was almost on your own. But there does seem

35:50

to be a lot of people moving around, maybe it's

35:53

because so many families have broken up and everyone's running

35:55

between, ferrying their kids to their ex or whatever it

35:57

is, but there does seem to be a lot more

35:59

traffic. You're

38:00

not going on the M25. I

38:02

get the fact that we're all

38:04

driving to Granny or whatever. But

38:06

if you stay off the M25

38:09

on Boxing Day, there's not a

38:11

lot of cars on roads. There are

38:13

fewer cars than normal. But

38:15

if I think back to

38:17

the ultimate example of when

38:21

there was no traffic on the road,

38:23

and this sounds disrespectful, but it actually

38:25

comes back to a Christmas thing. Because

38:27

one of the great Christmas

38:30

songs is Chris Rea's Driving Under

38:32

Christmas, which the music level is

38:34

very simplistic and banal. But when

38:36

it comes on in the car, I

38:39

don't switch over to the station and I do smile a bit inside

38:41

and think, well, good good will

38:43

and cheers to all the other people on there. It's lovely. But

38:45

Chris Rea once told me a great story. And

38:48

he is a massive car enthusiast. He's a big

38:50

time. And he told

38:52

me that he was

38:55

being respectful, but he said he was mentioning, let's

38:57

say, a large funeral in about 1997 for a

38:59

very famous person who was part of

39:01

the royal family who passed away. And he said, you

39:03

know what, there's no respect. It

39:06

occurred to me that might be the best time to go

39:08

and drive. And he just bought a 550 Maranello, he

39:10

told me, he said he had the best drive of his

39:12

life. So whilst the funeral was on, he said that he

39:14

didn't see another car. It's true.

39:16

Royal weddings are the best time to

39:18

go and drive. I

39:21

think that's what reminded me

39:23

of Christmas when I was younger. So

39:25

when I just started driving, if I went out Christmas

39:28

night, I can remember thinking

39:30

to myself, 1992, when I

39:32

passed my test, I won't drink over lunch. I

39:35

won't have a glass of wine because that allowed me

39:37

to go driving in the evening. I'll do that the

39:39

whole time because I'll go out and drive in my

39:41

mini and you wouldn't see many people. So

39:44

that side of it I love. However,

39:47

I don't know if any of you have had

39:49

to suffer this, because if ever you are one

39:51

of these people like me that spend a lot

39:53

of time on motorways going up Bristol and London,

39:55

when you're heading out of London, Friday

39:59

afternoon, What

42:01

would you change in terms of what would

42:03

you change about Chris is just

42:05

trying to sort his internet out. What, what, what

42:07

do you want to feel when you walk into

42:10

a car? The only

42:12

one and I'm not blowing

42:14

smoke up your bottom, Ed,

42:16

but the only one that I really love

42:19

to walk into and maybe it's because I

42:21

know the personalities is Ferrari Swindon. Yeah.

42:24

And I adore Matthew and it's

42:27

so sharp and everything's

42:29

perfect and the staff

42:31

are smiley. They're happy. They're informed.

42:34

They're knowledgeable. They're welcoming. There's good

42:36

coffee. It's everything you want apart

42:38

from that. You got a

42:40

BMW Tring. Frankly,

42:43

try and spend 60 grand on a five series

42:45

estate. It's a terrible experience.

42:47

Yeah, but that's because it's been

42:49

owned by unteened different people. It's

42:51

always the outlying, outlying members. I

42:55

think there's a bit of that. I think the

42:57

other thing is that a lot of these dealerships

42:59

now that the design of them has been determined

43:01

by the manufacturers who simply have never worked in

43:03

a car dealership. And, you know,

43:06

at least Ferrari Swindon, you know, it's

43:08

impossible not to get eye contact with

43:10

a human being when you come into

43:12

the showroom and you go into

43:14

Porsche center, West London, the

43:17

salesman are locked in a cupboard

43:19

upstairs somewhere. And no one,

43:21

no one wants to get eye contact with

43:23

you. No one's interested. I, it

43:26

blows my mind how they, is that

43:28

because, is that because they don't need

43:30

to because I can

43:32

tell you they fucking need to now. They

43:34

must be now. Yeah.

43:36

If I, if I ran one, if

43:38

I was running Porsche center, West London,

43:40

I'd move the fucking cars out of

43:43

the showroom. I've put some desks in,

43:45

I'd put some desks in the showroom

43:47

and I, and I would, I would

43:49

bonus everyone on being the first person

43:51

to speak to a customer. The very

43:53

best salesman we had at BMW in

43:55

Bristol. He, he positioned his seat and

43:57

fought to have his desk in a

44:00

place that he could see he was the closest

44:02

to the front door. And he

44:04

could see every car driving off

44:07

the off the highway at cribs. And he

44:09

saw them get out their car and walk

44:11

through the forecourt. So and beautiful, beautiful. He

44:13

just ran for them the whole time. And

44:16

you know, they're bone idol now salesman

44:18

may may be because the way they've

44:20

been trained. They're all doing emails. They

44:23

are doing it. But Neil, I

44:25

can't get into response to my fucking

44:27

WhatsApps. I have to say that is

44:29

my family. That is one of the

44:31

business families that are all on families. Same

44:34

thing. Even at Christmas. Yeah. When

44:36

they say, Oh, I'll get them to call you

44:38

back. Yeah. You know,

44:40

they never will. What Chris, what

44:42

about my kid because Eddie got

44:45

potty mouth? Yeah, no, Neil,

44:47

we were gonna get we were getting annoyed about car

44:49

dealerships, then Chris wanted to get romantic

44:52

and Neil and I throw it in the bin. How

44:55

did we go from Christmas to

44:57

car dealerships? I

44:59

tried to say I think I

45:02

feel quite because I'm due to have

45:04

a little visit down to actually the poorer side

45:06

of the road, the road

45:09

from the Ferrari Swindon dealership, the

45:12

lesser side of the campus. I quite

45:14

like going there at Christmas because the people

45:16

in there, right, they're very quite friendly. And

45:18

they might offer you a mince pie. And

45:21

the Christmas trees up. And

45:23

it just feels you know what? I

45:26

quite like I think we're exposed to

45:28

the fact that we're normal citizens. We

45:30

don't expect the VV IP with a

45:32

nil Clifford finger is terrifyingly there get

45:34

a photograph of that. It's so big

45:37

as well. Look at the size of

45:39

it. Have you got that? Yeah,

45:41

Jesus, no clipper. That's your finger on

45:44

the on the screen. It was terrifying.

45:46

Anyway, Chris, not to waste too much

45:48

time. Neil thinks you're on the Hammersmith

45:50

flyover when you froze. And I thought

45:52

you're about to let rip off the

45:55

last bit where you go up towards Esten

45:57

serves. She's not about that. It's about the fact that

45:59

you you're dealing with people that don't drive very

46:01

often. And they

46:03

just don't, you're not matched fit, it's like flying

46:05

a helicopter or whatever it is. I'm

46:07

sure they're not bad drivers, but these are the ones

46:09

that sit there and

46:12

they bloody sit in the middle lane at

46:14

72 miles an hour, gassing away to

46:17

their other half. And they're totally oblivious

46:20

to what they're doing. And they're just, there are

46:22

many, I'm sorry. And at Christmas time, they're at

46:24

their worst. You can see them. That is true.

46:26

They're in their Tesla Model X or whatever it

46:28

is that's 130 grand that gets

46:31

used twice a month and just gets

46:33

whacked off every time. And you

46:35

just think, I just wish you weren't anywhere near

46:37

me because I'm going to cause an accident. I

46:39

don't think you're very good. So the addicts have

46:41

one piece of advice for driving home for Christmas.

46:44

Don't drive home for Christmas. Yeah.

46:47

Yes. Or if you do, can you do

46:49

a time of day when we don't see you? When we don't see

46:51

you. That's my

46:53

favourite. We were going

46:56

to move on to guide to driving

46:58

politely. Now, this is a very short

47:00

oneness. I was out with one

47:02

of my children earlier today doing a bit of

47:04

driving because he hasn't taken his test yet. And

47:07

I kept saying to him, you didn't

47:09

say thank you to that person that waited for you. And

47:12

he'd say, why don't you say thank

47:14

you? I told him. Because

47:16

you need to be aware of those around you

47:18

that are making allowances for your driving and to

47:20

make your life easier. And just a little thank

47:23

you. I know that we can discuss

47:25

the ins and outs of when does that stop. Because you

47:27

can't play thank you tennis until you're all bored. But

47:30

he was quite, why do I need to do that? I said,

47:33

because you absolutely do. It's an immutable law

47:35

of the road for me. If you don't,

47:38

you're the people that are rude to people that

47:40

serve you in restaurants. I

47:42

think you should always say thank you. And I don't know

47:44

where you guys feel about it. But at this time of

47:46

year, how many situations that

47:49

can get very, very fiery could

47:51

be avoided if one just observes some

47:54

basic rules of being polite to other

47:56

road users? I think courtesy- This is

47:58

a different Chris Harris. Does that him, does

48:00

he come back as a different person? Just because you've never

48:02

said thank you to anyone but anything yet, but don't have

48:05

a go at me. Go on. I

48:07

think courtesy is a gift you can pass

48:09

on and it flourishes. There

48:12

you go. You see? Oh, lovely. There

48:15

you go. And at this time of year, I've

48:17

got a bit of a bugbear about this one.

48:21

They mean well, but they're wrong.

48:24

Those people, those people

48:26

who took you down

48:29

our lane where

48:31

it's sort of single carriageway and

48:34

there's a passing place at the bottom of the

48:37

hill and one at the top and it's slightly

48:39

over. So you've got to see if

48:41

it's coming up. So if you stop at

48:43

the top and then

48:45

flash your headlights or just turn them off and

48:47

on, somebody comes up the

48:49

hill and you've been waiting there and they want

48:52

to say thank you. And to say thank you,

48:54

they flash their lights. No. Don't

48:57

like it. I can't see a fucking thing. Excuse my

48:59

friend. Don't

49:01

do it. What you should do,

49:04

and I did

49:06

it in the past to see today, just

49:08

little one little ping of the

49:10

hazard flashes. Not

49:12

like that's your accepted language of thank you. Is

49:15

it? Well, you know,

49:17

because these days you can't turn the headlights off

49:19

because no one remembers where the headlights, which is.

49:22

Because all these automatic headlights, where's

49:25

the button? You never use it anymore. You just leave it

49:27

on automatic. So it just comes on. So

49:29

to turn the headlights off, that would

49:32

be a very acceptable courtesy and

49:34

spreading the politeness and goodwill at this time of year. But no

49:36

one knows what that bloody thing is. It's a bit like fog

49:38

lights we talked about last week. Where the hell's that switch gone?

49:40

No idea. But the hazard switch...

49:42

I think that's right. I

49:45

think the thank you from

49:47

behind, if that's such a

49:49

thing, or when you're in front but your face is in

49:51

the social setting. Is there a different podcast, Neil, that you're

49:54

normally on the front? A thank you from behind. Yes.

49:57

If you're doing a thank you from behind. I

50:00

don't do hazards. I do the little flick of

50:02

the left and the right of the indicator. Oh,

50:04

OK. Listen, I think

50:07

what we've happened across

50:09

here is there's no accepted general

50:11

language for saying... I think everyone's got their

50:14

own slight quirks and they don't always resonate

50:16

with other people. Like, what Neil did there,

50:18

he's given a bit of a wing wave.

50:21

He said drop the left wing, drop the right wing.

50:23

I'm not sure I'd see that. If I didn't see that, I'd

50:25

still think that wank it and say thank you. No, you would

50:27

see it. Why are you driving a Lamborghini Espada with shit? I

50:29

don't think he's seen it. Yeah,

50:33

I just think he's gone off again. I just think

50:35

he's a bit flash. Why has he painted it Bruce

50:37

DeGroene? Yeah, or is he saying,

50:39

are my indicators going? My indications

50:42

aren't bloody going. Why is he thinking at me?

50:45

That guy was totally off. Well, bloody,

50:47

my indications aren't going. I'm going to

50:49

flash the bastard to death. So this is

50:51

now, OK, we're going to provide a public service here. The

50:54

addicts are now going to supply

50:56

the accepted thank yous and the

50:58

unacceptable thank yous when

51:01

you're on the receiving end of Goodwill for another

51:03

driver. So Neil's saying that he

51:05

thinks a left right on the indicator is the best

51:07

thing. Yeah, from behind.

51:09

That's love from behind. I've

51:13

got that film somewhere. What

51:15

do you reckon about? So flashing people

51:17

is the wrong thing. I'll crowd

51:19

to that, Chris Cooper. What if you're driving a

51:22

car or Renault from the mid-noughties and you've got

51:24

one of those blue windscreen that means you can't

51:26

actually see the person inside. So you can't often

51:28

you can think they can be someone waving at

51:31

you going, thank you, thank you, but you can't

51:33

see them. I hate that. I

51:35

think they're a real way. Particularly at night

51:37

because you're looking you're looking to the lights

51:39

for some kind of signal and

51:41

somebody is gesticulating wildly in

51:44

the car, getting more and

51:46

more cross. A

51:48

little if you're letting somebody out at a junction,

51:51

then, you know, this body language is a little well.

51:53

Stop. Stop. Leave

51:56

a gap. Make it

51:58

obvious they can enter. the gap

52:00

that you've proffered, which is why I think,

52:03

if you can remember with the headlights, I'll just turn them

52:05

off, but if somebody's let you out, if

52:08

you've been let out into a road and

52:10

there's somebody behind you, I

52:12

do think a little one

52:14

ping on the hazard flashes says,

52:17

I haven't done that by mistake, I haven't done winky

52:19

wanky sort of, you know, oh my goodness, I'm

52:21

all... You say Neil's

52:24

winky wanky? No,

52:26

I don't know. About five minutes each

52:28

other, I can imagine these two have

52:30

like, they don't even know what they're

52:32

fighting all the time. What is that

52:34

winky wanky? We'd be there forever. Well,

52:37

actually we wouldn't, we're telling why we'd be there

52:39

because we'd be desperate to offer our courtesy to

52:41

the other. No, no, no, no, no,

52:44

after you. Yeah, that's the one, but that's the

52:46

one I love. Thank you, no, thank you, thank

52:48

you. Well, at what point someone's got to stop

52:50

the thank you's, I've got to break the chain.

52:54

I think it's the flash really, I

52:56

don't agree with the hazard thing, it's

52:58

all you don't know where the hazard

53:00

button is, it's all a bit complicated.

53:02

If you flash somebody, you blind them,

53:04

I think that's discourteous. Just not a

53:06

little, no, a little touch. Yeah, but

53:08

with these, with these new, you know,

53:10

sort of super-duper laser ones,

53:12

they don't just flick on

53:14

a bit, they just come whammo and they

53:18

stay on for a bit and they sort of, in

53:20

the old days you could just like, this is just

53:22

brush the thing and half a volt

53:24

of electricity would just trickle into the headlights

53:27

and be a little bit of a ping-picker,

53:29

but now it's just like, bam. Yeah, okay.

53:32

Do you think that's your aging peepholes,

53:34

a bit sensitive these days and a

53:36

younger Chris Cooper might be less sensitive?

53:38

No, well a younger Chris Cooper would have been less sensitive,

53:41

but that's not because my eyes are going funny. I

53:45

always think the best thing, if in doubt, if

53:47

you're remotely worried, just fucking

53:49

do that loads of times as the car

53:51

coming towards you. That would do

53:54

it, that would do it. No, I

53:56

think you've taken what was meant to be

53:58

a very nice subject into something We've done

54:00

that on offer, haven't we? I've just written

54:02

here, let people in, smile

54:04

at people, and give thumbs up to

54:07

kids and adults who look at your

54:09

car and go, wow. Exactly

54:11

that. Yeah. Exactly that. Yeah. Exactly that. And if

54:13

someone wants to stop and have a chat about

54:15

your car, stop and have a chat about your

54:17

car. Yeah, have to say. Oh, yeah. I love

54:20

to see the variety

54:22

of people that certain cars

54:24

give that reaction to. And

54:27

when their kids are pulling on their

54:29

dad's or mum's arms wanting to point

54:31

at something, I think it's such a

54:34

wonderful reaction. I know. It's great. That is

54:36

true. I think there is something. Look at

54:38

that ginger in that green Porsche. Look at

54:40

that. It's a ginger. There

54:46

is. Did you remember that years

54:48

ago, Edward, when you were young

54:50

and stylish? Oh, come on. I'm

54:53

sure when you were in the early part

54:55

of the world, highly charged professional career, and

54:58

you were thinking for every little edge

55:01

in your burgeoning commercial empire, remember

55:03

those color me beautiful people? That

55:05

sort of thing a few years ago, where people

55:07

come along to you, and they would tell you

55:09

what your colors were. Remember that?

55:12

No. What do you mean? What do

55:14

you mean? Well, they would be when I was at

55:16

Deloitte's. Deloitte's

55:18

thought the most important thing for

55:20

good consulting was it was

55:23

usually a young lady would come along and would

55:26

look at the person and

55:28

tell you what colors to wear. Now,

55:31

you're in the fashion business. You all know this is

55:33

probably complete nonsense. So we were told what colors we

55:35

were and where we were warm or cold or whatever.

55:39

Am I the only person who remembers this? Yes.

55:41

I think it was a dream. It was a

55:43

dream you had. I think they skipped over the

55:45

Auto-Card Road Test team. They might have skipped over

55:47

that. I'm sure. There was a very weird woman

55:49

that approached you to say that. Yeah. They didn't.

55:52

So they never told you that slightly

55:55

Titian. Shall we call it Titian

55:57

rather than Ginger? No, no.

56:00

You're on a different podcast now

56:02

as well. He's a strawberry blonde

56:04

and he bloody knows it. He's

56:06

actually a posh name for ginger.

56:08

Right. He's fussy with that. Puffy

56:10

holes. He's absolutely fine with that.

56:13

Okay, well I think we're broadly in agreement that

56:15

we all like to say thank you. And that's

56:18

ultimately... I will try, because I

56:20

love Neil, I will try the winky wonky...

56:23

I'll know it's you in

56:25

Hertfordshire. Yeah. From behind. Okay.

56:28

Only from behind. This

56:31

being a slightly shorter podcast today

56:34

with no manage sadly. We're going to

56:36

also do our last little topic

56:38

now, which won't last that long. Because we've got

56:40

to be just a minute. I've asked everyone here

56:42

to name their favourite cubby hole in a car.

56:45

And you're allowed one. So everybody, if you list

56:47

seven, then a big, multi-pieten

56:50

style foot is going to come down out of

56:52

the top of your screen and give you a

56:54

right kick on the hooter. Fine. Well, I

56:56

will start, but I am going to... On

56:58

the proviso, if Neil doesn't give the one

57:00

I think he's going to, I will end

57:02

with it. Okay, you go first. Ed will

57:04

go first. So Neil doesn't jump in. So

57:08

the first one is

57:10

the Carrera GT sunglass

57:12

holder. That 99% of

57:14

Carrera GT owners never

57:16

knew. Power to the people.

57:18

Yeah, power to the people. Where is it?

57:20

I don't even know where it is. It's

57:23

at the top of the door. On the

57:25

inside. You press it and it

57:27

pops open. Oh, so it's like a Rolls-Royce umbrella. Correct,

57:30

but it's got a little leather pouch in

57:32

the same colour as the leather of the

57:34

car. That's cool. For your sunglasses. Yeah, that's

57:37

cool. That's cool. Neil Cripples, is he there

57:39

or not? For your stash. Neil

57:42

Cripples, is he there or not? No,

57:45

that's not my one. That's not the one I

57:47

thought. No, I'm

57:49

keeping that one. Do

57:52

you know how this game works, Edward? I told you that's

57:54

my one. If

57:57

Neil picks the other one or doesn't, I

57:59

will be... delivering that one anyway. Anyway, what's

58:01

yours Mr Clifford? Go

58:06

on Neil, what's yours? I think

58:08

I'm definitely more down with the people.

58:10

The 1987 3.2 Carrera door storage box.

58:17

Oh, you've got mine. That's it. It's

58:19

the best one. It's the best thing ever. Yeah, it's the

58:21

best one. Because it's like a TARDIS. I'm sure you get

58:24

a suitcase in it. Everything goes in

58:26

it. And it's also got that

58:28

sort of carpet lining on the inside. Oh,

58:30

it's the best one. Oh, Neil Clifford. You're

58:32

my man crush of the day. I was

58:34

thinking no one else would choose that. But

58:36

for me, and also the

58:39

club sport for Lightning

58:41

had the lid taken off it. So it was

58:43

just literally an open space. You

58:45

can always drive with your elbow in it. Sweets,

58:48

chargers, extra batteries, the little thing for

58:50

the Eurostar, everything, your wallet, everything goes

58:52

in it. Right. I'm out of the

58:55

game. So Edward, that can stand the

58:57

crew. GG Chris Cooper. Well, I had

58:59

993 door pocket. It's

59:03

the same bloody thing. I think it's the

59:05

same thing. But well, I've only got that

59:07

because my my first 9-11 was a

59:10

993. And

59:12

there was something about the door pocket and

59:14

it's feel. Yeah, it's lovely. And

59:17

it's engineering and it's solidity and what you

59:19

could put in it and

59:21

just a little ledge on it. I

59:23

just thought that was something a really

59:25

weird thing to say. That was the most

59:27

almost the most portion thing

59:29

about it. It was just the same thing.

59:32

It's lovely. The other one thing we have to recognise

59:34

is because you sat so low relative to the tired

59:36

of going before it was quite high.

59:38

It wasn't the sound into it. You reached

59:40

across the line and it was there. Yeah,

59:44

it was. Yeah. The one

59:46

Neil didn't say is the

59:50

9-11R sandwich holder, which for

59:53

those who don't know, but we'll put a picture

59:55

up of it. Hopefully this is going to be

59:57

a little bit late tomorrow because we are recording.

1:00:00

this on a Thursday evening. But

1:00:04

for a modern car where pretty

1:00:06

much everyone expects to see sort

1:00:08

of gubbins or navigation systems or

1:00:10

rail users, you look at it

1:00:12

and think, surely

1:00:16

something should be there, it makes no

1:00:18

fucking sense. But

1:00:20

I just think the statement of

1:00:22

it being there. I know. It's hard working in

1:00:25

the centre. All of the cool owners of 911Rs

1:00:27

don't have the stereo. Even

1:00:34

with the rubber mat in the dashboard, if

1:00:36

you accelerate, whatever's in there is landing on

1:00:38

your lap straight. Because I'm contrary, I would

1:00:40

only buy a 911R with the stereo. Oh,

1:00:44

shit. No. Interesting. All this

1:00:46

all this puristic, it saves two kilograms. Just

1:00:49

go and do a big poo. You need

1:00:51

music, don't you? Right. That's a

1:00:53

big poo. We're going to move on to a

1:00:56

two-car garage. Oh, which

1:00:59

references Manish in

1:01:01

his absence. So I forgot it, but I

1:01:03

wrote it down 30 seconds ago because I

1:01:06

and I've nailed it. I've

1:01:09

not done it yet. So I'll do it on the hoof. Here

1:01:11

we go. This

1:01:15

is from Martin Laver 4707. How

1:01:18

many Martin Lavers are there?

1:01:23

477, I think. 4707. Okay. Manish is Christmas present. After

1:01:25

years of Manish going on about not

1:01:32

having a fancy car, the rest of you decided to

1:01:34

come together to get in something special. You

1:01:36

also want to replace his current family wagon

1:01:38

because he keeps complaining of the seat fabric,

1:01:40

he's looking crumpled. So you've

1:01:42

got £200,000. Jesus Christ, we're generous, aren't we? I

1:01:46

was going to say, can I have your heart next week and you get me something? Don't

1:01:49

interrupt whilst we're reading out the two-car garage, Cooper. That's

1:01:51

a yellow card. Right. Here

1:01:54

we go. I've lost my flow. You've got £200,000. You

1:02:00

also want to, you've got £200,000 to get him

1:02:02

in a fast family carrier and a sporty number

1:02:04

he can turn up to events in. But

1:02:07

because of recent directors cut his tenure

1:02:09

service in which he made a derogatory

1:02:11

comment about Ferrari, Ferrari are now refusing

1:02:13

to supply him with anything from their

1:02:15

fleet and will blacklist anyone who does.

1:02:18

So this is all hypothetical. So managed is

1:02:20

not blacklisted by Ferrari, apart from it. So

1:02:23

we've got 200 grand to get him a fast family car

1:02:25

and a sporty car that he can turn up in, but

1:02:27

it can't be a Ferrari or anything associated with it. Off

1:02:29

you go, Edward Lovett.

1:02:32

So I don't think he

1:02:34

managed, he's talked about this on the podcast,

1:02:37

but he might have. So I'm going to

1:02:39

deliver his current dream family wagon, which

1:02:42

apparently is a BMW 520i touring.

1:02:44

So you know, he should probably

1:02:46

get what he asked Father Christmas

1:02:48

for Father Christmas

1:02:50

for Christmas. So Father Christmas has

1:02:52

got managed what he wants for

1:02:55

Christmas. And

1:02:57

now clearly Manish is like totally delusional

1:02:59

and he probably doesn't need a 456M

1:03:01

at all because he's just

1:03:04

never found the right one. And when I look at

1:03:06

Manish and when I see him, it's

1:03:09

very clear the car he needs to own. He just doesn't

1:03:11

know it yet. And I know we've all said it's a

1:03:13

911, but it really isn't.

1:03:16

I think it's a Vanquishes, the previous

1:03:19

generation Vanquishes. I

1:03:22

think that is the car for Manish

1:03:24

Pandig. It's not a car for a small

1:03:26

man, for a big man, sorry. So he

1:03:28

could fit, he could fit,

1:03:30

he can actually use the rear seat in that

1:03:32

car. I

1:03:34

think that's a tailored interior.

1:03:37

I think it would fit

1:03:39

him perfectly. Not the VH1,

1:03:41

so it's the sort of the DB9 derivative.

1:03:44

Yeah, the one that, what was it, four

1:03:46

years ago they finished it. The

1:03:49

long run of the Vanquishes

1:03:51

automatic gearbox. Brilliant, brilliant car.

1:03:53

No Clifford. Right,

1:03:56

he's only ever had one car since he was... and

1:04:01

therefore he can't cope with

1:04:03

different switch gears and fonts

1:04:05

apart from Audi. Yeah, yeah.

1:04:07

So we're buying him an

1:04:09

Audi, even

1:04:12

though he says he prefers a BMW, he'll end

1:04:14

up buying an Audi, to be honest. RS6,

1:04:19

brand new, whatever they're bloody

1:04:21

called, Performante or, you know,

1:04:23

Special Plus Audi RS6. Lovely

1:04:26

chic, he's very chic managed, so

1:04:28

I'd have a navy blue with

1:04:30

tobacco, all the options, probably London 10

1:04:32

grand or something, even though it's worth 75,

1:04:34

about a week later. But

1:04:37

I'd get him a, you know, I'd get him a

1:04:39

fabulous Audi RS6 Plus, doodah, whatever it is. And

1:04:42

then I would, I would, I

1:04:44

would get him a 456. I'm collecting cars,

1:04:47

the one owner car, I don't know,

1:04:49

Eric Clapton's from New because we all

1:04:51

want to, we all want an Eric

1:04:53

Clapton. Yeah,

1:04:55

we all want an Eric Clapton

1:04:58

car, it's posi blue, no shields,

1:05:00

tan, full service history, you know,

1:05:03

there's not been any dogs in it, it

1:05:05

doesn't smell of cigars. Eric

1:05:07

has only driven it 3000 miles from New. Eric's,

1:05:11

you know, so successful, he didn't know how to price

1:05:14

it, so it's 79,995. You've

1:05:17

nicked it off of Eric because he

1:05:19

put it on piston heads. And

1:05:21

therefore he's got his dream

1:05:23

combo. Yeah,

1:05:26

I think that's a good combo, Chris

1:05:28

Cooper. So when did the 520 stop

1:05:31

being a six cylinder? Oh, God.

1:05:33

Well, there was a, they had

1:05:35

a weird thing in the 79 or 80 where they

1:05:37

put a four, the 320 became a 420. So

1:05:43

was that in the E12? No,

1:05:46

no, no, it's less than that. I

1:05:48

thought it would be, it was basically the

1:05:50

E39 was the last six cylinder. The

1:05:53

E60s were all four cylinders. I thought you're going to give me a quirky one.

1:06:00

went from the 70s? No,

1:06:02

it's basically 2015. No, 2004. Yeah,

1:06:09

2003. But I think you'll find a

1:06:11

520i was still six cylinders, but a

1:06:13

520d was four cylinders. No,

1:06:15

520i, e60, the e39 520i was the last six cylinders

1:06:21

520. I didn't realise it was

1:06:23

that long ago. I remember saying you

1:06:25

saw an F10. Can you

1:06:28

please add to the comment section? Because I've just

1:06:30

asked Chris Goodwater, two car garages. We're now talking

1:06:32

about when a particular BMW went from six cylinders

1:06:34

to four cylinders. Yeah. So that's why we talked

1:06:36

about that. About

1:06:38

1500 quid of two grand. So he's got a

1:06:40

lot of money left. Current 520

1:06:42

for a four cylinder car, whatever

1:06:44

it is, 60 something anyway, mental.

1:06:46

So I think Neil's on the right lines here. I would

1:06:49

have got him probably

1:06:51

a C7 RS6 clear glass

1:06:53

that much more modest looking

1:06:55

exterior, not quite so brash,

1:06:58

blah, blah, blah. And I

1:07:00

think for his super

1:07:03

duper sporty number, it's

1:07:05

got to be McLaren. Yeah,

1:07:07

I agree with that. Oh, he's going to

1:07:10

kill himself. He's going to kill himself. It's going

1:07:12

to be the car that Senna made most

1:07:14

of us go well in. It's

1:07:17

got to be in McLaren. Zach would love him. 720S clean

1:07:20

hand on. No, 720. I

1:07:26

think he'd love that. He would frighten the life out

1:07:28

of himself. He loves to be that. I'll tell you

1:07:30

what, I'll put on manage. He'd need lots

1:07:33

of replacement underwear in the West and that

1:07:35

thing. Yeah. But I think we're missing a

1:07:37

trick. Christmas. I know, I

1:07:39

know. And he should be grateful to this. So

1:07:41

I think we're missing a trick here. First of

1:07:43

all, I think of a new Audi RS. I

1:07:45

agree with it has to be an Audi. I

1:07:48

don't think I don't think you should cross codes.

1:07:50

No, I think he's happy with Audi. He's an

1:07:52

Audi man. And there's nothing to be changed there.

1:07:54

I think it's going to be the current RS4.

1:07:56

The current RS4 is the dark course of the

1:07:58

RS range. It's a much nicer car to drive

1:08:00

than the new RS6 actually if you go down a road. So

1:08:04

I have RS4 but I wouldn't have an

1:08:08

RS4 a new one. I don't year old

1:08:10

that dark blue colour clear glass

1:08:12

and some black leather that was fine. Manish,

1:08:15

the Mrs and 2 Co would be happy in that.

1:08:18

But we're missing a trick here because when we think of Manish's

1:08:21

world colliding and we think of the

1:08:23

person that he adores the most that his

1:08:26

hero Ed Sinner, he had

1:08:28

nothing to do with Ferrari road cars. There was

1:08:30

only one car we associate Ed Sinner with

1:08:32

as a road car and that's the NSX. He

1:08:34

should have an NSXR because then

1:08:36

every time he got in it, he

1:08:38

could remind himself of that amazing bit

1:08:41

of footage of Ed Sinner at Suzuka

1:08:43

driving the NSXR with the pedal cam

1:08:45

showing his black slip on with

1:08:47

a white tolling sock. And I

1:08:49

think for me that's it's one of the

1:08:51

most captivating pieces of road car driving footage

1:08:53

of all. And the person that created

1:08:55

the ultimate homage to Ed Sinner should be driving NSX,

1:08:57

wouldn't he? Not a funny thing. You haven't got enough

1:08:59

money for an hour though. Have you not? How much

1:09:02

are they now? Oh, 200

1:09:04

grand. And

1:09:06

more. Well, during this

1:09:08

last 45 episodes... An NSXS I think.

1:09:11

Given that in the last 44 episodes

1:09:14

of this podcast, each of you at some point have

1:09:16

gone, fuck it, I found another 50

1:09:18

grand. I think full once I'm going to add my

1:09:20

car. An extra credit facility to get Manish there. Yeah.

1:09:25

Gentlemen, I'd love to have some music from you,

1:09:27

please. Very quickly before we ring off. Let's start

1:09:30

with Neil Clifford. I

1:09:33

don't want to sound like Steve Wright doing dedications,

1:09:35

but you know what? On Sunday, I drove down

1:09:37

to the new forest and

1:09:39

met my friend Robert Denton, the

1:09:41

most beautiful man, the most biggest

1:09:43

car addict, follow him on Instagram,

1:09:45

Denton Robert. He's adorable. He's

1:09:48

a mad but in a brilliant way like all of us. And

1:09:50

I picked him up and we drove for a little

1:09:52

coffee for a laugh because I

1:09:54

promised him I'd do it. And we played

1:09:57

The Shofar by Duran Duran. And it was

1:09:59

wonderful. So that is

1:10:01

a dedication to Robert. Lovely.

1:10:04

Chris Cooper. We'll

1:10:08

do a bit more Christmas next week, but I'm

1:10:10

kind of a real sucker for Christmas stuff. So

1:10:13

Wizard, I wish it could be Christmas every day. Oh,

1:10:16

I love that. Edward Lovett. Now,

1:10:21

Chris and I are

1:10:24

self-confessed TikTok users. And

1:10:27

obviously, like most social media, you

1:10:31

sometimes get a picture or a

1:10:33

video with a bit of

1:10:35

music and you're like, that's bloody good. Anyway,

1:10:38

this one appeared four

1:10:40

or five weeks ago, which has got me

1:10:42

into this sort of more modern

1:10:45

EDM theme. And

1:10:50

there was this one track that

1:10:52

I've been waiting to drop and

1:10:54

it dropped last Friday. And I was thinking

1:10:56

with the teaser that he had, it

1:10:58

was just brilliant. It had a real energy

1:11:01

about it. But the actual track shit. But

1:11:03

I'm going to give it to you anyway. You can

1:11:05

make your own bloody mind up. I'm disappointed. He's

1:11:08

clearly not, but it's called Found

1:11:11

Sound and the song's called Indigo.

1:11:14

There's a bit in there that's very good. But

1:11:17

anyway, it'll be up on the... Found

1:11:20

Sound? Found Sound

1:11:22

and Indigo. There's a little bit in

1:11:24

there that's really good, but most of

1:11:26

it's crap. That's

1:11:29

a towering recommendation. Exactly.

1:11:32

Sadly, I'm in

1:11:35

Christmas mode too. So I'm

1:11:37

going to be... Yes. So

1:11:40

contemplative time. So there's lots of

1:11:42

good stuff going on and we like to

1:11:44

be cheerful, but I'm a bit like Neil Kippet. I'm

1:11:46

not that fond this time of year. And

1:11:49

sometimes you need to be on your own in the car, put something

1:11:51

on that might push your buttons and push

1:11:53

you to the point of being a little bit cheerful.

1:11:56

And for me, my given mechanics, the

1:11:58

living years is when we're ongoing. Oh

1:12:00

my god. But I think

1:12:02

it's a lovely, lovely song. It is a

1:12:05

lovely song. I'm gonna go off that way

1:12:07

in blood. So

1:12:10

go on, allow yourself a bit of a cry

1:12:12

at Christmas. You're allowed to! Go on,

1:12:14

get it all out of your system, then get

1:12:16

that goose on. Don't buy a turkey, because turkey

1:12:18

is shite. Buy a goose, get on with it,

1:12:21

cranberry sauce, a bit of gooseberry sauce. But

1:12:24

we'll do a full, we'll do a Christmas podcast

1:12:26

for you guys next week. Thank you very much.

1:12:29

It's going to be a bit later when this

1:12:31

arrives today. To Neil Clifford, who's incredibly generous with

1:12:33

his time, is sitting in his Super Sports in,

1:12:35

somewhere in London. To Edward Lovett in

1:12:37

the Captain's Girls' Office, to Chris Cooper in the Challenge Consulting

1:12:40

Office, to me sitting in a flat in Clifton

1:12:42

in Bristol.