Dr. Rob and Tami explore some questions from sex addicts and betrayed partners about trust, intimacy, gaslighting, and disclosure. Dr. Rob highlights the difference between addictive behaviors and sexual preferences, offers a realistic timeline for full disclosure and healing, and explains (again) that there is nothing a partner can do to force an addict to act out. Dr. Rob has written a number of addiction books and explains which one would be most beneficial to whom, and offers additional support options for addicts and betrayed partners. 

TAKEAWAYS:

[0:29] Does wearing women’s underwear mean I’m in danger of relapsing? 

[5:33] How can I enjoy what turns me on without acting out again? 

[8:20] What turns you on may or may not have anything to do with your addiction. 

[11:05] My partner’s fear of acting out again is keeping us from enjoying sex. How can we move forward together? 

[14:45] You do not want to have sex with someone you don’t trust. 

[15:18] Dr. Rob highlights effective timing of disclosure to begin to restore trust. 

[19:55] In a safe harbor relationship, both partners are committed to healing for a set period of time. 

[21:52] Intimacy is not sex, it is the connection and foundation for healing and trust to be rebuilt.

[22:46] Is a serial cheater who wants an open relationship dealing with addiction or lifestyle choice? 

[25:01] An addict will always cross boundaries, no matter how wide they are or how open the communication is. 

[28:09] My partner is withdrawing from sex again, after years of addiction and healing.  Where do we go from here? 

[33:19] Is it typical for betrayal partners to confuse empathy with manipulation and control? 

[37:25] How can I honor my boundaries while my addict is healing? 

[43:37] Tami’s advice for advanced planning and handling an addict’s love bombing. 

[45:13] Support group for addicts and betrayed partners, and using Dr. Rob’s books effectively. 

[50:01] How will we ever be able to have a healthy sex life again? 

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

QUOTES

• “If your attraction does not hurt yourself or hurt someone else or cause harm, and it brings you pleasure, even if you don’t feel good about it, that doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with it.” 

• “You do not want to have sex with someone that you don’t trust.” 

• “Intimacy is not sex, it is the connection and foundation for healing and trust to be rebuilt.”