0:00

The McElroy brothers are not experts

0:03

and their advice should never be followed. Travis

0:06

insists he's a sexpert, but

0:08

if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

0:11

Also, this show isn't for kids, which

0:14

I mentioned only so the babies out there will

0:16

know how cool they are for listening. What's

0:19

up you cool baby? It's

1:00

better, it's better with you. My

1:03

life! It's

1:06

better with

1:08

you. Hello

1:11

everybody and welcome to My Brother, My Brother

1:13

Me and Advice Show for the Modern Era.

1:15

I'm your oldest brother, Justin

1:17

McElroy. What's up

1:20

Trav Nation? I'm your middle-est brother

1:22

Travis Big Dog Wolf of McElroy.

1:25

Good morning Trav Nation. I'm your sweet

1:27

baby brother Griffin McElroy. I am disappointed

1:29

in us brothers. I

1:32

am too, just like constantly, just the quality

1:34

of our output, the content of our character.

1:36

Well we've been traveling and we did the

1:38

tours and we've been so focused on comedy

1:40

that we've let slide our

1:43

core competency, our promise

1:45

to the listeners, sports coverage.

1:47

Yeah, sports coverage. Do

1:50

you guys know how mad it

1:52

makes me? That

1:54

I was on vacation during

1:58

the week. that

2:00

a man was disqualified. Yes,

2:02

Justin, this is all I wanna talk

2:04

about. But we can't, Trav. What?

2:07

This is what I wanna talk about. I have no idea what

2:09

you're talking about. So, yeah,

2:11

you do, Griffin, the French pole vaulter.

2:14

Oh, his right mouth. He's part of a decathlon.

2:17

His privacy got caught on the bar. His privacy

2:19

got caught on the thing. I don't wanna talk

2:21

about this, that stinks. But you can't, but you,

2:23

I know, because everybody did already

2:26

last week. And

2:28

it would've been primo. The

2:31

way we would've done it, I see, would've been

2:33

tasteful. I think it's in bad taste to comment

2:35

on it now. I don't think it's okay to

2:37

comment on it. And we can't. We can't. But

2:40

back then, please know we would've nailed

2:42

it. We would've done it with discretion.

2:44

Nuff said. I wanna talk about, so

2:47

purportedly, and this story back,

2:49

I believe, with the Tokyo

2:51

Games, they started

2:54

using these cardboard beds. Yeah.

2:57

Everybody was like, they're anti-fuck beds. This

2:59

is gonna make it hard because they're

3:02

flimsy, they're gonna fall apart. And

3:04

why would they, oh, just from, okay. Oh,

3:06

Griffin, the Olympic Village is a bacchanal.

3:09

No, no, no, I get that. I

3:11

guess I'm just wondering about what happens

3:13

in a sex act that

3:15

the bed is just like, nope. That

3:17

it wouldn't, I imagine if I'm an

3:20

Olympic athlete, I just spent the whole

3:22

day throwing spears around. When I-

3:24

Do you think you're having the laziest sex of your life?

3:26

I'm not, I think I'm just, I think

3:28

I slomped down in bed like time to

3:31

kick. My body is

3:33

the most tired of human beings' body can be. Time

3:35

for bed, hwomp, hwomp. And it's like, I didn't even

3:37

fuck. Then you have to go to the RA and

3:39

be like, my bed broke. And you'd be like, who

3:41

was it, was it that Norwegian

3:43

swimmer? And it's like, nah, man, I

3:46

just sat down on it. Thank you,

3:48

Olympics. Listen, there's no

3:50

way it's about them not having sex

3:52

on it. I'm tired of this rumor

3:55

going around. It doesn't make any sense.

3:57

For starters, I don't

3:59

know. many people who when they're

4:01

super duper duper duper excited about

4:04

humping are put off because there's

4:06

not a bed nearby. That's number

4:08

one and I certainly don't think

4:10

any of them are fucking Olympians

4:12

my friend. If anything I bet

4:14

Olympians feel weird not making it

4:16

as physically exertive as possible like

4:18

we're gonna hang from a doorframe

4:20

while we like we're just holding

4:23

on to everything doing backflips while

4:25

we do it. I'm a guy

4:27

that professionally shoots guns and skis

4:29

I'll figure it out. What's great

4:31

is so that rumors started going

4:33

around and the Olympics had to

4:35

come out and be like we

4:37

didn't do that no it's part

4:39

of a recycling initiative we

4:42

can't stop them. That's right

4:44

you can't like they give

4:46

out the twin size mattresses

4:48

these people some of them

4:50

giant right they're like like

4:55

Michael Phelps has the wingspan of a

4:57

great condor right and they're putting him

4:59

in a twin sized mattress he's still

5:01

I guarantee heaven's I mean not now.

5:03

I don't think Michael Phelps is sleeping

5:05

at the Olympic Village that would be

5:07

that would be so bonkers like he's

5:09

going back to his high

5:12

school like yeah he has

5:14

his pod in the bay

5:16

that he climbs into with the and

5:18

he snuggles up with a big octopus

5:21

yeah like God intended him

5:23

to do. I was

5:26

thinking about how you decide to

5:28

become a synchronized diver. You dive

5:30

one time and you're like something's

5:32

missing. I'm alone I feel so

5:34

lonely. It's like another half of

5:36

me. Or I think it's more

5:38

like a bowling lane thing right

5:40

where it just has to be

5:42

the two of you step up

5:44

at the same time yeah do

5:46

it and you're like did you

5:48

just do that because I

5:50

did that are we in the drift and

5:52

I think now you'll have to become every

5:54

they won't say this out loud

5:57

but I will the every

5:59

A synchronized Olympic diver is married

6:02

to the other one. They're all married. Oh,

6:04

is that true? They are

6:06

all married couples because you can't

6:08

not fall in love deeply,

6:11

get married, doing

6:13

what they do day in, day out. I have

6:15

to imagine like 10 hours a day, these people

6:18

are diving in perfect synchronicity, their hearts and minds

6:20

are connected in a very tangible and visceral way.

6:22

Then they get married. Oh,

6:24

I thought you meant they get married

6:27

first. Like, all right, you two married.

6:29

Now go practice. I think the problem

6:31

that you're having, Griff, is you're thinking

6:33

of marriage and that sort of love

6:36

as the deepest expression of love. So

6:38

thereby the diving would be a conduit

6:40

to that. What I'm saying is the

6:43

diving is actually a deeper, more

6:46

intimate connection than your marriage

6:48

bed. It's what I am

6:50

suggesting. That is

6:52

interesting. That your swimming partner should

6:55

be jealous of your, like you're spending

6:57

too much time at home with your

6:59

wife because

7:02

you're married to the mother.

7:04

Every swim, every synchronized diving team

7:06

used to be married. But

7:10

they're divorced to each other now because

7:12

they found this deeper. They're divorced to each other.

7:14

They're divorced from each other, but

7:16

now they keep it real. They did a

7:18

divorce. They did a divorce to one another.

7:20

Okay, can I suggest that if that is

7:22

a really great shorthand,

7:25

we don't even ever have to

7:27

say, but it was amicable ever

7:29

again. You're either divorced from someone

7:31

or divorced to them. Yeah,

7:34

I like that. I am divorced to Kyle,

7:36

actually. Yeah, oh, Kyle? Yeah, I'm divorced to

7:38

him. I'm divorced to him. We're back.

7:40

Divorced together sounds like the

7:43

name of a ABC sitcom

7:46

that would run for nine episodes before

7:48

getting candid. Or nine years. Or nine

7:50

years, one of those things. Let me

7:52

also offer this. If you're separated, you're

7:54

engaged to be divorced. That's

7:57

interesting. Yeah. I like, anyway.