Episode Transcript
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0:00
Give a little time for the child within
0:03
you. Don't be afraid to be young and
0:05
free. Undo the locks and throw
0:07
away the keys and take off your shoes and
0:09
socks and run you. It's Jordan
0:11
Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart.
0:14
Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan Matt. Yeah.
0:18
Happy Father's Day to you every day.
0:21
Aw, thank you. The traditional
0:23
Father's Day greeting of Jordan and
0:25
Jesse Go as once said to me, and
0:27
I'm going to say August by
0:30
a man walking in front of the parking
0:33
garage at Kaiser Permanente while I had my
0:35
kid on my shoulders. Happy Father's Day to
0:37
you every day. Aw,
0:39
that's sweet. Why
0:42
were your kid on your shoulders? No
0:45
legs. Aw, right,
0:47
I forgot about. Something I've
0:49
never mentioned about my children. None
0:51
of them, not a leg between the three of them. Very
0:55
hard to sit on the shoulders if you
0:57
don't have those legs to wrap, huh? Oh,
1:00
well they have lower arms. Oh,
1:03
lower arms. It's actually really easy for them to
1:05
sit on the shoulders because they're fully opposable hands
1:07
and the whole nine yards, yeah. Adorable
1:10
freaks. They
1:13
really are. They're my
1:15
beautiful little nightmares. Yeah.
1:18
Jesse, Matt, we're recording
1:21
this on Father's Day. It's going to
1:23
come out a little bit later, but
1:25
how many breakfasts in bed have y'all
1:27
had today? I imagine we're recording this
1:29
at 8 p.m. PST. Have
1:32
you had six or seven breakfasts in
1:34
bed by this point? If you're asking me, no, none.
1:37
I've not had a single breakfast in bed. In
1:39
fact, I was awoken
1:42
early to take care of my
1:44
child. I
1:47
do not like this holiday. It is a
1:49
bullshit holiday. This should be a
1:52
day where you don't have to see your children. That's
1:55
what Father's Day should be. Instead,
1:57
you just have to spend more time.
2:00
with your children, which is not fair.
2:02
Yeah, my children are not capable
2:05
of generating net positive experiences for
2:07
me. Because
2:09
of all the arms. Yeah. I
2:14
mean, they're great at counting up to 20, I
2:17
promise you that. I
2:19
think I've talked about this on the
2:22
show before, but I have this stepdad
2:24
that I love. Yeah, talk about Brad.
2:27
But he's a late in life stepdad.
2:30
And there is no late in life
2:32
stepdad card. All
2:35
the stepdad card, there are stepdad cards for
2:37
father. Dearest stepdad, as you hurdle toward the
2:39
abyss. Yeah. Like
2:44
all of the stepdad cards are
2:46
so sappy. It
2:49
would be so inappropriate to give these
2:52
stepdad cards to my stepdad
2:54
that I got six or seven years ago
2:57
or whatever. It's like,
2:59
I am your foundling. I fell
3:01
from the nest and
3:03
you scooped me up even though
3:05
I was not yours. Like, I
3:07
just need, thanks
3:10
for paying it out back six times a year.
3:13
Thanks for picking up the check at the out back. I'd
3:17
like to see for your stepdad
3:19
Brad, what about a card
3:21
that says happy trombone? Oh
3:24
yeah, sure. Because he plays the trombone. He
3:26
does, he does. Yeah, I
3:28
mean obviously the trombone is so
3:31
associated with wah wah these days.
3:33
Yeah. But there's a
3:35
lot of joyful noises the trombone can
3:37
make. Yeah, we should rebrand it. Wah
3:39
wah wah. For sure. Would
3:42
be a great trombone sound. Let's leave the
3:44
sad shit to the tuba. Yeah.
3:47
I had a nice Father's Day. I- Oh
3:49
yeah, tell me all about it. I went
3:51
to the Morrie Sendak exhibit here at the
3:53
Skirball Center in Los Angeles. Like
3:57
all exhibits at museums
3:59
about children. screen
10:00
has a little logo
10:02
down at the bottom for the sponsor
10:06
and often it
10:08
has been Casamigos
10:11
tequila the legendary
10:13
tequila of George Clooney and his
10:15
friend Casa George
10:20
Clooney and his friend motorcycle owner
10:24
his friend similarly handsome
10:26
man rich
10:31
because of oil yeah exactly
10:34
rich just all those
10:36
all those guys
10:38
in the agave fields just yucking it
10:41
the fuck up in those
10:43
commercials anyway we
10:45
never go out to an agave
10:47
field we're friends oh I
10:49
know I like to motorcycle by
10:52
myself Jordan why you'll never truly
10:54
be close to anyone those commercials
10:58
would be way better if George Clooney and
11:00
his friend that he makes tequila with rode
11:03
the same motorcycle together that would be like
11:05
that level of kind of side car
11:08
or arms around no arms
11:10
around just real serious no
11:13
no okay what
11:16
I mean obvious Clooney high
11:18
status guy yeah you know
11:20
hunk movie star yeah get
11:23
him in the side car hey he
11:26
can he can take a joke he can you
11:28
know and also why not both yeah
11:30
side car around and no one driving the motor you know
11:32
the more I think
11:38
about this the more I'm actually feeling I used
11:40
to like those Casa Migos commercials because they made
11:42
me feel like I was friends with George Clooney
11:45
but now when I think about them I'm
11:47
mad that George Clooney's friend that he makes
11:49
tequila with isn't Richard kind how
11:51
much better would those be if George
11:54
Clooney's other best friend real friends yeah
11:56
the real real-life best friends how come
11:58
they don't make a tequila together. That's
12:00
not what I'm here to talk about
12:02
though. Lately when I open
12:04
the app, there's a picture
12:06
of a submarine and the
12:08
sponsor is buildsubmarines.com.
12:13
The national sponsor for
12:16
Major League Baseball is
12:19
buildsubmarines.com.
12:22
Is this just like how
12:24
there are commercials for things
12:27
like milk and eggs? Is
12:29
there just a submarine advisory
12:31
council? A building council. Or
12:33
are they trying to fix their PR
12:36
problem after last year? They're just like,
12:38
we had a rough year last year.
12:40
We got to get in with the
12:42
MLB crowd. Always choose real
12:45
Wisconsin submarines. Don't
12:48
choose unlicensed millionaire submarines. And
12:52
isn't the next Mission
12:55
Impossible movie, didn't they just have trouble
12:57
with a submarine? They shut down because
12:59
the submarine they had maybe
13:01
wasn't built right. Perhaps they didn't use build
13:03
submarines. Maybe evil
13:05
AI took over the submarine. Those movies
13:07
all run together for me. But
13:10
I think evil AI took over the submarine. I
13:12
think they had real life submarine issues of some
13:14
sort. Okay. We're
13:16
living in a golden age of submarine problems,
13:18
I think. Do they know you don't really
13:20
have to film it in a submarine? If
13:24
they know that, they do not care. Tom
13:26
Cruise does not give a fuck. He's
13:29
like, I'm not going to do the
13:31
safer version. If there's
13:33
a safer way to do it, I will not. Tom Cruise
13:35
is like, put holes in the submarine. Let's go. I'm
13:39
looking at, I just went to build submarines.com
13:41
because I was not planning on bringing this
13:44
up here. And I
13:46
had not visited the website. This
13:48
appears to be a website convincing
13:51
people to build submarines. Look
13:56
away, Jesse. If you started too long, you
13:58
will become convinced. Here's,
14:00
so by specialty, additive
14:03
manufacturing, CNC machining,
14:07
metrology, non-destructive
14:10
testing and welding.
14:12
Now welding is the one where that
14:14
makes a ton of sense to me. Oh
14:16
yeah. These things have to be welded. These things
14:19
have to be welded. Yeah. You've got to weld
14:21
these things. Can I also say, I've never been
14:23
to this website. I typed in build and it
14:25
finished it with submarines.com. So
14:29
they've got good SEO. That's
14:33
why we sponsor Major League Baseball is to build
14:36
that SEO. Well,
14:39
I'm convinced just hearing about it. I'm
14:41
going to start building a submarine probably
14:43
tomorrow. Yeah. You
14:45
build a legacy, build bragging rights, build
14:47
your network, build
14:50
giants. Build a submarine. I
14:53
consider all submarines to be my legacy. Yes,
14:57
yes. We
14:59
got to think about what we're leaving behind for our children.
15:02
Patrick and Connor, I have a question
15:05
about the George Lucas talk show. Yeah,
15:07
sure. A lot of the
15:09
humor in the George Lucas talk show,
15:11
which is a very funny
15:13
show. I imagine people are, people know that
15:15
at this point, but a lot of it
15:17
comes not at
15:19
the expense of, but like it
15:21
is directed at specifically the Star
15:23
Wars prequels. Where
15:26
do y'all stand? Are
15:29
y'all, the prequels were
15:31
hilarious fiasco or are y'all team, George
15:34
was playing 4D chess
15:39
and we didn't get it and they're actually brilliant. Before
15:42
you answer that question, I'm just
15:44
going to say for those of
15:46
you who don't know what the
15:48
George Lucas talk show is, this
15:50
is a live stage talk show
15:52
in which Connor portrays George Lucas
15:54
hosting a talk show alongside various
15:58
co-hosts and... Who?
20:00
Oh, he's being the child. Okay. Sure.
20:02
Oh, sorry. We mean Grogu. I'm
20:06
still calling him the child. This is
20:08
something that, this is something that we came up
20:10
with a number of times on the show that
20:13
I still haven't had sorted out. Our
20:16
listeners know I'm a medium Star Wars guy. Is
20:19
baby Yoda a
20:22
Yoda or
20:24
the Yoda? Yeah. Honor,
20:27
do you want to answer or do you want me to? I
20:30
would say if I had to answer, I'd say a Yoda.
20:33
OK, thanks. I think, yeah, that is. I'll take
20:35
that from you guys. He is not the Yoda.
20:37
He is a whatever Yoda
20:40
species is. Yeah, and
20:42
we don't really have a name for that.
20:44
Yoda is just a name like Tom or
20:46
Richard or whatever. You know, Yoda is just
20:48
that pretty much equivalent to those names. Yeah.
20:51
But because he was the first Yoda
20:54
we met, we tend to
20:56
think of any other Yoda as Yoda's. It's
20:59
like it's like Q-tip, you know, it's like
21:01
all cotton. Yeah, you call all cotton swabs.
21:03
Xerox. Yeah, I call all rappers Q-tips. Xerox
21:07
is not a bad name for Grogu. Could
21:10
have called Grogu Xerox and it would have been fine. Yeah.
21:12
As far as the prequels, though, I
21:14
was seven when Phantom Menace came
21:17
out. So it's it was kind
21:19
of like the perfect age for me. I was
21:21
I was pretty much on board, you
21:23
know, throughout all of it. I went
21:25
through a phase where when everyone was saying that they
21:27
were bad, I was like, yeah, of course they're bad.
21:29
But then came back around once I
21:31
realized I was just trying to fit in with the crowd. Yeah.
21:34
And as for me, like I I'm
21:37
older than Patrick. So I'm of the generation where
21:39
I was like three when the first Star Wars
21:41
movie came out. So I love
21:43
the Star Wars movies as a kid. And I loved
21:45
all George Lucas stuff. And
21:48
the reason I started doing a George
21:51
Lucas character was because
21:54
when the special edition started coming out and
21:56
there was the the the word was spreading
21:58
that George Lucas was. finally going to make
22:01
more Star Wars movies. Me
22:04
and my friends, you know, they had all the
22:06
new scenes that were added into the special editions
22:09
and none of the new scenes were good.
22:13
And so we kind of were getting a feeling like
22:15
maybe these new movies are not going to be to
22:17
our liking. So I would start
22:19
to imitate George Lucas and my friends would sort of
22:22
ask, we'd just be like, walk around somewhere
22:24
and they'd be like, hey, George, why did you do this? And I would
22:26
give an answer like, oh, well, I did that because of this order. And
22:29
by the time the prequel started coming out,
22:31
it was just, it
22:34
was really fun because we had this
22:36
care. It was as if this character
22:38
that we'd created, our version of George
22:40
Lucas, um, had made these
22:42
movies. So it was really funny that they
22:44
were not the movies that most people wanted.
22:48
And I have a certain amount
22:50
of respect for what a big
22:52
swing the movies
22:54
are in some respects. Like I think
22:56
it's pretty crazy that the
22:59
one movie that you could have just made a
23:01
normal Star Wars movie and everyone would have been
23:03
happy that he devoted
23:05
so much of it to this
23:07
broadly comedic character that
23:09
was not like anything that was in
23:11
the movies that people already liked, that
23:14
it always struck me as like an extremely
23:16
confident thing to do. Like this is, we're
23:18
going to take up this Jar Jar Binks
23:20
character is going to take up so
23:23
much real estate in this movie. Um,
23:26
but it was not for me. Like those movies were, uh,
23:30
they were for me. They were for little kids. And,
23:35
um, but I always, you
23:37
know, a lot of fans
23:39
were really angered by those movies because they
23:41
had been waiting so long and they, you
23:43
know, there were people who waited in line
23:46
for a month to see Phantom Menace. And
23:49
for me, it was just funny because I'd
23:51
already had the pleasure of the growing up
23:53
as a kid with the Star Wars movies.
23:55
And to me, there was something that, um,
23:58
was so, um, and
46:00
Mario's left hand. Oh my God, I
46:02
didn't even notice that. Oh
46:04
no. It's like a horrifying MC Escher
46:06
hand. Turned
46:09
inside out. The
46:11
top comment says one of my friends
46:13
dated a guy with a fluffy tattoo
46:15
like that. She said she hated how
46:17
it looked like he was touching her
46:19
boobs. And then the response
46:22
to that was, aw man,
46:24
I imagined that. Which
46:26
is, Reddit is the
46:28
weirdest place. You know
46:30
what? I mean, you know what the little Mario tattoo
46:32
would say when it was touching boobs, probably. Here we
46:35
go, let's hear it. Woo
46:37
hoo. Right.
46:41
Holy cow. Luffy,
46:44
well monkey D. Luffy, also
46:46
known as straw hat Luffy, is
46:50
seven years old. Oh no. Then
46:54
17 years old pre-time skip, then
46:57
19 years old post-time skip. Still
47:01
not okay until post-time skip. Why are
47:03
we, Connor, you're a little older. You
47:05
would probably know Monkey D. Luffy as
47:08
the grandchild of Monkey D. Garp.
47:13
Hold on, where are we? What are we talking
47:15
about? What happened? Did
47:19
I go to sleep for a couple seconds? Yeah,
47:21
this suddenly feels like we're talking in
47:23
like clockwork orange future speak. Monkey
47:26
D. Garp, what is this? He's trying to
47:28
activate the winter soldier. Of
47:31
course, Jordan, you're one of
47:33
Monkey D. Luffy's contemporaries, but you might
47:35
know him because he's sworn brother to
47:37
Port Gas D. Ace. Okay,
47:40
I think this is shit from one piece.
47:42
Why are you saying it? I don't know,
47:44
I just looked up what Luffy is. I
47:46
didn't know what Luffy was. Jordan,
47:49
he acquired the properties of rubber
47:51
after accidentally eating one of the
47:53
devil fruits that belonged to red
47:55
hair shanks. See,
47:57
Patrick gets it. This guy knows what's going on.
48:00
It's come on guys. You know is about the straw
48:02
hat pirates. I know what I'm talking about What's
48:04
the idol is fucking ready? I organized
48:06
ahead of time Man
48:11
I'm more into you stop Frankly
48:15
just I don't know you stop you
48:17
lost. Oh, you might know him by
48:19
his moniker sniper King and God you
48:21
saw Oh
48:23
God you stop. Yeah Say
48:27
things I
48:32
Why did you start saying it though? I don't
48:34
know Can I tell you what can I because
48:37
I because it's it cuz he cuz the fluffy
48:39
was in the comments Somebody said that they got
48:41
a tattoo of fluffy and it looked like I
48:43
had to look up what Luffy was I
48:48
Just exhaled there. Okay. Okay. I Like
48:52
it when half the podcast sounds like you they had
48:54
a stroke Bring it on
48:57
Not my words the words of
48:59
Luffy in episode 284 of One
49:01
Piece the blueprints aren't past Frankie's
49:03
decision Oh, no Jordan, you're
49:05
all a page of of Luffy quotes one
49:07
of them one of my most famous quotes
49:10
bring it on Can I
49:12
can I take this opportunity? to
49:15
say that if you
49:18
enjoy being baffled by
49:21
odd literal literal
49:23
translations Things I
49:26
cannot recommend enough the movie journey
49:29
to the west conquering the demons
49:32
Which is I mean anybody who's listening to this show
49:34
for a while knows how I feel about the Monkey
49:37
King and his journey to the west I wonder what
49:39
this monkey wonderful mythology. This guy's got a this guy's
49:41
got a Staff that he keeps behind
49:43
his ear. It's the size of a pin until he
49:45
takes it out Then he can make it so big
49:47
he can jump from cloud to cloud. This guy's out
49:50
of control anyway, I Watched
49:53
this movie last night. It
49:55
is a Chinese film directed by
49:59
Steven Chow who people might
50:01
know from making Kung
50:03
Fu comedies, some
50:06
great ones. And
50:08
I watched this movie comfortably, the
50:10
most bananas movie I've ever seen,
50:12
it had some banana scenes in
50:14
it. Oh, okay. But also just
50:16
an absolutely wild movie where
50:20
I think I was missing a lot of cultural
50:22
context, even as a guy who knows a fair
50:24
amount of stuff about the Monkey King, but
50:27
also absolutely fucking
50:29
tremendous. If you wanna see
50:32
an unshaven monk comically battle
50:34
against a terrifying, like,
50:37
carp demon, this
50:40
is the movie for you. I can't recommend it
50:42
enough. It's called Journey to
50:45
the West, colon, Conquering the Demons.
50:48
But here's the thing, I don't wanna conquer anything. I
50:50
just think the guy with the most freedom in the
50:52
entire ocean is the Pirate King, which is of course
50:54
a quote from episode 400 of One Piece that's
50:58
fire. Man,
51:01
you know, From the Mouths of
51:03
Luffies, that's what they always say.
51:06
The greatest wisdom comes from the mouths
51:08
of our Luffies. They say
51:10
the darkest things. We found the
51:12
episode title. Anyway,
51:17
there's a shiny face pig demon in
51:20
this movie, you would not believe, this
51:22
is a family film with this shiny
51:24
face pig demon that's roasting humans into
51:26
pork cracklins, fucking
51:30
ape shit movies was really fun,
51:32
very funny. Recent film? 2013,
51:35
2013. Apparently it had
51:37
a sequel called Journey
51:39
to the West, The Demons Strike Back. In
51:44
2017, best believe I'll be watching that
51:46
fucking movie because I love the shit
51:48
out of Crazy Ass Journey to the
51:50
West, colon, Conquering the Demons.
51:52
Okay, when something momentous happens to you, give
51:54
us a call 206-984 for fun, or
51:59
just send us a voice memo. JJGo at
52:01
maximumfund.org. An example of a person who's done
52:03
so is this person. This
52:06
is Christopher and Abby calling
52:08
from Kansas for momentous occasions.
52:12
Oh, we just had our first home
52:14
invasion. We, somebody tried
52:16
to break in. Okay.
52:19
That's all. Love you guys. Bye.
52:24
Come on, guys. Let's
52:26
rehearse this a little bit. I
52:28
was like. Get this tighter. I
52:30
know you're dealing with your complex PTSD
52:32
right now. You
52:35
were, I mean, and you were in
52:37
two different registers. Like it has to
52:39
be like home invasion, home
52:42
invasion. Get a pitch pipe.
52:44
Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Maybe the, maybe the
52:47
home invaders stole their pitch pipe. He
52:51
only took one thing. They
52:53
said he tried, he tried to break in. Yeah.
52:56
I think so. Sounds like they must
52:59
have, he must have failed. Yeah. Call back
53:01
when he does. I
53:03
was positive too. I was like,
53:06
Oh, here we go. Another
53:09
fucking threesome. Congratulations. Listeners, you're
53:11
just having threesomes calling us
53:13
to tell it, rub it
53:15
in our faces that you're
53:17
having all these threesomes. Well,
53:20
I'm going to the Maury
53:22
Sendak exhibit. That's
53:26
pretty hot too though, right? Oh
53:28
yeah. Very hot. Yeah. Very hot. So
53:30
they call it the ultimate fantasy. We're
53:35
sorry. That's it's fucking awful. I've had some of that
53:38
shit happen too. It's, it's, it's terrible. I don't know
53:40
that I would be able to call and
53:42
harmonize with it. It's killing
53:45
some home invasions. I have. Yeah. I
53:47
have had a couple. I've had a couple
53:49
of like people try to get in and stuff. Wow. Really,
53:51
really scary. And then I had, I had somebody break in
53:53
and steal all my stuff when I wasn't there. That
53:57
was, that was pretty awful. That creates
53:59
a weird. feeling when you're trying to
54:01
sleep. But yeah,
54:03
it's the worst. It's really just the worst thing
54:05
in the world. Can I ask a question about
54:07
when they did take everything? Sure. Was there anything
54:09
that they left where you were like, you should
54:11
have taken that. Oh,
54:14
boy, I think that was, you
54:17
know, listen, I'm still not a
54:19
man with valuables.
54:21
Sure. Sure. Have
54:24
a hard time accumulating them, but they got a
54:26
lot, they left with a lot
54:28
of PlayStation games, including one that I was playing.
54:31
And, you know, I never went back
54:33
to Persona 5. I was just like, you know what, maybe
54:35
I'm never going to finish Persona 5. Wait
54:37
for Persona 6. Yeah. Or,
54:40
you know, Persona 5 Golden. The
54:43
Game of the Year edition, of course. Yeah,
54:45
I love all the DLC. When
54:48
it comes with the DLC, it's like sort of
54:50
too good a bargain to pass it up. You
54:52
got to. I bet they broke
54:55
into my house and were bummed. Sure. Come
54:58
on. Oh, they didn't take like marijuana
55:01
stuff, which I thought. But I mean, like, I
55:03
mean, I think at that point marijuana, nice and
55:05
legal. But I just assume that like, you
55:08
know, if you're going around breaking in, you're
55:10
probably hopped up on drugs. And so, you
55:12
know, are you talking about
55:14
your blacklight posters and stuff? Yeah.
55:19
So, OK, here's I had a CD
55:21
of Pink Floyd and a DVD of
55:23
Wizard of Oz. And
55:25
if they took both those and started
55:27
them at the when the lion roar.
55:29
They left behind my Lazarium. Hey,
55:35
you guys want to see if this podcast syncs up
55:37
to Wizard of Oz and come back for some more?
55:39
We'll be back in just a second. I'm on George
55:41
Jesse. Go. Hallelujah.
55:48
Hello. Welcome, everyone. Step right up.
55:51
We're going to heal you. We are the
55:53
healers, Ross and Carrie. Yes. Yes. You
55:55
there. You look like you're upset.
55:57
Come up here. Yes, you are healed.
56:00
you've listened to our podcast. Yes. Have you
56:02
been having trouble with demons? Are you sleeping
56:04
too much, too little, just right? We have
56:06
the solution. It is to listen to Oh
56:09
No Ross and Carrie. A
56:12
show where we examine unusual claims. We
56:14
show up so you don't have to.
56:16
Find us on maximumfun.org. We
56:19
won't actually heal you. It's
56:21
Jordan Jesse go. I'm
56:34
Jesse Thorin America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris
56:36
boy detective. Patrick Hautner who
56:38
ate maybe bad salmon for dinner. Conner
56:41
Ralif subject of reason documentary. You
56:44
know what I'm thinking? Hmm. Jordan,
56:47
I think it's possible that you
56:49
might make a good integrated submarine
56:51
imaging system engineering technician. Is
56:53
this from the one piece wiki again? You're
56:56
just still reading the one piece
56:58
wiki. Journeyman
57:01
marine propulsion engineer ability
57:03
to obtain a secret
57:05
clearance. I'm
57:10
just going to apply for grinding setup first
57:13
and second shifts. Well,
57:17
you got a little experience if you know what I mean. Hey,
57:22
Jesse, you know what keeps me
57:24
alive in this world is neither bodily organs nor
57:26
muscles. It's my soul. That's
57:31
another another lovely quote
57:33
from submarines.com. You
57:40
know what? Luffy always says developing
57:43
the SSN. Aukis a
57:45
trilaterally created submarine combining technology
57:47
from all three nations and
57:49
utilizing the UK's next gen
57:51
design. Yep. Well, we've had a
57:54
lot of fun. We sure have. Don't allow
57:56
to promote this this documentary. I think people
57:58
are going to be crazy about it. A
1:08:01
worker-owned network of artist-owned
1:08:03
shows supported directly by
1:08:05
you.
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