0:30

Did I hear you're shopping for a car? Because I've

0:32

been at it for ages. Such a time suck, right?

0:34

Not really. I bought it on Carvana. Super

0:37

convenient. Oh, then comes all the

0:39

financing, research. Am I right? Well,

0:41

you can. But I got pre-qualified for a Carvana

0:43

auto loan in like two minutes. Yeah, but then

0:45

all the number crunching and terms, right?

0:48

Nope. I saw real numbers as I shopped, found my

0:50

dream car, and got it in a couple of days.

0:52

Wait, like you already have it? Yep.

0:56

Go to carvana.com to finance your car

0:58

the convenient way. a

4:00

list or like what I want for a

4:02

computer and replace this computer or

4:04

upgrade it if it can be done, but That's

4:08

a whole other discussion. So, okay

4:13

Kate Dizzle said D&D was so awesome to watch Jenny

4:17

went back and watched it. She said she was laughing the whole

4:19

time. She had a blast watching it So that

4:22

um that streams got over a thousand views on

4:24

it. That's insane to me. Yeah insane

4:27

to me Do you have

4:29

any critiques for me as a player? Probe

4:34

probe. Yep. Okay you

4:36

we get Video

4:39

games teach us to think in a box Okay,

4:42

video games are great for problem-solving when you're

4:44

young and you don't understand video games yet

4:47

But as you play video games you learn

4:49

that you can't just run up the side

4:51

of the rocks because they're there You can

4:53

jump against it or if I get outside

4:55

the map I die, right? But that's not

4:57

the case with D&D that you're not set

4:59

to a parameter of things you can do

5:01

Okay, like if I was playing your character

5:03

in game, I would have an idea. What's

5:06

your idea before you say anything? Oh I'm

5:09

gonna do like a little sneak peek. I suppose. Okay, I'm

5:11

gonna try to get into the kingdom to be like I

5:14

can try and heal the king and

5:16

try one right now, okay,

5:19

but Because

5:21

he said we know of what you're doing and we

5:23

are And

5:26

put together like a portfolio of my work I'm

5:29

gonna try some things but I want to try to get in with

5:31

the king. I'm gonna use Dokri Grandma,

5:35

yeah a whole lot of dice rolls that are gonna have

5:37

to be really really in your favor because I'm really a

5:39

one I'm gonna have to really think about this. Yeah Yeah,

5:42

level one. This is like your first day in

5:45

jujitsu class trying to roll with a black belt

5:47

and And yeah having

5:49

that well when I get mad I see

5:51

red bro. No, that's not what I'm doing

5:53

I know what's the same concept though because

5:55

I'm gonna use my charisma at levelality, right?

5:58

But at level one you guys are normal normal

6:00

characters, just everyday people who are going about your

6:02

jobs and living your lives. Yeah,

6:05

but I've stood out to the king already. He

6:08

knows of me, I was summoned. Yeah,

6:15

I'm definitely gonna try to weasel my way

6:17

in there. Yeah, and then what? And

6:20

then try to like get some information from the

6:22

king. Maybe some things from the king. Some

6:25

things is where I would have went. Yeah. Yep,

6:28

you guys had that full day out there, you

6:30

had a meeting with the king, you had the high chancellor multiple times

6:32

that you met with people. I mean, the

6:35

high chancellor listened to me. I

6:38

would have pushed for items

6:40

that you were going to need in your adventure

6:42

that's not food and gold. Bag

6:45

of holding, uncommon

6:47

or common magic items, things that would

6:49

benefit getting to the island,

6:51

potions of water breathing, things

6:54

that you can utilize in the event that

6:56

the ship crashes in the storm, things like

6:58

that. Right. Me as a

7:00

player, I would have asked for the fucking world and

7:04

then haggled my way down. I'm gonna need

7:06

a ring of protection, I made a cloak

7:08

of manta or whatever the fuck it

7:10

is, I'm gonna need this, I'm gonna need that, I'm gonna

7:12

need this, I'm gonna need that. And then be like, but

7:14

I'll take a bag of holding and like a couple of

7:16

potions if that's all you can spare. Yeah, it's a whole

7:18

lot of, it's a

7:20

king. He's

7:26

dying, he's desperate. His

7:28

son's an asshole. Yep. There's

7:32

definitely could have been haggles

7:34

that had been made and especially,

7:37

well, it should have been made with the high chancellor,

7:39

not the king himself, but because dude's fucking dying. But

7:42

we can do D&D talk on another episode if

7:44

you want. Okay. And

7:46

do maybe like an update, maybe like a recap or something

7:48

of your sessions. I don't know. Yeah,

7:54

I don't have anything new to talk about. We finished our

7:57

first week of the new schedule. Yeah, it was

7:59

nice having some days off. Friday

14:01

episode last week. So

14:03

we're gonna need to find something to record this week

14:05

for Friday content. Also

14:07

for you guys in Patreon, I

14:10

believe Wednesday is the last day to sign up to

14:12

go to Thailand if you guys would like to go

14:15

to Thailand. Yes. Oh my gosh we're two months away

14:17

from that. It's less than that. Oh wow

14:21

and I just had a little bit of acid reflux. Yeah

14:23

we I think we fly out on the 7th of October.

14:27

So we're less than two months. It's like a month and a half.

14:30

We're out. She's

14:33

doing over

14:36

there. I

14:38

am adding the children's school to

14:41

the bypass for phone calls

14:45

so I don't have to hear my phone

14:47

pinging pinging and our audience doesn't have to

14:49

listen to my phone pinging. But

14:51

I don't know how to do that babe.

14:54

Can you help me? How do I add

14:56

a bypass? You got to

14:58

go into your do not disturb

15:00

settings which is under your focus. We're

15:05

gonna give peaches a minute guys to get this set

15:07

up. Kinker Bell said, Kinker

15:11

Bell, that's funny and totally

15:15

a great name for a D&D character. I

15:18

need a non-international retreat. We are

15:20

working on that. We actually did

15:22

a phone call with

15:24

Trova Trip last week. We're

15:27

looking at Costa Rica but we started talking

15:29

about possibly hosting something in Florida and

15:33

doing like a limited sale spot so we can

15:35

do like a weekend thing where people can buy

15:37

tickets for the weekend. Yeah do like a little

15:39

weekend getaway. Yeah won't be cheap.

15:41

No. The houses that we were looking at were thousands

15:43

of dollars a night and we would have to break

15:46

it up amongst the people who are there so we're

15:48

not spending the money on it but it's definitely something

15:50

we should look into doing. I

15:54

concur doctor. Did you

15:58

get that figured out? I did yeah. Dope.

16:01

So what else would you like to talk about before we jump into

16:03

emails? Keep it in mind that we have to be done in two

16:05

hours every time now from now on. Bring

16:11

your mic down. There you go. See

16:13

how mine's lower than my mouth? Yes.

16:17

Okay. Um, I

16:28

really want to create

16:32

content of me like in the garden,

16:36

planting seeds and shit, but

16:39

I'm worried about all of the dead space that's going

16:41

to be in the content. Well, that's edited. It's

16:44

easy to do. That's why we hired Carrie. Yeah. You

16:47

have your own microphones. We just have to connect it

16:50

to your Sony A7S III. I'm

16:52

also worried about it not being entertaining. Any

16:54

people who want to watch it will and who those

16:56

who don't want. I mean, it's, you can't please everyone.

16:58

I'm really on some, I'm gonna do what I want

17:01

to do shit right now. Yeah. I've

17:03

also been thinking about doing like

17:05

watercolor painting content because

17:07

last night painting in the bathtub was

17:10

fantastic. I had so much fun. You

17:12

really want to turn one of your

17:14

self-care times into content creation? No, not

17:16

a content creation. More of like we

17:19

can do self-care time together and all

17:21

watercolor paint and I'll say random shit

17:23

that's funny. And if

17:26

you want to put it on in the background

17:28

while you paint or craft, I

17:31

maybe do it as a live thing. You do it

17:33

when you feel like doing it and as an obligation.

17:35

Right. And I'll support that. Everything going

17:37

forward that I do as a side project will

17:40

be by whenever you feel like it. Whatever

17:42

I want to. Yeah. Okay.

17:47

I just, we just revamped our entire schedule to free up

17:49

time and I don't want you to start. No,

17:51

I'm not going to do it like every single time I

17:54

watercolor paint. If

17:57

there's interest in that, if once

17:59

I'm Do

20:00

it makes you happy, baby. That's what I'm doing. I'm not doing

20:02

voice of the broken content. I haven't posted a single clip from

20:05

the last two episodes. Yeah. Don't

20:07

give a shit. Right. If people watch it

20:09

great, it's out there. They don't

20:11

watch it. It's not monetized. I'm not losing

20:13

anything. Right. Fuck it. I'm

20:16

enjoying doing it when I choose to do it. And

20:18

that, you know, this matters. And

20:20

the creative side projects keeps me creative. Yeah.

20:24

So I want to just jump

20:26

into some emails and then do questions afterwards.

20:28

Yes. Extreme

20:30

father-in-law issues help. Issues,

20:34

difficult father-in-law and unsupportive wife.

20:38

Oh man. Just

20:43

based on that theme, support

20:47

in my life in

20:51

all aspects is very important to me, especially

20:54

for my husband. Yeah. It's

21:00

like right off the bat. This is a very serious email.

21:03

Okay. I'm sad. I do what I

21:05

can, but the support system matters.

21:08

Yes. All right. Hi

21:10

there. Regular listener here when I can. My

21:13

fiance and I have been together for five years going on

21:15

six. And in my

21:17

opinion, our relationship is great, the best and

21:20

healthiest I've ever had. We're

21:22

the best of friends and we love each other. However,

21:25

her father seemingly from day one has

21:28

hated my guts. That

21:30

may in part be her fault, but

21:32

I'm not so sure that would have mattered

21:34

since I don't really attribute much importance to

21:36

it. But I mention it here

21:38

so you will have all the context and details you

21:40

may have, you may need

21:43

to formulate a well-rounded opinion. Okay.

21:47

I'm going to see if the emailer elaborates. She

21:52

began the relationship off despite my objections and telling

21:54

her to be honest with her parents by lying

21:56

to him about me. And

21:58

she moved out of her parents' house. moved

22:00

in with friends to

22:02

come on the road with me. I'm

22:05

an over-the-road truck driver. I'm

22:08

also 38 and she is 29. Okay,

22:12

so I have a whole lot of questions already. Why

22:14

does a 29 year old woman have to lie

22:16

to her parents about what the fuck she wants to do with her life?

22:19

Right. What?

22:23

I'm moving out. I'm

22:26

gonna go do this thing. I don't want you to

22:28

do that thing. Well, I don't give a fuck because it's my life,

22:30

I'm an adult. That sucks. I'm gonna go

22:32

do that thing, right? Yeah. And

22:35

obviously you can really have conversations about that with your parents

22:37

if you feel the need to do so, but. Yeah,

22:40

that lying to the parents about

22:42

the relationship. So

22:45

the emailer said, by

22:48

lying to them about me, so I'm gonna take

22:50

that as, they did not know that she was

22:52

in a relationship. Right. So

22:55

massive red flag, especially in

22:57

a 29 year old. What

22:59

do you mean you can't have a relationship in front of your

23:02

parents? What's the

23:04

problem here? Are you embarrassed of me? Are you ashamed of

23:06

me? Am I the issue? Are you being abused? I wonder

23:08

if they've been together for a while and

23:10

they were much younger when all that started. Oh, maybe.

23:12

Because I can understand if she was 19. Yeah.

23:16

Parents have been like, hey, you know, it's probably not such a good

23:18

idea. Right. Let's

23:22

read on and see because that would matter. And

23:25

I can understand your parents at that age being like, hey,

23:28

I know you're ready to go in and hit the

23:30

ground running and do the adult thing, but just this.

23:32

Take a breather. Yeah, think about this through. And if

23:34

you still wanna do it, I'll support it. But just

23:36

know that this is gonna be a very drastic way

23:39

of life. You're gonna go from living in a house

23:41

to living in the back of a semi truck. Like,

23:43

and not the cab. Right. My

23:46

one stipulation when

23:48

the children become

23:50

adults and they go into the wild, my

23:54

one stipulation, because I can't control

23:56

what they're doing is, if

23:58

you are in any situation. where you

24:00

are uncomfortable or you feel unsafe, you

24:02

are calling pops and I. I

24:05

don't care what it is, I don't care if you think I'm gonna be mad

24:07

at you or if I'm gonna be disappointed, you're calling

24:09

us to make sure you're safe. Yeah. That's

24:13

it. I might not agree with what

24:15

you're doing right now. I might not personally do it.

24:17

I might be absolutely unhappy that you're doing this thing,

24:19

but I can control you as a 18, 19, 20

24:21

year old. The

24:26

way that our kids are going to believe

24:28

that they can have those conversations is going

24:30

to be based off of our reactions when

24:33

they actually have those conversations. Yeah. And

24:35

that's gonna have to be one of those things where

24:37

we are going to have

24:39

to put our dismay aside, remember what it

24:41

is to be young and

24:45

then be better. Yep.

24:48

All right, continuing on. She

24:53

never told them about me. They basically figured

24:55

it out that things were going on behind

24:57

their back and apparently their little girl has

24:59

never lied to them. So

25:01

I must be the worst manipulator in

25:03

the universe since Thanos and the MCU.

25:07

Though I appreciate the joke, you're not telling us

25:09

how old you guys were when this all happened.

25:11

Right. And at 28, 29, like this

25:13

doesn't make sense. They've been

25:15

together for five years, going on six. So she'd have been

25:17

24. 24, 25.

25:23

That's five years past the time to move out. Like

25:26

how long was it until they figured

25:28

out you guys were together? Cause

25:31

if you've been in a secret relationship with a girl

25:33

for five years, like

25:36

at this point, you're expecting the fallout of

25:38

it. I don't

25:40

know, as a parent, if

25:43

one of our children hit a relationship for me

25:46

for whatever reason, and the person that they were

25:48

with hid the

25:50

relationship as well, unless

25:54

there was, I'm

25:57

gonna physically harm the child. Like why

25:59

are you guys lying to me? to me there's a problem here.

26:04

That speaks on what I was talking about earlier. Yeah. If

26:07

you're a teenager and you are afraid to tell your

26:09

parents something, it's because of the way that your parents

26:12

have acted when they've told you shit. Right. Or when

26:14

you've told them shit. This

26:16

is no difference when our kid does something they're

26:18

not supposed to do and they come in and

26:20

they tell them themselves. Yeah. We don't get, you

26:22

don't get punished. You broke your

26:24

toy, your toy is broken. That's a you

26:26

problem. Yeah. But like we're not going

26:28

to punish you for coming in and telling, telling us what you

26:31

did, we may correct the behavior in

26:33

different manners, but like, if you, if we found out

26:35

about it and you lied, you're in

26:37

trouble for lying. Not for breaking your toy,

26:39

your toy, the consequences is your shit's broke.

26:41

Now you're lying. Now you're in fucking trouble

26:43

because you lied and we have to differentiate

26:45

what's going on with all of that. But

26:48

that learned behavior is people training.

26:50

Right. So when they become older,

26:52

Oh God, I can't, don't tell my dad. He'll kill me. No,

26:57

that makes sense. Dad taught you that. What I

26:59

was commenting on was more of. To

27:05

see it from the parents point of view,

27:07

you are somebody who conspired in a lie

27:09

to keep something hidden from her parents. Like

27:11

I would view that it's disrespectful. Yeah. I

27:14

agree. Their

27:17

reaction versus their response matters. A

27:21

hundred percent. Yeah. Could, could you imagine being in

27:23

your twenties and trying to hide a relationship from

27:25

your parents? You hear a

27:27

fucking acid nine. That sounds. I

27:29

had a lot of shit in my twenties. Why?

27:33

Fear. You're grown

27:35

up repercussions. It

27:38

was more of a psychological

27:40

leash than anything. Still

27:42

is. That's

27:45

crazy. Yeah. There

27:48

was like a visceral reaction. If

27:50

I focus too long on thinking about that kind of shit. It

27:55

was, was it hiding or that? Okay.

27:57

I guess it doesn't really matter, but in my, my

27:59

brain. not

28:01

telling somebody because it's none of their business

28:03

is different than hiding it. Like

28:06

I'll not tell a whole lot of people a whole lot

28:08

of shit because it's not their fucking business. But when it

28:10

comes down to like hiding and not

28:13

conveying are two different things. That was a

28:15

very hard thing. And it still kind of is for me to

28:17

differentiate between

28:19

it's not your business and

28:24

I'm just choosing not to tell you or whatever

28:26

or whatever it was. The point

28:28

I'm trying to say is there was a bleeding

28:30

of boundaries so much that

28:33

there was no like privacy was

28:35

I can't believe you hid things from me. But

28:38

if I ever brought it to the forefront, it was anger. So

28:43

I have a hard time still with like that's none

28:45

of your business cause I can't tell what is somebody's

28:47

business and what isn't. Idea,

28:51

let's post an outfit of the day. We look

28:53

so good. Yeah we do but is that a

28:55

new phone I see? I thought you were still

28:57

paying off your old one. No, I

28:59

switched to T-Mobile. They paid off my old

29:02

phone and got me into a new 5G

29:04

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29:06

still stuck with AT&T. Ew, that

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29:11

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and conditions apply. Because

30:21

that was never instilled as a boundary. Does that make

30:24

sense? Yeah. I think

30:26

it's important to recognize that you

30:28

don't know anyone anything. Right. So

30:30

continuing on, since they found out

30:32

about the relationship, I've basically been

30:34

treated with a mixture of low

30:36

tolerance, barely concealed

30:38

disdain to outright contempt. I

30:41

finally reached my breaking point with her father. Her

30:44

mother, at least in action and emotion as far

30:46

as I can tell, has basically accepted me and

30:48

is nice. At least to my

30:50

face. But if she still hates me, at least she does

30:52

a great job of hiding it. Her

30:55

father, on the other hand, at every single

30:57

face-to-face meeting has blown up at me over

30:59

something. This

31:01

last time was over not washing

31:04

my hands frequently enough apparently. Her

31:08

parents hosted Christmas dinner for a large group

31:10

this year because they just bought a fairly

31:12

large place near Houston, Texas. Alright,

31:17

so we're painting a picture. It's

31:19

Christmas dinner. A

31:22

bunch of people are coming over. They're in a

31:24

brand new house. They

31:28

moved. Things are getting settled. I can

31:30

imagine the high-strungness of all of that.

31:34

Okay. Hold on. Why

31:38

go somewhere that you're not wanted? I

31:41

was thinking about that too. Why

31:43

continue to be in a place where clearly

31:46

there is no pride or

31:49

being stood up for disdain

31:51

and disapproval. Right.

31:55

This speaks on the my family

31:58

versus our family. Yeah. Right. And

38:00

the next morning when they're sitting around the fire, a dude

38:02

walks away and everybody starts talking shit. And

38:05

when she stepped up, she shut everyone in

38:07

that fire ring up and then walked away.

38:10

That's the type of loyalty that you need to

38:13

have in your marriage. When your person leaves the

38:15

room and everybody else starts talking shit, if

38:17

you allow that to continue, you're just as

38:19

guilty as they are. Where's your fucking backbone

38:21

in that? Where's the loyalty to your person?

38:23

Right. Yeah. Don't tell

38:26

me why they said it. Tell me why they were comfortable enough

38:28

saying it in front of you. Amen. Dropping

38:31

things. Continuing

38:33

on. Dinner was over within

38:36

a few hours and everything had gone well

38:38

thus far in the evening. I

38:40

had got up and went to the restroom and I

38:42

knew I was likely gonna get second, so I went

38:44

ahead and washed my hands again. So

38:47

you don't wash your hands after you go to the bathroom? Cool.

38:51

I'm judging right now. Oh damn. I am judging

38:53

right now. Because sometimes

38:56

we everybody's had that finger that thumb

38:58

slip at least once. Right. And you're

39:00

like, hey. Yeah,

39:03

I want to. Is that the only time that you wash your

39:05

hand? Because. You

39:07

guys are supposed to be putting the lids down when you flush.

39:11

I didn't even catch that. Oh,

39:15

yeah. At least

39:17

rinse. Right? Something.

39:22

I have flicked our children in the forehead over not

39:24

washing their hands and try to chase me around the

39:26

house. Yeah. We're not playing that game. Get your poop

39:28

away from me. Stop it. Oh gosh.

39:31

Oh, no, I'm hung up on it. You gotta get

39:33

me off of it. Gotta say something else. Give me

39:35

a side track. Get back to the email. That'll side

39:37

track you enough. It's not going to because the seconds

39:39

and the washing of the hands. Maybe

39:42

he likes a little extra chocolate on his

39:44

food. Filthy. I

39:46

can see why the father is adamant about everybody

39:48

washing their hands. Okay,

39:51

saying that made me feel a little bit better. I'm going to move

39:53

on. That really some of my pent up energy. I

39:58

sat back down and was distracted for a bit. talking

40:00

to some of my fiance's other family members. It

40:03

was about 90 minutes and I thought about washing my

40:05

hands again, but wasn't sure if

40:08

that would be seen as some form

40:10

of overdoing it or being petty. But

40:14

to play it safe, every leftover I got, I made

40:16

sure I use a serving spoon or tongs to even

40:18

grab the rolls so that I wasn't touching any food

40:21

someone else would eat. Bro, if there's

40:23

any concern there of maybe I should wash my hands, you

40:25

should wash your hands. Idea,

40:28

let's post an outfit of the day. We look

40:31

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40:33

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40:35

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40:37

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40:39

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40:41

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40:43

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40:45

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40:48

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Prohibited by law, 18 plus. Terms and

41:56

conditions apply. That would have been the move.

42:00

I live by that. If I think I should do

42:02

it, I do it. Yeah.

42:06

How crazy is it that families are so different? Because

42:09

my adopted family will eat off each

42:11

other's forks. Like there's no shame there.

42:13

Like the big serving spoon, somebody's like

42:15

that spoon. It

42:18

won't happen on the first round, but by like

42:21

the time the serving has happened and everybody's eating,

42:23

somebody's going to get that random bite on. It's

42:25

going to happen. I'm never getting seconds again. You

42:27

know it. You saw it happen once. You

42:30

said something about it afterwards. I'm like, that's how

42:32

our family is. And you're like, oh, no, they

42:34

were putting their seconds back into the main pot.

42:37

Is that any different? I

42:39

could never. You

42:41

get your own individual bowl with its own

42:43

lid and we're going to label it. I

42:48

have 100% turned into a germaphobe as an adult.

42:50

It's so funny to me. But

42:53

yet I still look at you and go spit on me. But

43:00

we went there. We went there.

43:05

And me being the one upper wants to one up you right now.

43:08

And I'm not I'm not going I'm going to just.

43:12

Can you move on, please? Carries

43:16

down. Daniel got me. Okay,

43:21

continuing on. On my

43:24

fiance asked me in hushed tones as I

43:26

entered the living room. Did

43:28

you wash your hands? I

43:31

said no. No. But

43:34

I went to the bathroom recently and I washed them

43:37

then. You fucking fiber an

43:39

hour and a half ago was not recently.

43:42

He said 90 minutes. It was about 90 minutes

43:44

and I thought about washing my hands again. Well,

43:46

he hasn't touched his area since then.

43:48

He's just touching everything else that everyone else is touching.

43:50

So at that point, where's the germs? You

43:55

think that people aren't breathing over that food and like.

44:00

breathing and coughing over each other's cups and

44:02

laughing and little globs of spittle flying out

44:04

of their mouth. I'm sorry Kim

44:12

like anxious ticking over this This

44:15

is this is really bothering me sick all

44:17

the time and I don't oh

44:19

my goodness You

44:21

need some of the 80s babies immune system Spit

44:26

on me more babe, I don't know How

44:31

do I get that you

44:34

are so lucky that I'm in so much pain oh Gosh

44:40

see this is The

44:42

toxic in me. I want to poke the bear. Yeah, I

44:45

can't do anything right. I can barely walk let

44:47

alone stand up Fucking

44:51

take notes Like

44:54

remember the other day when you do this I can move

44:56

now yeah get over here I

45:03

Don't I don't think unless people are unless the

45:05

food is in front of us at the table

45:07

and we're pulling from the table as we're eating

45:10

I don't see how spittle and People

45:13

dandruff is gonna get all over that no How

45:16

how far do you think the average table is? What

45:19

do you mean two feet four feet? What are you asking

45:21

me are you asking about the layout of a living room?

45:24

I'm asking how if you've got a large

45:26

family right assuming that they're at more than

45:28

one table Sometimes people plot a little folding

45:30

plastic right? What do you think the average

45:32

distance is between the edge of the table

45:34

and the other edge of the table? four

45:36

feet max oh I'm

45:39

picturing like 10 or 15 feet well

45:42

from head to head right, but if you're sitting

45:44

across across from each other Yeah, okay

45:46

now you figure a plate of that is

45:48

gonna write absorb one foot So

45:51

that that plate is now three feet right?

45:55

How far do you think people have spittle go when they laugh or sneeze

45:57

or cough? Oh,

46:00

a sneeze, I know that can go out at

46:02

like 100 miles an hour and just pfft. So

46:04

a good laugh. Right. That

46:06

exhale is going to throw spittle. Right, but this

46:09

isn't our serving food, this is just my plate.

46:11

Right, that you're eating while people across the table

46:13

are laughing and talking with mouthful and being degenerates,

46:16

you're eating some of that. Not me specifically,

46:19

just people in general. Everyone. No, I Kirby

46:21

inhale. Whatever,

46:27

you gotta tell yourself hotness. Heh heh heh

46:29

heh. From

46:31

now on, you'll be eaten by yourself, won't you?

46:33

I could tell by that head rub you're getting

46:35

tired of my shit. Heh heh heh heh. That

46:38

was an itch. Oh.

46:44

I just think it's important to be realistic. You

46:46

are, you are. It is important to be realistic,

46:49

but I also think an

46:52

hour and a half is not recently going to the restaurant. Oh, I

46:54

agree 100% with that. Okay. Hour

46:57

and a half is not recent. Did you ever watch that? They

47:00

did a, it was either MythBusters or some sort

47:02

of thing where they created a glow

47:04

in the dark fake snot and

47:06

dude was blowing his nose and touching his face

47:08

while they were playing cards. And at the end,

47:10

they hit everyone with a UV light and everyone

47:12

was covered in fake snot. The cards were in

47:14

fake snot. People's glasses were covered in fake snot.

47:16

Please stop saying snot. You should, we should look

47:18

into that so that you can see exactly how

47:20

germs actually go. No babe, I know, I know

47:22

how germs work. I know

47:24

how they- Please stop saying snot. All right. If

47:33

I could carry a Lysol can with me, I

47:35

would. Keep poking the bear and I'm gonna keep

47:37

saying snot. That's

47:39

okay. I'll just expand on my teeth collection and

47:41

D&D. Are you threatening me?

47:45

Threatening to knock my teeth out? They have,

47:47

no, I'm not threatening to knock your teeth

47:49

out. They have travel Lysol. They

47:52

have travel Lysol. They do. No, didn't. No,

47:54

I'm not threatening to knock- What? I know what you meant. I

47:56

was kidding. It

48:00

was your teeth collection. You were gonna make

48:02

me have to DM teeth collecting. I

48:04

know what you meant. I was trying to be funny. I

48:06

was trying to continue the joke. Violence is not a joke

48:09

unless it's sexual. Ground

48:12

rule for me. Consensual is the word you're really

48:14

talking about. Consensual? Yeah. Well,

48:20

for me and our marriage, that's the same thing. Oh,

48:25

God. Is

48:27

this what you missed, babe? Hell so much. But

48:30

my back hurts so bad. I'm so sorry.

48:33

Okay, continue on. I wanted to be funny earlier and stand

48:35

up and grab you by the ankle and caveman pull you

48:37

off. That chair is a joke. I

48:40

just, there's no way. By my ankles? Yeah.

48:42

By this ankle? By your good ankle, yeah.

48:44

Yeah. You could like grab up here in my calf.

48:46

Just grab you by the back of your knee. That had the same effect. Yeah. Oh

48:51

my gosh. I wanna do a skit of

48:54

me sitting here, right? And

48:56

then we get like a fabric dummy

48:58

version of me dressed in my

49:00

clothes and I say something mouthy to you and you go,

49:02

what woman? And then it's a really

49:04

horrible cut scene. And then it's the doll me here

49:06

and you throw it across the room. And

49:08

then I'm laying on the ground and go,

49:11

oh no, husband, I'm so sorry. Just

49:15

to make a joke of all the things that people say. Yeah.

49:18

No, not funny. No, because people really actually

49:20

think that I abuse you. That's

49:23

insane to me. That's

49:26

absolutely insane to me. Yeah. I

49:31

mean, I am kind of petty and I'm kind of here for that, but that

49:34

is kind of a good fuck you to them. Right. Yeah.

49:39

The amount of hate that we would get from

49:41

the internet about making fun of domestic violence. No,

49:43

we're not making fun of domestic violence. We're making

49:45

fun of the people who are wasting their fucking

49:47

resources on us when there are actually women in

49:50

domestic violence situations seeking help, but can't get

49:52

it. Because you're chronically online and

49:55

wanna put cognitive biases on other people's relationship

49:57

because you can't have the love that we

49:59

have. Continuing

50:02

on. Cat

50:05

said, Hey, guys, we're still here. All

50:08

right. So

50:15

the hush tones. Did you wash your hands?

50:18

No. Her father,

50:21

father. Her

50:24

father pipes up and says, Yeah, but

50:27

you've pet the dogs and touch things

50:29

and everything since then. So

50:32

I'm not going to lie. I wasn't

50:34

just nice and compliant. I'm

50:37

really tired of being treated like a doormat by

50:39

him because of my fiance's feelings. She

50:42

basically places an either physical or

50:44

metaphysical hand on my knee and

50:47

shakes her head. No. Every time

50:49

something goes down in order to avoid this conflict,

50:52

I really wish she'd given a different example because you should have

50:54

washed your hands, bro. You

50:57

touch the dog, right? Like, like

50:59

you playing with the dog while you're eating your dinner. We

51:03

have a dog. I want. Oh, my

51:05

gosh. That's why I have. I got that thing on

51:07

me. Like not. No, no, you go

51:09

over to your, your, where you're at right

51:11

now. And we put you there

51:14

and we eat our dinner. I'm not. No,

51:18

no, they look their buttholes in the look themselves. And I don't want

51:20

to hear dogs. My's are cleaner than ours. I don't want to fucking hear

51:22

that at all. They look their butthole. And

51:26

there's a time and place for butthole licking, but it's not. Well,

51:29

I mean, it could be at the dinner table, but not while there's

51:31

guests there. Not

51:34

an actual meal happening. Right. Or

51:36

sometimes it's technically a meal. We

51:39

can both get fed. Oh,

51:43

we're getting kicked off the fucking internet. I'm done. I'm

51:50

done. Oh,

51:53

my goodness. Fuck. I'm

51:58

done. Did

52:02

you really do that photo shoot? Yep.

52:09

Okay. Yeah,

52:12

homie, the hand washing

52:15

was not the example to give.

52:17

And if

52:19

I'm a shitty human being and I'm just hating on you to

52:21

hate you and now you've really given me something to latch on

52:23

to, yeah, I'm going to shout that across the room. Because that's

52:25

actually, I would shame that.

52:27

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Board were prohibited by law. See terms and conditions, 18 plus.

54:03

In this instance, I basically said, okay.

54:07

After he said what he said with an

54:09

attitude in my voice, as if to basically

54:11

say, so fucking what? Or

54:14

and? Okay,

54:16

so I acted that out too well and I

54:18

upset myself. Bwah. In

54:24

my own home, you're gonna hit me

54:26

with that attitude in my own home.

54:28

See, but the issue for me would

54:30

be you not seeing the reasoning and

54:32

why you should have washed your hands

54:34

after touching a dog and

54:39

getting food like. Before getting food. Right. And

54:42

that's all folks do that. That that that that that that

54:44

that that like we're done. Get the

54:46

fuck out of my house. Do you think

54:48

that that's her being controlling or her just

54:51

trying to set a standard of the way

54:54

that her dad chooses to do things that

54:56

he's not doing? I mean,

54:58

I think that's what I'm trying to do. I

55:01

think that's what I'm trying to do. I

55:03

think that's what I'm trying to do. I

55:06

mean, I think that's what I'm trying to do. It's

55:09

like when you get to bed, you just have to have the

55:12

air and the water and all that that.

55:16

I think that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to be, you know, just be like,

55:18

okay, if you want to be like, I'm trying to just be like, okay, I'm not controlling

55:20

or her just trying to set a standard of the way that her dad chooses to do

55:22

things at dinnertime. The washing

55:24

of the hands. Yeah. I

55:27

don't know because she did try to rationalize it by saying, hey, my

55:29

dad's kind of being like overreacting right now and wants everybody to wash

55:31

their hands before dinner. Just so you know, like beyond top of it,

55:33

he's being extra today. I mean, both

55:35

of those are valid. What

55:37

if dude's a germaphobe? Yeah. Maybe

55:40

he's seen that MythBusters episode with the snot.

55:43

I'm just saying like, it could be a multitude

55:45

of things, but if that's who he is as

55:47

a person, she shouldn't have to apologize

55:50

for that. Right. The

55:52

first time you go over there, just be like, look, my dad's a fucking

55:54

germaphobe. He's

55:56

worked in an office his entire life. He uses

55:58

hand sanitizer eight times a day. like just

56:01

know that he's going to expect you

56:03

to like maintain some sort of cleanliness.

56:05

Mm hmm. I'll

56:08

eat a sandwich with grease on my hands. I don't give a

56:10

fuck. Like there's very

56:12

variances. Yeah. And what you think

56:14

is clean and what is not clean. So

56:16

if dude is a germaphobe and everything has

56:19

to be spic and span like that's

56:22

that's his house. You're a guest in this

56:24

home. The least you can do is try

56:26

to honor his wishes in the house. Mm

56:28

hmm. Why would you want to create conflict

56:30

over washing your hands? Right. And

56:32

you're wrong in the situation. Like I

56:36

would view that as you were wrong in the situation, especially

56:39

after touching an animal. Yeah. Should have

56:41

washed your hands, dude. Been

56:45

like, damn, you're right. Sorry. The father

56:49

yelling across the room was unnecessary. Yeah,

56:51

I agree with that too. There's

56:55

definitely heightened emotions here and a lot of

56:57

tension. Emotionally

56:59

immature both parties. Would

57:02

you ever eat it at all? You can eat

57:04

buffet. Have you ever eaten it

57:06

at all? All you can eat buffet. Yes,

57:09

but it's very hard for me. Okay.

57:12

Very hard for me to get through mentally. I

57:15

have to actively think about not eating as I'm

57:17

eating. I give

57:20

zero fucks. Yeah. I don't

57:22

know. I've also like, I've

57:28

heard a story about a person walking into Walmart

57:31

and they watched this person blow the

57:34

dude blew his nose like into his

57:36

hand, flicked the snot

57:38

onto the sidewalk and then grab a shopping

57:40

cart and

57:43

just kept going. And

57:45

that's the myth busters thing. And yeah,

57:50

I got that. I got that thing on me everywhere. It's hand-sanny

57:52

all the time. I

57:56

put that shit on my Louis bag sometimes. Yeah.

58:00

Yeah, like if they don't have wipes to wipe down

58:02

the seat, I'll put my bag down and then I'll

58:04

wipe it in my hands and I'll gently wipe my

58:06

bag. Yeah. Why

58:09

are you laughing? Cause I don't do any of that shit at

58:12

all. People

58:16

have cooties. Yes they do. It's

58:19

also why I have a strong ass immune system

58:21

and rarely get sick. Yeah. I've

58:25

always had a poor immune system though. I used to eat

58:27

dirt. And I've always gotten

58:29

sick. Then you're immune system shouldn't be weak. I'm

58:32

anemic. Yeah. But what is

58:34

you eating dirt and you're having a little iron have to

58:36

do with anything. Well, I don't know. So what you're saying

58:38

is you should be eating iron. Goat

58:40

chew on a horseshoe. I

58:43

do crave minerals the way goats crave

58:46

salt. That's funny. Okay,

58:48

continuing on. He

58:51

shouted okay with attitude, basically

58:54

saying so fucking what or and.

58:58

Father got up stormed out of the room

59:00

and slammed his bedroom door. And my fiance's

59:02

mom followed him in and I hear him

59:04

scream, this is my mother fucking house. And

59:08

essentially processing or processing.

59:13

Do you mean proceeding? And essentially proceeding to talk

59:15

a bunch of shit about me. I

59:19

just finished my food. Wait, that happened from another

59:21

room? Yes. So

59:23

the father shouted that from his bedroom. Like he's

59:25

so upset. That's cowardly. I'm

59:28

gonna yell at you from the other room. No, the

59:30

mom followed. So then the mom

59:32

was trying to get him to behave. And

59:35

he just had an outburst.

59:37

Okay, I still demegulated emotionally.

59:41

However, I also understand that frustration. You

59:43

allow people in your home as guests. This follows into

59:45

your guest here. And this

59:47

is supposed to be Christmas and we're showing off

59:49

on your home. Basic manners, dude, basic manners. You're

59:52

a host, you're hosting. You need to have manners

59:54

as well. But there should be

59:57

basic manners there. I

1:00:01

gotta be honest, he's in the wrong for not washing his hands.

1:00:03

I agree. This is not a

1:00:05

big fucking deal. Right. You

1:00:08

know, if I'm in somebody else's house, I

1:00:12

try really hard not to swear. Mm-hmm.

1:00:15

Right? Because I know that it offends people. I

1:00:17

know that not everybody has the free-flowing F-bombs

1:00:20

that I have, and I understand that that's

1:00:22

a me problem. So when I go

1:00:24

to even to my mom's, I try not to even say

1:00:26

shit in front of my mom. Like, it's a respect thing.

1:00:28

I am a guest in their home, and if I would

1:00:30

like to continue coming into their home, I have to respect

1:00:33

that I am in their home. You

1:00:36

don't have to be here. I am in... Here's

1:00:39

a scenario. Here's a

1:00:41

scenario. If this dude has the

1:00:43

germ issue that he has, and

1:00:45

I am allowing him into my home

1:00:48

because he is with my daughter and

1:00:50

I am trying to be accepting, and

1:00:52

in return I'm getting shit on, and

1:00:56

I feel his behavior is intentionally disrespectful,

1:00:59

I am going to react that way. Although

1:01:01

I wouldn't have yelled it from another room. I'd have gotten his fucking

1:01:03

face. Because

1:01:05

this is my house. Right. This

1:01:07

is my castle. This is where I have the only piece

1:01:09

that I get in the fucking world is in my home.

1:01:12

You are a guest here. If you don't want to respect the

1:01:14

rules that I have set in my castle, then you can exit.

1:01:16

Get out. Right. I'll

1:01:18

drop the fucking draw gate. You can cross the moat and fucking hang out in

1:01:20

the yard. Sing Christmas carols to the neighbors. I

1:01:23

don't know what you got to do, but you got to do it somewhere

1:01:25

else. So

1:01:27

I just had this vision, right? And

1:01:29

if this doesn't make sense, you need to tell me. So

1:01:32

you are the king of our castle. I am the

1:01:34

queen of our castle. And

1:01:36

our castle, I view, is my domain

1:01:38

to maintain and make homie, and I'm

1:01:41

making new plans. I want to start going

1:01:43

thrifting and slowly redecuate things

1:01:46

in the house. I'm not even going to fix it. So

1:01:50

now we have decawating, flust awaited.

1:01:53

There was something to do with the potato at

1:01:56

one point. Oh, I don't remember. We

1:02:00

have to add to the Star Wars list of scrolling.

1:02:02

I sound like a child. It's fun.

1:02:05

Is it? It's fun. The flustrated

1:02:07

thing just recently stopped, but I had to bring

1:02:09

it back up so that I'm sure it'll continue.

1:02:13

Do you think it's cute or something? Like it's

1:02:15

fun. You're not making fun of me. I don't give a

1:02:18

shit baby. You can talk if you wanted to talk like

1:02:20

quip key from fucking the Big Bang Theory.

1:02:22

Okay, it's fun to me. I know that's not how

1:02:24

you talk in. And I, you know, we miss say

1:02:26

things all the time. Okay, who the fuck am I

1:02:28

to say something about that? It's

1:02:31

cute to me. Okay. Okay,

1:02:34

don't do it. I'm trying not to. I'm

1:02:36

not going to. I'm not not making fun

1:02:38

of you woman. I know. I just

1:02:40

had to ask for the validation and reality.

1:02:42

Nope. Okay, so

1:02:44

it's my job to maintain the home and I

1:02:46

don't know.

1:02:49

I feel like a crypt keeper. Like

1:02:51

if you fuck up the force field in my home, you're going

1:02:54

to deal with me before you have to deal with the big

1:02:56

man. Like I'm gonna try to be the peace here homie. I'm

1:02:59

gonna tell you in the nice way get out. What

1:03:02

if the mom was trying to do that but doing it

1:03:04

to her husband instead to keep the peace? What

1:03:07

going to the husband saying? Hey, you've

1:03:09

overreacted you need to relax. Yeah, because

1:03:12

I mean that's definitely a way to do

1:03:14

that. Yeah, because that would be it like

1:03:16

you said I wasn't talking on the scenario,

1:03:18

but right. Well, okay, but going from your

1:03:22

you said that you're the Crypt keeper. It's your job to keep

1:03:24

the peace in the house. And if that's how she viewed her

1:03:26

job and she decided to go to the husband over it because

1:03:28

I mean, let's be honest if

1:03:30

I'm getting mad the only person in my life that's going

1:03:32

to be able to control me in any way shape or

1:03:34

form is going to be you because I

1:03:37

love you and I don't want

1:03:40

the Hulk to be I would

1:03:42

I would rather you deal with Bruce Banner, right? Like

1:03:46

other people could deal with the Hulk fuck them. So

1:03:48

in that scenario, there is a real

1:03:51

reality in that a man's

1:03:53

woman is going to be the most control

1:03:55

is going to come in that scenario if

1:03:58

she went to the the daughter's. boyfriend and

1:04:00

tried to like navigate

1:04:04

those waters, it probably wouldn't work. She would have had

1:04:06

to go to the daughter. The daughter would have to

1:04:08

go to the boyfriend while she went to the husband.

1:04:13

Idea, let's post an outfit of the day. We

1:04:15

look so good. Yeah, we do, but is that

1:04:17

a new phone I see? I thought you were

1:04:19

still paying off your old one. No,

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I switched to T-Mobile. They paid off my

1:04:23

old phone and got me into a new

1:04:25

5G phone for free. Wait, what? I'm

1:04:28

still stuck with AT&T. Ooh, that

1:04:30

doesn't suit you. Yeah, it sounds

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Terms and conditions apply. Like there's just too many people

1:05:43

involved. This is why mutual combat needs to be a thing. Now

1:05:46

I can understand if dude 70 and young man is

1:05:48

in his 30s, obviously we ain't have a mutual combat

1:05:50

at that point. But like manners

1:05:52

need to be a thing. I guess really that's just what it comes down

1:05:54

to. But

1:05:56

it's, I'm sorry, cause what I was getting at is in

1:05:58

the scenario that you laid out. something

1:12:00

exit strategy, I'm driving my own car,

1:12:02

whatever the case may be. And

1:12:05

I'm regulated. I'm not going to put myself in that environment because

1:12:07

I know that I'm not healed enough to deal with that shit

1:12:09

yet. And if the parents are the

1:12:11

reason for that, that's a whole other fucking problem.

1:12:14

Onto the, as for the boyfriend thing, he should

1:12:16

have stuck up for himself. If he feels like

1:12:18

he's being disrespected and nobody else is standing up

1:12:20

for you, stand up for your fucking self. And

1:12:22

if you're not welcome there anymore, don't fucking go.

1:12:26

But you're not married to this chick. She's

1:12:28

your fiance. And if there's not

1:12:30

a date set in, in like, what are

1:12:33

you doing? Don't expect

1:12:35

a wife behavior from someone who's not your

1:12:37

fucking wife. Yeah. And this is

1:12:39

not wife, right? That

1:12:41

wife material should be seen up front. And if that's

1:12:43

the case and you put a ring on it and

1:12:45

didn't actually marry it, you're

1:12:48

stalling, right? Like, I

1:12:50

don't know. I agree. Continuing

1:12:53

on. If

1:12:56

she intends for us to, then I expect an apology and for us

1:12:59

to discuss things without it turning into a fist fight. And

1:13:02

then there's an update. Okay. My

1:13:07

fiance has extreme anxiety and PTSD and her father is

1:13:10

a relatively overbearing guy if

1:13:12

you disagree with him or get him going by angering him.

1:13:16

She basically doesn't want to bring it up until

1:13:18

or unless she has to. Let's train. It

1:13:21

is trained. It is trained. He

1:13:24

has significant health issues and so does her

1:13:26

mother. Her mother and

1:13:29

her are the ones who will suffer if she

1:13:31

cuts him off because effectively her dad

1:13:33

does all of the driving because her mother has

1:13:35

blood clot issues in her legs that

1:13:38

prevent her from making long trips in the driver's

1:13:40

seat where she can't move around. So

1:13:43

if we put our foot down, her fear is

1:13:45

that now she will be alienated unintentionally from her

1:13:47

mother when her mother for the most part has

1:13:49

warmed up to me. So

1:13:51

that sounds like an excuse. You can go out of your way

1:13:53

to pick up your mother. Yeah, I was just gonna say that's

1:13:55

exactly what that is. Yeah. All

1:13:57

right. Continuing on. Other

1:14:01

significant things have changed in my life as well.

1:14:04

My own father, who was the picture of health,

1:14:06

died at the end of January, about

1:14:08

a month after they visited for Christmas. My

1:14:11

mother is undergoing cancer treatment. I

1:14:14

have told my fiancé that I will not be attending

1:14:16

holidays with her family anymore until we have a discussion

1:14:18

over the way I've been treated, been blown up on,

1:14:20

etc., especially the

1:14:23

most recent time. She's

1:14:25

upset by this, but doesn't want to miss holidays

1:14:27

with her mother, so she said that at some

1:14:30

point we'll have a conversation, but

1:14:32

that if it goes south, she'll be visiting for

1:14:34

her mother's sake, and I guess I'll

1:14:36

just be doing holidays alone until her father is no

1:14:39

longer with us. So she's choosing

1:14:41

them over you. That

1:14:46

doesn't sound like a wife to me. I agree. That's

1:14:49

the end of it. I understand that

1:14:52

people want to spend holidays with their people,

1:14:55

but you have a choice to make. Like you go up

1:14:57

for a couple of days before Christmas and spend some time

1:14:59

and see them and then come home for Christmas so that

1:15:01

the actual holiday is not spent alone. Right.

1:15:03

There's a whole lot of things that go into that.

1:15:05

And ultimately, that's your decision to make or their decision

1:15:07

to make or whatever. I

1:15:10

would also like to point out that he said that

1:15:12

they're afraid of pissing the dad off because then the

1:15:14

dad won't drive the mom around. Right. That's

1:15:18

a problem in itself. Do you

1:15:20

really I mean, I guess I don't I'm not even speak

1:15:22

on that. I'm just going to say that that's a problem. It sounds like

1:15:24

abuse. It does. But that's

1:15:26

his version of the story. Right. What

1:15:29

if the mom is actually a wife that

1:15:32

says, well, babe, if you don't want to go, I'm

1:15:34

going to stand by you versus them. We

1:15:37

ain't going. What if that's the case?

1:15:39

Yeah. And that's just the

1:15:41

way that other people perceive the situation versus

1:15:44

that actually being the case. Do you know what I mean?

1:15:46

Like that's that's a fourth party. Idea.

1:15:50

Let's post an outfit of the day. We look

1:15:52

so good. Yeah, we do. But is that a

1:15:54

new phone I see? You were still paying off

1:15:57

your old one. No, I switched

1:15:59

to T-Mobile. They paid off my

1:16:01

old phone and got me into a new 5G

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phone for free. Wait, what? I'm

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still stuck with AT&T. Ew,

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that doesn't suit you. Yeah, it sounds

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void were prohibited by law. 18

1:17:16

plus terms and conditions apply. Because

1:17:19

it's not the daughter saying

1:17:21

this to him. This is his

1:17:23

perception from conversations from the daughter. That

1:17:26

has been had. Right. Yeah. Right. That's

1:17:29

a good point. I

1:17:31

don't really have anything else on that. I think that was

1:17:33

a really poor example to use for Christmas about not washing

1:17:35

your hands. Yeah. Because I

1:17:37

side with the father. That's the problem. And

1:17:41

I viewed your attitude reaction very

1:17:43

disrespectful. Father should

1:17:45

not have shouted that across the house. That was also wrong.

1:17:47

Yeah, there's a whole lot of boy shit going on in

1:17:49

this. But it boils down

1:17:52

to I would not be in a situation that I don't feel like

1:17:54

I'm welcome in. And I

1:17:56

expect much more out of a spouse than.

1:18:00

That's just my dad. Right. I agree with all

1:18:02

of that. I also think there

1:18:04

should be a level of manners had. This speaks on the

1:18:06

art of the gentlemen. The civil. You

1:18:08

know, that shit needs to be taught. Parents need to be

1:18:10

so much more involved with their kids. I

1:18:13

take so much pride

1:18:15

in how our children are being developed

1:18:19

or how they are developing. It's

1:18:21

like watching a photo come to

1:18:23

life in a black room at our dark room. I

1:18:28

feel like I'm doing a really good job as a mom when

1:18:31

I hear your kids speak so well or

1:18:34

they're so smart or I

1:18:36

can't believe a four year old who was just able

1:18:38

to communicate that. Right. It

1:18:42

feels good. Next

1:18:45

email. Sure. This one is

1:18:47

titled cheating and moving on. Hello.

1:18:52

My ex keeps sending me your videos about moving

1:18:54

on from cheating and

1:18:56

how the partner being cheated on has to let it go. I

1:19:00

would really like some deeper context. This is

1:19:02

why hold on. Hold

1:19:04

the phone. Hold on. This sounds like someone trying

1:19:06

to use our videos to manipulate. Yeah. And this

1:19:08

is why you don't watch a three minute clip

1:19:10

or a two minute clip and be like, love

1:19:13

those guys or hate those

1:19:15

guys. I fuck

1:19:18

with this. I don't fuck with this. Maybe I

1:19:20

should watch the whole thing and see if it's

1:19:22

taken out of context or just not engage. Right.

1:19:25

Yeah. Yeah.

1:19:28

If you're a serial cheater and you're like, baby, come

1:19:30

on, forgive me. I won't do it this time. Listen

1:19:32

to this podcast people. The

1:19:35

best indicator for future actions

1:19:38

is recent past behavior. And

1:19:40

if your recent past behavior is cheating three times

1:19:43

in the last six months, you don't deserve to

1:19:45

be gotten back together with. Yeah.

1:19:47

There needs to be a changed behavior. Right. You're

1:19:51

not going to get forgiven just because you made a

1:19:53

mistake. See,

1:19:57

and that's where that frustration comes in for

1:19:59

me because I recognize. that people really are

1:20:01

on like a lower level of processing of

1:20:03

things. Six

1:20:05

second mindsets. Six second mindsets.

1:20:09

That's why anything over a minute, minute and a half

1:20:11

on TikTok doesn't do well. And TikTok

1:20:13

has got a new thing where they're like, do

1:20:16

you know I can upload our entire podcast to TikTok

1:20:18

now? I did not. The entire thing,

1:20:20

audio format. So I can post the clip and

1:20:22

then upload the entire audio to it so that

1:20:24

if people wanna listen to our podcast, they can

1:20:27

listen on TikTok. Wow. I'm not

1:20:29

fucking doing that. When they rolled out the 30 minute

1:20:31

thing so that we can upload 30 minute clips, I

1:20:33

tested one 10 minute clip. It's done

1:20:35

maybe 8,000 views the entire time it's been on

1:20:37

the channel and it's been months. So

1:20:40

I know that that's not a thing. And every

1:20:42

time TikTok tries to roll out something new, TikTok's

1:20:44

platform is no, it's just a slightly bigger vine.

1:20:47

People don't want long form content on that.

1:20:49

If they do, they're going to YouTube. Right.

1:20:53

So that whole thing, like if you guys want the content

1:20:55

and you wanna be able to understand what the fuck we're

1:20:57

talking about, you need to watch the podcast. Yeah. All

1:21:02

right, continuing on. My

1:21:04

ex has cheated on me multiple times,

1:21:06

not physically, but emotionally. We

1:21:09

were both not innocent in our actions that led up

1:21:11

to the first cheating. I withdrew

1:21:13

from the relationship because of a very hurtful

1:21:15

lie. It

1:21:18

was stupid and I overreacted. Well, wait a minute

1:21:20

though, you both fucked up. You said that. Right.

1:21:24

So what did you do to him? Okay, if the lie

1:21:26

was, hey babe,

1:21:28

I'm gonna wear my defund politician

1:21:30

shirts today. I was

1:21:32

like, okay, babe. And then you show up at the studio and you're

1:21:34

wearing pugitsu.

1:21:39

What the fuck, babe? Why did you lie to me about that?

1:21:41

Right. I can't believe that you would

1:21:43

do that. Now I'm questioning everything in our relationship. I

1:21:45

can see where the ownership is in that. But

1:21:48

if he was like, hey babe,

1:21:51

I'm getting off at 5.30, I should

1:21:53

be home by six. And then shows up at 9.45.

1:21:56

Right. Like in traffic. Right.

1:22:00

I heard that when you read that, that she has

1:22:02

also fucked up. Right. Because she

1:22:04

said that she has also done dirty and they both

1:22:07

were doing dirty shit in the beginning. Well,

1:22:09

she said we were both not innocent in our actions that

1:22:11

led up to the first cheating. Right. I

1:22:14

withdrew from the relationship because of a very

1:22:16

hurtful lie. That

1:22:18

that's what she means. She was not innocent in it.

1:22:20

She. So her, her

1:22:22

sin in this is that she withdrew because he lied

1:22:24

to her. Right. Okay. But

1:22:27

also downplay it by saying it was stupid

1:22:29

and I overreacted. But

1:22:33

we don't know what the lie was. Yeah. Okay. See that

1:22:35

makes a little, that changes my entire

1:22:37

thought process. Okay. Thank you for the

1:22:39

clarification. You're welcome. Continuing

1:22:42

on. Yes. In

1:22:44

turn, he cheated by meeting a coworker. He

1:22:46

fell in love with very quickly. He

1:22:48

lied and bread crummed me and I still feel

1:22:51

like I never got out. I never got the

1:22:53

full story. He

1:22:55

told me at first it wasn't true and I was crazy

1:22:57

and making things up in my head. And

1:23:00

as I would find things, he would slowly admit to it. We

1:23:03

decided as a couple, we were going to both take

1:23:06

responsibility for our part and move on. I'm

1:23:12

going to ask you once, homie, like. The

1:23:16

way that all of that was phrased and laid out. I'm

1:23:18

going to ask you one time, are you cheating on me?

1:23:21

No. And now I have to sit here and coax

1:23:23

it out of you. Well, okay, you admitted to that

1:23:25

one and then another bread crumb falls. And now we're

1:23:27

going to have another argument about this for 45 minutes

1:23:29

until you finally admit to it. No, we're not both

1:23:31

taking accountability in this. What the fuck are you doing

1:23:33

right now? I

1:23:37

can tell you're staring at my hands because I'm just

1:23:39

sitting here processing and it's making me feel like I'm

1:23:41

rendering really slowly. Well, I don't want to say something and

1:23:43

then you'd be like, I wasn't done. Okay. So

1:23:46

I'm not, I'm really fucking trying not to interrupt you.

1:23:48

And I know sometimes I get excited and I can't

1:23:50

help it. I appreciate that. I'm

1:23:53

working on it. Okay. It

1:23:55

sounds like so we looked up the definition of

1:23:57

gas lighting and what she just

1:23:59

laid out. sounded like gas lighting.

1:24:02

She's finding evidence. You're just making shit up,

1:24:04

babe. It's all in your head. What are

1:24:06

you talking about? You

1:24:10

get to use that tool once. And

1:24:14

if I get the inkling that you're trying to manipulate

1:24:16

me in that way ever again, we're done. And

1:24:19

he kept doing it over and over and over and over.

1:24:21

I'm not speaking to you specifically. I'm just speaking to some

1:24:23

made up scenario. I get it. The

1:24:26

shit that people pull and can get away

1:24:28

with because there was somebody

1:24:30

who was damaged and has never

1:24:32

been treated right. So they don't know the extent

1:24:36

of what is good and what isn't. Blows

1:24:40

my mind. You're

1:24:42

done? I'm done. This is an X. Yeah.

1:24:48

Oh yeah, this is an X. Not

1:24:52

everybody's meant to be together. Yep. I would leave this one

1:24:54

as an X. Why are you sending

1:24:56

me videos, bro? We're done. We

1:24:58

didn't work out. We gave it our run. You fucked that up.

1:25:01

Yeah, he's just trying to further manipulate you by

1:25:03

using our videos. Right. Tell

1:25:06

him to beat feet, find a gentleman,

1:25:09

go about your life. I hope he comes across his video. Listen

1:25:13

to this one, buddy boy. You fucked up. Maybe

1:25:16

watch our long form content on YouTube

1:25:18

and take some accountability. Yeah. This

1:25:22

is why we don't have private

1:25:24

messages from people. Right. This

1:25:26

is why we're not fucking engaging with people of

1:25:28

the opposite sex on a regular basis. We play

1:25:30

D and D with a group that has two of

1:25:33

our actual best friends and a

1:25:35

couple who we've been asked to

1:25:37

ordain their marriage. I

1:25:39

am the DM. I should

1:25:42

be able to message every woman in

1:25:44

that group because we are playing a

1:25:46

game. Out of respect for our relationship

1:25:49

and their relationships, Zach has created a

1:25:51

new discord where you have admin

1:25:53

capabilities so that you can see what's going on in

1:25:55

the event that you want to. If I need to

1:25:57

send something secretly to somebody for the game, it's there.

1:26:00

This is a transparency thing. And people are

1:26:02

gonna be like, well, that's, that's excessive. Is

1:26:04

it, is it excessive because my wife doesn't have to worry about

1:26:06

anything that's going on. Your peace of

1:26:09

mind. Is that excessive? Because

1:26:12

you have a good piece of mind. When I came out

1:26:14

this morning, it's like, babe, here's what Zach did for us.

1:26:16

You're like, I fucking love that. Yeah. I

1:26:18

love it too. And what'd you say to me? I

1:26:21

said, thank you for the, just

1:26:23

the sanctity of our marriage and taking it so

1:26:25

seriously. Right. I appreciate the effort that you put

1:26:27

into it, even though you don't have to. Right.

1:26:31

If you want to make

1:26:33

sure that your partner is not having insecurity, fears

1:26:37

and doubts, don't give them reasons to

1:26:39

have insecurities, fears and doubts. This

1:26:42

is really fucking simple. You

1:26:45

see those videos where, where a dude's got a plate of food and

1:26:48

she goes to like reach for something

1:26:50

and he grabs the food and

1:26:52

she was going for the phone and they're like, Oh, you

1:26:54

see where his priorities are. It's a difference.

1:26:58

If you were to reach for my phone, I'd be like, what are

1:27:00

you doing? Right? I

1:27:02

mean, you need to like Google something. Like I don't understand what's happening

1:27:04

right now. I'm not going to be like, no,

1:27:07

right. I

1:27:09

might grab my burrito. If it's a brownie, I might

1:27:12

smack your hand from trying to eat my

1:27:14

brownie. But yeah, I

1:27:17

don't know. I just, I don't think that there's a reason for

1:27:19

any of this. I, I, I gotta be honest, regardless of what

1:27:21

the rest of this email says and we can absolutely get through

1:27:23

it. You started this email with my ex. Yeah.

1:27:27

So I'm going to be honest. I'm not going to

1:27:29

read the rest of this email. It's not a long

1:27:32

email, but it's more just explaining of the foul things

1:27:34

that he did to her and unchanged behavior. So

1:27:36

the question is idea.

1:27:41

Let's post an outfit of the day.

1:27:43

We look so good. Yeah, we do.

1:27:45

But is that a new phone? I

1:27:47

see. You were still paying off your

1:27:49

old one. No, I switched to T-Mobile.

1:27:51

They paid off my old phone and

1:27:53

got me into a new 5g phone

1:27:55

for free. Wait, what? I'm still stuck

1:27:57

with AT&T. Ooh, that doesn't suit you.

1:27:59

Yeah. It sounds like T-Mobile may be

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1:28:39

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Voidwear prohibited by law. 18

1:29:08

plus terms and conditions apply. Is

1:29:11

it wrong to expect that as long as I'm

1:29:14

calm explaining myself that he would try to help

1:29:16

me feel comfortable? Make

1:29:18

you feel comfortable. How? If

1:29:21

you're calm and you're like, hey, I'm feeling a little insecure

1:29:23

right now, can I look at your phone? Right. I

1:29:26

know you've cheated on me in the past. I just need some

1:29:28

security right now. And I'm like, here you go. We're

1:29:31

calm. Password, you got

1:29:33

that already. Yeah, validation. Right.

1:29:35

Safety. There's nothing wrong with that. If

1:29:38

you're asking for calm reassurances and he's

1:29:41

getting angry and calling you names and

1:29:44

puffing his chest out, that's

1:29:46

not OK. So what are you asking? Because

1:29:49

that question doesn't give me a whole lot to go

1:29:51

on. Well, we skipped a lot of shit. Right, because

1:29:53

she's just shaming him. And

1:29:55

he's manipulating. She's

1:29:58

painting a picture of who he is. Yeah, I don't

1:30:00

think that's shaming. She's just talking about the past events. But

1:30:03

if that's the case, why would you want to be with somebody like

1:30:05

that? If that if you view him that way and

1:30:07

that's how you're painting the picture, that's your

1:30:09

cognitive bias. Right. Why are you trying to

1:30:11

save that relationship? Her

1:30:14

last question is, is it time to walk away? And

1:30:18

for me personally, I would have walked away. In

1:30:22

my opinion, he's using our videos to try and further

1:30:24

manipulate you and people

1:30:28

who take advantage of people

1:30:30

and their charity, whether that

1:30:32

be emotional or spiritual, financially,

1:30:34

whatever it is, they

1:30:37

want to latch onto you because they

1:30:40

know they can give it from you, get it from you if they

1:30:42

push the right buttons. He's

1:30:44

pushing your buttons right now. So this

1:30:46

is your opportunity for growth where you're like, yes, you're

1:30:48

sending me these videos and I agree with the information

1:30:50

that they're giving, but you're not the guy on the

1:30:52

receiving end of that. Where

1:30:55

are your actions and all of that? Thanks

1:30:57

for introducing me to the To Be Better podcast. I'm on

1:30:59

my own growth journey. Now I will talk to you never

1:31:01

again. Right. That's

1:31:05

a lot. He

1:31:08

needs to watch the full content because we're

1:31:11

not telling people to get over being cheated on. Right. We're

1:31:14

telling people to work through what happened and figure out why

1:31:16

it happened and grow from it. And people

1:31:18

take ownership for their actions. Right. On

1:31:20

both sides. Yes. As to why they

1:31:23

failed in regards

1:31:26

to seeking relation, seeking attention outside

1:31:28

of the relationship. And

1:31:31

I have

1:31:34

been cheated on in the past and

1:31:36

now I have sat back and reflected on, okay, how

1:31:38

did I push that person to that option? And

1:31:42

people are going to say, oh, well, you can't

1:31:44

push somebody into cheating. Well, no, you can't. But

1:31:47

psychology is a very strong thing and

1:31:49

mental vindictiveness is a beast.

1:31:53

And if you hold a pew pew to someone's head

1:31:56

and say, do this or die, they're going to

1:31:58

do whatever they're telling them to do. And if

1:32:00

someone feels. trapped in a corner and they have

1:32:02

no other way out, I

1:32:04

can sit here and be miserable or I can go and

1:32:07

get somewhere even a text message conversation with

1:32:10

someone I think is cute. I'm

1:32:13

gonna choose not to die. And it's

1:32:15

not excusing their behavior, it doesn't make it okay. It's

1:32:18

a perspective shift to understand someone's mental state

1:32:21

when they make a decision that way I

1:32:23

suppose. Yeah,

1:32:25

I think it's explaining their behavior, not excusing

1:32:27

it. Yeah. And there's a difference. I

1:32:30

think that people are going through the cheating situation

1:32:33

needs to read Not Just Friends by Shirley

1:32:35

Glass. I agree. Such a good

1:32:37

book. Do

1:32:40

you want us to do one more because that was short? Yeah, we got 30

1:32:42

minutes. So find one that we can do

1:32:44

in 30 minutes or less if you don't mind. So this

1:32:46

one says Patreon. Patreon. Morning

1:32:50

guys. I definitely appreciate

1:32:52

y'all's perspective on relationships and communications.

1:32:55

It has really opened my eyes on the toxicity

1:32:57

I was bringing to my relationship. I

1:33:00

would really like y'all's advice on a predicament I've

1:33:03

gotten myself into. I

1:33:05

was a very insecure man in my relationship and

1:33:07

very toxic to my now ex fiance. You've

1:33:10

really given me a lot of confidence and

1:33:13

different perspectives to change my toxic behavior. My

1:33:16

problem is I pushed my person away to the

1:33:18

point that we are now separating. What's

1:33:21

weird is during the whole move out

1:33:23

process, still living together for

1:33:25

a month while being separated, we've

1:33:28

become a lot closer and more open with each other. It

1:33:32

feels like we're dating again. I

1:33:34

don't want this relationship to end nor do I want to

1:33:36

lose her. I accept my

1:33:38

mistakes and character flaws and I'm now working through

1:33:40

them. I don't know if

1:33:42

she would still want to be with me after all of

1:33:44

this and the choice is hers. I

1:33:47

accept I have no control over this but I

1:33:49

do have control over how I handle myself. Because

1:33:53

we've become so close over the past month,

1:33:55

I do keep trying to change for her

1:33:57

and myself or

1:33:59

should I still? step back and leave her alone. We

1:34:02

do have a child together and we were engaged for

1:34:05

four years. We were just stuck

1:34:07

in an emotional standstill. I

1:34:09

would still like to marry her and build a better life

1:34:11

with her. I believe there's still

1:34:13

hope for us and I am really doing what I can to

1:34:16

change my flaws and be the man that I know I can

1:34:18

be for her. Pause, because I've

1:34:20

been trying to just get through this.

1:34:22

Okay, well there's like three sentences left.

1:34:24

Okay. I really don't know what my

1:34:26

question would be, but is it

1:34:28

possible for two people to hit rock bottom and

1:34:31

still be able to start over in a sense? I still feel

1:34:33

the love and spark between us. Thank

1:34:35

you for taking the time to read my email and I'm

1:34:37

eager for a response from you guys. First

1:34:41

and foremost, if you wanted to marry her, it would have

1:34:43

taken you four years. You would have done it

1:34:45

by now. That's number one. So being engaged

1:34:47

for four years, you didn't want to get married, you wanted

1:34:49

a placeholder. If you wanted to get married during that four

1:34:51

year phase, it would have happened. You could have gone to

1:34:54

the courthouse and just gotten your document done. And then what

1:34:56

saved up for a wedding, if that's what you needed to

1:34:58

do. But if you really want that marriage, you could have

1:35:00

made that happen. If she really wanted that marriage, she could

1:35:02

have made that happen. So that's number

1:35:04

one. The other thing that I want to touch on

1:35:06

in all of this is you should have been doing

1:35:08

the work while you were together and in love. It

1:35:10

says a lot that you were able to talk more

1:35:13

freely about your relationship and about your feelings and emotions

1:35:15

when you're not together than when you were. Because

1:35:17

there's not that emotional ownership. Right. It

1:35:20

tells me that you guys were never really a team. It

1:35:24

tells me that maybe you've got unhealed trauma or

1:35:26

she has unhealed trauma that has not been able

1:35:28

to be worked through, that you were

1:35:30

afraid to have the conversations in life to

1:35:33

make sure your relationship is taken care of. And

1:35:35

if you can't have those conversations and there's a

1:35:37

frailty or an insecurity in the

1:35:39

communication of your relationship, you don't need to be in

1:35:42

relationships. Yeah. As

1:35:44

a woman, it would be very hard for me to get

1:35:46

back into a relationship with a man who sat on an

1:35:48

engagement for four years. Yeah. That

1:35:50

would be a very hard hurdle for me to get over, yeah. I

1:35:54

think it's important for people to remember that you can

1:35:56

have a new relationship with the same person that you're

1:35:58

with. You can. Yeah. What?

1:36:01

Why are you doing the work now after you lost her?

1:36:03

Right. Because in four years you had to have

1:36:05

seen signs that this was coming. I guarantee you

1:36:07

there was conversations about what you were doing wrong.

1:36:10

You maybe didn't want to hear that shit or took it as

1:36:12

an attack or saw it as her nagging. But

1:36:15

if she had legitimate grievances and you were too. I

1:36:20

almost called you cowardly. I don't

1:36:23

think that's the term I'm looking for. You are to set

1:36:26

in your ways. Comfortable. Comfortable

1:36:28

to take that criticism and

1:36:30

realize that you're not perfect and

1:36:33

you've got room to grow. Why

1:36:35

are you doing that now that you all aren't together? Because

1:36:37

now she's gone now. Now now you realize you can lose

1:36:39

the woman. You should have been

1:36:42

working the entire time to keep her. Just

1:36:45

because you're engaged or married doesn't mean somebody's going to

1:36:47

stay. Your actions are going to keep them

1:36:49

there. Too

1:36:51

little too late is a very real thing. Yeah. And

1:36:54

I can't say whether that is this and this.

1:36:57

instance or not. I don't know this woman. I

1:36:59

don't know your guys's relationship. Yeah,

1:37:02

I don't I don't very much have anything to

1:37:04

say on this. You know why we work out so

1:37:06

well. Why is that? Because when we have disruptions, even

1:37:08

if I get defensive, I will tell you I

1:37:10

will work on it. And I do.

1:37:13

And in the event that I slip or something happens, I

1:37:15

get a gentle reminder. And then I continue working on it.

1:37:18

I don't. It's never a you

1:37:20

problem. If you if you're telling me

1:37:22

that something that I'm doing is affecting you, I

1:37:25

have to take that as my actions are not

1:37:27

OK. Even if I disagree with

1:37:29

those actions or with your point, I

1:37:31

still have to take in mind that you are

1:37:34

feeling what you're feeling. And

1:37:36

even if I OK, so let's take a scenario

1:37:39

where somebody might say something to somebody and

1:37:42

the argument will be, well, that's not what I meant because we

1:37:44

get emails all the time. We hear

1:37:46

that shit constantly. We have

1:37:48

had those conversations where you have said something

1:37:51

and I've heard something different or I have said something

1:37:53

in like we have to have we

1:37:55

had to have a clarification a little bit ago on the podcast

1:37:57

just this morning, just this episode. be

1:40:00

that motherfucker but you couldn't for the last, however

1:40:02

many years you guys have been together? Come

1:40:05

on bro, like you did this. This

1:40:08

is where that accountability comes in. No, you're

1:40:10

right, I definitely wasn't operating

1:40:13

at 100% in terms

1:40:15

of companionship and trying to make the relationship

1:40:17

between us work. And

1:40:21

at this point, regardless of what she did to you,

1:40:24

knowing that you want her and you are making

1:40:26

the changes to make this work, what she did

1:40:28

doesn't matter anymore. Because you're now

1:40:30

willing to make the changes to try to make

1:40:32

the relationship work. So in the event that this

1:40:34

actually splits, happens and she moves out and you

1:40:36

guys don't reconcile, you can't make her the bad

1:40:38

guy. Because if you're willing to

1:40:41

change to keep her, she's not the bad guy, you were,

1:40:43

right? Like it's a lot. That was a

1:40:45

lot to think about. I

1:40:48

don't have anything else to go on. Me either.

1:40:50

We did three emails that episode. Yeah. You

1:40:53

wanna wrap up and interact with the chat for 20 minutes?

1:40:56

Yeah, we can do that. All right. So with that being

1:40:58

said, remember you're the author of your own life. So grab

1:41:00

a pen. And we will see you on the next one.

1:41:02

Bye guys. Hey, it's

1:41:04

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